13^th December 2019,

-but only it wasn’t.

12^th December 2019, yet again.

-the day that Kim Yae Na’s fate took a vile leap forward 

She couldn’t believe it, but she had to, Kim Yae Na had most possibly gone back in time. There was no reason, no explanation, or no sign of how it might have begun. Kim Yae Na had woken up, hoping it was another new day, only to realise that it was the same day that she’d lived before. Did that make sense? Did any of this make sense?

No they didn’t. Not to her, not to anyone. And so she told nobody, not even to Lisa as she sat in the very same chair as yesterday, watching her tending to the wound on her arm in the exact same precision that she’d done before.

“That’s a very ugly cut, Yae Na-Ssi” Lisa told her once again as she cleaned the surface of the wound with surgical spirit. Its heavy stench was all too familiar for her, and so was the sting on her skin every time the cotton touched.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to a hospital?” Lisa went on, the same concern that she remembered coating her voice. “You might need to get shots, especially if its a stray cat”

Yae Na still couldn’t get her head around it. Was it only her who had gone back in time to the same day? Was it not the same for everyone else? How come Lisa was telling the same things that she did before? How come she hadn’t realized it that she too had gone back in time?

When Yae Nah had looked the calendar on her phone, it still was on 12^th December 2019. Thinking it was a glitch on her phone, she the TV. Answering to all her fears, it said the same thing on every single channel she turned to. 12^th December 2019. Just to clarify, she checked on the internet, on all her mobile applications, and then finally her calendar schedules; they all said the same thing, 12^th December 2019.

So by now she was certain, for some weird unexplained reason she was living the exact same day once all over again. While she was completely lost and perplexed by the sudden turn her life had taken, she tried to calm herself down a little, think back to the events from previous night that could have caused this strange glitch in her timeline.

There was nothing particularly off about her day, except for her frustration over the wedding planning and Sung Gyu’s constant and evident avoidance of taking part in it. Then there was her hairdressing appointment which went as usual, then the florist where things only became worst, what with the flower arrangements. All in all, there wasn’t anything that she could say as out of ordinary. She met no witch or a shaman that day, or drive into a tree by accident or run over a black cat. She’d broken up, gotten drunk and cried herself to sleep. Then what on earth could have brought her here, back to the same day, while for everyone else it wasn’t?

Yae Na, if anything, had to clarify it herself.

“Lisa?” She called the nurse who was done dressing the wound and was staring at her. Yae Na realized, at this point, that their conversations wouldn’t go as exactly as they did yesterday unless she had reacted and done the same thing that she’d done before. The only instance where it differed was the cat. Perhaps, it was meant to happen. But what about everything else?

“Did I meet you yesterday?”

Lisa tilted her head to a side thoughtfully. “We did, you came over and we had coffee together and you said you were going to try out the dress” this seemed to slightly excite her, Lisa. As it happened, she was looking forward to the wedding a lot more than Yae Na herself was.

“So, how did it go? The fit on?”

In Yae Na’s original timeline, that was the day before yesterday. And she was pretty sure they did not have this conversation before.

Did that mean, if she changed things or did things any differently from yesterday, would the outcome be different? She had to test this too.

“The fit-on was fine” Yae Na replied as Lisa patiently awaited her answer. The fit on did go fine the day before yesterday, but only there was nobody to look at her in her wedding dress as Sung Gyu wasn’t accompanying her that she had to longingly stare at herself on the vast, life size mirror and rethink her life choices for the umpteenth time.

She realized that Lisa was still staring at her, this concerned look on her face, the same expression she had before she-

“You look stressed out, is it the wedding things?” She asked her. This wasn’t how the conversation went the previous day, but she wanted to test how they would go if she continued the same things that she did the previous day.

So she threw her head back, closing her eyes. “The whole thing is a stress, Lisa. Nobody wanted a wedding so soon except for his mum, and…”

Yae Na launched at the same whole account as yesterday, venting out on Lisa every little thing, without nothing amiss, as perfectly as she remembered from the previous time she did this. Lisa listened to everything, nodding and giving her the exact same reactions that Yae Na vaguely remembered. At the end of her account, Yae Na could remember quite well what would come next. Lisa would stare at her for a few minutes, which she did. Then she would walk over to her medicine cabinet, which she yet again did and open the drawer, reaching for a white bottle from the lot. Yae Na held her breath anticipating what she was about to say.

“I would suggest anti-stress medication, but I’m not a therapist” she said just like she did before just as she picked up the bottle. “But you can do with Paracetamol, if it helps”

Yae Na knew what she did next too. She would hold her hand out and she would give her water and pills and Yae Na would drink it and then Lisa would say-

“Maybe you should talk to him about it. The key to a good relationship is always communication”

If not for the oddity of the whole situation, Yae Na would have patted herself on the back for how accurate she’d been in her mind.

“Have you ever tried going to his office or something?” Lisa went on, gazing at her helpfully. Yae Na also knew how things went from this point. And now that she knew for a certain that they wouldn’t change if she reacted the same way, now she wanted to clarify if things were any different if she let them change.

She looked down at her watch, and knowing perfectly well that she had ten more minutes before the class starts, she let out an extremely phony groan. “Ah, Lisa, I wish I can stay and talk more but I have to run to class”

The sequence of events, just as expected, abruptly changed. “Really?” Lisa said, sounding confused. She reached over and took the plastic cup of water that she’d given her before she set it down on her desk. “Well, that’s fine” She shrugged, “We can talk over coffee, later”

Now that was a part of their conversation that definitely did not happen, for they would go on to talk about Sung Gyu and her, about dinner plans and later on about bridal hairstyles.

“Yeah, sure thing” Yae Na said, reaching for her jacket. “And thank you Lisa, for the pills and the dressing” She gestured at her wounded arm.

“No problem” Lisa smiled. “And tell me what happens with your appointments today”

Lisa did not know what she had planned for the day unless she told her what they were. It wasn’t the same Lisa that she’d met yesterday. For Lisa, the days were moving forward, it was a new day, while for Yae Na…

“Well, I will talk to you soon, Lisa” She called, a bit shaken at her core. No matter how further she went through this day, she couldn't seem to shake off that uncomfortable feeling that she felt. Nobody could live through the same day once again.

She did go to class after that but she didn’t change anything from how it went before, as she couldn’t have her children's fate compromised. It went on as usual, the kids did what the kids would, she gave them homework and extra reading and a daily reminder as to how long they had before their next test.

And then she went to her hair dressers appointment a little earlier than the decided time, determination fisted in her hand.

“You’re a little early” Sung Jong called from where he stood, fixing the hair of his last appointment while she waited. “Didn’t we have it for two?”

“We did” Yae Na agreed while her eyes were focused on her phone. She was staring at the last sent message from Sung Gyu, wondering if she should call, wondering if she should just send him a message and wait.

“What brings you early?” Sung Jong continued to ask her, further proving that her different choices, even if it was subtle, would make a big change in this time line.

“I finished work a little early” Yae Na said and gave him a smile. “Don’t mind me, Sung Jong Ssi, take your time, I can wait”

And she did. While she waited, she picked up her phone and stared at the message for even longer. The last time she hadn’t tried this, messaging him. She only waited and waited while her frustration festered on inside her, blaming him, blaming everyone and called him continuously while well aware that he would be stuck at work. This time, she would make a different choice. Although subtle, she’d make a slightest change and see how much it improved or even better, how much it would change the fate of the night.

She opened a fresh new message for him and typed out a rather long text that she hadn’t typed for a very long time.

‘Sung Gyu oppa, have you eaten? Have lunch and don’t stress yourself too much’

She felt as if these were the words that she never got around to tell him. And even further, the things that would stress her out for the day.

‘I am going to the florist, so do you remember what flower your brother in law was allergic to? Also, I got scratched by a stray cat today. It’s fine, I got it treated’.

She attached a photograph of her bandaged hand for more emphasis, and pressed send.

‘Call me tonight if you had time. Take care and I love you’

The words that she should have told him a long time before, the words that she should have told him every passing day. Yae Na felt warmth in her eyes, both emotional and relieved that she got a second chance in life, to make different choices, to keep loving the man she loved and to keep her marriage from falling apart.

Perhaps god wasn’t so cruel after all.

“Yae Na noona” Sung Jong’s voice called her, interrupting her thoughts. “You can have a seat”

In a matter of few minutes, Yae Na was back in the same situation from the last time, seated in the plush leather seat as Sung Jong played with her dark waves in the back.

“Miss Bride-to-be, What would you like for your hair today?”

“What would look good, Sung Jong-Ssi?” Yae Na asked him, already knowing what his choice was going to be, and also how she wanted things to change.

“Well…” He drawled as he played around with her hair just like he did before “Lets keep the length” He said in a sing song voice and then, there it came, the little dramatic swish of her hair. “Some long bangs and straightening would look great on you”

Yae Na thoughtfully tilted her head, staring at her own reflection, her confident gaze looking back at her. Yae Na smiled and shook her head. A little change could make a big difference.

“Let’s cut it short” She said, swishing her hair herself rather dramatically. “And a darker tone of red, maybe?”

“Excellent choice!” Sung Jong answered, already getting down to work. And like this, Yae Na continued to change little things about her life.

While Sung Jong went on styling her hair, Yae Na thought a lot about things. If she were to change the fate of her marriage, how could she? What more could she do? Now that she didn’t feel the frustrations of it as much as she did the previous day (Perhaps because she was living it all the way from the beginning. She doubted if one would feel the same things twice if they were to live the same day agin) perhaps, she could make drastically different changes as well as the little ones. She opened the message she’d sent to Sung Gyu, a flicker of hope in her heart. She was only slightly disappointed that he hadn’t seen it. But he would, eventually. She had to hold on to that without, like he said earlier, getting immaturely emotional about very little things.

“How is the wedding planning going, noona?” Sung Jong asked her from the back. Yae Na remembered this question and since she was frustrated with it back then she had just vaguely answered that it was okay. Sung Jong must have noticed the trepidation in her voice at that time that he didn’t push on. This time, she answered differently.

“It’s going quite well actually” She replied. “Weddings are already quite difficult to plan, but-,”

“I know right?” Sung Jong responded with a laughter. “I can remember my noona’s wedding. She was so frustrated that she nearly did not have a wedding until we changed her mind!”

That was something new she was hearing from him, and in fact, she was quite glad to know that she wasn’t the only one who had the same reaction. “Have you looked at venues and everything?” He asked her.

“We did, we found a nice place in Gangnam, it was more on the expensive side but its fine...and we’re done with the dressing, you’re doing my hair, and in the evening I have an appointment with the florist”

“Sounds like everything’s under control” Sung Jong replied, sounding quite impressed. “Hyung must be very glad”

Yae Na wasn’t sure how to respond to that. In all honesty, Sung Gyu hadn’t said anything, he had never even gotten around to thank her while he constantly reminded her to do this and that without even trying to involve himself from his end. With work, it was understandable and this was exactly what she’d been frustrated about. If only he’d at least expressed his gratitude-,
 

“Hyung didn’t come over in a while” Sung Jong was telling her while he concentratedly worked on her hair. “But he did come, I think, right around the time he proposed. I asked him if he’d started planning and everything. He was pretty confident that you’d be able to do it a lot better than he would…”

Yae Na’s heart picked up pace, thinking about his words. That sounded very much like Sung gyu. Sung Gyu would never bluff, he wasn’t the type to. And he also wasn’t the type to say good about someone to their face, he was honest but not courageous enough to do that. And to know that he’d still spoken so confidently of her? Yae Na felt warmth in her eyes. What had she been thinking at that time? What had she done?

“He said that?” Yae Na replied, trying not to sound tearful although her voice was beginning to break.

“Yeah” Sung Jong nodded in response. “He was very excited about it, getting married I mean. He kept telling me how it was exactly what he wanted. You know he’s so glad that its you because you were so kind and understanding, especially with his job and all….” Sung Jong let out a heavy sigh. “I’m so happy for you guys”

Yae Na didn’t realise that she had tears pouring down her cheeks. On one hand, the second chance she was given was a blessing to right all the wrong she did; on the other, she was seeing or hearing about a side of Sung Gyu that she’d never before imagined. She knew that he loved her, not only because he didn’t forget to text her that at least once every day but also because, despite all his shortcomings, he’d always tried to show it to her with the little things he did. Perhaps it was her that had failed all along, failed in seeing these things, failed in understanding him. Perhaps it was her that had failed in seeing his love, and instead tried to take away the exact thing that he’d loved about her.

“Noona? Are you okay?” Sung Jong, who must have seen her tear stained face, asked her out of concern. She sniffed hard, nodding and laughing at her own childish response. “Sorry” She muttered as he handed over a box of tissues. “I get a little emotional with the wedding and all”

“That’s fine” Sung Jong laughed, dismissing it with grace. “Happens to a lot of us...marriage is an emotional affair after all”

Yae Na laughed through her tears again; out of happiness or of pain and regret, she couldn’t tell. “It is, it quite is”

She knew what she had next on the schedule, and perhaps it was also the worst part of the day which later lead on to the bad decisions that she’d end up making. For this reason, even as she drove her way to the florist, she was feeling quite nervous, gripping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles began to turn white. It was to snow tonight as far as she remembered, and her plan was to watch it, even though it would probably be by herself, without having broken the most important relationship that she had in her life. She had already made up her mind not to talk to his mother, for she knew what her decision on the flowers was going to be. Minimal on flowers, make up for it with more lights. She wasn’t sure how that would go this time. If she kept the conversation exactly the same, there wouldn’t be much of a change to anticipate.

Yae Na had just parked in front of the florist when the sound of her phone ringing echoed inside the car. She hadn’t expected that, and when the caller ID appeared with his name and the little heart that she’d saved it with, her own heart bloomed and expanded with warmth, with love. This is the turn that she didn’t have the last time. And it was the turn that they should have for everything to turn out for the best. For once after so many days, Kim Sung Gyu was calling her.

Yae Na took a deep breath and recollected herself. The last thing she wanted right now was breaking into tears the moment she’d hear his voice.

“Hello, oppa?” Yae Na answered once she finally picked up the call.

“I don’t have a lot of time, Yae Na, I’m calling because you wanted me to. Did you get your hair done yet?”

Hearing his voice, so close, so warm was enough to heal the burn in her heart. It was magical, how just his words could make everything better again.

“Yes, it’s okay oppa. I did, I cut it and dyed it red”

“Perfect” He answered hurriedly. “Can’t wait to see”

Their call, unlike the last time, held no resentment, no anger and no remorse. Just as how it should have been.

“Have you eaten?”

“I did” She could hear him moving about, lots of noises, the beeping of the police station. He was busy, but he still made time to call her. “And about this cat thing, is it bad? How did that even happen?”

“A stray cat snuck in” Yae Na laughed upon how cute and concerned he sounded, talking about it. “It’s not bad, I got Lisa to treat it”

“If its a stray cat you need to get the shots, Yae Na” He told her, and off the phone he said something to a colleague as well. Yae Na felt so bad about how she’d seen him all this time. It really wasn’t that he was purposefully avoiding the wedding preparations. He genuinely didn’t have time. “You should go to the ER, they would probably do it” He continued, coming back on the line again.

Yae Na looked down at the bandage on her arm. The wound that was previously a sign of a bad start to the day suddenly looked so positive for her. It was the wound that had gotten him to call her. Quite an odd blessing, really. “I will” She replied, smiling on her own.

“And also, the flower” He went on breathlessly. She could hear his hurried steps, perhaps in an empty corridor. Yae Na pictured him in her head, in his suit, his hair askew yet quick and confident on his feet. “Hyung is allergic to Lillies, as far as I remember, so as long as we avoid that. Roses would be fine right?”

Roses. She could already imagine her wedding hall, decorated in hundreds and hundreds of white roses, the two walking down the aisle, hand in hand. Her eyes became blurry again.

“Roses would be perfect”

“Great” Sung Gyu sighed. She could hear the opening door of his car. “That should be all. I have to go now, Yae Na. I will probably be late again but I will talk to you tonight, okay? Make sure to get the shots”

“Okay”

“And have dinner too”

Yae Na laughed. Sung Gyu would get really authoritative over meals although he himself skip them all the time. “You too” She reminded him. “And Oppa-,”

“Hm?”

“I love you”

There was a beat of silence then. And she could almost hear the smile on his lips. “So do I” He told her in return. Typical Sung Gyu who never said that he loved her in return. “Very much”

After her call with Sung Gyu, which was on the complete opposite end comparing to their phone conversation the last time, Yae Ba started to see everything on a positive note. Her appointment at the florist, turned out to be an easy affair. No hundred options to choose from, no continuous and irritating phone calls. She walked into the shop, smiling and feeling light as a feather, a little skip on her feet. God had really been kind to give her a second chance. And to make up for them (To the god, she meant) Yae Na would plan and have the most breathtaking winter wedding there has ever been and love Kim Sung Gyu the best that she could.

Together with the florist, Yae Na decided on a beautiful winter wonderland concept of babies breath and white baby roses, with pearls and glitter and pure white decors that matched her dress and her cards, all in perfect synchronization. They showed her a sample as to how her bouquet and the banquet hall decor was going to be. Flower stands and satin hangars along the aisles, a wall of white roses as the backdrop of the altar. With dimmed white lights, it would all look breathtaking. She snapped a few photographs so she could send them to Sung Gyu later.

Likewise, in her second round of florist appointment in her weirdly glitched timeline, a small change she made resulted in a huge difference. The flowers were set, her hair was done, the wedding was still on and they still loved each other like they always did.

After the florist appointment, of course, in the original timeline she would have met Sung Gyu in rather grim circumstances with her pent up frustration and his exhaustion from work where their break up would ensue. In her new time line, however, none of that would matter. It surprised her how every little action had a massive reaction, and how each of the reactions were sequenced, like pearl beads put in order; a chain of reactions. She was excited to see how the day would ultimately turn out to be. She would get another call from Sung Gyu perhaps. He might even come to her house then, then they could open the curtains and turn down the lights and watch the first snow together, huddled warmly under the blankets like they always did.

And so, in her new time line, Yae Na drove her way to the nearest hospital. Usually the ER is quite hectic but she did manage to make it to the OPD section. The registration went on without hassle and she joined the waiting out-patients, sitting in one of the plastic chairs watching other patrons pass by. Her heart felt light. It was almost as if she was dreaming. One couldn’t be this so happy possibly, especially if they were living the same day again for a second time. Was it god’s way of making people right their wrongs? Making them take the best choice? Was it god’s way of changing her path, changing her fate?

Yet, the more she thought about it, the odder, the scarier it would get. She knew now that every little action had a bigger reaction. When she sent a message, it led to getting a call which solved more than one problem at once, hence them not meeting tonight, hence the marriage staying intact. And if the marriage stayed intact as opposed to the original time line, what would happen next? What would be the reaction to that turn of events in this timeline? It scared her now, when she thought if it in that way. It could be anything. And what terrified her the most was how unpredictable and uncertain the turn could be.

Suddenly she felt cold and shaking in the core of her being. While she waited, time seemed to stretch out, further and further; seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, like years. So many good things couldn’t happen within this timeline. It almost felt too good to be true. It could have been only how she felt too but, the more she thought of it, the more she felt that something worse, something worse than the break up and the end of their marriage awaited them, lurking in the dark like a ferocious beast.

With her heart beating in anguish, her arms trembling in trepidation, Yae Na reached for her phone again. She needed a sign once more; to comfort her, to reassure her. She knew that it was going to be a long shot, but she wanted to hear his voice again.

So she opened her dialler and located his number on the top of the list. Yet, just as she was about to call him, her phone rang instead. It was almost like a sign from the heavens, just like she prayed for. Her heart fell at peace for a second. Sung Gyu was calling her; perhaps to check if the flowers turned out fine, to check if she went to get the shots as promised, to check if she had dinner.

But only, that wouldn’t be the Sung Gyu that she knew. He never called twice the same night; that she knew.

Yae Na allowed it to ring for a while. Then it stopped. So did her heart. Something wasn’t right, she realized, when it started ringing again.

Apprehensive, with her heart pounding so hard, Yae Na clutched the phone tightly in her hand and finally picked up the call.

She didn’t hear Sung Gyu’s voice in the background. It wasn’t him. She heard noises still. So many of them, yelling and screaming and beeping...in a distance, police sirens. Then there was a voice, the voice she recognised as none other than Howon, their mutual friend, Sung Gyu’s partner and the chief investigator in the ‘Red cross Murderer’.

“Y-Yae Na Ssi?” He called, and by the way Howon’s usual cool and confident voice shook, Yae Na already felt her world crumbling apart.

“Howon Ssi”

“It’s Sung Gyu Hyung” He replied, broke apart, answering to her worst fears. “Yae Na-Ssi, we-we were on a car chase...and we...and he”

“Howon-Ssi” Yae Na cried into the phone, so hard, so loud that her voice echoed down the entire corridor. “Please…”

“We lost him” Howon cried, and Yae Na’s whole world, in an instant, shattered apart. She hardly heard his voice then, as if she was under water; drowning and drowning, deeper and deeper.

“We lost him, Yae Na-Ssi...Sung Gyu Hyung, we lost him...he’s gone”

Yae Na didn’t even realise it then, when she finally collapsed onto the cold, hard floor.