Jinyoung walks into Youngjae's bedroom, still not looking any happier now than he did an hour ago about Youngjae going clubbing with him and his friends tonight.

From where he is standing in front of his mirror fixing his hair, Youngjae smiles as cutely and as imploringly as he can at his brother. "I'll be ready in a second hyung."

Jinyoung sighs and walks up to Youngjae with arms crossed against his chest, and his lips slightly twisted in disapproval. "You are still going."

"Yes." Youngjae says emphatically

"I still think it's too soon."

"Hyung it's been a month since Jaebeom and I broke up. I have to move on some time."

"I know but a month is a bit much. I hate to bring up painful but out of that one month, you’ve been a total mess for three weeks since you moved back in with me.”

Youngjae's smile slips and Jinyoung almost regrets his choice of words.

"I was a mess but I'm trying to put all that behind me."

"Have you spoken to JB recently?"

"Why would I?"

"well he's been in touch with me, so I thought..." Jinyoung stops and waves it off. "Never mind."

Youngjae stops fiddling with his hair and drops his hands with a quiet sigh. He tries to school his facial expression into something akin to nonchalance, he really does, but it just isn’t quite working. It’s not easy for him to pretend that he isn’t offended and hurt about the fact that Jaebeom has reached out to Jinyoung but can’t be bothered to contact Youngjae.

Yes they broke up and Youngjae can’t even think of what he would say to Jaebeom now if they tried to have a conversation, but he is allowed to feel possessive over a guy who was his boyfriend of 3 years up to only a month ago. A guy he is still madly and quite desperately in love with.

Towards the end of their relationship, Youngjae and Jaebeom fought a lot about almost anything. Youngjae thought he loved Jaebeom more than Jaebeom loved him and vice versa. They exchanged some pretty harsh words right before they officially called it quits, but none of that means Youngjae can just suspend his feelings for Jaebeom.

Jinyoung appears to notice the shift in Youngjae’s mood and he reaches out to give Youngjae a squeeze on the shoulder. It’s meant to be comforting, so Youngjae takes all the warmth he can get from it. He needs all the comfort he can get right now.

Youngjae and Jinyoung lived together once before because they’ve always been close as brothers but when Youngjae moved out about 2 years ago to move in with Jaebeom, it was sort of meant to be for good since it was no longer practical anyway for two grown men to live together forever despite being family. That’s why when Youngjae first moved back here with Jinyoung, he feared that he might be imposing but Jinyoung was kind enough to welcome him with open arms.

Moving back here was a wise choice on Youngjae’s part. Jinyoung is a no-nonsense kind of older brother but he has a huge heart too and he’s been very understanding over the past month whenever Youngjae needed his space, when he needed care because he had no strength to look after himself, when he needed to cry on someone’s shoulder, when he needed to vocally reminisce about how happy he and Jaebeom once were.   

Dealing with his breakup from Jaebeom has been hard for Youngjae and Jinyoung has seen every moment of it. That’s why Youngjae understands Jinyoung’s concern tonight. Of course Youngjae has had to go to work to fulfil his obligations as he has to continue earning a living. His social life on the other hand has suffered immensely because Youngjae hasn’t been able to gather enough courage and enthusiasm to go out there and have fun with people. When he broke up from Jaebeom, it felt like he was shoved into a dark, cold, lifeless hole from which he’s had no strength to crawl out of. Tonight is his first time going out to live a little.  

Youngjae admits that he is a bit nervous as well but he figures he has to eventually learn to get back on his feet and find his joy again no matter how much it hurts trying to go through life without Jaebeom.

“I think I brought your mood down. Sorry.” Jinyoung says when Youngjae continues staring morosely and pensively at the floor.

Looking back up, Youngjae offers his brother a genuine smile. “It’s fine. You are worried. I get it. I’ll be okay though.”

“Alright but you know how tough my week has been and how desperate I am for a good time. If you ruin my evening, I’m bringing your straight back home and going back out to continue the evening without you. Understand?”

“Yes I understand, hyung.” Youngjae laughingly replies, seeing humour in the rather serious warning. “Thanks for agreeing to tag me along on your night of adventure.”

********

By some miracle Jaebeom is getting some proper work done on his latest novel amidst his friends who are pregaming at his apartment, in his living room. Jaebeom has no idea why they couldn’t drink at either one of their own apartments, but their presence here isn’t all that unwelcome. Jackson and Mark are very good friends after all.

While Jaebeom is half sitting on one couch typing away, Jackson and Mark are perched on the carpeted floor, chatting loudly and enjoying some snacks with their beers. To be exact, Jackson is being rowdy and boisterous as always, and Mark is doing a lot more smiling than talking, being the quieter one of the two.

“Hey JB.” Jackson suddenly beckons Jaebeom’s attention.

“hm?” Jaebeom hums absently, never lifting his gaze from his computer screen.

“You sure you don’t want to join us tonight?”

“For the last time, yes I’m sure.”

“At the risk of sounding redundant.” Mark begins. “Going out to have fun again might help you feel better about….stuff.”

Jaebeom’s typing stills as a heavy lump settles in his chest at the thought of Youngjae. Jaebeom knows that the “stuff” Mark is referring to is Jaebeom’s breakup from Youngjae.

To say that Jaebeom has been through a slump after the breakup is an underestimation. It was like Youngjae walked out of Jaebeom’s life, taking all of Jaebeom’s enthusiasm, joy, confidence and energy with him. Thanks to his editor breathing down his neck about the latest project, Jaebeom managed to partly pull himself out of his slump and start writing again. That was only 4 days ago. In every other way, Jaebeom is pretty much still a mess. It’s been exactly a month since the breakup and exactly a month since Jaebeom properly went grocery shopping, since he got a haircut, since he did a thorough clean-up of his apartment, since he went out to have fun with Jackson and Mark.

Everything just feels so hard to do without Youngjae. Jaebeom looks back fondly upon a time when he loved watching movies. The experience got only that much sweeter when Youngjae walked into his life. They would curl up together the couch and watch horror films while drinking hot chocolate, snacking on something and occasionally taking pauses to steal kisses from each other.

Now Jaebeom can’t bring himself to sit through and actually enjoy a movie alone and he wonders how he ever did it before he met Youngjae.

Jaebeom’s friends can help him with grocery shopping, they can help him clean up around here, they can hug him when he cries and they can convince him to get his up and go take a shower; but they can’t make Jaebeom’s loneliness go away and they can’t bring back the gusto he once had for life. He wants his life to go back to normal; he really does but at present, everything just hurts so much and he feels like he’s lost his way. In the 3 years he and Youngjae were together, they became some kind of a unit, going about life supporting each other and enjoying life together like best friends and soul mates. Whatever they could do together, they did together.

That’s why going back out into the world to have fun all on his own now feels like trying to tap dance barefoot.

“I don’t quite feel ready yet.” Jaebeom mutters quietly, his fingers now just hovering over the laptop keyboard because his line of thought has been interrupted by thoughts of Youngjae. 

“Jinyoung just texted me and he says Youngjae is going out with us tonight. Now he’s got the right idea.”

Jaebeom’s hands clench so tight that his knuckles whiten. “Good for him.” He tries to keep the bite out of his voice despite the blow he just got to the gut. So Youngjae has decided to resume life without Jaebeom while Jaebeom sits here still wallowing about their breakup. Jaebeom can’t even figure what he’s feeling but whatever it is ing hurts so much.

It’s probably selfish and petty of Jaebeom but he wants to cling to the idea that Youngjae is somewhere out there suffering just like he is.

Someone sighs and Jaebeom can’t be sure which one of his friends it is, but he assumes it’s Jackson since that’s who speaks up next, “I can tell you are upset. That’s not my intention. If you don’t want to go out with us tonight, it’s fine. Next time.”

“Yeah.” Jaebeom forces a smile and then he turns back to his back, hoping to recapture the line of thought he’s just lost.

*********

“For the millionth time, are you sure it’s not too soon for you to be out and about after a breakup?” Jackson throws an arm around Youngjae’s shoulders. They are sitting next to each other in one booth while Jinyoung and Mark occupy the other across the table at a popular karaoke bar Jinyoung recommended.   

Good music is booming, the dance floor is littered with eager dancers, the karaoke stage is open for willing performers from the audience, and most importantly their table has a vast array of alcohol for each of them to pick from.

“For the millionth time, hyungs. I’m fine. I’m so over mopping about Jaebeom hyung. I dated better guys before and I’m sure I’ll find someone just as good in the future.”

Jinyoung knows Youngjae is lying, especially about having dated guys better than Jaebeom, but he’s not interested in arguing the point right now. “Good. Keep it that way.” Jinyoung replies instead.

“We are all here to have fun. Let’s freaking do this.”

“Yes. Let the party begin.” Jackson yells in excitement and anticipation.

********

Exactly an hour and 6 bottles of beer later, Youngjae has taken to the stage, singing some sappy love song, crying and hugging a bottle of beer to his chest like he would a beloved child.

The audience is surprisingly responding positively to the performance much to Jinyoung’s shock and chagrin. If the display continues though, he might die of embarrassment.

“We have to go get him even if it means yanking him off the stage.” Jinyoung says, wincing as Youngjae hits another obnoxiously high note. Youngjae is undoubtedly a good singer but at present he is a discombobulated mortification.

Mark shakes his head at Jinyoung. “I tried to get him and you saw what happened.” To emphasise his point, he turns his face to the left, showing Jinyoung the bruise on his left cheek.

Jinyoung hisses, bringing his hand up and gently pressing it against Mark’s cheek. “Again I’m sorry about the slap. Youngjae , I know and it’s my fault.”

“At least you got a slap. I think he bit me.” Jackson points out, making Jinyoung laugh.

“You’re such a big baby.”

“I hate to say this, guys, but I think we have to go. It’s time to take Youngjae home.” Mark suggests.

“Hell no.” Jinyoung negates. “I’m having my fun tonight no matter what. I warned Youngjae that I would take his back home if he pulls some crazy emo , so we are taking him home and continuing the evening without him.” As soon as Jinyoung says that, an even better idea strikes and he grins, but before he can voice it out, Youngjae- by some miracle- actually relinquishes the mic, finally, and steps off stage then staggers his way to their table. He almost falls onto Jackson’s lap as he weirdly negotiates his way to his seat on the perfectly spacious booth like there is no room for him.

“Hi, Jae.” Jinyoung says once Youngjae is seated. “Are you doing alright?”

“No.” Youngjae replies with a sigh. Admittedly he’s a lot more sober than he was when he stepped onto the stage. “I’m not over it at all. Who am I kidding?” Youngjae sobs, his typically loud voice making the others wince. “I’m never gonna find a guy as good as Jaebeomie hyung. I want my Jaebeom hyung back. What was I thinking breaking up with him just like that?”

Mark shakes his head pityingly. “I knew there was no way he is fine already.” 

Meanwhile Jinyoung rolls his eyes impatiently and reaches for his phone to dial Jaebeom’s number.

“Who are you calling?” Jackson asks.

“Reinforcements.” Is all Jinyoung says.

“What’s up, Jinyoung.” Jaebeom answers after a few rings

“Where are you?”

“At home. Why?”

“I’m at a bar trying to have fun and your sweetheart is crying hot tears of regret and is getting in the way of my fun. Come collect him.”

“My sweetheart….?” Jaebeom trails off, confused.

“Youngjae.” Jinyoung impatiently supplies.

“What? I don’t-”

“For some reason I’ll never understand, he is still smitten with you.” Jinyoung edgily interrupts the beginnings of Jaebeom’s arguing. “Hurry before I toss him into the arms of the next available man I see. I’ve had a tough week and I’m not letting anyone ruin tonight for me.” Jinyoung finalises and promptly hangs up before Jaebeom can argue.

******

Jaebeom arrives at the bar in record time because God forbid his Youngjae ends up in the comfort of another man tonight or any other night for that matter. Jaebeom has learned from experience that Jinyoung’s threats are not to be taken lightly.

Following Jinyoung’s very sketchy directions to where Youngjae and the others are, Jaebeom squeezes past the throng of sweaty, overenthusiastic dancers until he finally finds them. It feels like stepping into the bright daylight after hours of walking through a dark alleyway.

Jinyoung smiles when he sees Jaebeom and waves him over.

Under the poor lighting, it’s not easy to spot where Youngjae is sitting but Jaebeom spots him anyway and he goes straight there.

Youngjae gasps in disbelief and scrambles to his feet in haste. “hyung.” He cries and throws his arms around Jaebeom, latching onto him and hugging him extra tight. Jaebeom stumbles back a bit because of the impact and he recoils a little at the assaulting smell of liquor on Youngjae, but he catches himself and stabilizes on his feet, holding Youngjae tight as well. He doesn’t even complain when Youngjae nuzzles his tear streaked face in the cook of Jaebeom’s neck and shoulder as weird as the wetness feels there.

Somewhere amidst the drunken fog swirling in Youngjae’s mind is a deep sense of relief and joy because Jaebeom is finally here. He’s here and Youngjae can touch him, smell him, talk to him, hear his voice, hold him like he’s longed to for a whole month.

Before Jaebeom can get his fill of the embrace, Youngjae pulls back and blinks a few times to focus his dazed, watery gaze on his boyfriend. Jaebeom thinks it’s really adorable. “This is wrong. We made a huge mistake, hyung.” Youngjae says

Jaebeom gently cups Youngjae’s cheek and smiles softly at him. “I know, baby.”

Youngjae lifts his gaze slightly from Jaebeom’s face. “Your hair is long now.” he reaches up to touch the strands of Jaebeom’s hair.

Jaebeom bashfully smiles. “It’s been a long month.”

Youngjae’s expression softens. “You look pretty. Let’s keep the hair for now.”

“Oh.” Jaebeom mutters, surprised. “Okay. We can do that.” he pauses and swallows thickly. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too. I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“I’m still in love with you too. We should talk. Really talk.”

Youngjae nods vehemently. “Let’s do whatever it takes to fix us.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Jaebeom let’s arms fall away from around Youngjae and reaches down to take Youngjae’s hand. “Let’s go home. Our home.”