Some Say

Donghae sat leaning against the wall, his chair slightly tilted backwards. The other people in the room was making a ruckus, talking loudly with one another while showing off funny looking dance moves. None of them seemingly serious.

The small smile stuck on his lips wouldn’t go away. No matter how many times he told himself that it needed to. After close to ten minutes, he’d given up.

A second presence sat down on the chair next to his. The newcomer chuckled, watching their fellow trainees letting off some stress. Juggling with school and multiple different kinds of practices- vocal, dancing, acting and more- really took a toll on all of them.

“Hey Donghae, what are you up to?”, the other male asked.

The brunet boy turned his head, looking at his hyung who gave him a dimpled grin. “Jungsoo-hyung! Just waiting for the teacher to come and for class to begin.” He shrugged his shoulders a little, trying to seem relaxed.

With a knowing hum the older of the two turned to glance at the other guys. Then he said nothing more.

Minutes passed by. Donghae had turned his eyes back to where they’ve previously been locked. Or rather to who they’ve just been focused on.

Standing amongst a bunch of guys around the same age stood a skinny, lanky, dark haired boy. His eyes were crescent, lips plump and raised, showing off rows of brilliant, white teeth and pink pretty gums. One hand placed on a black t-shirt, hiding part of the Batman logo on the middle of the fabric.

The other trainee often laughed; a grin plastered on his pillowy lips most of the time. Donghae knew him quiet well, having spent most of their time at the company together, one way or another. Ever since the younger recently joined.

Lee Hyukjae was only six months older than Donghae himself. Most of the trainees were very fussy when it came to age. All having to use formalities depending on who’s older or younger. But that wasn’t the case with Hyukjae. Everyone talked freely to him, both older and younger. And Donghae was no different.

It hadn’t taken long for the two same-age friends to get to know one another before the younger dropped honorifics, instead talking casually with the older dancer. Of course, the other hadn’t made a big deal out of it. The first couple of weeks he’d been grumbling about it but with time he had stopped.

Hyukjae was a lot of the times the center of attention. A fact that made Donghae both proud of the other’s smiting likability and easygoing mood making. On the other side though, he was slightly jealous that so many people liked Hyukjae. Making Donghae himself, one of many.

Jungsoo broke the silence as one of the other trainees, Kim Jaejoong, took over the attention with some kind of body moving. Something Donghae didn’t find all that impressive- nor funny- compared to what Hyukjae had done moments before.

The slightly older dancer commented something, earing laughter for the ones around him as well as a slap on his forehead from Jung Yunho. He let out a giggle, smile growing at the sight.

“You really like him, huh?” the older male said. It wasn’t as much of a question as close to a statement.

He flickered his eyes towards his hyung, meeting the other’s amused gaze. “Who?” There was no doubt that they both knew who Jungsoo was talking about, the blush blossoming on the younger’s cheeks told as much.

“Hyukjae. I’ve noticed that you always look at him, fondness dripping out of your eyes.”

Donghae let his chair fall forward, making it stand straight on all four. He needed to have a steady ground if he were to talk about his skinny friend. “Doesn’t everyone like him?” He waved his hand halfheartedly in the talked about boy’s direction.

“Sure we do.” The oldest of the people present in the practice room said, nodding his head a little bit. “But not the way you do. I’m quite sure of that too.”

Not knowing what to say, nothing he’d reply would make a difference, the younger stayed silent. He would be lying if he said that it wasn’t true and his hyung knew that. Instead he let his eyes fall down to his worn-out gym shoes.

“Someday he’ll like you back, Hae. It’s just a matter of time.”

The younger made a strange noise, something between an agreement and a doubtful hum.

Before either of the two could utter another word the awaited teacher arrived, telling all of the ones milling around to stand in place. Dance practice was about to start.

 

 

 

Even after all the time he’d spent in the building it never ceased to amaze him. SM Entertainment had more than he could have imagined before joining the company. And with time and it’s growing success, he figured that it all would increase.

He hoped that one day the group that he’d- join sooner or later- would be able to help as well.

Making his way to the canteen, the brunet trainee bumped into one of his close hyungs. The older smiled with ease, making the younger male grin boyishly right back.

“How’s school going Hae?”

“It’s fine hyung. It’s only been a few weeks of the new school year so--“, Donghae halted in his sentence, pushing the door of the dining room open. Loud noised greeting the pair. “I’m guessing that it’ll pick up way too quickly though.”

The older laughed, agreeing wordlessly to the meaning behind it all. They always seemed to have a lot going on, even though their young ages.

They grabbed food from the ladies working behind the counter, thanking all of them politely with soft smiles. Earning extra side dishes with wishes of good health and worldwide success in the future.

Moments later the duo had found a vacant table where they seated. Their trays filled to the brim with different dishes laid on the surface in front of the two.

Both Donghae and Yunho gulped down the first couple of scoops, neither uttering a word as they let themselves be filled with food. Sating their hunger.

When both of their stomachs had calmed down significantly, they slowed down. Now eating at a normal pace, not risking getting an upset tummy, conversation began slowly.

They talked about their families, how training went and joked about their fellow friends at the company. Yunho retelling something that the older hyungs had said the previous day. None of the guys having a sensible brain-to-mouth filter.

As they were having fun at the other trainees expense (not that any of them was at the table and therefore knew about it) the canteen was slowly filling up with other hungry employees. The air around them buzzing with voices and loud noises. Easily distracting the pair of friends.

Donghae loved how lively the place was, no matter when during the day- or night- you were at the building. There was almost always something going on. A big difference from his little hometown back in the south.

He mentioned it to the older as the thought entered his mind. Lips pulled up at the corners.

Seeing as the taller male’s also grew up further down in the country, in a town not as bustling as the capital or even the SM cafeteria, the teenager agreed. They both enjoyed the atmosphere they got to encounter on a daily basis nowadays.

In the middle of their conversation the chairs around the duo moved, a set of heavy bags filled with stones judging by the sounds, dumped down on the floor next to them.

The short brunet lifted his gaze away from the older, temporarily freezing as his eyes fell upon single-lidded ones and a gummy grin.

“Hey Hae, Yunho-hyung! Keep an eye on our things and we’ll grab something to eat.”

Mind numb, Donghae only gave a smile back, nodding his head before the other’s words had fully sunken in.

The following instant the newly arrived pair had vanished. Their heads being lost in the sea of other people milling about.

Five minutes later the two childhood friends came back, trays littered with goodies, ready to be consumed. Heavily they sat down, the second youngest being unable to steer his vision away from the boy sitting next to him.

While Donghae got lost in hid own head, eyes following the dips and curves of Hyukjae’s side profile, the other three started a conversation. Junsu, the other guy that had sat at the table, talked animatedly about a tv-show he’d became obsessed with recently. Dragging the oldest of the bunch along as the boy had seen some episodes with the youngest.

After a couple of minutes Hyukjae let out a groan, patting his pockets as a tiny frown deepened between his eyebrows.

The action made Donghae snap out of his head. “What’s wrong? Did you drop something?”

The slightly older male turned his body towards him, body slumping down as the dancer almost laid his upper body on top of the table, head resting on his outstretched arms. Missing the half full tray with barely a millimeter.

“I forgot to buy my drink and now all my money is gone from my pants.”

Feeling the need to make the upset expression go away from the elder’s face, he pulled out a couple of coins from his own pocket, stretching out his hand. The boy in question glanced down towards the open palm. Dark eyebrows now raised.

“This should be enough for a carton of chocolate milk.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just get one tomorrow instead.”

Donghae pushed his hand closer to Hyukjae. Not taking no for an answer. “Take it.”

“But it’s your money.”

He sighed before giving his friend a smile. “And I want you to have it. If it makes you feel better, you can pay me back when you’re rich and famous.”

Snorting at the six-months younger trainee, Hyukjae grabbed the coins before rising from his seat. The corners of his eyes crinkling cutely and pillowy lips hinting at bright white teeth hidden behind.

“Thank you Hae, you’re the best!” He took a step away from Donghae before turning back around. The way his grin grew bigger making Donghae’s heart flutter at the sight. “It’s a promise, and if I’m feeling extra kind maybe I’ll also give you a carton of your own for free when I’m bathing in money.”

The cheeky comment granted a giggle from the shorter brunet. And if it hadn’t been for the pleased expression taking over the other’s face, he would surely had been extremely embarrassed about the fact that he had straight up giggled like a small child, in front of his friends.

Watching the retreating back he failed to notice the look the other two table occupants shared.

“You spoil him too much.” Junsu voiced out in between bites.

“He’ll notice it sooner or later Donghae. Just wait for the day, okay?”

Donghae only hummed in reply, never taking his eyes away from the skinny frame in the middle of buying his beloved beverage.

 

 

 

It was exhilarating. The fact that he was final a part of an official group, one that actually got to debut this time. The fact that it was only to last one year was something that Donghae most of the times decided to push to the back of his head.

Dwelling on that would only sour his mood. And most probably make the year pretty dull. If he kept busy counting down the days he got to spend with- the now closest- people in his life.

The best thing of it all was that him and Hyukjae got to be in the same team. They debuted together after years of practice.

He got to be a part of something they’ve all been longing for since their early teenage days, together with the person he had a small liking towards.

It was stupid to even think about denying it by now. His parents had noticed his infatuation towards his slightly older friend, as well as his brother. There was no doubt that most of the people they had been training with had also figured it out.

The only one that seemingly didn’t know about Donghae’s feelings was the other in question. And maybe it was for the better the younger reckoned. As soon as the feelings passed, he could go back to thinking of Hyukjae as he did towards all of his other friends.

Why make the time in between awkward?

Walking through their tiny dorm, Donghae headed towards the kitchen. It was close to lunch and usually he was up early. Mostly due to the fact that they had practice or vocal lessons to go to.

They had debuted three weeks prior. No matter how many hours he spent marveling about it, it still felt surreal. A fantastic kind of surreal.

The newly promoted group members of Super Junior 05 had spent most of the night before in the practice room, going over the choreograph for their debut song. The following day they had a live performance on television. Seeing as their skin was crawling in anticipation, none of them had the will to go to bed early.

Donghae figured that all of them were going to spend that night in the same stuff room again.

When his stomach growled at the lack of food, the now light blond male opened the refrigerator door. Eyes roaming the inside to find something to calm his hunger.

He hadn’t had anything to eat since dinner time the previous evening. After working his energy fully drained, food had been the furthest from his mind when they got back to the dorm. The only thing on his mind was to rinse off his sweat covered frame and drown in the softness of his pillow.

Now, in retrospect, he regretted not having at least something small to nibble on before sleeping.

He found a takeaway box on the right side of the fridge, forgotten in the back of it all. Partly hidden away by a box of homemade kimchi one of the other guys mother had gifted them last week and a half empty jug of milk.

Shrugging his shoulders, Donghae grabbed the somewhat eaten noodle concoction. If no one had written their name on it yet nor eaten the content himself, there shouldn’t be any harm. Maybe the owner in question didn’t want it after all?

Placing it in the microwave he turned the heat on before turning around. He made his way over to the cupboard, taking out a clean glass before filling it up with cold water.

Moments later a beeping sound filled the otherwise quiet apartment, indicating that the food was reheated and ready to be consumed.

The next minute he walked towards the couch, hoping that at least one of the other residents were up and in the mood to keep the fake maknae company for a while.

Luck was on his side when he saw two of his hyungs seated on the couch, mindlessly mumbling about something under their breaths. Even from behind Donghae noticed that the pair looked awfully tired.

He placed his things on the table before taking a seat on the floor in front of the wooden furniture. Just as his touched the hard surface the fact that he had forgotten to bring chopsticks surfaced in his still sleepy mind.

In the corner of his eye he noticed another member entering the kitchen.

“Youngwoon-hyung, can you get me a pair of chopsticks?” He smiled happily at the older, using his boyish charms to make the older agree. Something that unsurprisingly worked.

“Sometimes I’m fearing that you’ll be able to convince someone to do something dangerous for you, Hae”, the oldest of the ones present commented. Looking at the youngest from his place on the couch.

“And then he’ll just leave them to handle the consequences themselves.” The fourth male said, handing the utensils to Donghae.

Donghae only grinned at the other guys. He thanked his co-member for the sticks before he started digging in.

The younger artist sitting on the soft furniture nudged the older one. “I’m sure he wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Oh Hangeng, you don’t know what that boy is capable of. You should have seen all the things he did when he was younger. Even edging Yunho into burning his new jacket.” Heechul shook his head, though the hint of a proud snigger was visible if you looked close enough.

“By the way,” Youngwoon started as he took the last available seat on the couch, “you do know that that’s not your takeout box, right?”

The younger in ly shrugged. Of course he knew, but it was too late for anyone to claim it since most of the content was gone. Only a few measly noodles and a couple of chicken pieces could be found at the bottom. All drenched in a sweet and salty sauce.

Moments later the box was empty, only the remains of dark brown stains covering the surface.

“Didn’t Hyukjae save it for later the day before yesterday?” Heechul voiced out. The grin on his lips growing with time.

The other two hyungs hummed in confirmation.

“He really looked forward to eating the rest today I think.”

“Doesn’t matter. Donghae has stolen it so he can forget about it.”

Hangeng turned towards the blond male. “Won’t he be upset and angry at you?”

Donghae in turn only laughed airily. “Nah, he’ll be grumpy for a while but that’s about it. Hyuk’s too kind to be angry. I’ll just get him some sweets and his pretty smile will be back. No need to worry hyung.”

“That idiot is too soft when it comes to you.” The second youngest stated, shaking his head.

Heechul agreed without a beat, snorting at it.

The four stayed silent for a minute or two, only to be interrupted by one of their managers. Asking for the ones in the living room to make sure all of them were awake, had had something to eat and was ready to head out to the company building within an hour.

They all agreed and rose from their seats.

Donghae walked down the corridor, heading to one specific room containing a certain someone. Intending to wake his friend in the kindest way possible.

He heard one of the males behind him tell him that one day Hyukjae would realize that Donghae had feeling for the older.

As he snuck into the pitch-black room, silence greeted him.

Having navigated the room in a lack of light before he found his way over to the still, unsuspecting frame covered with a heavy duvet. Hiding away from the chilly November cold and from the rest of the world at the same time.

Without a sound and with slow movements, the younger dancer lifted one end of the blanket. The sleeping boy shivered as the cool air snuck in, covering his exposed lower back with goosebumps.

Donghae let his gaze hover over the pale skin for a few minutes.

When the older stirred in his sleep at the temperature drop in his cocoon the shorter swiftly pressed his body closer to the other, draping the duvet over the both of them.

With a content sigh, Hyukjae leaned closer to the additional warmth, melting against the younger’s chest.

He snuggled into the touch, burying his nose into the crook of the other’s neck. Inhaling the scent that was unmistakably his.

As sleep greeted him once again, without a problem now that his stomach was full and that addictive heat coming from the person pressed into him. The light blond male let his thoughts wander. Would they still be doing this if one day Hyukjae found out about Donghae’s more than brotherly feelings towards him?

But that was something to figure out on another day. His muddled mind didn’t have the capacity to think about that just now.

 

 

 

In the middle of the night Donghae stared up in the dimly lit ceiling. Next to him his friend laid, both taking in the silence surrounding them. From outside voices could be heard talking, some singling and others laughing.

The now back to being brunet male loved the sound of the other members goofing around. And most of the time- if not always- he wanted to be in the middle of it all. Not necessarily being one of the guys pushing the conversation forward but to see the smiles on their faces and being a part of it all in some way.

Anyone could feel the difference in their attitude after the company had told them that Super Junior wasn’t going to disband after a year. Instead they would get a thirteenth member, making the group complete.

Even though most of the original members hated the idea of another person joining them suddenly without much preparation, he knew that all of them was happy with the decision of not letting any of the current ones leave.

Donghae couldn’t help but feel thankful. He wouldn’t have to say goodbye to any of them. A knowledge that meant a lot. Especially after what had happened to his father.

The dull ache was present, and he figured that it would never fully go away. His dad had always been by his side and now; he wasn’t. Would never physically be able to hold the youngest son of their family. To see him succeed with the dream the both of them shared.

The combination of all the mixed emotions made his eyes water with unshed tears. On the verge of spilling.

He felt a hand grip his tightly. A tiny sense of comfort showering him.

“I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

“I shouldn’t react like this still.”

“Of course it’s okay for you to be sad. Your dad passed away, Donghae-hyung.”

He squeezed the other’s hand, smiling faintly at the white ceiling above them. “Thanks Kibum-ah.”

Not saying anything else, the duo fell back in the quietness of the room. Both of them knew that sometimes all that was needed was the knowledge of having a friend by your side. No words being said.

After ten minutes the pair started talking, words flowing in between them. Nothing too serious was brought up, instead they stuck to topics about the other members and the antics most probably taking place behind the closed door.

They heard a loud scream followed by laughter.

“They’re probably messing with Hyukjae-hyung’s things again. That guy seriously needs to deal with a bit of mess.” The younger of the duo laying on the bed voiced out.

Donghae hummed lowly. “It’s adorable though, isn’t it? Him getting so worked up when someone touches his things or his food.”

“No one else but you would ever think that about him.”

The older sniggered. Feeling a flutter taking over his insides. “Maybe.”

From outside they could hear Siwon trying to calm everyone down, most of all the bothered dancer that was telling the others off.

“God you’re insufferable at times when it comes to him. Why won’t you just tell him how you feel?”

He turned his head a bit, meeting the other’s questioning gaze.

“I don’t want it to get awkward. Especially now that we will continue being group mates. Hyukjae’s one of my oldest and closest friends.”

“You do realize that you confessing might help him realize his own feelings towards you.”

Donghae brought his empty hand up to his head, ruffing the messy locks of his hair. “And if not? When my crush grows away what will we do then?”

Kibum only shook his head in return, rubbing the back of it against the blue pillow underneath him. “Crushes doesn’t last this long, hyung. You’ve liked Hyukjae for as long as I’ve known the both of you. And probably longer before that if I’m not mistaken.”

“Maybe.”

Before either of them had the time to say anything else the door opened, washing the room with a soft yellowish light from outside. Through the entranceway an additional male joined the pair in the bedroom.

The familiar statue made his way over to the occupied bed, sitting on the side of it. “Those guys are all douchebags sometimes. How many times do I need to tell them to leave my things alone?”

Donghae gave the slightly older one a smile, shuffling further away from where the taller sat, creating more space next to him.

Without a word, Hyukjae let his body fall against the soft mattress.

In the next moment, the youngest of the three stood up, making his way over to the partly opened door. “I just realized that I need to do something.” With a last wording of his lips, not uttering a sound, the door closed behind the rookie actor.

He turned towards his same aged friend, smiling at the slight pout the other’s plump lips held. If the singer knew the older well enough he figured that the cute action was made unconsciously by the main rapper.

Their eyes locked, both adorning smiles. His skin prickling and heart missed beats after beats. The sensation making him feel alive and content. Happy, even with everything going on in his life lately.

The pads of long digits brushed over his cheekbones, along the underside of his dark orbs. “He’s still with you Hae. He’ll never truly be gone as long as you think about and love him.”

As the words registered in his brain, a set of warm tears descended from his eyes, blurring his sight, and making it difficult for the younger to see anything in front of him. Hyukjae had only needed to see his stained cheeks to realize what the two younger members had talked about before he’d entered.

Donghae cries harder at his own realization that his friend had said the things he needed to hear the most. Feeling strong arms wrap around his shaking frame, bringing them closer together. The fingers that had previously been tracing his face had by then moved to massage his scalp. Long digits running through dark locks.

‘Someday’ Kibum had worded. And maybe he was right? Maybe someday he would tell Hyukjae what he felt. And the older would figure out that the feelings were mutual.

Today wasn’t the day though.

 

 

 

He’d been to China before, on multiple occasions. Held concerts and fanmeets holding large numbers of fans. Noticing their growing fame abroad, the label had decided to launch a new sub-unit. One specifically for their Chinees fanbase.

And the members that got to be a part of the new group was ecstatic. Getting to do something no one else had had the honor of doing before. Singing and preforming in another language other than Korean (with the mixed in- somewhat random- English word here and there).

The five members from the main group was told that they were to depart for mainland China where they were to stay and promote. In addition to the five artist the group were to be completed with two extra members, Zhou Mi and Henry. Both of whom where fluent in Mandarin and to some extent Cantonese.

The first week away from Seoul went by in a blur. Everything was happening at the same time and neither of them had a moment to fully grasp what they were doing.

Thankfully, they got along well. Even before becoming a group the seven of them had met in the company building.

But living in a totally unfamiliar country, away from family and friends took a toll on Donghae when they had been abroad for close to a month. He spent one of the nights crying by himself in bed while all of the other members where asleep. Only getting some rest when exhaustion let him enter the dreamlands in the early hours of dawn.

Throughout the following days the dancer’s mood was off, his eyes red-rimmed when makeup was off, face puffy and body sluggish. All of his energy seemingly gone.

When close to a week had gone by Donghae found himself sitting in their temporary dorm’s living room, on the couch squeezed between the two newest members. The pair looking at him with oblivious concern.

“Are you hurting somewhere, hyung?” the youngest of the three asked him, worry lacing his soft voice.

That the two cared enough about him to sit him down alone to ask him about how he felt, even with the ever-present language barrier that they were all trying to work through, warmed his heart. Making a small smile blossom on his thin lips.

“I’m fine you guys.”

“I don’t think so, somethings been bothering you lately. We can all see it.” Zhou Mi added, looking pointedly at the same age friend.

Biting his bottom lip to try and suppress the emotions bubbling up, he looked down at where his hands laid in his lap. Fidgeting with the digits in a nervous manner.

Zhou Mi placed his warm hand over the younger’s, tapping them. When Donghae looked up he saw the kindness emitted from the other’s gaze. “You can talk to us if there’s something bothering you.”

Swallowing, he cleared his throat, willing the lump growing in the back of his throat away. “I guess I’m just missing the other guys back home. We’ve lived together for so many years that I’m not used to being away from so many of them for this long.”

The pair hummed, nodding their heads. “Why don’t you call them or something?”

“I don’t want to bother them. They’re busy with their own things and all.”

“I’m sure they would be happy to hear from you.” Henry assured.

Nodding his head Donghae grabbed his phone from where it laid forgotten on the coffee table. He pressed the number he’d had in his phonebook since his teenage days, probably knowing it by heart by now.

It only took a couple of signals to go by before someone answered on the other line. “Hae! How are you doing? How’s it with all of you over there?”

Feeling the corners of his lips rise, Donghae greeted the older back. “Hi Jungsoo-hyung. I’m fine, we all are. There’re so many promotions that I’m starting to lose count of everything.”

“That’s great.” The other let out an airy laughter.

The two continued talking, catching up on their respective lives and the lives of the members on each side of the ocean.

As time went by other members back in Korea joined the conversation. All of them happy to hear from the ones residing in China. The smile growing back on Donghae’s lips at the sound of all the guys voices. Feeling how his heart felt more at ease.

Suddenly scraping and mumbling took over the call from the other side, trailed by heavy footsteps and a door closing.

Before he had the moment to wonder what was going on a new voice spoke on the other side. A voice Donghae had longed to hear for weeks.

“Hae.” Was all that the person said.

All that was needed for tears to start falling down his cheeks. Tears of happiness and utter relief. “Hyukkie.”

“How are you?”

“We have a lot to do and the opportunity of meeting the fans so close is great. But I miss mom and Donghwa, I haven’t seen them in so long.”

Hyukjae listened as his friend told him everything that was happening, and all the million thought that was running through his mind lately. Releasing some of the tension on his shoulders, calming down his head.

“Not a lot of people gets to experience something like this. You guys are the first to bring our songs and performances there, paving a way for everyone that comes after. What you’re doing is new and amazing.”

A sniffle broke from his partially parted lips, snot beginning to clog his nostrils.

“Your family understands that,” the older continued. “You will be back soon enough and then you can go visit your mother and hyung.”

“I miss you so much. The others as well of course.”

He could hear a wet sound from his phone as the younger heard the other whisper ‘I miss you too Hae.’ An awkward cough trying to shadow what sounded like a sob.

“Are you crying Hyuk?”

“You’re crying Hae.”

Chuckling lightly Donghae dried his cheeks, a grin growing on his tear stained face. “Yes I am. But aren’t I always crying like Donghee-hyung like to point out?”

The line went silent for a couple of beats. “I wish I were there with you. Or even better, that you were back here at home.”

“I wish that as well.” Donghae whispered back. “The dorm is too quiet, and the stage is so much bigger. It just doesn’t feel right.”

“Here as well. We’ll all be together again before we know it.” Hyukjae told him.

The two talked for another couple of minutes before they had to hang up, the older on his way to the practice room rehearsing for a performance with the sub-unit created while half of the group where out of the country.

After bidding goodbye they hung up. A faint smile still grazing Donghae’s lips as he stared at the black phone screen resting in his hand.

“I can see what the others mean.” Zhou Mi mumbled, loud enough to grab the slightly younger male’s attention away from the tiny device.

Wondering he looked at the other, eyebrows raised, head tilted a bit to the right.

“You act differently around Hyukjae. As if he’s- I don’t know. There’s just a different feel between the two of you.”

“I’ve also notice it.” The Canadian boy voiced out.

“We’ve all noticed it. Donghae-hyung is whipped and Hyukjae-hyung is freaking blind if he can’t see it.” An additional member pointed out from where he stood behind the three sitting on the couch.

“What do you mean by ‘we’ve all’, how many of you know, Ryeowook?”

The shorter male sat down in the sofa next to the couch, turning his body to look directly at the others. “Everyone around you. All of the members, the other idols at SM, the staff probably as well.”

He blinked as the meaning behind it sunk in. Damn, he was bad at keeping his face straight (in more ways than just one).

“Your endless pinning won’t end until Hyukjae declares that he loves you as well.” With a thoughtful look the second youngest added;” But knowing him, it’ll take another couple of years for that to happen.”

 

 

 

“Congratulations oppa. Or should I say ’Oppa Oppa’?” the girl standing directly in front of him laughed at her own joke, a big grin flashing her white teeth.

The older singer joined her laugh, smiling back at her with shining eyes. “Thank you.”

“How does it feel? Being only the two of you one stage. The stage must be seeming endless.”

His smile grew even at only the thought of what it meant to him, to both of them. “It feels great, surreal even.” He brushed back his hair that had fallen forward, covering his eyes in the process. Wet with sweat from the lights blazing down back on the stage.

“What does all of the other guys say? Aren’t they jealous? At least some of them should be.”

“A bunch of them are, but there’s nothing they can do about it. Though deep down I know they’re all happy for us.”

The girl nodded in agreement, having known the members since she was a trainee and had gotten to understand how they all acted.

“I can’t believe our dream came true finally, Amber. Sure, being a part of Super Junior is the best thing that have ever happened to me, but being able to preform with only Hyukjae, the two of us alone. It’s been on my bucket list since I met him.”

“Better late than never, right oppa?”

“That’s true. We even made the song together. With the help of professional people of course.” The thrill and excitement of what they had just done still running through his body.

After so many years him and Hyukjae finally had a song and dance to call their own. A performance outside of a Super Show. They were promised to have a unit, just the two of them together. Super Junior’s Donghae & Eunhyuk.

If he weren’t high on adrenaline from the debut stage they’ve just finished at one of the biggest music shows in the country, for every television to send, he would most certainly be a crying mess at the moment.

The younger girl listened to him talk about how happy he was. How proud of them both he was as he stood there. How proud he’d been since the second the people in charge at the label had granted them the opportunity. Since Lee Soo Man himself made it possible for Donghae to meet, to get to know Lee Hyukjae, Eunhyuk to the rest of the world.

Okay, maybe that was a step too far. But Donghae was so extremely pleased, content that everything felt too little to describe how he truly felt.

“No stage feels small when Hyuk’s on it. His being is greater than anything and everything. That’s why nothing feels right when he’s not on stage.” He went on, remembering that he hadn’t replied to her question earlier.

“Eunhyuk-oppa is a really fantastic artist, absolutely.” Amber approved.

‘The best.’ The male thought to himself. Glancing around the corridor where the pair stood, not far from the recording studio where they had just been a while ago.

Everyone around them was busy with their own thing, none of them paying the two the slightest glance or thought.

“I hope that my members and I will love each other as much as all of you do in the future. Creating a bond like the one you have, one that will never break with time.”

“I hope so too.” Donghae said to the female. “though the love I harbor towards Hyukjae is different.”

The girl’s eyes widened as realization fell on her, the true meaning behind his words. “Oh, I-I see. Yeah, that’s great as well, oppa.” Her cheeks turning pink by the second.

“One day you’ll experience that as well, Amber. Hopefully, it’ll be mutual for you.”

They shared a tight lips smile.

“Someday it will be mutual for you as well, just wait and you’ll see. There’s no way he wouldn’t feel the same way.”

“I like the sound of that. Though we’ll have to wait and see for a bit more in that case. Maybe you’re right, who knows.”

“I know it!”

Feet clacking against the hard floor present underneath where they stood sounded from behind them, a low shout of the male’s name followed the noise.

When he turned around he was met by another male making his way towards them. The man was dressed in a shiny silver suit, one that matched perfectly with his own golden one. An equally bright grin plastered on his face. The same as the one Donghae had been sporting for weeks by then.

“Amber, nice seeing you here.” The second dancer said as he stood next to Donghae.

“Likewise Eunhyuk-oppa. And congratulations on your debut stage as a duo. Donghae-oppa was just telling me how long you’ve been wanting to do this just the two of you.” She gave the younger of the two seniors a knowing look.

The oldest amongst them laughed, bumping his shoulder with the slightly shorter singer. “It’s surreal, I still can’t wrap my head around it. The years have passed so quickly that I can’t believe that we’ve waited that long already. Right Hae?”

Humming in agreement he looked over to Hyukjae, letting his eyes soak up the other’s beautiful visual. Feeling himself falling anew. Kibum had been right, it wasn’t a little crush anymore. There was no way that it was going to pass anytime soon, if ever.

Cold pale fingers wound themselves around his wrist, contrasting prettily against his tanned arm. Mesmerizing as always.

“Are you ready to head back? I believe I have enough money now that I’m rich and famous to refund my debt. How about I pay you back with a dinner instead? To celebrate our debut as a sub-unit.”

Donghae moved closer to the older, a brilliant smile blooming on his pink lips. “It sounds like the best way for you to get even. Considering interest and all that have built up over the years.”

Hyukjae laughed loudly, shining the shorter dancer’s his favorite kind of expression on the elder’s face. A smile that made the corners of those stunning mono-lidded eyes crinkle and gums peeking out from behind his plump lips.

“Of course, it’s not more than right. I’m guessing that a fancy restaurant is in order to equal out the debt.” Pulling the younger with him, the pair bid Amber goodbye. Heading towards their changing room to switch into something more casual to leave the broadcasting building.

Even if the feelings weren’t mutual, what they had was more than Donghae could wish for.

 

 

 

The weather had grown significantly colder as summer was official over. The day was shorter as well as darkness covered the sky earlier and earlier the closer to the end of the year they got.

Donghae found himself in a well-lit café in an artsy neighborhood a fan had recommended a while ago. Not a lot of people milling about, both inside and out on the street.

Every once in a while he glanced at the large clock hanging on the wall behind the counter. Usually he was out of the dorm last minute, making others having to wait for him. This time though, he was the one waiting.

They had agreed to meet up at two thirty in the afternoon, both agreeing that it had been too long since they spent time together for more than a brief greeting.

Seeing as they worked in the same building, spending most of their time there or in the vicinity around it, they should be bumping into one another more often than they actually did. The fact that they were both a part of the same industry didn’t seem to play a part either.

When the front door sounded, indicating that a new customer had arrived, Donghae tore his focus away from his phone screen, opting to see if he happened to know the person entering.

Indeed he did.

Walking towards him was a tall male, with long limbs and soft looking hair framing his handsome face. The newcomer looked as if taken from a magazine. Something that wasn’t all that far off from the truth.

“You’re here!” The one sitting pointed out, the glint in his eyes showing the other that there were no hard feelings regarding the tardiness.

“Sorry hyung, the shoot ran over time. I didn’t even have time to wash away the makeup.” The younger bowed down his head as he sat in the chair opposite him.

The older smiled, waving his head, telling the other that it was fine. “We’ve all been there Minho-ah. The fact that you’re here is all that matters.”

“Still, I should have texted you or something, telling you that I’ll be late. What if you have something planed later?”

“To remember for next time. Now it doesn’t really matter. And I don’t have anything going on until dinner time so I can wait.” Donghae dismissed the topic. “On a more important note; what do you want to order. I’ve already looked over the menu. Just tell me what you want, it’s on me.”

“I can pay for us hyung. Especially considering I made you wait for me and all.” Minho took off his coat, draping it over the back of the seat next to him.

“Don’t be silly, you’re my dear dongsaeng, of course I will treat you.” A mischievous smirk grew on the elder’s lips, brown orbs sparkling. “After all, it’s not like I’ll be spending any money after this.”

The other made a sound of question, a hint of confusion edging his tone and facial expression.

A laugh bubbled out from him, his plans for later making his heart flutter. “I’ll just make Hyukkie pay for everything when we go out.”

“Ah,” the taller male spoke. “You’re meeting up with Eunhyuk-hyung later.”

“He’s been bugging me to go watch a movie at the cinema for quite some time now and today is the last screening, so I decided to cave in.”

Minho nodded his head, eyes now locked on the bundle of papers laying on the table in front of the pair. Similar ones placed all around the shop. “It’s surprising that it’s him begging for your attention. Usually it’s the other way around, right hyung?”

“Cheeky brat.” He mumbled; the eating grin not fully hidden by the menu in the younger’s hands.

There was no need trying to deny anything. Both of them knew the truth. The feelings the senior harbored towards his co-worker and friend not hidden well enough for the younger not to notice. Donghae sometimes cursed the other’s exceptional observation skills.

“Are you only going to watch the film?”

“Hyukjae mentioned something about food as well, time will tell what will happen.”

The conversation came to a halt as a bored looking waitress walked up to their table. Seemingly not recognizing either of the two celebrities, something the duo was happy about.

After taking their orders, writing it down on the little notepad she held, the female made her way back to register. Probably entering what they wished for to be made.

“So,” the words gained the shorter male’s attention away from the counter. “It’s a date.”

The sentence came out as a statement rather than a question.

Frowning slightly he shook his head. “You know it’s not like that Minho. If anything it’s a friend-date if that’s even a real thing.”

“Sounds like a date date to me if I’ve even been on one.”

“Did you come here to rub it in that you have a more successful love life than me? If so, then you can leave again, and I’ll eat both of our cakes by myself.”

Snorting, the younger shook his head as well.

“You could have had the most successful love life out of everyone in this business. Alongside Eunhyuk-hyung himself obviously. Two people who have been friends since their early teens, living close together, spending every day in each other’s presence. It’s a plot destined for the screen.”

With a dull smile that didn’t reach his eyes, he hummed.

“Hyung? Did I say something wrong?”

Orbs displaying fondness the older shook his head. “Real life doesn’t play out like the movies. No matter how much you want it to.”

“Isn’t it worth the shot though?”

“Is it worth risking everything you already have for a small possibility?”

“If you love someone enough, maybe. If the chances are that the feelings are in fact not one-sided, maybe.”

“And if it’s not enough? If the feelings are one-sided, would you still risk it all? Would anyone be willing to do so?”

Minho leaned over the round coffee table. “He loves you hyung.”

“I know. The question is, ‘Is he in love with me?”

“If not now, then he will be. No one would be able to argue that you’re not meant to be together. The word soulmates were invented to describe you two.”

The unexpected words made the older burst out laughing, punching his friend on his arm where the latter still leaned over the table. Not in a million years would he have thought that the younger would say something like that. Specifically not regarding two of his closest seniors potential love life (with each other).

As he was drying his cheeks, the waitress came back with their coffees and deserts.

While they ate and drank the conversation drifted to other things, from their work lives to their families. Catching up on one another’s lives.

Hours went by in that manner, plates empty and a second round of mugs placed in between them. Time going by swiftly.

A chime sounded from Donghae’s phone in the middle of them reminiscing about their early years of acquaintance. Taking up the device he saw a text from Hyukjae asking the younger if he was ready to meet up.

Quickly he replied that they could meet up as soon as the older was available seeing as it was the latter’s idea to go out in the first place.

The reply read ‘Where are you?’

Answering back with the name of the unknown (for most people, Donghae included until a while ago) coffee shop, he put down his phone for a second. Redirecting his focus back to the one with him. Seconds later the phone made a sound again, indicating that a new message had been received.

Picking it up to read he couldn’t stop the smile that blossomed.

‘Wait there and I’ll come pick you up.’

“And you’re telling me it’s not a date. The two of you act like a couple who’ve been married for decades. I don’t know who you’re trying to convince saying that Hyuk-hyung isn’t as into you as you are into him.”

Maybe it wasn’t such a far stretched idea that the love he had for Hyukjae would be mutual. What if it was all worth bringing up in a conversation with the older in the end of it all?

 

Donghae replied to the text with all of his favorite emojis. Promising Hyukjae that he would wait at the café.

 

 

 

The first acting role he ever had (in a serious way), he’d been casted as the protagonist. It was in 2006, as a boy who could see ghosts, together with his fellow group members.

It had sparked his interest in acting and afterwards he’d gotten a bunch of work through the years. From minor characters to the main one. He got to be someone else, live their life and see the world- their world- through their eyes.

He loved the life he had, don’t get him wrong. But sometimes it was a great experience to be in someone else’s shoes as the saying goes. A way to broaden your horizon, even if it was all fictive. Under the surface there was a true story with real humans.

He sat in the waiting room on set. They were filming another scene outside at the moment without his character.

While waiting he was looking at his phone, going over everything he’d missed on social medias due to his early schedule. He commented on his friends pictures on Instagram, retweeted things from his fans and read a couple of news article that he found interesting.

Last of all he opened the Super Junior group chat where most- if not every single one- of the members sent random texts. Anything from funny memes they found online, either made by fans or viral ones, to complaints about someone forgetting to clean after himself in the dorm. No topic was taboo.

Donghae snorted at what the others had written, cusswords filling most of the screen. He himself replied with laughing emojis and gifs he happened to be into lately. Whether they fitted the situation or not wasn’t something he bothered with.

Laughing at the fact that none of the other members answered the things their leader sent, the brunet followed his friends. Leeteuk-hyung was used to it after all the time.

In the middle of it all their sub-leader joined the chat, sending his own witty comments and funny gifs. Ones that actually tailored the context. After a few minutes Hyukjae brought up important matters that affected the group. They where to meet up in a couple of days to go through the plans of their upcoming comeback.

Even if it was a couple of months until then.

He couldn’t help but feel proud of his same aged friend. He’d never doubted that the older was perfect for the role of leader while their real one was away completing his military service.

Hyukjae had always been great at seeing what was needed to be done, while all the while making sure that every one of the group’s members was pleased. Even before there was even talk about the oldest leaving, the lookalike had assisted at times.

Donghae could say without batting an eye that Hyukjae was perfect for the job. The slightly older male shined, doing his utter best.

During the first couple of weeks there had been a bunch of hiccups, but with time the other had gotten the hang of it all. Now he settled everything and anything without a hitch.

All of the men in question confirmed that they would be present at the given time and place. Something that made Hyukjae pleased if judging by his response.

The oldest male grumpily wrote that he felt wronged, no one ever replied that quickly- if at all- when he sent things. A message that got a quick retort of; ‘Of course we’ll reply, he’s our leader and leader know best.’

The actor could picture the way his hyung’s face contorted into something not far from betrayal, how he’d complain to all of the people around him for day about how ungrateful his younger brothers were.

He couldn’t wait for their leader to finally be back with them.

No matter how amazing Hyukjae was at the task, no one could compare to Jungsoo.

Wanting to assure the male that had been there for him since his teenage years. The one that had promised his beloved father to look after him in the older man’s place. Who had been his shoulder to lean on since the day they first met, Donghae opened the private chat he had with his hyung. Telling him how much he missed the older and couldn’t wait for him to come back home to the rest of the group.

‘The others are only joking; they all think of you as our real leader. Even if Hyukkie is doing an amazing job in your stead. :)’

‘I know Hae. You guys act like a bunch of immature kids most of the time, but I understand how you truly feel.’

The two continued talking for a while, the younger glancing around every now and then to keep a track of the time until his parts were to be filmed.

‘How’s Hyukjae handling the position as my substitute?’

‘Like everything else he does. He’s fantastic <3’

He’d talked about his feelings towards his friend a lot of times since the day the first brought it up when they were all trainees. When the younger couldn’t keep his eyes away from the months older dancer on the other side of the room.

As the feelings turned into something more, something greater, he talked about it again with his hyung, confiding in the older.

There was no need in hiding, so without a second thought he gushed over Hyukjae, telling the leader all the good things about the rapper. Adding hearts every once in a while. Mostly because he felt like it and could.

When another presence slumped down in the chair next to his, the singer raised his head to see who it was.

Next to him sat one of his fellow actors, the younger looking exhausted. “I should have exercised more if I’d known how physically draining this would be.”

“We all feel like that during these kinds of shootings.” Donghae laughed.

“At least you get use to it after a while, right?”

The senior shook his head, smile glued on his lips, “Not really, unfortunately.”

As the younger let out a sigh in slight disappointment, not expecting the harsh truth of it all. The shorter brunet unlocked his phone as it had fallen asleep during the two actors small conversation.

He sniggered at the words ‘You’ve got great taste.’ staring back at him, followed by an unflattering picture of their main dancer sleeping in a seemingly uncomfortable position.

“That looks like it will hurt when he wakes up.”

“It did, he complained about it for days saying that someone should have woken him up to save him from the pain.” A fond smile taking over the elder’s expression at the memory. Not minding the fact that his co-worker had looked at his phone without permission.

“Why didn’t someone wake him up?”

“He shouldn’t have fallen asleep there if he didn’t want to deal with the consequences.”

The other looked at him as if he’d heard wrong. The words not fitting the image of a group that had stayed together for almost ten years. Longer when counting the years before debut.

“We took turns massaging him, so he got better.” Donghae reassured. Wanting the actor to know that they all cared for their members.

He went on sharing stories from their years as idols, all the idiocy happening in their dorms and changing rooms at concerts or music shows. Even thought they joked about being all for show, that it was all fake, was actually far from reality.

No one loved Super Junior more than Super Junior themselves, even the fans came in second place when it came to that.

“That’s the best part of being a part of something bigger than only you, Hae In-ah. You’re always surrounded by people that wants the best for you. And you get to share all the happy and sad moments with those closest to you.”

“I’m getting jealous.” The taller laughed, bumping his elbow with Donghae’s arm.

“You should be.” The singer joked back.

“All of you really love each other.”

“Some more than others.” He said, cryptic as to see how the other would interpret.

The rookie actor hummed, “It’s like that with everyone. Some people mean more, I guess.”

“And at times they mean a lot in other ways.” There was no way he couldn’t trust his new friend. Even though the pair hadn’t known one another for a long time, Donghae had noticed that the younger was openminded and kindhearted. If he couldn’t accept the older for who he was then why continue being friends?

It was better to reveal it sooner rather than later. And there was no direct risk that Hae In would tell what he’d heard to Hyukjae, so there was no real harm to it all. With the power of his fame and the company he worked for, any possible articles written would be taken away before the public would read them. If the information were ever to get leaked.

“Like?”

“Like love. The romantic kind.”

Eyes widening. realization seemed to dawn on the younger, mouth slaking open as his mind wrapped around the revealed information. “You’re really dating Eunhyuk-sshi?”

“I don’t know when he came into the picture. I never mentioned his name to begin with.”

“Who else then?” The other questioned lowly.

Donghae patted his friend on the shoulder. “You’re right, and at the same time wrong.”

A moment of silence passed them before the older continued. If the cat was peeping from the opening of the bag he could as well let it out entirely. “I was referring to Hyukjae but we’re not dating. It’s more of a one-way love between us.”

“He rejected you?! How? Why?”

“Hyuk doesn’t know about it, I never told him in the first place.”

Frowning the taller brunet leaned closer, turning towards him. “So there’s a chance that he feels the same way?”

Shaking his head he let out a small sigh that he’d been holding in for the last couple of minutes without realizing.

“There will come a day when one of you confesses and you see that the feelings aren’t all one-sided, hyung. Someday Eunhyuk-sshi will realize it if you don’t tell him first.”

The device in his hands lighting up, the name of the person that they’ve just talked about written on the screen. Making a grin bloom on his face. The older always managing to make him happy in any situation.

Feeling another nudge on his arm from the person sitting beside him his lips traveled higher, showing off pearly white teeth. “See, it’s destiny calling.”

Donghae didn’t do anything other than laugh as he answered the incoming call giddily.

 

 

 

Springtime had come around, flowers bloomed and the sun high in the air above the residents of Earth. A time of year that took away the dullness that the cold had blanked them with for the last couple of months.

Donghae was happy to be out in the real world, as most of the people around him put it.

He’d gotten used to life away from the group, his family, and friends. It was a month a way before it’s been six months since he enlisted. Five months of getting used to a life as Lee Donghae, and not Donghae of Super Junior. Someone he’d been since he was nineteen.

Changing his daily routine was difficult but he’d managed. Being away from his mother and older brother was something he was already- sadly- used to, having lived away from home since his trainee days.

But not seeing s, or at least a few of them, nor being able to interact with the fans was something the idol was still getting used to.

It would take many more months until that happened.

Thankfully, the police force where he was stationed was in Seoul, so while he was walking around the city he occasionally bumped into a fan or two. Feeling that he still had a connection with that part of his life.

He wouldn’t want to be in the position of the ones stationed outside of town on an army ground, away from the rest of the world. Hyukjae had complained about being forgotten by their fans since he was unable to meet them easily. Donghae had laughed and assured the older that that wasn’t going to happen. No one would be able to forget him.

Especially not Donghae.

The younger dancer missed him. Thinking about him all the time was a part of his daily routine before. But being so far away from the other as he was at the time, only made the moments thinking about said male harder, making Donghae crave for Hyukjae even more. More than ever before.

Who’d have thought that love could make you feel so helpless- so powerless?

Whenever the two talked over the phone the shorter contemplated if he should confess. If the pain and longing would lessen. Or if the other would tell him that he felt the same and shared the heaviness that came with the distance.

In the last instant he always halted, rethought it all and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the time nor place to discuss everything.

Always ending the conversations with prolonged goodbyes and promises of being in touch with one another soon again. Before the missing would be too much to endure.

There would always be other times he could bring it up.

Maybe the next time they had the chance to meet up?

He rubbed his short nails against the product free scalp, the tip of his fingers running over short strands of brown hair. He hadn’t had that short hair since he was a kid. And the feel of it was another thing he was getting used to.

The police in training halted in front of a familiar coffee shop, one that he’d began to visit occasionally after an E.L.F. had recommended it to him years prior.

It was right before lunchtime was to begin and even though it was the beginning of spring, the streets were surprisingly deserted. Maybe most people were in the nearby parks easily found throughout the capital, enjoying the sunshine.

He opened the entranceway of the café, making his way inside.

In one of the corners sat an all too familiar male, hair as brown as his own and fingers tapping on a screen. Making faces as he seemed to be engrossed in what was showing on the device.

On the table where the man sat stood a tall glass filled with a caramel colored beverage. A sheen of water covering it.

Figuring that the other had already order something for himself the newly arrived singer headed over to the counter. He’d get something for himself before taking his seat.

Minutes later he walked over to the table, a cup of hot Café au Lait in hand. Glancing downwards every now and then to make sure that the content hadn’t spilled due to his movements.

Placing the cup on in front of the vacant chair he took a seat, gaining the attention of the other male sitting.

The two smiled at one another as the younger locked his phone and let it rest next to his glass.

They hadn’t seen each other for too long, much longer than they’d ever done before since the taller joined the group back in 2006. Though he could admit that the newest member hadn’t gotten the warmest welcome by the ones already debuted, now Donghae (nor any of the others) wanted to imagine a success story without Kyuhyun.

He was their sneaky, proud, smart, funny and at times bordering evil maknae. A little brother they all loved and didn’t want to be without.

Sungmin sometimes said that it was best to keep the youngest close since you could never truly know how much the clever singer knew about one. You ran the risk of all your deepest, darkest secrets being thrown at the public in a heartbeat.

Donghae realized that it was better to be safe than sorry. Plus, he loved the other and if anything were to make them part he’s sure that he would cry for days.

“Welcome out hyung.”

“You make it sound as if I’ve been to prison and just got released.” The older commented, a full-blown grin on his lips.

“Could as well have been the case. Living on the base isn’t far off. Am I right?”

“You’ll see when it’s your turn.”

Taking a sip of the warm coffee he looked out the window, seeing how the green of the trees moved slowly in the wind blowing outside. “How’s everything back at home?”

Even though he talked to most of the members every chance he had it was still nice hearing it from someone sitting in front of him. No statics being in the way. A lot of them were living outside of their once bustling dorm, making it harder for them to meet up.

“They’re doing fine. Most of the hyungs are busy with their tv-shows and solo activities. Yesung-hyung have been singing a lot. He’s preparing for his solo song to be released. I think he’s starting the music video filming next week. Wookie’s been about having to enlist as well soon, even if the date has not been decided yet.” The younger shrugged his shoulders. “All in all, it’s pretty much the same.”

“That’s good to hear. That you’re all doing well and keeping yourselves active.”

Kyuhyun hummed, playing with the straw in his drink. “It’s so much quieter now. It feels close to earie walking around the dorm at night with everyone gone. I can’t believe how everything has changed.”

He nodded, “It’s crazy how time has flown by before our very eyes. It feels like yesterday that you joined us.”

“Please don’t remind me. You guys were awful. I was close to leaving so many times, wanting to yell at Soo Man so many times, asking why he made me a part of the group.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’ve ever really told you that Kyuhyun-ah.” Their eyes locked and Donghae couldn’t see anything but brotherly affection in the other’s orbs. “It’s not a good enough reason but we were all children and terrified of someone forcing us to leave our dream behind. That you would be better than any of us and steal our position.”

“I am better than all of you hyungs, that’s just fact.” The younger smirked.

A second later he continued. “I just wanted to be a part of the group.”

“We realized it, although a bit too late for your sake.”

“It’s okay, I know that none of you meant it personally towards me.”

“That’s good to hear.”

The older artist began telling how it was at the police station. Sure he hadn’t been there all that long, but with time he had saved a few anecdotes he wanted to share with the ones closest to him.

The pair laughed, drinking, and having a good time.

As the hours went by the sun began to lower on the sky above. But there was still time until he had to head back to the base for the night.

After a while they started talking about their younger days again, this time happy memories they loved looking back on. So many things had happed over the decade of knowing and working with one another. And more where to come.

“Are you moving back to the dorm when you discharge next year?”

“No one will be there when the time comes. And I think it’s time to get my own place. Become a real functioning adult and all that.”

“You should ask Hyuk-hyung to move in with you.”

“Kyuhyun…” Donghae said pointedly, knowing what was to come. He’d had this conversation with so many people over the years. Only not with the one person that should have known about it first of all.

“Isn’t it time? Aren’t you tired of it?”

“It’s not that easy.”

The main vocalist let the empty glass slam against the tabletop, frowning in frustration at his hyung(s) long-lived stupidity. “What will you do if Eunhyuk-hyung finds someone else and gets together with them. You’ll never know what you two could have had if you never stop being so unreasonably afraid of all the ‘what if’s’. The both of you are stupidly in love with each other. Don’t throw it all away.”

“How many times are you gonna call us stupid, we’re both older than you. Show some respect maknae.”

“I will stop doing it the second you talk and don’t deserve being called that anymore. You will get the respect when you’ve earned it.”

“I’ve thought about telling him.” Donghae felt frustration build up within him, the thoughts he has been thinking about since he enlisted swirling in his head. “And every time I’m about to I chicken out.”

“Why? He won’t stop caring about you if the teeny tiny possibility that he doesn’t feel the same way is a fact. Hyung you are his best friend, his childhood friend other than Junsu-hyung and Sungmin-hyung.”

“It’s not that. I feel like I’ve been lying to him. And to confess over the phone or now that we are so far away from each other… It will be as if we’re avoiding each other, and what will happen when we’re back? Having to work closely together and everything.”

“Do you want to wait until both of you are done with your military service? Even if there’s a risk that he’ll meet someone. You will have to wait for a year and a half.”

The dancer smiled, “If I’ve waited this long, I can wait a bit more. And if Hyukjae finds someone who loves him more than I do, or rather someone he loves more. Then it wasn’t meant to be, right?!”

“There can’t possibly be someone he’ll ever love more than he loves you, Hae-hyung.”

“I hope that you’re correct Kyuhyun-ah.”

 

 

 

The cold nibbled on his skin. Last year had gone by so quickly. In the blink of an eye, the days had passed by in a blur. Especially the months since his discharge. Since their discharge, both back to the lives they lead for over a decade.

It had felt odd going back to the usual. A usual that was mostly unusual for the majority of people.

He’d moved out of the dorm, into his own place. One that was filled with his things only. An apartment he got to design the interior of and pick furnitures for. A place, a building, rooms.

He had left the second place he’d called home. First away from his blood family and now away from the ones he’d grown up with, the ones he’d traveled the world and lived out his dream together with. His second family that didn’t have his blood pumping through their veins but humans he would do anything for.

And now he lived alone. Not a single soul occupying the space next to him.

Donghae had been single for years. Something that had never bugged him before. He’d had the other members around, friends throughout the country and his mom and Donghwa. And Hyukjae. The only one he’d ever wanted in a more than a platonic way. The main reason as to why he had never dated someone.

He looked at the older male from the corner of his eye, taking in the redness of his fair skin as the cool weather painted his exposed face. The way the other’s eyes took in the view in front of the pair, how dark lashes fluttered against soft cheek. Cheeks he himself had felt with the pads of his fingers over the years. Taking in the way the slightly taller dancer shuffled his feet to gain some warmth.

“How long until it’s time?” The older asked, gaze never moving from where it was locked at the still dark sky.

“I don’t know.” He replied, “It shouldn’t be too long left.”

Hyukjae turned his head, sighing as he faced the shorter. “Why do I always come with you when you’ve never planed anything.”

“Because you’re my best friend?”

“That shouldn’t be reason enough.”

He saw how a small smile broke on pillowy lips. “It’s way too cold and early for this.” The other muttered when his face no longer looked at Donghae.

“Should I look it up on my phone?”

“Nah, your hands will get cold if you start fiddling with it. We’ll notice when it happens sooner or later. We should be able to recognize it by now.”

“Okay.”

They didn’t say anything more after that, both drowning in the comfortable quietness. No one else was around them save for their manager who stayed a couple of meters back and three middle-aged to elderly couples some distance away.

Hyukjae observed the heavens hanging over their heads while Donghae observed Hyukjae.

He didn’t keep track of how much time passed, counting the seconds or minutes was too much work (he’d done it the first few times). Now he just let time take its course. The sun would rise either way.

Moments later a soft warm orange peeked over the horizon, painting everything around it with an ethereal glow. The sky soon turned light blue and purple with specks and hints of yellow and red.

Years had gone by with the duo going out in the chilly January air, greeting the early mornings with padded jackets and sneakers on their feet. Protests trailed with complaints about the weather and lack of sleep falling from the eldest’s mouth.

But year and year again, the two went together to watch the sun appear and welcome the new year and everything it had to offer.

This time around felt differently. They were done with the military, had their own apartments (although in the same building) and had ended the final quarter of 2017 performing on stage in front of sapphire blue seas. In front of fans who had patiently waited for a long time for them to come back.

He had gotten to lead a new life; with obstacles and tasks he’d never encountered before. Had met and befriended people in other stages in their life than where he was. Where he’d ever been and may never be.

The months spent with the police force, stationed there, sleeping-eating-breathing nothing but it had changed him into something he hadn’t been before. Hopefully, someone better, more understanding and more patient.

And still, here he stood together with Hyukjae, talking like they’ve always done.

Nothing having changed between them. Before leaving the other for close to twenty-two months that fact would have made him extremely happy, relieved even.

That wasn’t the case anymore. Donghae didn’t want it to stay the same for forever. He had wasted so many years already, having heard from everyone around them that what he felt couldn’t be one-sided. And it had made him believe so as well.

No more hesitation. No more holding himself back. If everyone including him was wrong about the rapper’s feelings then there was nothing he could do about it. If over fifteen years of knowing one another didn’t make Hyukjae fall for him then it would never happen. Sure, the older took his time, most of all when it came to those related to his heart, but there was a limit even for him.

Their manager had had enough, telling the idols that he would wait for them back in the coziness of the van they had drove to get to the small park.

The pair told him that they would be back with him soon, watching as the younger headed towards the parking lot.

“Do you think we’re getting too old to do this Hyuk?”

“Watching the sunrise? Never. Being out in the cold not dressed enough, probably.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Next year we should be indoors or better yet abroad, watching it from a warm beach with drinks in our hands and sand covering our bare feet.”

Donghae laughed at the idea. His heart fluttering thinking about how the taller planed for them both to watch the sunrise together during the start of next January. As if the older male’s mind couldn’t phantom them being somewhere else greeting the new year than next to one another.

When the cold was too much for them they decided to make their way back to the car.

Walking behind his childhood friend he looked around at all of the couples around them. Being at the same place as them but at the same time being in different places in life than them. Being with the one they loved more than anyone else. Just like Donghae.

The words Kyuhyun had spoken two years earlier rang in his ears as if the maknae had just uttered them. “There can’t possibly be someone he’ll ever love more than he loves you, Hae-hyung.”

He really wished that the younger was right.

“Hyukjae, I’m in love with you. Just thought you should know that.”

Before him, the other stumbled, about to press his face against the frozen ground. Flailing his arms and legs to try and counteract the momentum of his body. Chuckling the younger reached out his arms, stilling the moving frame.

When the taller dancer had regained his footing he turned around, facing Donghae.

“What. I mean how, when, why?”

“Why not?”

The other let out a sigh. “That’s all you’re gonna say, Hae?”

“What do you want to know then? You want me to tell you since when?” He rubbed his face, feeling heat creep up his neck and cheeks at the topic at hand.

“I mean yes. That’s a start I guess.”

“Shouldn’t you be upset or disgusted or something?”

Hyukjae looked hurt as the uncalled-for harsh words spilled from thin lips. “You can’t say that you love me if you’d ever think I’d feel that way. Don’t you know me better than anyone else?”

“I-- “he began, regretting everything he’d said. Of course he didn’t think that the other would think or react that way. It was his insecurities taking over his brain.

“Let’s head back Donghae. We’ll talk about this some other day.”

Letting his hands travel down along the skinny body in front of him he kept the other in place. Intertwining their fingers when he reached the dark-haired man’s hands. “I feel like I’ve been lying to you, and you being upset about it is more that fair.”

Squeezing his hands the other asked, “Lied about what exactly.”

“The way I feel towards you. I’ve like you since we met. I thought that it would grow away with time but instead it blossomed into love.”

“That’s good then. I would have been heartbroken if you got over me that quickly.”

“I love you more than anything Hyukkie. More than I’ve ever loved another being.”

Long fingers brushed away the tears falling down the singer’s cheeks. Tears he hadn’t noticed before the loving action. “I love you Hae. No one else but you.”

Through the water obstructing his vision, he noticed a hint of wetness at the edge of the elder’s eyes. Seeing him blinking away unshed tears on the verge of spilling. With his empty hand he whipped under Hyukjae’s almond shaped eyes. Taking away a few drops that had managed to escape.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Here?”

“Everywhere.”

“That sounds a bit…”

“Can I?” Donghae interrupted. Wanting nothing more than to finally kiss the older.

Swiftly looking around the area, Hyukjae took a step closer, reducing the wind between them. Closing the tiny gasp that they had created previously. “Not unless I kiss you first.”

With that they pressed their lips together for the first time over the soon to be seventeen years of knowing one another. Frostbitten lips melting against chapped ones, moving slowly. Embracing all that it entitled.

A new year with a new start. A continuation of a friendship to last for more decades to come. And a love that had always been there, felt and cared for. Nourished and valued.

An Everlasting Love shared between Everlasting Friends.