12^th December 2019,

-Or the day that Kim Yae Na broke up with her boyfriend of six years.

The day started off like any other day. It was a cold early winter morning, just twelve days away from Christmas eve, and a few more to hers and Sung gyu’s wedding day. Unlike any other bride to be, however, Yae Na wasn’t looking forward to her big day for so many good reasons. She woke up with a splitting headache, knowing all the many things that she’d had to squeeze into her schedule due to the minimal time they had. It wasn’t the best idea to have a wedding in the Christmas season as it happened. But it was also not only the bride’s call to decide the right day as well.

On 12^th of December 2019, Yae Na was startled awake by the sound of her two dogs barking. Sam and Coco, her Jindo siblings were breaking a havoc as usual, and she narrowed her eyes at the early morning sun seeping through the narrow gaps of her curtain. On her phone, the time read somewhere past seven in the morning. For someone who had so muck compacted to be done in a single day, Yae Na was already late. While staying in bed for even longer felt so comforting, she managed to pull off the covers, stepping out into the December chill. She stumbled into the living room in search of her still barking dogs, and when she couldn’t find them there, she followed their barks into the kitchen where she found what their predicament was. On an ordinary day, Sam and Coco would have been soundly napping on the foot of her bed, laying comfortably upon each other. But on this fine chilly morning, an unknown cat had snuck into her kitchen from god knows where and was protectively standing on top of her kitchen cabinet, cold and terrified, but still with enough energy to hiss at her dogs. As if she didn’t already have enough on her plate for the day. Yae Na rested her hands on her waist and let out a sigh. Seemingly she wasn’t up for a good start for the day.

“Sam! Coco!” She called them tiredly as both tried to climb up on the cabinet. It’s already been damaged by their nails which she never got around to trim, and fixing the scratched cabinets was going to be a pain. With much struggle, she made her way between the dogs, blocking the cat away from them. She’d never been very fond of cats, although he ground floor apartment was frequently visited by them. But she also did not want them hurt by her dogs.

“Go, go away” She hissed at the dogs yet again, and in the background, her phone started to ring. In a few minutes, she had to be at work, and to go to work, she had to remove the cat first.

“Come on now, you stinky little-,”

Yae Na reached out for the cat, her sleeves pulled up to save the trouble of cat fur sticking to it, and that came as a mistake, exposing her bare skin to a wild, terrified animal. In a swift movement, the cat who saw her extended arms as a danger, swished its claws.

“Ah, ” Yae Na hissed in pain, a grim cut appeared on her otherwise pale skin, a massive gash that bled , staining her sleeves. A scratch from a street cat resulting her going to the emergency room and possibly protective shots were the last things she needed right now. The dogs, acting upon their protective instincts started to bark at the cat even louder, hopping up to the counter, their clawy paws on her back and her waist. In the background, her phone rang and her arms still bled; it was complete pandemonium.

Yae Na couldn’t help herself thinking grimly, at that moment, if the wedding was not to happen in a matter of weeks, all of this would have been fine.

Not to get her wrong, Yae Na loved her husband to be beyond words. They’ve been together for six years and been through thick and thin together. They first met through a mutual friend when they went out for dinner together; she accidentally spilled a glass of beer on his shirt and profusely apologized and attempted to wipe it off with her woolen scarf on that chilly winter night. He’d looked down at her then, this hearstoppingly disarming smile on his lips; that’s when she knew. They’d been together since then, despite the occasional ups and downs in their lives which was a given if they were to last as a couple for so long. The reason why she despised the wedding, however, was that it was too much a hassle to carry out on her own.

When he first asked to marry her, they hadn’t planned on a shot gun wedding. They had plenty of time, he said, and like they’d done with most things, they would slowly plan it together. That was until a few months ago when Sung Gyu’s mother found out that she had a brain tumor. It was benign, and could be surgically removed. The surgery was done just a few days after it was located and it went quite successfully, despite Sung Gyu’s constant worries. However, the surgery changed a lot of things about them; about Sung Gyu, about his mother. She thought the tumor would return, and so she believed that her days were numbered. This led her to believe that she wouldn’t have long enough to be there for her only son’s wedding day let alone to live long enough to see her grand children. Sung Gyu wouldn’t have been convinced to bring their wedding even closer otherwise. But upon her mother’s endless pleas, Sung Gyu was left with no choice. And with him engaged in quite a demanding, time consuming profession, Yae Na had to carry the responsibilities of her wedding on her own.

Now she hardly had the time to see her fiance let alone discuss their wedding plans. Sung Gyu was a prosecutor, which meant he himself hadn’t much time to spend with her himself. And Yae Na who wasn’t usually affected by his late night work and lack of time started to become largely irritated by this. Yae Na had a demanding job herself; perhaps not as difficult as Sung Gyu’s, but it was equally important. Besides she had more than one concern to tend to; on one side, she had the wedding, and his family on the other. She didn’t even have time for herself. Why did it have to be only her who suffered because of the wedding that they were to have together? Why couldn’t Sung Gyu find a minute to spare? At least to check on her well being?

These weren’t the kind of things that they discussed nowadays. As far as couples went, Yae Na was sure, they were the only wedded-to-be pair who had the most minimal hours spent together. Even when he did call, it was only to check up on her as he routinely did, tell her that he loved her which hardly carried any feelings, or to tell her that she had to attend for dinner at his place since he couldn’t make it herself. Speak of emotional support in her trying times. She had none.

The only form of emotional support that she did get, she received from the school nurse. Yae Na was a school counselor and a teacher in ethics, a job that required more than a bad temper and a dull, unsmiling face. No wonder that she was called ‘the ghost’ by her students as the rumors said. Yae Na did constantly feel like a ghost herself, looming about the corridors, face blank, mind empty, with no will to live. The school nurse, namely Lisa Kim, was an American Korean who moved back to Seoul after her parents left to New York when she was still a child. Her Korean pronunciation was a little dodgy, but she was fun, quick witted, and most importantly, she had the easy access to an ample amount of pain killers that Yae Na frequently seemed to need.

“That’s a very ugly cut, Yae Na-Ssi” Lisa commented as she gently pressed the spirit soaked wad of cotton on her wound. It stung, only slightly but she didn’t even flinch. It was almost as if she’d been pushed and pulled and beaten so much that no pain could hurt her anymore. But Lisa was right, it was a particularly nasty wound.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to a hospital?” Lisa pressed on, sounding concerned. “You might need to get shots, especially if its a stray cat”

Yae Na closed her eyes and threw her head back, exhausted although its still early in the day. “No, I don’t have time”

Lisa applied ointment and started to skillfully dress the wound. “Wedding things?”

“Hm”

“What will you be doing today?”

Yae Na opened just one eye to look at her and laid back again. “Leaving half day. Got to go to the hair dressers, then an appointment with the florist”

“Sounds fun” Lisa giggled.

Yae Na gave her friend a sharp look. “You really haven’t planned a wedding, have you?”

Lisa only pouted in response. She’d lived a rather sheltered life, the only child of her parents whom they protected and cherished and given everything to. Yae Na couldn’t imagine how privileged her life must be. She liked her, nevertheless, for she was the only friend she had in this place while everyone else gave cold shoulder and side eyes.

“Anyway,” Lisa continued and rested Yae Na’s arm in her lap. “What’s stressing you out about it?” She tilted her head, quietly examining her friend. “Now that I think of it, you did seem kind of dull the past few weeks”

“Uh” Yae Na groaned, glad being given an outlet to vent on. “The whole thing is a stress, Lisa. Nobody wanted a wedding so soon except for his mum, and…”

For the next thirty minutes, Yae Na poured her heart out to the only friend she had. She told him about her mother in law and her removed benign tumor that both her and her son had been obsessing over despite its low chances of a return. She then went on to tell her about her fiance and his job which had never been a headache for her but now. Sung Gyu was a well reputed prosecutor, one that was known for his good sense of justice, commitment and precise approach. He’d won many cases, given many people the justice they deserved. Yae Na was proud of her husband, and even then, she didn’t hold back on bragging about him. But this particular case that he’s been chasing the past month, the ‘Red cross murderer’ as he called it, felt like a long stretched out circle without an end. It had kept him away from home more often than not, and when he returned, it would be so late in the night and he’d be dead tired to even call her. Yae Na wasn’t mad at Sung Gyu; he was only trying to do his job. She was mad at the murderer who, in her opinion, couldn’t have found a better time to kill people than a few weeks ahead of their wedding day.

After she had laid everything out in the open, quite like a very badly sequenced tale, Lisa stared at her for a second thoughtfully before she headed on to the medicine cabinet.

“I would suggest anti-stress medication, but I’m not a therapist” Lisa said as she picked a bottle from her lot in the drawer. “But you can do with Paracetamol, if it helps”

“Yes, Please” Yae Na groaned again, holding her hand out pleadingly. Lisa kept the pills in her hand and handed her a cup of warm water before she sat down again, watching her friend hungrily down the pills.

“Maybe you should talk to him about it” Lisa said once Yae Na was done with her medication. “The key to a good relationship is always communication”

She gave Lisa a long look. Sung Gyu and Yae Na did have good communication between them. They were both more of introverts and found comfort in each others’ presence rather than in words. Sung Gyu didn’t have to do much except for being there, in person or on the other end of the phone for Yae Na to feel better, and same went for him too. But these days, not even could she get hold of him on the phone much less than talk to him in person.

“Have you ever tried going to his office or something?” Lisa helpfully suggested.

“Oh no, he wouldn’t like that” Yae Na shook her head. What with the red cross murderer stressing him out at work, having her lost and looming about in the prosecutors’ office was the last thing he needed. And they weren’t anyway the kind of a couple who needed that kind of confirmation.

“Then what if you call him out for dinner?” Lisa tried again. “Perhaps somewhere around where he works...I’ve heard guys like it when its convenient”

“They sure do” Yae Na laughed, thinking back to Sung Gyu to whom it was always about convenience. Speaking of which, Lisa could be right. With the hectic schedule that he had, Sung Gyu hardly had time to get himself a proper meal. Yet, if Yae Na would ask him to, he would at least try to make some time for her. It was worth giving a shot.

“I guess I could try that” Yae Na said, giving Lisa a grateful smile. “Thank you” Lisa wasn’t much, if she was to be honest. But, as her only friend, Yae Na couldn’t imagine herself without her either.

“No problem!” Lisa replied cheerfully, followed by a little clap. Her demeanor instantly changed then, to one of child-like curiosity. “Now, miss Bride-to-be, what are you planning to do to your hair today?”

“Miss Bride-to-be, What would you like for your hair today?”

Somewhere later in that afternoon, having gotten off work earlier, Yae Na was finally at the hair salon. It was the same place that both Sung Gyu and herself frequented which was done by this lovely young man named Sung Jong who had the gentleness of a flower by appearance but could be quite aggressive (According to Sung Gyu who had acquainted him more) when he wanted to be.

“What would look good, Sung Jong-Ssi?” Yae Na asked him tiredly as she, in all honesty, had nothing in her mind.

“Well…” He drawled as she played around with her hair. Yae Na had quite long waves only because she’d been letting it grow for the wedding (And never had the time to trim it) which left Sung Jong enough liberty to style it as he wished. “Lets keep the length” He said in a sing song voice and a little dramatic swish of her hair. “Some long bangs and straightening would look great on you”

Yae Na couldn’t really imagine herself as anything more her lazy waves and droopy eyes. But for the lack of better things to say, she merely agreed. The next few minutes passed with Sung Jong washing her hair and skillfully snipping it off as they casually conversed in the passing. Sung Jong was effortlessly an easy person to be with, especially as he wouldn’t pry too much and spoke of only the things that she wished to let on. For the most part they’d be quiet, and somewhere in that time, Yae Na recalled back to that particular and rather useful relationship advice that Lisa gave her earlier that morning. She took her phone out and opened her messages for Sung gyu. Much to her chagrin, the last time he’d been online was last night, only to inform her that he’d returned home and was going to bed and ‘How did the fit on go?’ He was supposed to be there with her yesterday when she tried on her bridal dresses. Since he wasn’t and also since she’d already gone to sleep by then, Yae Na never had the time to reply. She contemplated for a second as to what she could tell him, and then called Sung Jong who was carefully snipping at a long fringe of her hair.

“Did Sung Gyu oppa come around recently?” She asked him out of mere curiosity. They have come to do their hair together once in a while. Otherwise he would often come on his own and when he did, she wouldn’t really know. Not that she was particularly interested either, until now.

“Sung Gyu Hyung?” Sung Jong replied thoughtfully. “No, not really...although I called him a while back, he said he was busy and we couldn’t really talk”

Yae Na pouted and let her phone slip back to her lap. That’s probably the response she would get to, if she called him. “Stupid Red cross murderer” She muttered to herself resentfully. If she ever managed to lay a hand on that man (or woman, they weren’t certain, apparently) it wouldn’t be them who’d be a murderer but her.

“What was that, noona?”

“Nothing” She sighed and closed her eyes, already giving up on her plan.

As evening approached, Yae Na grew more and more agitated. First, it was the flowers. When she went to the florist she could vaguely remember being told by her fiance that someone from her family was allergic to a flower in particular which was often used in flower decorations. If it was Lillie or Peonies, she couldn’t really recall. When she tried to call Sung Gyu in hopes to clarify, he screened her, he actually screened her, which she found really irritating. She was only trying to protect his family from a possible flower poisoning, he didn’t have to do that to her. Frustrated, Yae Na called his sister, who was usually helpful and was rather lovely even during the wedding preparation. But only, she was pregnant and that meant that she wasn’t always available for the phone. That’s how Yae Na ended up speaking to his mother instead.

Now, Yae Na sincerely had nothing against his mother. She was a small, quiet, hardworking woman. Both his parents were quiet and hard working. His father was a former city counsel and his mother had worked for the secretariat before her retirement, both of whom were coming from respectable backgrounds. Sung Gyu’s father was quiet and aloof, just like Sung Gyu was whereas his mother was always a busy body and quite too often, an extreme worrier. If anything, she would always imagine the worst case scenario with everything that they did. Be it her son’s work or in this case the wedding, she would end up thinking so far, sometimes beyond the scope of required thinking in certain matters that ultimately lead her to blow things out of proportion. Hence a fast wedding, triggered by her benign brain tumor When Yae Na called an asked about the flowers and allergies, she full on exploded, launching on a rant as to how nobody knew what flower it was as pollen was probably what triggered her son-in-law’s allergy so whatever the flower she chose, they shouldn’t have pollen, but what flower couldn’t possibly have any? By the time she was done with the call, Yae Na could swear, she had lost half the years of her life span.

After the flower incident, Yae Na sat out in the car, thinking about Sung Gyu and pollen and flowers and the wedding she’d grown tired of. It was late in the day, although the sky was still quite bright. Winter days were longer, nights were shorter, which was quite a convenience. But Yae Na wasn’t sure if she was done for the day. flowers, Lillies and Peonies. Yae Na wanted her life back. Was it all worth it? She kept asking herself. Was she really ready to spend her entire life like this? Thinking about a husband whom she loved but seemed to slowly drift away? Thinking about a mother in law who couldn’t take a smallest inconvenience without making it ten times bigger than it was? Thinking about a life that didn’t feel like a life anymore?

Yae Na needed a sign, a reassurance, anything to keep on pulling and she needed it from him. She wanted to know if they were on the same page about this marriage, if Sung Gyu genuinely wanted it or if he was doing this just for the mother whom he thought was dying. If Sung Gyu genuinely wanted to marry her or if Red Cross murderer was just an excuse he used to keep himself away. Chewing her lower lip, hard, Yae Na stared out at the hustle and bustle of the street for the longest time. Then she picked up her phone, and with a deep breath, she dialed his number and waited.

He screened her yet again. Even more agitated now, Yae Na dialed once more. Sung Gyu picked up at the fourth ring.

“Yae Na, I’m in the middle of work, what is it?” He asked the first thing upon answering the call. Yae Na could hear voices in his background, so many of them, though she couldn’t make out whom.

“Sung Gyu oppa, are you free tonight?” Yae Na finally mustered out to him.

“Free tonight?” Sung Gyu asked her incredulously. “Yae Na, tonight is difficult, it will be difficult for a while and you know that-,”

“Please” She muttered to him pleadingly. “Lets have dinner tonight”

He was quiet for a while, then she heard him say something inaudible in the background, followed by footsteps. By the sound of it, he had walked outside.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

Yae Na took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Whenever she heard his voice, everything would magically fall into place. Even then, for a moment, her heart felt calm, but not for long.

“You know I don’t have a lot of time-,”

“Tonight, I’ll tell you tonight” She said.

“Okay” He let out a heavy sigh. “Where do I come to?”

“I’ll come there. I’ll come to you-,”

“No” Sung Gyu exclaimed suddenly, which left her baffled and quite frankly a little terrified. She gripped her phone. He seemingly realized it too before he took a sharp breath.

“Just...just be there at the cafe next to Sung Jong’s...I’ll come”

Sung Gyu sounded tired, exhausted, and if anything, completely unwilling. Although it was evident in his voice that he probably would not come, Yae Na decided to trust him, like she always did. She decided to hold onto that thin thread of hope.

“Okay” She breathed, closing her eyes. “See you then”

Yae Na, as told by Sung Gyu, waited at the Cafe next to Sung Jong’s while carrying her sad, heavy heart. If she was to be completely honest, if she had a choice, she would put the wedding aside. It wasn’t what’s important for her, it was six years of their relationship that mattered, which, as of now, he and his mother were trying to lock and seal off with a hysterically planned wedding celebration. At times Yae Na wondered if he asked her to marry him because he genuinely wanted to to marry her or if it was because he was pressured into it. Sung Gyu was usually the type to make decisions for himself, but that wasn’t to say that these weren’t often shadowed by his parents’ influence. As successful as they were, they were powerful too. Being a city counsel couldn’t have been nothing for his father, hence it must have had a huge influence on his childhood too. Sung gyu, she always believed was perfect, in every angle that she’d seen him. Yet, unbeknownst to her the biggest force foreshadowing their relationship could have been his parents and now he could be running away from it, without even telling her, under the guise of the serial killer’s case whom he never could catch.

On the other hand, she was so, so tired. She wanted to get back to her job, get her life back on track again. Sung Gyu’s mother’s sickness and then the wedding had come to her back to back, attacking her without cease. She needed a rest now, a proper, comfortable rest. She wanted to be held and hugged and comforted and loved, to be told she did well and to be told that she wasn’t alone in pulling this along. And the only one who could give her this was him. She had supported him in his work too, had she not? She listened to him day and night when he wanted to vent out his frustration on particularly difficult cases, cuss out people whom he couldn’t cuss out in front of them and even cry in one occasion when he nearly failed in serving a murdered child justice. Through thick and thin, Yae Na could say with confidence, that she’d been beside him. Then now couldn’t he too, when she needed it? Now couldn’t he too, so would she so they could do this together?

As the night stretched out, though, the chances of him being any extent of support to her grew slimmer and slimmer. There was no sign of him for the longest time. Yae Na waited for half an hour, which became an hour, then two. She was tired, exhausted sad and broken apart. The answer almost seemed evident by then, especially when Sung Gyu screened her yet again when she tried to call him. If he was going to be like this with just less than a month before their wedding day, Yae Na thought, what was even the point of trying to take this any further?

Nearly three hours had passed since she first came to the Cafe when Sung Gyu finally arrived. By the looks of it, he did seem pretty tired. But who wasn’t? Everyone was tired with their jobs and their lives in this day and age. So was she.

“Hey, sorry I’m late” He called as he sat down before her. He scanned the empty table which had nothing but the complementary glass of water, untouched. “Didn’t you have anything while you waited?”

She remained quiet, looking away. She had to, for she felt tears in her eyes.

“I don’t have long so I wouldn’t have anything. What should I get for you? A coffee?”

Yae Na finally pulled herself together and looked over at him. Here he was, still him; the same dark brown eyes, the same wise gaze, the same messy hair yet wrinkles of age and exhaustion appearing on his skin. Six years. Six years into their relationship, yet she still loved him.

But did he?

“Did you eat?” Yae Na asked him.

“Not yet” He sighed, heaving a deep breath. “Actually, I need to move along soon so let’s-” He gestured at the waiter, but she reached out and stopped him. He complied, putting down his raised hand, then he looked over at her, concern filling his gaze.
 

“Yae Na, are you okay?” He finally asked her.

And it was as if that’s all she needed to set the flood gates open. Her eyes filled up and her chest tightened. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe again. It was only then that she’d realized just how much she had held in.

“No” She whimpered and pressed both her hands to her face. Yae Na couldn’t hold herself back. But her cries were quiet. At least she had that. “Oppa…” She sobbed and finally met his eyes. “I can’t do this anymore”

Sung Gyu was quiet for a while, perhaps baffled by her sudden response, and Yae Na avoided his eyes the whole time.

“You can’t do what, Yae Na?” He wanted to know.

Yae Na didn’t reply because she wasn’t sure how to put it into words, the strange feeling she had, this doubt, this fear, this uncertainty, while Sung Gyu attempted to give it a name the best he could.

“Is it the wedding planning?”

Yae Na still remained quiet and she saw him moving closer to her.

“Yae Na, don’t think too much about it, take it slow, do only what you can...it’s fine”

She shook her head.

He took a deep breath and pursed his lips. Perhaps he was also as confused as she was, perhaps even more so. “Look, I know I haven’t been involved in a while, but I’m trying...and with work-,”

“Trying?” She echoed, finally finding her voice. Perhaps that was the point where he pushed her the furthest, for she had seen it, quietly clearly so, that he hadn’t even tried, not once.

“What have you tried to do, oppa? Have you tried to come to the dress fit on? Have you tried to go to the venue? Have you tried to even talk to your mother about the flower arrangement and asked if its lilies or ing peonies?”

“Yae Na” Sung Gyu called out, trying to quieten her. “You know what I mean” He replied and pressed his hands on his brows. “And I know it’s tiring but-,”

“It’s not only that,” Yae Na went on, for once not forcing herself to hold back. “Do you remember the last time we actually spoke to each other? Not just a few words in the night but actually talked, actually sat down and had a meal together, actually went to bed together? Did we do any of that?”

There was a perceptible emotion crossing his face that showed he accepted everything. He knew, and yet-,

“Yae Na, these are all very little things and we’re both very busy right now. So please-”

“Very little things?” Yae Na replied irritably. “I don’t know how they are little things to you because for me they make a huge deal”

“Yae Na-,”

“Six years, Oppa. We’ve been together for six years and you still don’t understand how important these very little things are?”

He heaved a heavy sigh and ran his hands through his hair. Then he put his hands down on the table, gazing downwards for a while. When he finally looked up at her, he appeared grim, irritated. It was very rarely that he lost his patience, but when he did-,

“Is this why you called me tonight? To cry about how we can’t talk or eat or sleep together?”

Yae Na opened to respond, but she couldn’t. The sudden high flames in his eyes was terrifying her.

“Yae Na do you know what that makes you sound like? A child. We’ve gone way past that stage now, we’ve been together for six years, so by now you should have realized that it would be easy for neither of us and that we couldn’t kiss and cuddle every day and night like that even if we wanted to”

“Wanted to?” Yae Na echoed, reiterating his words. “Does that mean you don’t want to anymore?”

Sung gyu didn’t reply to her and merely stared back, blazing fire in his eyes.

His words were like bullets to her, hitting her where she felt weakest the most on and on until it made her hard to breathe. It wasn’t even what she meant, although she probably didn’t word it properly. If they were to get married, was this how they should be? Drifting apart? They used to be with each other more often, see each other often, and if anything, in a difficult time, depending on each other as much as they could. But now, at a time that they both evidently needed each other, if he couldn’t spare a minute for her, a single meal in days, then what did this all even mean?

Suddenly, the cakes, the dresses, the flowers, none of it mattered anymore. If Sung Gyu couldn’t see their value the same way that she did, if they certainly weren’t on the same page about it, then what was even the point? Why would she keep on trying?

And quite frankly, after tonight, she wouldn’t want to try anymore, she wanted to quit.

“I don’t have time for this-,” Sung Gyu said after a while, and only then did she realise that his phone was ringing. He climbed up on his feet before he beckoned the waiter.

“A warm Americano please” He told the waiter, but for Yae Na, that cool, soothing tone of his voice suddenly sounded distant, unfamiliar. She remained quiet and absolutely still, trying to pull herself together.

“Have some coffee and calm down a little” He told her, reaching for his jacket. “Have something to eat if you can, I will call you once I-,”

Yae Na, despite everything that he said which only sounded like a dream for her, had already made up her mind.

“Lets call it off”

Sung Gyu paused, his words hanging undone in the stale air around them.

“W-what did you say?” He asked her quietly after a while.

“The wedding” Yae Na said, taking a deep breath and turned to face him. “Let’s call it off, Oppa”

“Yae Na” He sighed, and almost as if he lost his ability to remain standing, he fell back onto the chair before her. “I...I don’t understand-,”

“You certainly don’t want to marry me” She said, confident of her finding. She should have known it all along. “So let’s just call it off”

Sung Gyu left her there after that; angered, irritated and with no patience to say another word. Her warm Americano was served while she stared out the vast glass panel, watching him hurriedly walking to his car, starting up and driving away. If her eyes weren’t blurry with tears, she would have seen the tiny silvery specs descending from the sky. It was the first snow of the season. Yae Na and Sung gyu never missed the first snow. They watched it together for six years, for it was on a day like this, on a snowy white Saturday a few days before Christmas that she’d first met Sung Gyu and fallen in love. The first snow always meant so much for them.

But if Sung Gyu had the strength to actually drive away with her with so much of spite even on the day of first snow, Yae Na couldn’t help thinking that it didn’t really matter to him anymore. The Kim Sung Gyu that she’d fallen in love with on a snowy Saturday six years ago didn’t love her back anymore, or not as much as he used to. Like this, they’ve come to an end.

Yae Na didn’t remember much from her drive back home. It was almost as if she was floating through the hours, still stuck in an endless nightmare. A part of her was drowned in regret. She’d been looking forward to it for years now, to the day that she’d marry him, to the day she’d become the wife to to the love of her life and mother his children one day, to walk down the aisle with his arms around her. She probably shouldn’t have done that, she probably should have tried to pull herself together, push through it even further. Yet, another part of her was drowning in resentment too. He just proved it to her, didn’t he? That he thought her affection was childish? That her need for care and comfort was nothing but a sign of her immaturity? He invalidated her feelings, he invalidated her pain and simply justified his erratic ways of avoiding his commitment on the wedding altogether. He didn’t need it; that’s what she could perceive out of his behavior. He didn’t need the wedding any longer. The only reason why he’d pull through it was his presumably dying mother.

Coming home, her heart just felt heavier, her head pounding and if anything, so emotionally strained. She had a bottle of soju on her own, sitting on the kitchen floor while her dogs barked and played around her, her eyes void of tears. She had very little memory of dragging herself to bed then, or falling asleep. She had out however, she had, still in the clothes she’d worn to work, still with an unbearably heavy heart. What she didn’t know that night when she finally laid down upon her pillows was that her whole life was about to take a vile, sick turn.

13^th December 2019

-or the day after Kim Yae Na broke up with her boyfriend of six years.

Yae Na woke up, yet again, to the hectic sound of her barking dogs. Sam and Coco was at it again, and irritatingly so, for two days on a row. Yae Na narrowed her eyes again at the golden white light seeping in, her head pounding and limbs in pain. She could vaguely remember the previous night. It was mostly blurry, but she did know the gist of previous night’s events. Yae Na had called the wedding off and perhaps brutally broken up with the man she loved.

The day after was never easy. She would have to call his parents, tell them the truth, cancel appointments and cancel wedding invitations. She couldn’t believe how, with a wedding or not, her day was still jam packed. With a groan, Yae Na reached out for her phone. She expected there to be a message from Sung Gyu, or even a call. He should be regretting it surely, and wanted to apologize and regroup. It was not the first time they fought in six years, and usually when that happened he was the one to step forward and take a stand. So when she found a single message from him, saying that he had returned home and was going to bed and ‘how did the fit on go?’ Yae Na found two things to be irritated about it. For one, they’d had a fight. She would have expected something more, surely? Not just that he returned home and that he was going to bed? Besides, the bridal fit on was the day before yesterday. It further proved that he had absolutely no interest in the wedding anymore if he was forgetting these things. And didn’t the message look weirdly familiar?

She couldn’t focus, yet, as the barking of the dogs grew harder and harder. Wondering what had gotten into them this time, Yae Na trudged her way back to the living room, and upon not finding them there, she followed their noise to, yet again, the kitchen. Then she paused, her anger raised by a ten fold. The nasty stray cat from the morning before had yet again snuck in and was yet again on the kitchen cabinet. The previous day the cat itself slipped out from the crack of her window that she’d forgotten to open, so this time too, instead of trying to pull her dogs away, she went to the sink where the window it snuck in through was. She had it closed before she left yesterday. When she looked at the window past the curtain, however, it was open again.

Yae Na narrowed her eyes at the window, confused. She was pretty sure that she closed it the previous day. How was it open? Did the cat actually open it by its nosy cat-self? Or was she imagining things?

Irritated, she made her way back to the cat. Yae Na was completely aware of what the nasty cat would do, given that she had a badly bandaged arm-,

That’s when she realized it. The bandage, the arm. Why did she not feel it anymore? Quite shocked by her own finding, Yae Na stood still as the cat hissed and dodged, as the dogs continuously reached for it and slowly lifted her sleeve. She was In pajamas, which she hadn’t realized before. And when she lifted her sleeve-

-the bandage was gone, so was the wound; her arm was completely fine.

“What?” She mumbled as her world slowly started to spin. Was it only a dream last night? Everything that happened? Or was she mistaken? Did she not get a wound on her hand after all?

With her mind hazy with confusion, Yae Na didn’t realise that she’d moved closer to the cabinet that the cat was on. Her dogs went hysteric and kept barking and destroying the counter. Then, much to her utter befuddlement, the cat launched at her and in a swift movement, and swished its dirty little paw at her again.

Her hand was wounded, the exact same spot, the exact same pain, the exact same stain on her sweater sleeve and her skin. Yae Na felt herself propelling backwards, shocked and unable to continue standing for even longer. Her dogs kept trying to climb up and examine her, their protective instincts seeping in, and by the corner of her eyes she saw the cat slipping out the partially opened window the exact same way it did before, the window Yae Na was certain that she’d closed.

13^th December 2019,

-but only it wasn’t.