*buzz* *buzz*

 

Rolls to face the right side of the bed.

 

*buzz* *buzz*

 

Faces the other side; tucking the head under the pillow

 

*buzzzzzzzzz* *buzzzzzzzzz* *buzzzzzzzzz*

 

“Argh! What?!” I picked up my annoying ringing phone

 

“Don’t you ‘what’ me, missy! Do you know what time it is already?” my annoying best friend sarcastically asked from the other line

 

I checked the time, 7am. “Thea, it’s freaking 7AM!” I yawned, my eyes closing any time now

 

“Uhm, yes it is? And if I may remind, you were the one who said to meet up at 8am?” she said sarcastically; I can imagine her eyes rolling at me

 

“Ohhh… about that, can we move it to 11:30am? I’m really sorry, Thea. I literally couldn't sleep last night. I was only successful enough to fall asleep at 5am after the nth time of forcing myself to sleep.” I wanted to slap my forehead for forgetting the plans I myself came up but didn’t because I had no energy to do so

 

I heard her sigh. “Okay. I get it. Get a good rest and I’ll meet you at the venue later.” and with that, she hung up

 

If you’re wondering what’s going on, today’s D-DAY! I’m finally meeting my bias from Infinite, Kim Myungsoo (or L but most Inspirits and even Infinite call him by his real name. It’s an Infinite-Inspirit family thing. >_^) I’ve been a fan since their debut days and I was blessed to have attended their concerts thrice already! But today is different, it’s not a concert, but a fanmeet. I’ve never attended one and so I was very nervous that I couldn't fall asleep last night! I’m not entirely sure what kind of nervousness this is, if it’s that nervous as in basic nervous kind or nervous excitement kind, I just don’t know. Oh, and seeing the tweets and news of his arrival last night probably added to the pressure of whatever this is I’m feeling.

 

I mean, can you imagine it? I’ve waited almost 10 years to actually meet him face to face. Concerts were all about them; they showcase their talents and promote their music through it. But this one, a fanmeet, it’s all about us. The fans. Honestly, I don’t really watch fancams of his fan meetings because truthfully, I just can’t help but envy the fans there. I know I shouldn’t and I’m not proud of that either but as much as I am really happy for them, that little feeling of envy can’t help but spark. So, I never really knew what happens in a fanmeet. Well, now that I think about it, I figured that I’m probably feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement at the same time. The anticipation of what will happen later is both something to look forward to and something to feel anxious about. I don’t know anymore. I should probably just go back to sleep and stop this blabbering.

 

“Steffi, sweetie, time to wake up now. Thea’s been calling you for a good hour now.” my mom lightly tapped me to wake

 

I rolled on the bed for a few times before sitting up to check the time, 10am. Just enough time to prepare.

 

I got out of bed and proceeded to take a shower without eating breakfast first. After I was done, I went on to wear my outfit for today which I’ve been planning for two weeks by the way. Yes, you read that right, 2 WEEKS! I need to look presentable ‘ya know? So, anyway, after I’ve changed into my clothes, I applied light makeup on my face, to which I’ve been trying to do a skin care routine for a month just so it’ll be presentable enough to come face to face with Myungsoo. I don’t do those skin care stuff but for the sake of Myungsoo, I’ve been patient to do it for a month and honestly, I think it did work. I know I don’t have to impress him so much but a little boost wouldn’t hurt, right?

 

After debating which shoes to wear, I decided to go with my mom’s choice and wore high and thick soled shoes (like Woohyun does haha shhh)

 

“It’ll make you taller” as my mom said

 

Yes, mom. I know. It works all the time with our dearest Namstar ;)

 

Now that I’m settled, I’m ready to go!

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

I just arrived at the venue and my best friend Thea and I are waiting for our other best friend, Mia.

 

“Guysssssssss!!!!” Mia quickly ran to us with open arms, obviously going for a welcome hug

 

“Miaaaaaaaaaa!!!” Thea and I automatically had our arms open to welcome her

 

Soon, the three of us are already hug jumping (is there even such term?) oh whatever just imagine us hugging while jumping together in place haha

 

“Steffi~ are you ready for tonight??” Mia wriggled her eyebrows at me

 

Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t even bring myself to think about it yet ‘cause my heart isn’t just that ready!

 

I just gave her a whiny looking face as I worriedly shook my head. She laughed in understanding before we walked around the mall near the venue, it’s still 6 hours before the fanmeet anyway. And yes, we’re THAT early for this just because we would like to meet some of our mutuals from twitter, attend the cup sleeve event and claim all those merch I bought out of impulsive buying for this event (this left me bankrupt btw).

 

As we were on our way to check out the cup sleeve event, I couldn't help but get nervous with each second that passes. Especially when we literally just passed by the place where the fanmeet will be held.

 

“Steffi” Mia called, grabbing my arm to stop

 

“Huh? Did you say something? I’m so sorry I think my mind is flying off somewhere.” I apologized

 

“I did. And a lot actually. You need to get yourself together. We’re just a few more hours into meeting the love of your life and you can’t keep being like this, okay? We can’t let any of the opportunities later go to waste. You’ve waited for this, let’s not waste it, okay? Relax. We got you, don’t worry.” Mia tried to knock some sense on me and I honestly needed that

 

“Okay, sorry. I’ll try to relax more and stop overthinking.” I heaved a sigh

 

“Your letter?” Thea asked

 

“Huh?”

 

“Your letter for Myungsoo, where is it?” she asked, quite in a ‘duh’ tone

 

“Oh, already submitted it the other day.” I smiled at the thought of my first ever handwritten letter for Myungsoo, like literally.

 

I mean, this is the first time I’m actually giving him a handwritten letter without scanning it or typing it while somebody else gives it to him for me. Since it’s my first time, I may have been quite extra with the contents.

 

“The goods for him?” Thea continued to enumerate, taking me out of my trance

 

“Already gave them the other day.”

 

“Powerbank?”

 

“I brought two, just in case.”

 

“Sharpee and notepad?”

 

“In my pocket.”

 

“Yeobong?”

 

“In my bag.”

 

“Oh, I forgot mine!” Mia chirped, having a little mental breakdown as she blabbers why did she even think of bringing a small bag with her

 

“You can borrow mine, I brought both of them.” I smiled at her and she was quick to thank me

 

“Your ticket?”

 

“Already saved on my phone.”

 

“And your heart?”

 

I gave her a look before answering, “I think it’s here..?” I was unsure if my heart is ready for anything tonight

 

“What do you mean ‘you think’? It is there, silly! You are so ready for tonight! Plus, just look at how good you look today! You prepared well for this day. Have confidence in yourself. You’ll do just fine.” Thea cheered, getting so excited even if we still have a few hours left before the fanmeet starts

 

I looked at myself. I did prepare for this day a lot. I did a skincare routine which I don’t usually do, I bought clothes to wear for tonight, even researching on good styles to follow before buying, did something extra in my letter for him which I’ve always wanted to do even years ago, also, going to the countryside just to buy a delicacy to give him, oh and not to mention I sprayed on one of his favorite scents from his favorite perfume brand. I guess, I am indeed ready. I know I did a lot of unnecessary things but I just wanted this to be as close to perfect as possible.

 

I’m just trying to be the best for him.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” squeals of fans were heard as the doors of the venue opened

 

I have to be honest, that hyped me up but not too long. As it was my turn to enter the venue, the cold breeze of the air conditioning units embraced me and there, on the big screen, his angelic slightly smiling face welcomed me. Suddenly, the excitement that I felt was being washed away with the feeling of nervousness. I actually almost tripped walking towards our seats because even if I tried to smile in anticipation, my system’s having this little breakdown in processing that this is really happening.

 

We sat for a while, waiting for the theater to be filled and as we do, I got to talk with my seatmates who I found out, even flew from the farthest island of our country just to see Myungsoo. I can’t help but admire them for their efforts from the expenses and hassle of booking and buying airline tickets to looking for places to stay at for the meantime. The extent of a fans’ dedication to grab every chance they get to meet their idols will surprise you all the time. Just when you thought they couldn’t go any further, they surprise you by going another mile for them. The beauty of a fans’ dedication.

 

As I was too busy thinking of how Myungsoo is so lucky to have fans like them, the lights suddenly went off and a video that somewhat looked like an intro started playing on the big screen. This is it.

 

After a minute or two, the video went off and the stage was immediately enveloped with darkness as the only source of its light went out. But underneath all those darkness, I saw him. How can I not? How can anyone not?

 

He was wearing a cream colored tuxedo paired with the same cream colored slacks which did nothing but highlight his body’s good proportions. Underneath his tux is another shade of white, dirty white to be exact, which looked silky in texture, perfectly complimenting his tux that had a cute silver pin on his left side.

 

I was stunned. It’s him. I kept repeating it in my head like some kind of mantra as my eyes followed his silhouette. It’s Kim Myungsoo. My bias for years, is finally and again in front of me, in flesh.

 

Without wasting any second, as soon as he reached the center, without warning, the stage lit up with the screen behind him flashing a bright background, that sparkled like stars, with lines of silver and gold.

 

As if on cue, his first song started playing. Seeing his face clearly is still so surreal to me. I still can’t process what is happening. It’s as if my whole mind and body just stopped functioning at the moment, I can’t even process what song he was singing.

 

Amuraedo sangkwan eobseo..

 

Ah. Damn it. Not this song.

 

It’s Okay If It’s Not Me.

 

Among all of Myungsoo’s solo songs or covers, I don’t know but this has become my favorite. All his songs are equally good but at some point this song has grown into me.

 

This song had always touched me in all ways possible. Its lyrics gave me the impression that they are more than just words scribbled onto a sheet of paper. It was very direct and honest. No sugar coating, as long as you’re happy, I am too, even if it’s not with me. But as it approaches the end, the underlying hope and pain of these words unveil itself with the same amount of honesty and emotion, it’s not okay if it’s not me.

 

I honestly don’t think there’s any other song out there which can underscore nor dethrone this one. One can easily understand Lee Seon’s story just by listening to this. I guess you could say the same for me. That maybe the reason this song had always touched me is because I can relate to it. That maybe this is also my story as much as it is Lee Seon’s. That maybe it’s alright if Myungsoo finds happiness in someone else, that even then, I can also be genuinely happy for him. But deep inside, a surge of pain takes over me while I pray to be that certain someone in his life. This is the tragic story of Lee Seon, and also of a fan like me.

 

“Ohmygosh” Thea whisper shouted, pulling me out of my reverie

 

I looked at her questioningly but to my surprise, I was greeted by two pairs of eyes instead. They looked at me with utmost awe and happiness which confused me more.

 

Thea lightly rubbed my back in comfort before she got back to recording Myungsoo’s performance with her phone. Mia on the other hand was still looking at me.

 

“Are you okay? I’m so happy for you,” she mouthed, almost pouting in awe

 

I tried to give her the best smile I could give at the moment with my lips trembling in my attempt not to get emotional, as I nod in response.

 

She still had the same expression though, before she gestured a crying expression, dragging her two fingers down from her eyes to her cheeks.

 

I was confused at first but seeing how she slowly became blurred in my eyes, I realized what she was telling me, I was crying.

 

I didn’t even notice I was already crying! Damn it. I told myself I won’t but I still did! How am I gonna face Myungsoo later? Ughhhh why are my tears so easy to fall?

 

I tried my best to stop myself from crying but my tears just won’t stop! The more I realize that this is real and that’s really him singing my favorite song of his, the more that my tears find their way out of my eyes. Even with my handkerchief already covering my mouth, I can still hear my muffled sobs! Ugh I hate getting this emotional.

 

The song finally ended. Thank goodness. I don’t want to face Myungsoo with swollen eyes later. I don’t want my hard work of having a fairly good skin be thrown out just because I cried.

 

The host came out and greeted everyone with so much enthusiasm, making everyone more hyped up. Well, except me. I screamed along with the fans but honestly, even at this point, a part of me can’t still believe this is real.

 

“It’s nice to meet everyone. I’m Kim Myungsoo.”

 

Okay, now this is real. I’m not dreaming and I have to get myself together!

 

Soon enough, they had chairs brought on the stage together with the post-it board placed outside earlier. My heart skipped a beat as I tried to find where I placed mine. I do remember checking on it one last time before I entered the venue, it was still visible.

 

However, right now, it seems that it just vanished! Myungsoo looked through them, even those underneath each other which made me even more nervous, knowing that mine isn’t even far off under all those notes.

 

“Come up here” he muttered and even gestured the fan to come up on stage

 

He sang her a happy birthday! Oh at this point, I’m already wondering why my birthday isn't in January? I’m seriously considering changing my birth date right now.

 

Myungsoo read a few more and a lot of fans had the time of their lives after he initiated to have more interaction with them other than simply reading their notes to him!

 

“Okay last one!” the host announced and Myungsoo’s hands glided through the board as he tried to find his last note for the night.

 

His hand was maneuvering near the spot where I placed mine, my heart started to beat slowly as he looked underneath the notes.

 

I see my note! Just inches away from his delicate hands…

 

“This one!” he beamed as he snatched the note beside mine

 

Whaaatttt??? I was too close! Myungsoo, couldn’t you have moved a little more to the right? You were literally centimeters away from my note!

 

My poor note. If only people knew how long it took me to think what to write on it. I even had to move somewhere peaceful just so I could take time to think of something special to write. But in the end it failed.

 

Attempt to be noticed by myung, FAIL.

 

We moved on to the next part. Myungsoo sat down and answered some questions thrown by the host. He was so cute, if I must say. He was asked about his TMI and he was just so extra going through even the smallest of details.

 

I was so surprised he actually walked around the mall near the venue and even got to meet some fans! It’s such a shame I was too busy roaming somewhere else, just thinking of what to write on my note. What’s even more frustrating is the fact that he literally walked to the place where me and my friends met with each other earlier. If only we stayed longer, I could’ve seen him too.

 

Attempt to spontaneously meet him, FAIL.

 

I have to be honest, I really envied the fans who got to see him coincidentally! And not to mention those passersby he met, who are oblivious to who he is and how lucky they are to see him so casually.

 

The questions continued to pour in as I typed in every new detail and discovery I have of Myungsoo. It was fascinating to know how he wants his coffee made or what food he likes to eat it with, or his current obsession with apple and mango juice plus his forever love for tofu.

 

“I’d like to try Jolllibee chicken!”

 

I chuckled at that, still taking note of it though. Of course chicken won’t be out of his list wherever he goes. His love for chicken can never be denied. I can’t help but be reminded of how he tried to “smuggle” a whole chicken years ago! Still a funny memory which had become an inside joke to us, Inspirits. It’s such a wise decision of his to actually try a different variant of chicken this time, instead of bringing one himself to cook.

 

He went on and shared how he chooses in taking a drama offered to him. He mentioned that the most important thing for him is whether he can digest or relate well to the character so he can deliver the role properly. Shut Up Flower Boy Band has got to be the most memorable for him, he said. However, his favorite role is the one in Miss Hammurabi, Im Bareun, because among all his roles, that’s the character closest to his personality. To end the talk with his dramas, he gave us a little glimpse or teaser on what we should expect from Hongjo, his upcoming role in the drama ‘Welcome’ where he’s role is actually that of a cat.

 

“Hongjo, he may not be beside you but he’s always looking out for you.” he smiled, his eyes turning into these cute crescent shape making him look like a cat, while his words seemed not from Hongjo but from Myungsoo directed to Inspirits

 

It’s the smallest things about him that I find really adorable and lovable. Especially when it comes to food. Oh how he loves it! I took note of all of them for future reference in case I would ever be given the chance to prepare anything for him. Also, I don’t know how he does it but simple words and phrases turn into some romantic line from a cheesy kdrama when he’s the one saying it. Why is that?

 

The segment ended and it was time for another performance from Myungsoo! I wonder what song is he singing this time?

 

The familiar strum of the guitar at the beginning already got me fidgeting on my seat.

 

Love U, Like U.

 

I’ve always loved this song! I can still remember singing along with him during his solo stage in their One Great Step concert here. I was singing so loudly I forgot I was taking a video of it. In the end it turned out to be a cute little indirect duet between us.

 

My thoughts were disrupted when he suddenly walked towards the stairs of the stage and started walking on the aisle. My head was all over the place, I didn’t know what to do or how should I do it, basically I was panicking! I was closer to the other side of the aisle so I thought of positioning myself while everyone is so distracted with him on the other side.

 

No one has thought of doing the same as I did which is a little surprising but at some point I kinda liked it. At least there are more chances of getting close to him. But I underestimated everyone, as soon as he was about to make the turn to walk on our aisle, fans started to flood beside me.

 

I was pushed further away from my original position, though I did try to go back, especially now that Myungsoo’s getting closer but to no avail. The fans were flooding as I tried to reach out to touch Myungsoo’s hand for a high five which unfortunately didn’t happen.

 

Instead, I was pushed here and there making me lose my balance. You could just imagine what happened. If it wasn’t for Mia who caught me on time, I would’ve ended up on the ground and who knows what would’ve happened to me. Thank goodness she was there! I can’t imagine the state I’ll be in if not for her.

 

When everyone had finally settled back down, we then proceeded with the next part of the fanmeet! Games. We started off with taking pictures of Myungsoo in four different seasons and boy was he a tease during summer! ing his shirt was so unexpected of him and the fans just went wild especially in his attempt to pull his sleeves down. For a moment, I think my brain just stopped working when he did that.

 

Winter season came, and how our hearts melted when he said there’s nothing he can think of but this particular song and went on to sing their song ‘White Confession’. None of us ever experienced winter here in our country but for that moment, it felt cozy cold and warm together from the cool breeze coming from the air conditioning units and the warmth from Myungsoo and Inspirits singing together to ‘White Confession’.

 

Human bingo came and I don’t know why I was getting so nervous with this one.

 

“One who has a clean cut hair” the host announced

 

What? Clean cut? You mean short hair?? Damn why is my hair this long?! Ugh.

 

I immediately sat down after I was out of the game as soon as it just started. Not to sound bitter but aren’t the rules of this game a bit different? I mean shouldn’t the people with clean cut hair be the one to sit? I mean, that’s how it has always been right? Or is it just me? I don’t know.

 

In the end, the fan who won, got the chance to have a polaroid picture with Myungsoo and even got a hug from him! The runner-ups were just as lucky minus the polaroid. Myungsoo hugged everyone as they were eliminated and I could just melt on my seat right now in envy.

 

When will I, ever..

 

I sighed. I am genuinely happy for my fellow fans but I just can’t help but be sad for myself. Another attempt to get close with him is yet again a fail. Why is it that I always never got the same chance as they do? How much longer should I wait for my turn?

 

The program went on with more games and laughter from both Myungsoo and the fans. Everyone is obviously having a great time and as they say, just when things are getting more fun and interesting, we barely realize how much time passes by. Unfortunately, it was time to say goodbye.

 

I looked confused and felt my heart drop at the announcement of the nearing end of the fanmeet. What? It’s only been two hours, three at the most. Why are we ending so soon?

 

Can’t believe the Taal volcano really chose this day and time to erupt! Guess the volcano’s excited about Myungsoo's arrival here too…

 

I tried to laugh it off by thinking that way but deep inside I was lost and just felt empty. I’ve waited for this moment to be able to personally interact with Myungsoo but none of the chances presented earlier had given me an opportunity to do so. It made me so sad. I felt the waiting, everything was useless— pointless.

 

I stared at Myungsoo’s back as he watched the surprise video we made for him. A lot was going on in my mind. I was yet again spacing out. I can’t believe it’s almost over and still, not even the slightest and smallest ounce of interaction with him has happened between us.

 

I know a lot of fans are just like me. Hoping we could have the best time of our lives by being able to interact with him. I know a lot are wishing the same thing as I do. But I guess we just need to try our luck next time.

 

Myungsoo sang his last song plus a bonus song because he’s just too sweet and wanted to give us more despite our current emergency. He made sure to make us feel contented and had the best experience despite the short time we had.

 

As he was singing ‘In Your Light’, I started to realize the things that I always loved about him. It’s really in the simplest things that he does that makes me love him more. The feeling of being able to see and understand him more as a person is a comfort I never really understood.

 

He bid us farewell for the mean time and assured us of his return with the other members. Although we’re not sure when it will be, one thing’s for sure, we will surely be waiting for them patiently, like we always do.

 

Myungsoo went backstage for a while as a staff member came in and gave us instructions for the high touch. I arranged my things while my mind still wandered and tried to get things clearly, still not believing it’s really the end.

 

We fell in line for the high touch and I was growing more nervous each time I took a step forward, moving closer and closer to Myungsoo.

 

We’re finally on the stage and my hands are getting sweaty from too much nervousness. I can already see him with his genuine smile, as he intently looks at each fan who comes to touch his hand. As my turn came, I lightly placed my hand on his knowing how tired and hurt his hand might be from doing high touch for everybody, nearly 2000 fans! He smiled genuinely at me, just like he did with everyone. He was so tall and boy how his face looked like porcelain! It was free from any blemishes, it was mesmerizing to finally see it up close!

 

The high touch went by so fast, I honestly wasn’t able to savour the moment. In my attempt to unburden him from all the strong hi touch he received from the others, my hands barely remembered the tingling feeling of his hand with mine. I frowned at that. But it’s okay, I still have one last chance.

 

The photo opportunity with him.

 

I smiled at the thought that my seat number is in a good position to land me somewhere near Myungsoo. Well, that’s what I thought.

 

“Six chairs?” Mia asked out loud, staring at the chairs being placed on the stage

 

“Where is Myungsoo supposed to sit there? Shouldn’t there be seven chairs instead?” Thea followed

 

I just stared at the chairs in front, still trying to visualize how they are going to take the picture. Too soon for my liking, the first batch to take the picture went to position themselves. The first six fans sat on the chairs.

 

Myungsoo’s gonna stand behind them?!

 

Lo and behold Myungsoo came and indeed stood in the middle, behind the six fans who were sitting. Mia and Thea immediately looked at me. They knew my number is most likely to be one of those who’ll be sitting, based on how it was done with the first batch.

 

I gave them a small smile.

 

“Come on guys. It’s not like it’s the first time this happened today. Don’t worry I’ve long accepted that maybe it’s not yet my right time..” I told them and walked forward as the line started to move

 

My friends looked like they wanted to tell me something, comfort me maybe, but I guess at that moment, they just didn’t know how to. I do appreciate their comforting pats on my shoulder and smiles that somehow made me smile a little.

 

As the line kept moving, I had nothing but one thing in mind.

 

I just want to get over this fast. I want to go home and cry my heart out.

 

We finally reached the stairs of the stage and I could care less with whatever the staff was telling us. While we were waiting for our turn, Mia and Thea were weirdly getting nervous and excited at the same time. I just ignored them. Mia was busy laughing when she met my eyes which almost instantly grew wide.

 

I raised a brow at her but even before she could open to speak, we were already ushered to move. I immediately dismissed the thought of what could Mia’s problem be and went to follow the line.

 

As I was expecting myself to sit down, I made my way towards the chairs which are all surprisingly occupied. It confused me for a moment before Thea called me.

 

“Steffi! This is your spot.”

 

I followed her voice and saw her pointing at the empty space beside hers. That’s when it hit me.

 

I’ll be standing beside him… beside Myungsoo.

 

Thea was giggling beside me when I got there while I, on the other hand, was trying to calm myself down because I can’t believe I was too slow to realize that I’ll be standing next to Myungsoo. I tried closing my eyes, did some breathing exercises and all other weird stuff I could think of at the moment just so I won’t have to appear like some creep when Myungsoo comes.

 

Okay, you got this. You got this, really. You’ve been waiting for this, don’t waste it.

 

I kept repeating those words like a mantra until I felt a warm presence beside me. I opened my eyes to look at my side only to be greeted by the ever dashing Kim Myungsoo. He was so tall! And although we’re quite inches apart, I don’t know why I can feel his warmth like you just wanna hug him and cuddle with him.

 

Myungsoo was so ready to take the picture when he got there, he looked nowhere but the camera that was ready to take our picture. However, I was the opposite. I can’t seem to focus, I kept glancing at him, still can’t believe he’s actually standing beside me. I tried to remind myself that we’re about to take a picture and so if I don’t want to ruin this lifetime chance, I need to get my act together!

 

“Okay! I’ll be taking it now. 1, 2.. 3!”

 

*clicked* and the picture of a lifetime was taken. As soon as it ended, I immediately looked at my side and tried to make the most out of the few seconds I had with him. I gathered all my courage with all the Korean words I’ve been learning, and spoke the words I’ve always wanted to tell him.

 

“You’ve worked hard, oppa! But I hope you don’t overwork yourself and know that taking a rest and caring for your health is the most important thing. I love you.”

 

I was never the type to call someone ‘oppa’ but at some point I found myself blurting it out. I’ve always wanted to tell Myungsoo how much I appreciate his work and the effort that he gives to his craft, just to provide good results for us. But at the same time, I want him to not only care for us but for himself too. In my years as an Inspirit, I’ve learned that Myungsoo can be really stubborn and selfless that most of the time, he neglects himself for others. Another thing to love about him.

 

I’ve been constantly asked why I love Myungsoo or Infinite, but I always find myself racking my head for answers which I, unfortunately, never had a chance to have. However one thing’s for sure, I love him for being him and I don’t need to have a concrete explanation for that. Infinite is always worth every bit of Inspirits’ love.

 

“Yes, I got it. Thank you and have a safe trip home! Annyeong~”

 

He looked straight at my eyes as he said those words, while he nodded his head continuously like an obedient kid. Cute. It was surprising but not totally unexpected how he tried to make sure we, the fans, have the best experience and time with him no matter how short or long the given time with him may be. He continued saying a few more ‘annyeong’ as we were walking towards the side of the stage to leave. How sweet.

 

Let’s meet again, Myungsoo.

 

I smiled to myself as I took one last look before exiting the door.

 

Mia and Thea were quick to squeal and congratulate me for successfully standing next to Myungsoo. I can’t help but laugh at their reaction as if they were the ones who had the best lifetime experience! So lucky to have best friends like them.

 

“Thank you, guys! I can’t believe that actually happened!” I thanked my friends, and at some point my tears just started to pour

 

“Omg, Steffi! Come hereeeee!” Mia cooed and opened her arms to hug me

 

“You deserved it, Steffi! Above anyone else, you deserved that spot next to him.” Thea said as she lightly rubbed my back like how she did when I first cried earlier

 

My tears won’t stop pouring. It finally dawned up to me what just happened.

 

I stood beside him.

 

I had a short talk with him.

 

I’ve been waiting for this and now, it finally happened.

 

After a good minute or two, while me and my friends were contemplating where to eat, a black van just went past in front of us. It was only when it was a few meters away from us that I realized, it’s Myungsoo’s! I stared at the car as it maneuvered it’s way through the traffic, probably trying to catch their flight which unfortunately, later got cancelled due to the ash fall.

 

“Hey, Steffi, since you’re the star of the day, we’d let you decide where to eat.” Mia giggled, pulling me out of my thoughts

 

“Huh? Uhmm..” I was hungry but to be honest my mind is blank right now, I couldn’t think of anything but Myungsoo

 

Suddenly, I remembered something from the fanmeet earlier. I smiled to myself like a fool, making my friends raise a brow at me, not really sure where I am going with this.

 

“Jollibee.” I told them as the scene where Myungsoo told the host he wanted to try their chicken played on my head

 

Mia and Thea laughed, probably reminded of the same thing I had in mind.

 

“I thought so too,” Mia chuckled with Thea in agreement

 

My best friends know how much I’m in love with Jollibee! We would always eat there before or after our classes in college were done and how they never understood where I store so much food when I eat at Jollibee. I won’t go into details but let’s just say I always have this whole feast to myself whenever we eat there. I don’t know but I have always been a Jollibee baby ever since.

 

Across the road is fortunately, Jollibee! We crossed the street and happily went inside. My friends were really sweet, they offered to take my order which they always knew what I wanted, as I went to find a seat for us and simply waited there.

 

While waiting, I went through my phone’s gallery and saw my fancams and pictures I took from the fanmeet earlier. Everything happened so fast that even until now, it’s still so surreal to me. I went through memory lane and realized the bitter reality of a fan. We wait for years, and yet we only get a two-hour fanmeet and a four-hour concert at the most. It’s not that I’m not thankful for the opportunities but it’s just sad how an idol’s world can never coexist with a fan’s world. Yes, we’re under the same sky and breathe in the same air, but our circumstances serve as boundaries up to what extent we’ll get to interact.

 

It’s sad how sometimes you unconsciously fall for your idol more than you intend to as a fan. I do believe that most of the fans had gone through this stage, wishing they could have a chance at love with their idols. While everyone right now is starting to realize it’s never going to happen and they’d just have to be accepting of it, a few fans out there are still trying to hold on to that tiniest hope they have that maybe someday it’ll grow to become real.

 

A lot of people call fans like these, delusional. As much as they could be dreamy about it, I think it’s not a fan’s fault for falling in love with their idol more than they intend to. It’s not like it’s their choice to begin with, when they know from the start the circumstances they’re in. Love is something we can’t control, but how we express and make use of that love is something we can. Some fans may become too uncontrollable and their behavior of stalking and obsession get way out of hand, which is why I do understand the sentiments of others against fans who they think foolishly fell for their idols despite knowing they can never end up with them.

 

But we have to consider that not all fans are like that. We have to stop judging others so quickly. Sometimes, as much as the fan would love to stop themselves from falling further, it just doesn’t work out the way they want it. Feelings are uncontrollable, and it’s just the same for a fan who fell for her idol.

 

It is just as the same with me.

 

I sighed as I looked out the glass and saw ashes fall, somehow it reminded me of winter season during the fanmeet earlier. How I’d love to spend the first snowfall with him while we softly sing and hum to ‘White Confession’. But reality hits me hard. Reminding me that’s the closest thing I’ll ever get into spending my first snowfall with him while he sang for me a christmas confession song.

 

The sad reality of a fan.

 

I just hope that if it doesn’t happen someday, somewhere along the vast night sky, in another world, I get to be happy with him.

 

Also, I do hope he got to taste Jollibee’s chicken.

 

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

 

The ringing of my phone lightly woke me up from my sleep followed by a soft shake on my shoulder.

 

“Hey, your phone’s probably been ringing for a good hour now. You don’t want to make your husband wait any longer, don’t you?”

 

“Mia?” I blurted

 

“Huh? Who’s Mia?” the girl asked

 

Huh? What do you mean you’re not Mia??

 

“Have you gone so deep in your sleep that you forgot you have a best friend named Aya?? Better get yourself together, missy!” Mia, I mean Aya playfully scolded

 

Oh yeah, Aya. How could I forget about my best friend! Ugh, who’s Mia?! What the heck!

 

I shook my head as if it’d help me understand what’s happening. I still did it anyway. I tried to bring myself together just like Aya told me. I looked around and found myself in an empty office, with my desk full of piled papers I don't know anything about. Looks like I’m the last one to leave. I shrugged it off and decided to fix my things and leave.

 

Upon reaching the lobby, I was still trying to rack my head on what’s happening. I remember being at an event with my friends, spring, summer, autumn, winter…

 

“Ugh!” I exclaimed as I got out of the elevator, this is frustrating me

 

“Guess you slept on cases again? Aya told me.”

 

I looked up to see the owner of the voice, “Thea?”

 

“Thea? Who’s that? Can’t believe Aya’s right. I just lost 10 bucks on that stupid bet. You’re not in your right state. You should cut off some work, ‘ya know? It’s not good for you anymore. And in case you forgot, I mean well you did forget, I’m Jia, Ella.” she gave me do-you-remember-now-look

 

“I’m so sorry, I guess I did overwork myself today. I’ll make sure to take a good rest and come back better tomorrow,” I explained as I rubbed my forehead in an attempt to get things together

 

“We don’t have work tomorrow, Ella.” she sighed

 

“I hope you get a good rest, you deserve it more than anyone. You work so hard, Ella.” she looked at me with utmost sincerity

 

Above anyone else, you deserved that spot next to him

 

I closed my eyes in confusion as that certain phrase played on my mind. I shrugged it off and said thanks to Jia for her concern.

 

“Anyways, you should probably get going now. Your husband, I mean Judge’s been waiting for you outside. Gosh can’t believe Howon’s so late tonight!” she rolled her eyes upon mentioning this certain Howon at the end. Probably her boyfriend or husband? I don’t know but it’s probably either the two.

 

I bid her goodbye and went for the door to meet this husband of mine everybody’s been talking about, who I unfortunately momentarily forgot.

 

As I got out, I immediately saw a figure at the foot of the stairs, leaning so casually on his car, intently reading the pile of papers on his hand. I slowly walked down the stairs, not taking my eyes off from the said person.

 

Is it possible that he’s my husband?

 

Soon, I didn’t realize I was only a few more steps away from him. Feeling my presence walking towards him, he looked up and almost immediately smiled upon seeing me.

 

Isn’t he the guy in my dreams? What’s his name again?? Ugh.

 

Oh right, Kim Myungsoo?!

 

He quickly arranged the papers on his hands, making sure he stuck a post-it on the page he’s in before shoving it on the open window of the back seat of the car.

 

“Hey, I missed you.” he hugged me as if we haven’t met for years

 

I was surprised. His warmth was very comforting, it made me so nostalgic like I’ve felt this kind of warmth before. I lightly shook my head and closed my eyes. I’ve been so confused ever since I woke up from my sleep. My dream felt real, the people there were real. It’s so weird that I’m getting my dreams and reality in a mix.

 

“How was your day?” he asked, his hands softly sliding to my side, holding both my arms

 

“Slept on cases again, I guess?” he lightly chuckled and sweetly rubbed my arms in understanding

 

I wanted to reply to his questions but I myself had questions to ask. But none came out of my lips. Instead, I was held in that state a little longer when I felt his lips touch my cheeks.

 

“I missed you.” he repeated, directly staring at my eyes to make sure his sincerity reaches me the best way possible

 

It’s as if his kiss worked like magic that everything just made sense to me. The dream, him, my friends, everything. I don’t know how to actually explain this sudden realization between my dream and reality but one thing’s for sure, there’s a fine line between them and that they both exist in different realities.

 

I waited no second before reaching out to hug him. I took in his scent as I hugged him tight, not wanting to let him go.

 

He was taken aback, that’s for sure. But he nevertheless hugged me back, reciprocating the same amount of warmth I was giving him.

 

“I’m so sorry for making you wait so long,” I started, pulling away a little to look at him

 

Honestly, I don’t even know what I was apologizing for. It felt as if I was apologizing more than just making him wait for me to finish work. It’s as if I was sorry for neglecting him so much and for all my shortcomings as his wife.

 

I felt him softly rub my back, “Hey, there’s no need to cry, love. I understand. I won’t go anywhere. I’ll wait for you.” he moved to wipe my tears away

 

I didn’t even realize I was crying!

 

“No, please don’t say that. I don’t want that. You’re also tired from work, even more than I do. I’m really sorry.” I apologized again before looking down

 

“Hey, love. Listen, it’s really okay. I’ve waited years for you, a few minutes or an hour is nothing. Come on, what’s making you so emotional today? Did someone upset you?” he asked, pulling my chin up to look at him

 

I shook my head, “No, I just want to say I love you so much, more than you’ll ever know.”

 

I hugged him again, missing his warmth already.

 

He chuckled, his voice was serious yet sweet when he replied, “I love you most.” before dropping a kiss on my forehead

 

We stayed in that position for a few more seconds before he pulled away and told me we should get going.

 

He took my hand into his as he guided me to the passenger seat of his car. “What’s gotten into you? I’m usually the sweet talker between us?” he asked, chuckling at that

 

I gave him a look. Have I been so cold towards him?

 

“Well, not that I’m complaining. Just asking so I know what to do to keep you being sweet to me.” he smiled

 

I frowned at that. I guess I was. How could I be so stupid and do such thing!

 

“Was I not sweet enough to you before?” I curiously asked

 

He was so fast to shake his head in disagreement, “No, that’s not what I meant. You’re the sweetest but a little more wouldn’t hurt.” he winked after he had secured my seatbelt and quickly dropped a kiss on my lips before running to the driver’s side

 

I was surprised, dumbfounded rather. Did he just kiss me on the lips? Did Kim freaking Myungsoo just kiss me on the lips???

 

“How about we grab dinner first? Where’d you want to eat, love?” he sweetly smiled at me

 

Damn. Can I just melt right now? His stare isn’t even helping.

 

“Uhmm,” I tried to think of a place

 

“Jollibee” I blurted out the first thing that came into my mind

 

He gave me a confused look, “What? Is that even a name?”

 

I wanted to slap my forehead at that! That was so embarrassing! I tried to come up with an excuse, “I’m sorry, my head’s not functioning well right now. How ‘bout you decide?” I gave him a smile

 

He smiled widely as if he had something in mind all this time and just drove off without a word.

 

Soon, we arrived at this very cozy looking cabin restaurant which gave me nothing but comfort and nostalgia. The details of the place amazed me as my eyes continued to wander around and study every design the place had.

 

“Anything you want to add, love?” he asked me

 

I was too busy looking around and didn’t even notice he already gave our orders. I looked through the menu and took note of the dishes I want.

 

“Can I please have this ½ baby ribs, the sides are—”

 

“— corn and veggies, plus fish and chips but don’t add the lemon because you’re not good with sour, caesar salad with bacon strips family size, chowder soup and lastly mango milkshake. Already ordered all those, love. I know they’re your favorite. I was asking if you wanted anything new.” he smiled so sweetly at me after he literally enumerated what I had in mind

 

I was surprised that I could only shake my head in reply. He chuckled a bit before telling the waiter that’s all.

 

After the waiter left, my eyes continued to look around the place. It was exquisite with all the vintage displays they had placed around. While I was busy admiring the place, a man suddenly stopped at our table.

 

“Judge Im, I’m surprised to see you here. What brings you here?” the person asked after they shook hands

 

“Prosecutor Park, I told you, it’s okay to call me Bareun outside the courtroom. We’re colleagues after all. And to answer your question, well, this is my wife’s favorite place.” he smiled and looked at me so intently

 

Why does he love to smile?! It’s making my heart skip a beat everytime he does that!

 

“Oh, Atty. Im. I’m so sorry for not noticing you earlier.” this certain Prosecutor Park turned to face me and we shook hands

 

I just smiled and told him it’s fine.

 

“So when do you plan to join your husband in litigation?” he lightly asked and I seriously didn’t know what to answer

 

“I haven’t really thought of doing litigation. For now, I’m happy being in active practice as counsel.” I smiled in reply

 

“That’s good to hear. But seriously, you have good potential in litigation just like your husband, you should consider it.” he further pushed the subject

 

I am seriously getting uncomfortable with this conversation. I really hate being pressured into doing litigation just because my husband is doing the same. I love my job as a lawyer, especially being able to provide pro bono services to those in need. That has always been my dream so I’ve never really thought of doing litigation just yet. I’d like to keep offering my services to people in need even until I reach the age of retirement.

 

“I appreciate the high regards, Prosecutor Park. I know my wife is indeed very potential in all fields there are but she’s happy in active practice and that’s enough for me.” my husband smiled and the person seemed to be satisfied with his answer as he moved to change the topic

 

As they continued to talk, I found myself staring at the man in front of me. How lucky am I to exist in this world where I get to live as his wife to whom he’s done nothing but shower with so much love and affection. As I got to understand the fine line between my dream and reality, I realized how much I’ve neglected him. I work so hard in order to help other people and yet I fail to work hard as his wife.

 

Although his workload and responsibilities are far more exhausting and heavy than mine, he never failed to be a husband to me. His simple efforts such as taking me and from work, patiently waiting for me to be done, or how he wakes up earlier than me just so he can prepare breakfast for us, or those times when he carries me to our bed when I fall asleep on my desk while reviewing cases, or his simple gesture of sending me a message whenever he can, just to check up on me, says a lot about him.

 

But what do I do in return? The least I could do is be mindful of the time whenever he comes to pick me up so he won’t wait long, or to stop sleeping late so I could wake up early to cook breakfast for him, or listen to him whenever he calls me to sleep already before I start sleeping on my desk again, or simply doing the same for him whenever and whatever I can. But I never did any of those. He’s never been the type who likes grand gestures. He’s fine with the smallest things he gets from me, not even complaining about it. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be. He deserves so much more.

 

What did I even do to deserve him?

 

What have I been doing all this time?

 

Our food came and he was quick to take the baby ribs and have the meat separated from the bones before placing them on my plate.

 

How can he be everything good there is?

 

I felt bad at how he had always been the one treating me so well just because he was the one who liked me first. My actions may have looked the opposite, but I married him because I love him. I’m not that indifferent like how other people see me, I just don’t know how to express myself better. I guess that dream was a hint I had to take and learn from in order to become a better version of myself for him, my husband. In the end, he’s all that matters most to me, everything and everyone will go, they will no longer matter, but that’s alright. Having him is more than enough for me.

 

I smiled in awe at him, grateful not just for the small gesture but a far deeper feeling of gratitude for his patience and love for me despite my insensitive and indifferent side that may have caused him a lot of heartaches he had silently kept to himself.

 

“So, how was your day? Hmm..?” he started as he continued to slice the meat on his plate

 

I gave his question a thought. What did I do today? I tried to recall the events of my day and I seriously can’t remember a thing I did in the office, instead it’s that fanmeet event from my dream. Everything felt so real, the screams of the fans, the fast beating of her heart, the tears she shed, the love she had, and even him. I mean well, it is real. It’s my reality in another world.

 

A sudden burst of emotion overtook me. The sad unfortunate feelings I had when I woke up from the dream are slowly coming back as I recalled them. She did get a taste of happiness she deserved with that picture with him, but even after that, the bitter reality would always find its way to take that happiness away.

 

“Reading and reviewing cases, as always.” I nonchalantly replied, trying to give a small smile while I unconsciously play with my food at my sudden loss of appetite

 

A hand reached over the table to hold mine. I looked up to meet with his eyes that were waiting to meet mine. He had stopped eating, leaving his utensils at the side of his plate.

 

“What’s wrong? Reading and reviewing cases has never made you this sad, even making you lose your appetite on top of that. What’s bothering you?” his eyes looked concern, almost pleading

 

Should I mention about the dream? I’m scared he might laugh at me..

 

I felt a light squeeze in my hand, “If you’re not yet ready, it’s okay, love. You don’t have to force yourself. I just want you to know that I am always ready to listen to you no matter how ridiculous you think it is. Don’t keep it all to yourself. Let’s get crazy ridiculous together, I don’t mind.” he smiled reassuringly, giving my hand another light squeeze before moving on to continue eating his food

 

I hate how he’s a sweet talker! It just hits the right buttons to make me talk and let him hear what he wants to hear! Worst part is, I can’t even hate him for it. Instead, I love him more for that.

 

I cleared my voice before starting, “Uhmm, so as you know, I obviously fell asleep while reviewing some cases again. While I was asleep, I had this dream. A weird one actually where everything felt so real, it’s as if I was really there. I don’t think it’s lucid dreaming because I felt like I was living a different version of my life. It didn’t feel like a dream to me. I was really there.” I tried to explain my thoughts on the dream but I only looked stupid blabbering my thoughts

 

It was silent for a moment and I seriously just wanted to melt right there and then. Why did I even think of sharing something as stupid as that!

 

“What happened in the dream?” he asked calmly, as if he didn’t care how ridiculous and stupid I sounded

 

I tilted my head in confusion. Is he serious? He wants to know what happened?

 

He tilted his head in return, as if everything he heard was normal to him. Let’s not even go to that part where he raised a brow at me!

 

“What? I’m serious, love. Go on, I want to hear it.” he urged me to continue, even gesturing for me to go on with his hands like how he does it in court

 

I was speechless for a moment. He did mention not caring about how ridiculous my story would be, but I didn’t expect him to react this way. I mean, he could’ve at least chuckled the first time he heard it like how a normal person would usually react but he didn’t. Is there even a thing he’s not good at? Does he not have flaws? Seriously, he’s too good to be true.

 

“You’re just too good to be true..”

 

“Can’t take my eyes off of you..?” he continued as he stared at me while uttering those lines, though he was quite unsure if he sung it right

 

“What?”

 

“Oh, are my lyrics wrong?” he asked so innocently

 

Did I say that aloud? How could I be so stupid!

 

“Uhmm no, they’re correct actually. But I didn’t mean to say it out loud, sorry. It’s just how could you be so interested in such a weird dream and not even laugh the first time you hear it?” I can’t help but speak my thoughts, I need answers people

 

He smiled, “How could I laugh at your dream, love? You looked so confused and bothered by what happened there, it’s as if you were really there. I felt that, and I genuinely wanted to hear all about it. I want to know your thoughts. How was it? Did you like it or dislike it? I want to know. You get so caught up with your work that you actually fail to live your life anymore. I was hoping that even if it was just a dream, at least for a moment you get to enjoy your life.” I felt that too.

 

His sincerity has reached every cell in my body. Just how is it possible for a person like him to exist? How could I neglect him all these times? How could I neglect a good life with him when somewhere out there someone is struggling so much just to get a short interaction with him?

 

“How are you just so perfect?” I blurted, still can’t believe a person so understandable and just simply close to perfection exists

 

“I am not perfect, love. I’m just trying to be the best for you.” he smiled so sweetly

 

“You know, I remember saying the same thing in my dream.” I told him, remembering all the silly stuffs I made in preparation for that day

 

“Oh, you did? Guessing it was a good dream?” he beamed at me before returning to slice his meat again

 

“I don’t really think it was a good one from the pain I felt in it but I’m still thankful for the experience. It gave me a lot to ponder on in life. Funny how the saying ‘you don’t know its worth, not until it’s gone’ hits so differently when you’re already in that situation of loss.” I chuckled at the thought of how I used to cringe at that cliché and overused saying and now here I am applying it to my life

 

“You used to cringe whenever you hear someone say that. I’m getting more and more intrigued in this reality-like dream of yours, love.” he gave me this bemused look as if there’s something fishy and big with this dream of mine

 

“It’s weird to actually dream about being a fan of some young artist at this age, to be honest. I basically did all these silly things in an attempt to be noticed by that certain artist or simply to have some sort of connection with him. It’s cute and fascinating though, how one could do so much for a total stranger she’s only seen from afar.” I tried to sum up the whole dream, I don’t really want to go on details on how painful it was

 

“So does that mean, you found me cute and fascinating too?” he asked, smirking

 

“What?”

 

He chuckled, “Have you seriously forgotten how I used to only watch you from afar for years before I decided to confess to you during our senior’s night because it was now or never for me? I don’t know when I’ll be seeing you again after graduation so I had to do something. A lot of guys were after you and I seriously thought I won’t stand a chance especially with my insanely curly hair that even reached to cover my eyebrows, oh, how that image of me still haunts me and makes me laugh at the same time.” he shook his head in an attempt to erase that old image of himself

 

I can’t help but laugh with him at that memory. He described it so well I can still clearly picture his exact look even years after. “Though, I’ll still never understand how you liked me. I mean, we’re from different sections.”

 

“I think it’s my first time telling you this, but I was that boy who stupidly joined your class, thinking it was my section because I was new to the whole place, considering I came from the countryside. You were my first friend then. You toured me around the building and even took me to my section. It was a small gesture you might’ve forgotten by now but it meant a lot to me. It already felt really lonely being away from my family and pressure in law school is not helping in any way. Since then, I’d always notice you from anywhere I’d be because you were the only one I knew. I’d see you randomly falling asleep in the corridor with your books as your temporary pillow, not minding at how your things are literally all over the bench you’re sitting on. I don’t know but I always found myself sitting on the empty bench next to yours, convincing myself I am there to study but in reality, I’m just there to watch over you and your things then leave when you’re about to wake up. It was just a one time thing that slowly turned into something I got used to. Hope you don’t find me a creep for doing that, I just wanted to keep you safe.” He narrated and I was seriously astonished with what I just heard

 

Even after years of our marriage, this is my first time hearing this. All this time I thought I was alone and no one really cared, he was always there silently looking out for me. How I wish I could’ve done the same for him.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me before? I even gave you a hard time even after I’ve accepted your confession and courted me?” I asked worriedly

 

He gave me a smile and shook his head, “I didn’t want to pressure you into anything just because I did those for you. It was my choice to silently cheer and support you, I didn’t do it for the sake of using it against you, I did it because I wanted to.”

 

“No,” I said

 

“Huh?” he gave me a confused look

 

“No, I didn’t find you cute nor fascinating.” I said, quite stern actually

 

He remained silent, still not able to process where I’m going with this.

 

“You’re more than just a cute fascination to me. You’re the person I fell in love with.” I smiled sweetly at him I can see him heave a sigh of relief

 

“Love, as much as I love you being sweet, please don’t do that again next time or do warn me, please. I was scared my persistence just forced you to marry me.” he tried to smile and I can only laugh at how his distress can still be seen through his attempted smile

 

Our dinner continued with more laughter and deep talks about our future, plus a few glances turned to lovely stares for simply being thankful for the presence of each other. It was the happiest I felt that night.

 

It’s as if time does really stop when you’re with your loved one and everything around just seemed to vanish into thin air, leaving the two of you in your own bubble. The waiter came to inform us they’re a few minutes into closing time and we just laughed at how we realized we’re the only ones left. The other tables were already spot clean while their chairs have been properly arranged except for ours.

 

“We’re sorry, we lost track of time. Here,” he apologized, still chuckling at how silly our situation was

 

The waiter smiled and shook his head, “It’s okay, sir. I’m glad you were having fun.”

 

Soon, he came back to return the card and greeted us good night as he escorted us through the door. Bareun on the other hand, was taking his key from his pocket when his phone rang.

 

“Excuse me, love, let me just take this.” he smiled apologetically and handed me the car key so I can go and wait in the car

 

I smiled in assurance before taking the keys from him and walked to where the car was parked. It’s almost 11pm so it’s quite expected that the night breeze has become chilly but boy is this too much. I worriedly glanced at my husband whose eyebrows are now scrunching with his left hand lightly rubbing his forehead, probably not happy with what he’s hearing from the other line. However, despite the obvious disagreement from his face, he remained calm and still spoke softly but with full authority.

 

He’s too busy to even bother with the cold. He’s gonna get sick if he stays out in the cold for too long.

 

I sighed as I stood beside the door of the passenger seat, not planning to enter the car anytime soon while my husband is still out there. I just stood there and worriedly looked at him.

 

“It’s crazy isn’t it?”

 

I looked behind me to see an old lady. She looked oddly familiar, I just couldn’t point my finger to who she exactly is.

 

“Huh?”

 

The lady smiled. “It’s crazy how a single dream can change a lot of things,”

 

I looked at her. It’s weird how I don’t exactly understand her words but at some point I understood what she meant.

 

This is so weird.

 

“You know, there’s a vast world out there unknown to us, with different realities existing at the same time.” she said as if she knew what she was saying

 

“I’m sorry but I really don’t understand what you’re talking about.” I looked at her, confused

 

I am now considering entering the car but I don’t know why a part of me wants to stay and see where this old lady is going with this. I chose the latter though.

 

“Steffi, your alternate half, you’ve had a glimpse of her life right? Through a dream?” she asked

 

Steffi? I heard that some— ah yes! Steffi, the fan, jollibee, mia, thea… and myungsoo..

 

“H-how do you know about that?” I looked at her in disbelief

 

This is crazy! How in the world does she know about that?!

 

“There are more mysteries in this world than you can imagine. Have you heard of a parallel universe?” she slightly smirked

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you believe in them?”

 

I paused at her question, do I?

 

I surely didn’t before, but after that dream, I started thinking that maybe there is and that maybe I am starting to believe in it.

 

“I guess you’re still confused, child. They exist. Even science has found a probable proof for their existence. But it’s hard to actually see and visit these universes at our will, that’s just how the heavens have made them. Beautiful, aren’t they?” she smiled

 

“We become aware of their existence whenever we are given a glimpse of their world through our dreams. We are given that chance to feel and experience what it is like to live their lives, our lives rather, differently from how we do in our universe. Most people dismiss their dreams because they think it’s all just in our head but we fail to see the message it brings us. These messages are meant to give us hope, to encourage us, to inspire us and make us understand the real essence of how and what it really is to live.”

 

“Does that mean my dream is trying to tell me to be a better wife because somewhere out there somebody would love to be in my place instead?” I asked, still trying to understand this whole parallel universe

 

“I don’t know, child. It doesn’t matter how you see it. What matters is how you act on it.” she smiled reassuringly, comforting me with the genuineness of her smile

 

I looked back to my husband, he no longer has those scrunched eyebrows, if anything he’s actually laughing and smiling right now. Guess it worked out. I smiled at this sight. Slowly, I am starting to realize the value of our lives, what my life in this universe is about. It’s not really about being successful in my chosen field, not even the fulfillment in being able to help others for free, but as simple as being the best person I can be for my husband who’s always done the same for me. No matter how important and urgent his work may be, he made sure I’d always come first. I think it’s time I also start putting him first. Somewhere out there, a part of me is struggling to reach her other half that may not even be the one for her. The least I could do is live a better life for the both of us where at some point she gets to smile at the thought that maybe somewhere out there, beyond the million stars in the sky, there exists a world where she gets her happily ever after with him.

 

“He admires you a lot, you know?” I looked at the lady

 

I almost forgot she was still there!

 

“I wouldn’t have found you, if not for him.”

 

I raised a brow, “What do you mean?”

 

She chuckled, “You probably don’t remember me, but I was one of your pro bono (free of charge) clients.”

 

I tried to remember by studying her face and there it clicked!

 

“Mrs. Lee! You’re the one who gave me the Moonstone pendant, right?” I asked

 

She smiled and slowly nodded, “It’s the only valuable thing I have that I can give you for your service.”

 

I shook my head, “You really didn’t have to but thank you. I always have it with me wherever I go. See?” I showed her the stone that I took out from my bag

 

She was surprised and took the stone to her hands. She smiled in awe upon seeing it again.

 

It must’ve been so important to her.

 

“It seemed very important to you, Mrs. Lee. You know, you can have it back. I don’t mind, really.” I assured her

 

“This is a stone of mystery. It helps you unfold the mystery of life. It may be your past life, afterlife or even your other life. I’m just glad it served its purpose well. Keep it, child.” she returned the stone, placing it on my palm and securing it there

 

“I accidentally met your husband outside the court building that day. I was bewildered at that time. I didn’t know what to do, I was charged with a crime I know nothing about. I didn’t have anything, I can’t afford a counsel. Surely, the government will provide one for me but will they really understand my situation? I was lost. Then came your husband.” she smiled at me

 

“He asked me my case, I told him everything. He smiled at me and confidently told me to go find you. He said you can help me. He has so much confidence in you and he’s very proud of you, I hope you know that. It’s only when we won the case and I wanted to thank him that I learned he was actually a judge and your husband on top of that! You have everything you’ll ever need in this universe, child. I hope you live the most out of it. You’re very fortunate and you deserve it. Thank you to the both of you.” she had tears in her eyes as she recalled her encounter with my husband

 

I glanced back to where I left Bareun. He just ended the call and our eyes met. He beamed widely at me. Always. He skipped towards me like a kid happy to see his parents after school. Cute.

 

“Why did you wait out here? It’s cold! You should’ve waited inside the car.” he worriedly looked at me as he took off his coat and wrapped it around me

 

How his warmth still lingered in his coat, leaving it there for my body to absorb, even reaching to also warm my heart. How did I only realize this now? He made sure he buttoned his coat well on me to make sure it stays warm inside.

 

“See? Now you have a runny nose and even tears in your eyes. Come on let’s get you in.” he wiped my tears with his thumbs

 

I didn’t even know I had tears in my eyes! It’s probably because of Mrs. Lee’s story. Omg, yes, Mrs. Lee!

 

“Wait!” he abruptly stopped at my words

 

“Do you remember Mrs. Le— Mrs. Lee?” I looked back to see her gone

 

“Who?” he asked

 

“Mrs. Lee! The old lady beside me earlier? Didn’t you see her?” I don’t know why I’m panicking to be honest

 

“I’m sorry love, I didn’t. You were all alone here when I came.” he replied

 

I looked around to see any traces of her but to no avail. I sighed. Maybe I was just imagining things.

 

“I’m sorry, I guess I was just imagining. Let’s go?” I rubbed my forehead in an attempt to get hold on myself while he just smiled and opened the door for me

 

As soon as I sat down, I remembered something was on my palm. The moonstone.

 

“This is a stone of mystery. It helps you unfold the mystery of life.”

 

I chuckled upon the thought of her words. I guess you’re one of those mysteries of life. Thank you.

 

Bareun just got in and quickly started the engine. I don’t know but I think it has been his habit to look at me and just smile so endearingly before doing anything. It’s like an automatic reaction from him to smile as soon as his eyes land on me. It makes me feel elated knowing my mere presence makes him smile from happiness. If only he knows how much he does the same for my heart.

 

“Love,” I called as he was maneuvering towards the left side of the lot

 

He was quick to stop and look at my side. Cute.

 

“I love you. I hope you feel how much I mean that.” and without waiting, my lips met his

 

He was taken aback from my sudden bold move but he was quick to understand what was happening. He took the lead as soon as he realized I was kissing him. It was slow and romantic. I seriously don’t know how to describe the feeling. It’s as if his lips have magic in them that as soon as it reached mine, it made wonders inside of me. How his lips perfectly fit the mold of mine with every move he does, in any angle he tilts his head, it remains incredibly in sync with mine. The fervour in his kisses made sure his love for me is properly conveyed to me in all ways possible. I felt so secured and comfortable being this close to him. How have I been wasting years of our marriage life not being able to get a daily dose of his kisses? Gahd they’re so addicting!

 

He pulled away, too soon for my liking, and dropped a lingering kiss on my forehead.

 

“I really don’t know what happened today, love, and I’m not gonna force you to tell me what it is. I just hope you’re not forcing yourself into anything, okay?” he asked me, as I feel his warm hands on my cheeks, gently caressing them

 

I was quick to shake my head on his remark. “I want this, more than you’ll ever know. I hope you’ll never get tired of me and my shortcomings. I’ll try to become better. Thank you for being so patient with me all this time.”

 

He smiled, “I just want you to be you. Whatever mood you’ll be in, I’ll always love you the same. It’s still you. That’s all that matters to me.”

 

I couldn’t resist his words and just crashed my lips back to his. I hope the fervour in my kisses successfully conveyed the things I want to tell him that I can’t simply put into words.

 

“I love you most.” he whispered before totally pulling away

 

He smiled at me one last time before grabbing my hand on his and driving off to our home.

 

Sometimes, there are just so many mysteries in life that makes it hard for us to distinguish it from reality, where the line between dreams and reality becomes indistinguishable, but to believe is the key. Believe that if it’s meant for you, it’ll come to you. If not, then believe that maybe somewhere someday, in a parallel universe, it’ll eventually come to you.

 

The skies are vast and endless, we’re unsure of where it starts and ends. But beneath the mystery of such uncertainty, lies the beauty of the infinite possibilities to life, variously happening at different parallel universes.

 

- END -

And... that's a wrap! ^_^ I hope you enjoyed reading this story of mine! Feel free to leave some of your thoughts or anything on the comments section, I will greatly appreciate it. Thank you very much for making it 'til the end ^_^ Please look forward to my future stories!