One Step

Despite the distance that separates us, I only wish for you to take one step, in a comparable manner I will take the rest just to be with you.

She has been uncertain about her ual orientation since she was a high school student. It has been observed that she often tries to persuade herself that her tendency to care for women is only a reflection of her tender and compassionate nature. She had a thing for girls in high school, so she frequently talked about her girl crushes with her friends and family because she thought that was common for girls their own age.

She begins to despise some other men when she realizes in college that she is a feminist. Even so, she still finds herself drawn to a few of them. Though she had never entertained the notion of like a woman, as she grew older, the emotion grew stronger and the more she suppressed it, the stronger it became.

When she was in her third year of college, all her hard work came to nothing, and she also began to get smitten with her neighbor. But that is not the best part of this story—it is not a crazy, crazy love story. She gradually begins to accept her attraction to women after that encounter, and it becomes clear that she is a biual person who is secretly gay.

She was attracted to several ladies, but she never had a meaningful relationship with any of them. A brief affair lasting several days? Weeks? or several months? Therefore, nothing was grave. She gives some people feelings, but sometimes those fluttering feelings just disappear.

It was just one of her oddball antics, or at least what people in her immediate vicinity would assume when they encountered a woman like her. Life is not ideal, despite this; in particular, her circumstances did not turn out the way she had hoped, and they were precarious. Everything is back to square one with a single click of the fingers.

She is a bored graduate student who is working on her licensure examination, wishing to finally ace this second time and a chance she had. An aspiring author, in the same fashion a certified twitter person.

It was one of her usual nights on Twitter when a message popped out on her notification, not thinking once nor twice, she hit it and checked the badge. The confused mind was suddenly presented as she comprehends the username that appeared on her direct message. A simple message, conversely, was able to touch her deep down inside. The other point is that she does not obtain any idea who the person was.

'Troubled?' Was the message, she finds herself smiling reading the one-word question. In the light of appreciating the teddy bear icon the stranger has. She only sighs as she typed her reply.

'Hi, what do you imply? How come you are asking me if I am troubled or what.' Was her question, answering the previous question that the stranger handed over. Honestly speaking, it was rare that a person would slide on her direct message, moreover, talk about her day and personal effects. A certain person that will check up on her, this is the first time anyway. A smile forms on her lips as the person’s reply appears on her screen.

'I stumble upon your tweet, something about distress.' She realized that the message was somehow related to the post she had on Twitter, something related to being blue and in agonize. She could only hunch that she was a follower of hers. Her lips tugged upwards with the caring side of the stranger.

'Oh, I just need to deal with some s earlier, rather I am great now, thank you for the concern.' She typed finally after thinking of what to say. It somehow kooky how bothered she was on what to reply to the lady on her directs. 

'Oh at least, you are fine now. Be safe.' The woman answered, on her dismay, on the other speaking she cannot conclude of any way to keep the conversation progressive, since the woman seems to tip the conversation sooner than she intends it to be. She was contemplating of the way possible on what to say, with the brief conversation she could conclude already that the woman was stupendous at conversing. With the guts she had, she immediately typed a message, to at least save the conversation and keep it up-to-rapid.

'May I know your name? Please be safe too anyway.' She produces the most absurd question she could ever construct. A shame for an aspiring writer that she is. The lack of nights of sleep affects the way she thinks now. She could only be annoyed with her gimp question, on the contrary might as thank herself too, since in just a second the woman produces the answer.

'You can call me Jessica or Jess, anything will do. Your choice.' A soft chuckle escaped her lips as she read the beautiful name, she wonders where the name Jessica on the username was, @syj. Seoyeon, that the woman was using. She cannot argue with the woman when her username says @yoong, she knows exactly that everyone will not realize that her name is Yoona just considering young was in her username.

'Hi Sica'Her smile could reach her ears; she feels so satisfied with the pretty name she produces. She knows that the other woman will react to what she called her. It is somehow cringy, not everyone loves nicknames.

'Why Sica? I repudiate choices as that I fathom?' She immediately typed her reply, wanting to tease the stranger a bit.

'I can say you are adorable. You are using a teddy bear icon; I cannot deem anything as adorable as the teddy bear icon you have.' Was her flirty reply.

'Pffft. Whatever, it is your choice. Anyway, if you need anyone to buzz with, you can beep me. We are complete strangers, surely, I will not judge you. Feel free to speak your mind. You can direct message me here anytime you please.' The comeback was somehow out of context, seems something so general, not to mention avoiding the idea that she was flirting with her. In Yoona’s dismay she realized the idea of the woman being straight, in a word a salty reality for a wound she had on the grounds of the doomed society.

'Thank you.' Did her only reply, conversely, she knows that she does not prefer the conversation to confine, yet? At least, she will do her best to keep it coming.

'Hope everyone was as a concern as you are.' Too pathetic, she knows — she somehow pathetic, usually, to put indifferently this is no distinct. 

'Prevent worrying, someday there will be a person that will stay by your side. Please retract the idea of getting tired of waiting.' Yoona softens with the reply, the woman was pure. Again, she genuinely cares about what Yoona feels despite them being strangers. 

'Thank you, anyway, how come you clash with me?' This is not her way of making the conversation flee. Major like just a pure curious cat on that part.

'Your account, right?' The woman asked hitting her question.

'Yup.' 

'Oh, I stumble upon with the AU you are writing. I was free from work last December; chiefly I gain extra time to read. To say nothing of, I bumped into your works. We also talked here before.' Yoona was confused on the last part; she cannot remember talking to the woman before. Plus, the part that she is a follower due to her stories was somehow true, she tried checking back the lump memories she had in her head, in contrast she cannot recover any.

'Are you for real? We indeed talked here?' She cannot believe, she is a bit disappointed, if this woman somehow messages her already before how come she let her opportunity on her slide? Yoona was forgetting again that the woman might be straight, on the contrary with the idea that she is reading Yoona's works, which is girl x girl, was something that convinces Yoona of the percentage of this Jessica girl being gay just like her.

'Yup.'

'Oh, I tend to delete conversations.' She regrets that she did, by the same token she is starting to hate that habit.

'I can say, obviously yes.' Yoona was embarrassed. She is flirting with the woman without any idea that she might be too young for her. 

'Tell me your age.' she asked, trying to confirm the idea she had. 

'Why are you asking? Older than Jisoo.' Yoona realized the answer. Jisoo was the name of her character. She realized that the woman could be older than her too. Something hits her too, older than Jisoo pulls a string in her memories.

'Hell, no? Are you an Interior Designer? The Law graduates?' Yoona cannot believe that the one she was talking with was the one woman she interacted in timeline, she suddenly gets embarrassed. 

'Oh, I never knew you'll remember me suddenly after using that phrase again.' Seems the woman was teasing her; equally important Yoona cannot believe that the older woman was teasing her.

That night, the conversation keeps coming. It was a deep conversation that lasted for five hours. Yoona tried her chance more than twice, however to no avail the older woman let her slide with that flirty attitude she had. It was four-thirty in the morning, dawn when the woman says that she is sleepy already. Yoona does not covet it to cups yet, besides, she is sleepy as well.

'Please let us talk again in the morning.' She pleads like a child. She cannot believe the attachment she had for the woman in just five hours of talking. They talked about family and past, again she appreciates the lengthy conversation the woman offers. 

She cannot believe that she was annoyed when the woman talks about her ex named Donghar, she even suggested getting married to her when she mentions having a family. Her statement might come to us flirty on the side of Jessica, at the same time it was somehow true in her heart, also she does not know why.

‘Rather it is morning now.' 

'Yeah, I know. Please talk to me.' Her reply was precise, her eyes were on the verge of closing any time.

'Are you flirting with me?' suddenly her eyes flew open reading the message, does the five hours of trying to flirt with the woman finally paid off? The woman was shrugging all her flirty advances. 

'Eh, what do you connote?' She tried shrugging it off, wanting the woman to elaborate the idea, again to her dismay, the woman replied differently.

'Goodnight, sleep tight.' She did not receive any reply again after that. Yoona decided to finally call the night, equally drifting into dreamland. She closes her eyes, identically in a minute or two she falls asleep.

It was safe to say that Yoona and Jessica talk the next days, in Yoona's advantage trying her shots to the woman she is into. Too fast, people might say, despite there is something with Jessica that attracts the younger. If she could compare Jessica into something? She is a black hole that attracts her to the window of her soul, her eyes. Those beautiful-like eyes that never fail to fascinate the young Im Yoona. They might be miles away, as much as there is a formidable force pulling them closer.

Yoona was from Gwangju and Jessica was from Seoul. A bit distant, Yoona was open for a long-distance relationship, although it may be true, she does not know if Jessica is. It is funny how she wonders about if Jessica was all placid with this LDR concept, when in the first place she does not absolutely know if the older was certainly gay or straight. Add the fact that Jessica will not drop the tea about her age.

 This is not a new subject for them, especially for Jessica when she had a couple of relationships before, Yoona too. She just denies it most of the time, saying she only had flings before. Technically speaking, she never had any relationship, notwithstanding, she does not understand why Jessica seems to fit the criteria of girlfriend she had in her mind.

The woman says she is straight, In which Yoona doubts. The first concern, she reads a girl x girl story, indeed the possibility of her being gay was there, nonetheless Yoona was confused again since Jessica told her that she only had guy exes, in which the possibility of Yoona being her first girlfriend was waving in Yoona’s head like broken vinyl records. 

Yoona was torn with the idea. How can a person fall for a woman just in the interest of a single five-hour conversation, is that even possible? People might say it is too fast. They might say that it was barely infatuation, nevertheless Yoona was not a kid anymore to beat around the bush. She knows what she wants, uniquely she mentions it if possible — Jessica is what she wants, she was precisely vocal about it. 

It was their usual conversation, flirting around, Yoona was reading the lines. She was avoiding stepping into something that might pull her down and break her. Jessica would flirt back off and on, nevertheless she will pull the I am straight card, Yoona does not know, besides Jessica keeps giving her mixed signals.

’To clarify, you like me?’ It was Jessica who asked. One fact that Yoona likes about Jessica is that she is an outspoken person. She says what she wants even if it might hurt a certain Im occasionally. Yoona grabbed her phone, moreover, find the best slouching position to enjoy the conversation with another Im.

’I do, I’m sheerly vocal about it, don’t I?’ She replied, like a keyboard warrior, she does not know why hours of exchanging messages with Jessica do not tire her in any way.

’I’m afraid that you might’ve told other girls, piece like that too before.’’ Yoona frown with the message, she understands that the woman might be in doubt of her, as well as she has all the right to doubt her since she believes that she does not gain yet any of the elder’s trust. Plus, she might have told other women sweet chattels before she knows with her heart that Jessica is different in every way.