The previous chapter: You were hurrying to the studio when you heard three people talking behind your back. You storm into them…

 

“Jess!”

 

You stand in the doorway shocked to find Hoongjoong, San and Jongho in the studio. Their shocked face told you that they were not expecting you to barge in. For some reason you felt betrayed. Out of all the people that would talk about you behind your back why would it be these three? Questions flew through your head as betrayal was quickly replaced by building mount of anger. San stood up quickly and came over to you to pull you away as he realised you were about to explode.

 

Pulled along the hallway you force yourself to calm down as much as you could. Telling yourself, there’s a reason behind this. You are overreacting. They are your seniors, you should not react this way. But the feelings would not stop, they all came fast and threatened to explode out of you. You fisted your hands tightly at your side as you were pulled into Ateez’s practice room. The moment San shut the door behind you, you fell to the floor curling into a tight ball.

 

San simply sat next to you and waited for you to calm down. As you slowly calmed down and relaxed you realised what people who may have seen it think.

 

Did she fight with someone?... I saw her entering the studio, but she came right back out…Hoongjoong, Jongho and San were in that studio…Should we tell the pd about this?...

 

Realising all these thoughts made you start to tense up and want to curl into a ball again but this time you felt a hand on your shoulder. You look up to see San with a concerned face.

 

“Are you okay to talk now?”

 

Forcing yourself to relax you nod.

 

“Look we didn’t mean to talk about to you behind your back and we can explain. All three of us. If you want to go back to the studio …”

 

You both look up as you hear and see Hoongjoong and Jongho knocking on the door. They don’t enter yet.

 

“Ok... Well no need to go to the studio. Do you want to talk about it now?”

 

You clench your jaw as some feelings trickle back as you realise who exactly talked about you behind your back. And realise. No. you couldn’t deal with it now. your emotions would explode even more so now since you had bottled it all away just now. Shaking your head, you stand up abruptly and check for the time. 8:30 am.

 

“We will talk about this later on tonight, I’ll text you. I need more time. Let’s push back to the recording, I won’t be able to record like this.”

 

The words stumble out of your mouth as San nods and walks over to Hoongjoong and Jongho. Talking to them quietly they leave you alone in the practice room. Sighing you turn to face the mirror to look at yourself. You stand there for a few minutes just calming down before moving to go to the lockers for your bag. You grab a change of clothes and head to your practice room. Changing in the spare room you start to practice.

 

As you practice you can sense eyes occasionally coming to watch you, but you ignore it. You shake off the thoughts that it may be the pd and concentrate on practicing.

 

As you practice…

 

[5 Unread notifications]

 

Hoongjoong – Jess?

Hoongjoong – PD-nim wants to see you.

Hoongjoong – Jess?

San – Jess, I know you’re not ready for this but PD-nim has called for a meeting for you. Don’t ignore this please.

San – Jess… He going to go to you and be very mad. Or the staff will be mad.

 

You check your phone an hour later. Seeing the notifications, you realise it would be too late to go that meeting now. The people watching you must’ve been staff or the pd. Sighing you head over to the computer in the corner of the room and turn it on. You plug in you microphone and start recording the demo alone.

 

[11:24]

 

You finish the demo and go over it one last time before saving it and sending it to Hoongjoong.

 

“Jess?”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t see the messages. I was practicing.”

 

“I recorded the demo by myself.”

 

“Audio File Sent”

 

“Sorry for storming off with no reason. It was my mistake.

I’ll try not to do that in the future.”

 

You click exit and see that San has texted you.

 

 

 

 

“Lunch with Wooyoung at the cafeteria?”

 

“…Staff won’t be mad?”

 

“No. I heard they found you practicing. They will talk to the manager instead.”

 

“Instead of the cafeteria can we go to my dorm? It’ll be empty.

Everyone else went back to their parent’s house.

Since week one promotions are over and week two

is just filming with no back to back schedules.”

 

“Long as you and your manager don’t mind. Why not the cafeteria though?”

 

“You said staff aren’t mad, but I still think they will be.

Best to eat elsewhere. Don’t order, I’ll cook.”

 

“Okay then.”

 

Your lunch with Wooyoung and San was quiet and simple. Wooyoung left afterwards quietly seeming to sense that San had something to say. As you clean, he talks.

 

“Hoongjoong saw the demo you sent over. And he accepts both your apology. He’s still coming over with Jongho though, to clear up any misunderstandings…. Are you okay?”

 

“Yes. I overreacted then. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

 

You stilled as you apologise to San.

 

“Thank you though, for… Helping.”

 

San smiles and reaches over for a friendly hug. He let go and said “Apology accepted. I’m sorry too. Jongho has to apologise to you. He… brought it up.”

 

His sentence reminded you. You faced him as you asked,

 

“What were you talking about? What exactly happened?”

 

San face froze. He looked at a loss for words. You study his face getting concerned.

 

“…San? Tell me please.”

 

He sighed and averted his eyes. “Hoongjoong will tell you.”

 

Groaning in frustration you realise he really won’t tell. But you didn’t have to wait long as the bell rang and abandoning the dishes you opened the door to find your manager with Hoongjoong and Jongho.

 

You let them in, and the manager said to you “If you need anything, I’m in the car.”

 

You nod and close the door behind you. Turning around to face them you gesture to the couch. They all sit in front of you.

 

“First of all, we are very sorry for talking about you behind your back.”

 

“It’s okay, I overreacted without any reason and stormed off. But now that the apologies have been said, I want to know. What were you talking about me?”

 

Hoongjoong glanced at your face before quietly saying,

 

“Your… parents, they passed away.”