Purple Night

Hands on the wheel, the wind messing up his already messy hair, a concentrated pout on his plumply lips. Steady pulse on agitated fingers, the road ahead, the bustle of the city behind.

He said it would be fun. So far, it hasn't been, though Jinwoo has enjoyed the views. Eyes focused on the road, he has all the time to contemplate him shamelessly, his silhouette, his fluffy cheeks, full with tension and that he wants to pinch, take away his worries, exhale his preoccupations that are fizzing his head, making him more prone to be wary – all innocent has left him, there is no playfulness on him, only a serious expression on his pensive eyes.

Despite all, Seungyoon is so adorable, teeth showing on top of his lower lip in anticipated application. He sees his fingers fumbling, hands on the shift gear, thumbing, drumming at the same pace as the song inside his mind. Its all silence between them: Jinwoo is too scared to speak in fear it might distract Seungyoon and cause a clash against another car. Seungyoon just got his license a week ago after all, any intrusion can get them dead and Jinwoo is mindful to not cause any distress, keeping Seungyoon on his bubble of focus, remembering all the tips that the instructor provided him with.

It was supposed to be a road trip along the coast but, so far, it has been a succession of Seungyoon on different stage of concentration. Lovable, though, despite the tension on his hands and the lack of laughter he reckoned to supply. Seungyoon wanted to show up his driving skills and wanted Jinwoo to be his first passenger, the first one to sit on the co-pilot seat of his second-hand car. He would like to impress Jinwoo but, so far, he has done nothing more than to be immersed on the road ahead, too scared to even try to talk. For two hours silence has felt among them two, engulfing them like the sea that can be seen through the windows – and, with the glasses rolled down, the salty breeze baths them, saltpetre spreading its aroma inside the vehicle, fresh, welcoming.

Seungyoon is grumpy, he has been dying to flex his new ability and now that he has Jinwoo all to himself, he is too worried to mess it up, to take the wrong turn and get them both lost that all his prospects have vanished. Or worse, to crash the car and end whatever that has begun to ignite between them before depart. Because he can feel Jinwoo's kind eyes on him, absorbed in contemplation, instead of watching to the passing view from the outside - the waves, the tides, the sand and the coast, peoples enjoying the sunshine. And Seungyoon's puffy cheeks are rosy and his lips dry and bitten, soft marks of his teeth embodies on the meaty flesh and Seungyoon holds onto the wheel for dear life, the speedometer stuck at 50km/h despite that they have been in the express-way for hours – he is too afraid to let go, to speed up and feel the wind against his skin.

Since his plan is all crumbled down he better pulls off, stop somewhere nice, get Jinwoo a little tour, get a good meal, tell him how he feels, how he can't keep him out of his mind - how he aimed to show up but failed big time. The scenario is nice enough, inviting, a wide beach in front of his eyes, a little town taking the next turn. But Jinwoo beats him on it, though, suggesting to go eat.

“I made sandwiches. We can go, have a little pick nick by the sea," he proposes and Seungyoon halts the car instantly. In the middle of the road, too fast to comply with Jinwoo’s desires to remember that he is still driving. The car shudders at the sudden jamming on the breaks and Jinwoo looks at him perplexed, giddy.

It takes ten horns from the vehicle behind for Seungyoon to notice and react. He snickers, all nervous and ashamed and Jinwoo rubs his hand, smiling at him despite the haze of his head before walking out, leaving him to park alone.

Without Jinwoo by him, who has gone to get a spot in the beach, Seungyoon's drive becomes smoother, he even does the parallel park without a single problem. He sighs, he has been practicing so hard just for this moment, only for Jinwoo to not be there to watch him being great, pulling out such a stunt.

Jinwoo watches from afar how Seungyoon parks and, oh, what a sight to behold it is! Hands on the wheel, head bent sideways, a smile on his face, proud of his achievement - and Jinwoo knows though Seunghoon how complicated is to do this and how easily Seungyoon proved it to be. So, perhaps, he has been driving at 50 on the highway out of fear, too scared to kill them both in an imprudent act of the jitters. He is really talented - he is awesome in everything he sets his mind into, Jinwoo is not even surprised by it now. He has been so cautious, so focused when he can just drive like a professional and yet, Jinwoo suspects, he has been the cause of it all.

Jinwoo is properly stunned when Seungyoon comes to him, waving his hand, excited like a little kid. He giggles. He can be such a dork and adorable boy and, at the same time, impress his heart with his endless supply of skills. He has no flaws, it's all genuinely flairs.

Seungyoon beams at the glorious sight that Jinwoo is. Bathed by the sunlight, the sand cradling under his feet, the waves chasing his skin... The setup is beautiful and Jinwoo adds his brilliant personality to it with a bunch of hand-made sandwiches and cans of coffee and tea. Jinwoo has been very thoughtful, packing everything on his own, spreading a towel for them to sit down, a display of different foods in offer.

"It's been a long time since we could relax like this," Seungyoon says, the sun painting his face with golden sparkles and his pupils are lost, tracing the long skyline.

It feels like the perfect moment. Idyllic. If only the memories of the way here wasn’t haunt Seungyoon, wrinkling his confidence, breaking his self-defence, he would say it. In his mind, like a film, he would had an arm thrown around Jinwoo's head-rest. He would hum to a song, chat with him, the wind on his hair, sunglasses shading his eyes, turning him into a mystery. He would glance at Jinwoo, smile at him, at the way he would be startled at his amazing driving skills, impressed by his confidence, at his words telling him how stunning and beautiful he is, how much he wants him – and then, in an indefinite spot on the road, at dawn, he would pull over only to kiss him, the sun caressing his golden lips.

It turned out to be the opposite. They sat there in silence for hours until reaching this unnamed place in the middle of nowhere, totally out of his plans.

It was only a cool dream that will remind like that, a fantasy. He won't be a brave man, able to unroll his sentiments, to play the hero of the day as one of Jinwoo’s dramas, enrapturing Jinwoo with a wicked performance - not when his pinkish hands are trembling and his tongue is dry, all the words forgotten.

But, at least, he can enjoy the current moment, burn it down in his mind, memorized Jinwoo's features, the way he smiles at the bay, with the breeze on his hair and the waves tangled on his eyes, colouring it in shades of aqua marine and baby blue.

Jinwoo sighs, ripping his sight from the faraway line where the sky and the ocean meet to turn to stare at Seungyoon. He is so beautiful, with his full cheeks and his rounded lips, his eyes that hide so much wonder. He is lost contemplating him, his profile, his side smirk, like a secret he is about to reveal but that he keeps to himself, a pleased expression washing over him. Jinwoo let him lean on him, his head, sleepy, falling to his lap and, with his eyes shut close, his head full of dreams, he rubs his small frame gently, kissing the top of his curls reverently.

Seungyoon stirs on his sleep. And talks. He has forgotten - it’s been so long since they last shared a room, he misses his antics, the way he had to force him to shower, to wear clothes or else he would catch a cold they couldn't afford, how, when sleep didn’t come, he sneaked inside his bed, touching his flesh like a token of good luck, falling asleep counting the undulations of his chest.

He ruffles his hair attentively, protecting his innocence, the soft smile sprawled all over his face, assuring Jinwoo that, by him, he is happy, secured and it feels like a photography, time preserved in an instant that is now far away – when the stress of debuting was eating them alive and Seungyoon was only a kid with too many responsibilities burying him down and he let him sleep on top of him, brushing his worries away, mumbling songs to allow his mind a fresh star, to dilute the pressure on his bones. A soft memory that Jinwoo has always treasured.

"Jinwoo hyung, i love you," his voices comes muffled, stuffed with sleep, thick but still it captures his heart, his cheeks trembling in a blooming smile that blinds the sky above.

"I love you too, baby boy," he replies softly, like a song, lulling him, huddling closer.

The sun is settling down when Seungyoon opens his eyes, blinking sheepishly, a tat confused. The light is dim and purple and Jinwoo is holding him, his head on his lap, comfortable pressed down by gentle hands.

"Good afternoon sleepy king," Jinwoo greets him with gleam and Seungyoon has never rested this well in years even if his back aches and his neck is stiff and he has still hours to drive back, all his plots crumbled down. But just to see Jinwoo beaming under the dying sunlight, all the time consumed is worthy, all the missed opportunities that have lead him to this precise moment.

On the way back, Seungyoon notices that Jinwoo is acting strange. He is pampering him with comments about his talented driving despite that, due to it, he nearly bumps into another car and has mistaken the pedal gas and the car yanked, fast forward. He has giggled at it brushing the accident as if sweet nothing.

"You are doing it so good," he keeps on praising and Seungyoon feels so full of himself with him admiring his null capabilities.

He still drives absolutely stiff, his eyes glued to the road, trying to anticipate the next curb, his hands still shaking on the steering wheel and his teeth keep appearing to play over his lips. But he is humming, he can hear the tune he is mumbling and Seungyoon feels elated and giddy with Jinwoo's compliments that falls on him like heavenly fire. And Jinwoo watches him drive with a shaking heart that is captured by all of his efforts to show off and that fail because Seungyoon is too serious and the skill is too big for him, a mere novice. He is adorable, all ruffled and pouts, his lips moist and Jinwoo would like to see if they taste as he dreams of. Of course he does nothing because Seungyoon gets aghast easily when he is this concentrated - and they already faced enough on the road, he won’t risk their lives for a kiss.

The sun is balanced atop of them, following the ripples of the car, leaching gold and purple to shine their skin. Seungyoon longs to throw his arm around Jinwoo's head-rest, drive with one hand, his eyes on the road, his mind somewhere else. But, instead, he holds the wheel fiercely, tension piled on his arms, veins popping up, rivulets of mauve and navy blue, fingers thumbing with nerves, counting the minutes to reach home - to be out of the auto-mobile, out in a safer place where he is sure, a ground beneath his feet.

The drive back feels longer even though they both have a lighter heart. Seungyoon blinks at the street-lamps, surprised to be on the city roads, driving slower now, carefully, a steam of cars passing by, startling him. Jinwoo smiles at him and takes the hand resting on the wheel while waiting in a gridlock, rubbing it under the afternoon cramp. Seungyoon jolts, startled by the gesture, the car halted in between the traffic jam, Jinwoo's fingers interlocking with his ones in a reassuring way, warmth spreading, melting away his fears, his insecurities. He turns to face Jinwoo and he smiles beatifically.

"You are doing great love,” he says, eyes falling on him, twinkling with lilac light.

And Seungyoon feels like clouds wrapping him, stretching all around his chest, until reaching his core and more, deeper than that. Jinwoo has called him 'love' and that means everything, makes him bold. Facing Jinwoo under the polluted sky, the fogged city around, he finally reaches for him, his hands on his back, the busy road and its sounds as the backtrack, his lips cold and warm and sweet.

A purple night widen atop of them, time freeze, his lips on Jinwoo, his voice a whisper on his ear and he doesn't need to keep driving because he has reached home - his dearest one.