“Let’s break up.” Minjoo said to the person in front of her.

Minjoo saw how Chaewon’s eyes widened in shock, how she almost choked while sipping her caramel frappuccino, and most of all, how she did not anticipate this to happen on the day of their 3rd anniversary.

Minjoo never imagined that she’ll be breaking up on a cliché note. It’s raining outside and they’re on the café where they used to hang out, do their projects and assignments together, where they held their first date, and so much more. Basically, the café holds so much memories and she can’t believe that this painful moment will be a part of the memory that this café holds of them.

Minjoo suddenly remembered how it was back then. How everything started when Chaewon implicitly confessed to her back through suggesting a song and fortunately, Minjoo got the message and felt the same way. She also remembered their awkward couple phase, the way they used to steal glances when they weren’t dropping the news yet to their circle of friends, their awkward couple phase, the way they talked until wee hours about random things, and the way they both made efforts to fix any misunderstandings. She remembered how warm Chaewon’s hand feels every time they held hands, how Chaewon embraces her like she’s the most fragile thing ever, but above all, she remembered how Chaewon felt like home.

She remembered how she feels secured and loved whenever Chaewon’s near. She remembered how it all feels but it’s such a shame that she’s ending it now.

“Why?” Chaewon weakly said, with her voice cracking up. There were tears forming up on the sides of her eyes and she’s trying so hard for it not to lose to gravity.

Minjoo, before going here, thought a lot of reasons to say if she was asked ‘why’. She has already anticipated this. She prepared and practiced how and what to say but even if she had list on her mind, she can’t find the appropriate words now. Her tongue backing out to say the words she prepared. She found it absurd how her mind went empty and unable to think just because of a three letter word. She disliked how she clearly wants to back out from breaking up with her now but Minjoo knows that this is necessary for her not to further hurt herself.

Minjoo can imagine her Eunbi-unnie telling her that this is the right thing to do. That breaking up with someone who became the world, the center of your universe, is hard but it is necessary at some point if there are already boundaries crossed and if it’s not inducive for growing together.

 Minjoo weakly smiled, “It’s not healthy anymore.” Was all that she managed to say without her voice tearing.

Minjoo remembered the cold replies, the cold shoulder, the way she cried every night because of Chaewon, the way Chaewon’s eyes doesn’t look at her the same way she did before, and a lot more but what hurts her the most was a scene she saw accidentally. She knew that she should’ve noticed these signs when it surfaced long ago because if she did, she could’ve saved herself from all of this hurt. 

Still, even after all that, she knows that she still loves her but, at this moment, enough is enough.

“We can still fix this.” Chaewon reassures with a smile. She had been certain that they can withstand anything as long as they communicate well with each other, and right now, she knows she’s in the wrong.

Minjoo shook her head no. “It’s already broken, Chaewon.” Minjoo sighed. “It can’t be fixed because my trust for you is already broken.”

Chaewon felt a sudden wave of emotions through her body. She felt her hands getting cold because of this and the cold temperature in the café didn’t help. She saw how Minjoo’s eyes reflected the pain she brought to her.

Minjoo remembered how she saw Chaewon in the hands of another one Saturday night. The night sky was clear, the city lights were as beautiful yet it was tragic.  She was only strolling to get some fresh air until she came across a resto with transparent glass and she saw Chaewon looking happier than ever with the hands of another. That night, Chaewon told Minjoo that she’ll be at home late because she needs to work overtime and seeing her firsthand doing sweet gestures to another broke her. It shattered the trust Minjoo has for her. She saw how Chaewon had her hand on the waist of the other woman, but what tore her most is that Chaewon looks at the woman the way Chaewon looks at her, which Chaewon doesn’t do anymore. And when Chaewon went home that night, she reeks of alcohol and of another woman’s perfume. What’s worse is that Minjoo found out that the woman is a co-worker or Chaewon at the company she works at, and the woman’s name is Hitomi.

Even before that incident happened, everything was going downhill for them but Minjoo held on and fought for their relationship because she loves her more than she’s ever love herself, hell, she even turned a blind eye but now she’s opened her eyes to the truth that someone else owns Chaewon’s heart now. She has acknowledged the fact that the person she loves is now happy in the hand of another, she’s seen this through the help of the friends who knocked some sense into Minjoo’s mind.

“Can we talk about it, please? Please.” Chaewon pleaded. She tried to hold Minjoo’s hand which was resting on the table but Minjoo flinched and kept her hands to herself instead.

“I’m sorry, Chaewon.” Minjoo trailed off, taking pause for her voice not to break. “I love you but this is the end for us. You love someone else now.” Minjoo said with tear flowing down her beautiful face. She never imagined that she’d be saying this in real life but she just did. She thought that this is really the end of the line for them.

“I don’t love someone else, Minjoo! You’re the only one that I love!” Chaewon said with conviction. Frustration and sadness piling up and it’s evident on her voice. “Let’s fix this… please.” Chaewon continued, clearly not wanting their 3 years of being together go down the drain just like that.

Everyone invests in a relationship. You invest time, effort, and not to mention, emotions, to the person you love but at the same time one should not forget that every investment also entails risks. There’s a rule that the greater the risk also means greater return. But on Minjoo’s case, it’s not being returned. Another is that a relationship is a partnership and not ownership just like what Minjoo learned in her college days. They’ve laid out their plans perfectly and came to an agreement but there is already a breach of contract, and clearly, if this was a business, Minjoo is already on the losing end.

“If I’m the only one you love, you, of all people, wouldn’t do that.” Minjoo wiped her tears and looked straight into Chaewon’s eyes. “But you did.”

Chaewon’s guilt overpowered her. Chaewon then realized that Minjoo knows her. She remembered how Minjoo knows her better than anyone, how she can look past her façade. She also knows that Minjoo cried countless nights because of her. How it wrecked her knowing that she hurt her with her mistake.

It was not her intention to hurt Minjoo but she did. It was not her intention to make the love of her life become jealous with someone. It was not her intention to let someone be sweet to her like that but it happened. It was not her intention to commit the mistake of falling for someone else but Chaewon is being honest, she knows that she has already fallen for her co-worker… for Hitomi.

Chaewon’s tears were far from stopping and Minjoo wanted to wipe the tears from Chaewon’s face but she knows that she shouldn’t. She wanted to say that she loves her so much, that they should be together but it suddenly feels wrong. Minjoo also knows that even if they’ll get back together right now, things aren’t the same as before.

But she knows deep down that Minjoo is the person she wants to come home to, because just like Minjoo, Chaewon’s home is Minjoo and no one else could ever top that.

“She’s just a mistake, Minjoo.” Chaewon apologetically said, completely aware of the impact of the words that comes out of .

Minjoo smiled half-heartedly, “A mistake that broke what we had, unfortunately.” Minjoo remembered countless of times Chaewon went home smelling like jasmine, a scent not found at their apartment because Minjoo knows their stuff and scents by heart. “Enough is enough, Chaewon. Please.”

“Please stop making a fool of yourself now.” Minjoo said while looking at Chaewon’s beautiful eyes which were already puffed from crying.

Chaewon felt the realization that Minjoo is just done with her. Chaewon knew that once Minjoo had a final decision on something, that’s really it. No changing of plans, and such, what’s done will always be done for Minjoo.

“I’m sorry.” Chaewon said, barely audible. Chaewon wiped her tears and composed herself. “I’m so sorry for hurting you with my stupid mistake.” She confessed. “Liking someone else is definitely my mistake. She was a mistake and I’m truly sorry, Minjoo. Please forgive me.” Chaewon remorsefully said.

“I regret that I’ve hurt someone as beautiful and precious as you. You’re the only person who loved me this much and getting this immense love from you scared me. I…” Chaewon found it hard to continue. It feels like the lump in that was there ever since she started to speak grew bigger.

Minjoo felt like her heart was breaking slowly as she sat there with the untouched coffees and seeing Chaewon, the greatest love of her life, cried in front of her and what’s worse is that she can’t wipe it for her now. The way that she needs to stop herself from doing the act is killing her but it’s needed. She needed to do this for herself, for the both of them, to stop hurting and begin mending. She decided to still wait for Chaewon to say things from her end.

“I respect your decision, Minjoo.” Chaewon smiled faintly with tears evident on the side of her eyes. “This may be the end for us now but please do know that you are and will always be the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll never ever regret loving you. I’ll probably keep on loving you even after years.” Chaewon said all of this while looking at Minjoo’s eyes and faintly giggling after saying the last part.

“You do know that you’re my definition of home, right?” Chaewon asked.

“I know.” Minjoo replied while softly nodding.

“I’ll always love you, you know that.” Chaewon smiled at Minjoo, the same one that Minjoo used to see whenever Chaewon is genuinely happy.

Minjoo smiled bittersweetly, “I love you too, more than you’ll ever know.” She saw how softly Chaewon nodded and uttered ‘I know’ under her breath. “But this is the end for us.”

After a few more minutes of just sitting there, Minjoo stood up to go home. She bid Chaewon goodbye one last time with a smile.

“I pray for your peace and happiness.” Minjoo heard say those words as she was walking away from Chaewon.

The rain had stopped pouring the same time Minjoo stood outside the café and sighed. She looked up at the sky and thought that maybe she lost a big part of her today, but maybe she’ll find something better on this journey called life… like herself.