Chapter 5

The Confession

(Tw: mention of suicide)

Standing in the bathroom brushing his teeth once, then starting over because, well he was stalling. He’d been able to hide his nerves pretty well so far, but he knew that if he was confronted about his feeling he would crack like a porcelain cup accidentally swept off a table onto the floor. 

Laying there in a thousand pieces would it be impossible for anyone to put him back together and least of all himself. It weren’t as if he was going to chicken out now, for all he knew might nothing happen and he would just feel silly in the morning for thinking so, but his gut feeling told him to brace himself and so he did.

    «You okay in there?» He heard Mino call out from the bed on the other side of the wall.

    «Yeah, just something stuck in my teeth» he replied without thinking, cursing himself the second he’d said it. Why. Did. He. Say. That. Maybe Mino thought he was making extra effort, as if he himself already had an agenda. 

Walking out of the bathroom he found Mino with the covers up to his nose peeking over at him. It was a comical sight especially because his hair was poking in every direction and his expression was one of a lazy muppet. Seungyoon let out a low chuckle of a laugh as he climbed into bed. As he did so had he almost made a comment about how Mino’s seduction methods were on the odd side when he realized that he then would be implying that Mino was trying to seduce him. 

    «A lot on your mind tonight?» Mino asked, poking his head up from the covers, turning slightly to face him. 

Being the terrible liar he was he hesitated as he tried to think of a believable response. «Is it because of what I told you in the car earlier?» Mino continued before he’d managed to muster a reply. 

    «You said a lot of things in the car» he replied, unsure if Mino meant about his old girlfriend being trouble in general or the fact that Mino had admitted to being gay. 

    «About me being gay» Mino said as if he’d heard his voice in his head as the thought scrolled through his braincells like some big city billboard. 

    «Well, yeah I suppose» he admitted, still not sure how to breach all of this in a way that didn’t come off as completely crazy «It’s not what you think though» he hurried to add before Mino could begin making his own assumptions. 

    «What is it then?» Mino asked, he looked nervous. Probably for the first time since they’d met. The way he was chewing on his bottom lip, eyes flaking around the room a few laps before meeting his gaze again. 

    «I’m, well, this is going to sound weird but» why was it so damn hard to just say I like you. It was as if his mind was following a straight line of string, but then just at the vital part was there a huge knot that just threw him for a loop and stalled him infinitely from moving forward. «I really like you» there he said it, straight out, over the mind bumps and everything. Now what was left was to observe Mino’s reaction. 

    «I like you too» Mino replied smiling and Seungyoon swore he could have grabbed the nearest pillow and swatted Mino with it so hard, but he didn’t instead he sighed. 

    «Considering what we were just talking about..» He began in disbelief that he had to explain himself even further. «You saying you are gay, I saying I like you.. I’m a man like you» Mino blinked at him, still smiling. He really couldn’t believe this, maybe he had to reconsider, maybe Mino’s mind had hit a short-circuit or something, unable to grasp what he was saying on the matter no matter how obvious he tried to make it. «I have a crush on you» I finally blabbered out and now he couldn’t take it anymore. Too much nerves and emotions and.. He sunk into his bed and pulled the covers over his head. 

Still hiding like the ostrich coward he was, although well aware that he was still in plain sight to the offender who had caused him this much emotional distress he felt a hand on his hand that was still holding up the covers. 

    «Please come out, I’m sorry» Mino began. 

    «Sorry about what?» He asked, poking out at once, already bracing himself for rejection. 

    «For not catching on to what you were saying right away, I’m an idiot» Mino said still holding his hand on top of the covers. 

    «Yes, yes you are» he confirmed feeling hope building up in his chest even though he’d given no such permission to such feelings to arise. 

    «I like you too, just like I said» Mino began and as soon as he heard the words had he felt like jumping up twirling like that scene from sound of music in the fields on a mountain, not in a dress, but still. «I’ve never actually been with a man though, I just realized I was attracted to them» Mino began explaining and there went another set of worries he’d buried somewhere deep in his mind that Mino had been out experimenting widely after realizing who he was attracted to. 

Suddenly he started to become overwhelmed and with that feeling came another wave of embarrassment, he was just so relived and happy, but for some reason had his brain decided crying was the correct response to that. 

Mino seeing him tearing up looked terribly distressed all of a sudden, but when he tried to explain had tears started falling. Ridiculous, betrayed by his own body like some teenager with a spontaneous before his crush, although in his case it was tears. He’d still take the tears though and with that thought had he somehow managed to calm down enough to talk. 

    «I’m just happy, and relived. I’m sorry for crying» he said his voice sounding low and raspy from all the emotions. 

    «I’m sorry too if I caused a lot of stress for you» Mino began, but he shook his head in response wanting to explain. He went on to tell him about his thoughts during their time together, how he thought he’d never convey his feelings for him out of respect for their friendship, especially since starting to consider applying for jobs out there on the island. 

    «I’d need a friend out there» he said not breaking eye contact with Mino when he said it. 

    «Maybe we could be more than that» Mino replied, smiling again now and it was such a lovely smile he couldn’t help but to smile too. «You already know I’m an idiot, so if you like me despite that» Mino began saying, but in a strike of boldness had he somehow decided that to kiss Mino into silence was a good idea. 

The entire duration of their 5 second kiss had his mind been yelling at full force that he was an idiot and not Mino, but then Mino began kissing him back and the screaming subsided. When they broke apart had Mino still been smiling before saying: 

    «Well this makes for a promising start» to which he agreed, although he still couldn’t believe that he’d just done what he did. 

Sitting there half resting, half upright he was the first to let himself sink back into the covers. Mino followed his lead flopping back onto his side of the bed. 

    «Confession in bed» Mino mused «That gotta be pretty rare» Seungyoon could think of many scenarios where that might happen, but none that was as lovely as the moment they’d just shared. «Mind if I move a little closer?» Mino asked turning towards him as he spoke. Instead of replying had he just reached out a hand and Mino had scooted closer so that he now was resting his head on his arm. 

    «What now then?» Mino mused, sounding sleepy already, while he was laying there low-key over reacting to the sudden physicality of their relationship. «I’m not really good at this whole relationship thing by the way, so consider yourself warned» Mino said before letting out another yawn. 

    «We’ll figure it out» replied assuringly although he’d only been in a couple of relationships himself and they had not worked out well for him at all. 

    «I think so too» Mino said and his voice sounding far away, as if he was talking to someone in a dream. 

Mino must have dozed of mid-sentence back then because when Seungyoon had spoken again was there no reply in return. He couldn’t sleep despite his body being exhausted and his mind was in no better state. Instead of sleeping was he going over in his mind what had ended his relationships before. 

There weren’t much to go on really, the first one had only lasted a couple of months back in high school, he had been the one who had ended it too because they fought more than they got along. His second relationship had been during his first year of university so not that long ago. The guy had been amazing, their dates more than he could have asked for, but as their relationship progressed had they both felt like something was missing. At least they had ended it on good terms after almost a year of sporadic dating. 

His conclusion was that he didn’t really have much to go on, little experience in love and even less in bed. He just had to trust his own words that they would figure it out. 

    «We will figure it out» he said out loud into the darkness of the night. Manifesting it in his mind as well as into the world. Mino replied with a soft snore, which made him smile for a moment before trying to go to sleep.

The next day they had enjoyed breakfast at the hotel before going to look at galleries for Mino’s next exhibition. Mino had happily introduced him as his boyfriend, which had totally taken him off guard, but after last nights confessions weren’t Mino wrong either. His agent had looked surprised for good few seconds before moving on with business driving them around town to look at gallery spaces. 

In the end had Mino decided to go with a large brick warehouse which usually displayed modern art installations of huge dimensions, his agent had tried to convince him otherwise, but Mino told him he got some new big ideas he wanted to work on which demanded space and so space he must have. 

Sitting in the ba