Seungwan has increasingly concerning nightmares. She will wake up in the middle of the night confused and afraid, squinting through the darkness infinitely certain that something is about to jump out at her. Beside her Joohyun will be sleepy and confused and will attempt to pull her in closer. The room will be dark and blue and everything and nothing. And Seungwan will feel horribly alone.

And she doesn’t understand why she’s afraid.

The dreams don’t bother lingering - dissipating the moment she opens her eyes, leaving the breathless fear. It happens often. Too often, that Seungwan has taken to leaving a candle flickering in the corner of their bedroom, fire hazard be damned. In the mornings she will have forgotten about how she waited, patient, excited, for a creaking door. Or how she stared out of their bedroom window expecting for someone to stare back.

It’s lucky, or maybe unlucky, that Joohyun loves the sun so much, that their bedroom gets awashed with sunlight every morning. The sun rays hit every corner of their room, banishing the shadows.

Joohyun gives her space, on days when all Seungwan does is hear noises that aren’t there. She doesn’t bring anything up, doesn’t push her. But Seungwan thinks it’s beginning to feel like she’s keeping a secret.

-

“Let’s go out for dinner tonight?”

Joohyun hums in agreement, tongue peeking out from between her teeth as she attempts to spread the jam evenly onto her toast. 

And Seungwan feels terrible for being distant and confused, for messing up their routine and muddling the way they intertwine. When Joohyun successfully creates her perfect sandwich, her lips twitch up, a small smile, but bright. And Seungwan falls a little harder, watching her pack their lunch so tenderly. The city is vibrant, a blur of colours in the streets below as cars whizz by. Their apartment is cozy and sweet. She is happy.
 

But why is something wrong?

“You know,” Joohyun says, her voice much nearer than expected. Fingers brush against the back of her neck, jolting her, and she feels Joohyun gently playing with the strands of baby hair - an apology. “We could go to the park after, the one you love so much.”

“Not as much as I love you.”

The beauty of Joohyun’s laughter, the beauty of her eyes and crinkled nose, gets covered, muffled, when Seungwan sees a face, an extra face, in the reflection of their kitchen window. She can feel the throaty chuckle from where she's seated, shoulder pressed against the side of Joohyun’s waist. But her ears seem to have started ringing, her eyes locked onto a moving figure in the reflection.

"Flatterer."

She blinks. And the gaunt, pale face in the window is gone.

Her heart clenches. She misses it.

Why does she miss it?

-

Dinner is an overwhelming success.

Joohyun has a delicate bun, curled and pretty, and the way the light in the restaurant shimmers across the angles of her face makes Seungwan feel as if she's with an angel.

They chat and talk and Seungwan blatantly ignores the figure crouched at the corner of her eye. It's grey and dripping blood and all Seungwan wants to do is to focus on her girlfriend for the entirety of their date.

They fight to pay for the bill, and they have a playful tussle over who gets to take out their wallets. It's light, airy, happy.

The waiter compliments their relationship.

"Relationship goals, the both of you," he exclaims. Seungwan agrees.

But. The park. It's secluded and empty and dark. They walk between the trees, silent, soothing. Except for the ringing in Seungwan’s ears.

There's something she needs to remember. Some rule. A rule? Maybe? There isn't any wind but the trees seem to be swaying, beckoning, leaves rustling. It's too loud.

"No," she blurts out, "Do not talk to the trees." They know. They listen. She knows that. How does she know that?

Joohyun tilts her head, confused. Neither of them were talking. By the time Seungwan’s blush dissipates, she's already forgotten why they can't speak to trees. Joohyun doesn't bring it up, she never does. Instead she links their arms together, fingers curling and barely skimming the skin of her palm.
 

It's peaceful.

But she can't help but feel something staring.

She tries to peek, to the corner, where the lights are hazy and the park seems to blend into the night, but there's nothing there. 

Curious. 

Seungwan swore there was something in the trees. Somethings. Up in the branches and watching them. With a final glance at the darkness, she tugs Joohyun in closer, soothed by her warmth, pressed close to her side, and they both giggle at how she gets bumped with every step. She tries to ignore the painful itch between her ribs at the sight of the darkness in the trees.

It's probably just stress.

-

Seungwan thinks she is beginning to remember more. She stops actively avoiding the darkness in their storage room, or blinking rapidly at the windows, or downing energy drinks instead of sleeping.

And once she's accepted the fact that maybe she isn't going insane, the clench in her heart eases. But instead the itch spreads. Although, she probably should not call it an itch, not when it's something she can't satiate. It's gnawing, fluctuating, in her chest, as though it's trying to pull her in a certain direction. Seungwan doesn't know what to do with the itch, neither does she know what to do with the pair of eyes that follows her everywhere.

She writes her experiences down in a little moleskine journal she'd found in the bottom drawer of her office desk, even attempting to sketch out the things she sees in her dreams. Maybe if she's brave enough, Seungwan thinks she will give the journal to Joohyun as a form of explanation. (Joohyun knows, how she rambles and rambles and how her spoken words are jumbled. She understands her either way.) But Seungwan feels, that her written words are easier to digest than if she had to run it through her voice.

----

Horror is just a genre in movies. Horror isn’t her childhood.

The new world has an abundance of horror movies, ranging from documentary style films with enormous budgets, to amateur, shaky-cameras filming an empty street at night. What they all have in common is the jumpscare tactics. The people in the city do not believe in ghosts. It’s not tactile, not scientific, and is only used as a means for money.

She and Joohyun have taken to weekly movie nights. It happens every Friday evening. After a week's worth of work and grating obligations, they settle together in the lumpy couch that Joohyun adores and have a movie date, pressed against the other, soft and warm and comfortable.

Lately, all they've been watching are horror movies. She wants to scoff at the shrill screams of the protagonists when they encounter any form of supernatural because of their dumb actions.

"Stupid," Joohyun will say, as Seungwan is tucked into her side, fidgety in anticipation above her, "just leave." 

Seungwan agrees.

Oftentimes Seungwan wants to grab the characters by their shoulders and tell them to stop. If you don't bother them they won't bother you. And the protagonists are often grating and rude and disrespectful - Seungwan doesn't blame the spirits for coming after them.

"Just leave," Joohyun repeats. "Leave and never look back."

But that's what Seungwan did. When she was young. And now she is paying for it. She squints into the bleak darkness of their kitchen from her position on the couch. It's lit only by the brightness of the television, and she sees someone. Not a someone. Something. Floating above their counter and spinning, spinning, spinning.

The back of her neck prickles. For some strange reason she awaits cold hands. Expects wet, cold fingers to press into her back and push her. 

She doesn't get that. 

She gets Joohyun’s warm breath puffing against her skin as another ghost pops up on screen.  She swallows the odd disappointment to bask in the affection, closes her eyes and leans into Joohyun, comforted and loved.

The movie ends and Joohyun floods the apartment with light. Even their balcony is lit, twinkling and homely from the fairy lights. The lights are harsh and Seungwan has to blink slowly to stop her eyes from hurting. But the light is also soothing. The spinning silhouette is gone. In place is Joohyun twirling and dancing in the kitchen as she rummages for snacks.

Seungwan laughs and joins right in.

-

She remembers so much more now. She remembers exactly how the houses would wobble and lean when the storms hit. She remembers that there were exactly five ways to get to her home from the sea shore, and seven ways from the edge of the forest. But that's just bits and pieces of something so large. She can't remember where she lived other than how to get to her home from that forest in the middle of nowhere.

Seungwan lived beyond the sea and beyond the forest. It floats in her memories, foggy and unclear, hazy from the years gone by. She misses it sometimes, when there’s a small moment of silence for her to actually remember. Now she lives in an apartment with her girlfriend. An apartment that looks over the city’s skyline, that has windows, that lets in the morning sun in the perfect angle, that has wooden floors perfect for Joohyun to dance on in her socks. She loves it all. But Seungwan misses the eternal fog and the black waters and how there's always something in the corner.

There were planks, she thinks. If you are brave enough to wade through the choking smog and black water. Thin strips of wood barely able to hold the weight of a human. They stretch out far and away from humanity. Nobody’s actually ever found their little community. No one will. Not if you weren’t born there in the first place. If you walk long enough in the forest, you’ll find yourself standing on the black sea. That’s where she lived. In a tiny village built with stilts and planks and so much love.

Seungwan remembers running and giggling above the water, looking back at the disembodied head. Sweet and kind and so silent. She remembers the matted hair and blood. She also remembers her smile.

But Seungwan doesn't remember how to get there from the city. The forest could be anywhere. Even the black waters. That could just be something she's conjured in her mind.

Even so, Seungwan thinks to bring Joohyun there one day, if she ever manages to broach the subject. She's certain that Joohyun will think her insane.

Sometimes, in between writing proposals and work, she tries to imagine how they'll get there. Navigate the forest, perhaps. It’s safer, maybe. With enough water and food in case the forest decides to be mischievous and makes them walk for days. She thinks Joohyun won’t believe her if she ever told her about her childhood. But she wants to bring Joohyun there anyway. She misses her family, misses Sooyoung’s rickety little home on stilts filled with knives and daggers and bones, misses the ever present fog and all the dark figures standing just beyond her periphery.

----

She slips her journal into Joohyun’s bag one day. Her free day, when Joohyun leaves to her studio and she spends the day reading. She likes those days - they're peaceful and quiet and neither of them have to worry about work.

Seungwan spends the entire day reading the same paragraph. Her mind races and back-pedals. It conjures up a galore of possible outcomes, each of them getting from bad to worse. In the end she gives up trying to predict the future and tries to hold on to happier memories.

The ache and itch gives her a respite, but the ever elusive figure remains firmly in the corner of her eye.

Joohyun’s childhood is pretty, and clinical. Like everything in this new world she lives in. Two parents, Mister and Missus Bae, a suburban house with bicycle rides and top grades and internships. Nobody believes in anything in this new world. She thinks Joohyun may believe her though. Hopefully. Joohyun, her Joohyun, with her magic eyes and amazing dancing ability.

She loves Joohyun. From her kindness and innocence, to how she just knows what to do with Seungwan. 

But even their first meeting felt scripted - Seungwan tripping and crashing into her at a sidewalk. Three streets past her old apartment. She remembers everything about that day.

"Jesus I’m so sorry! Even though it was kinda your fault that you weren’t looking but it’s not really the issue so I’m really really sorry," she had rambled, sopping wet from the drink Joohyun had spilled all over her. And Joohyun? Joohyun was laughing. Her laughter was, and still is, twinkly, boisterous but elegant. She fell in love then. 

"Oh my god you’re drenched." The face Joohyun had was torn between beyond amused and apologetic. And it was that moment that Seungwan knew her life would change

Sometimes she wonders how she would have phrased it if she could go back in time to change it. She was shy and awkward and everything came out harsh. Maybe she wouldn’t have stuttered and rambled and been so passive aggressive. But maybe Joohyun wouldn't have offered her a hot chocolate (because she doesn’t drink coffee) as an apology. And maybe they would have gone their separate ways, never to meet again.
 

She likes to think that their souls are too connected to let that happen.

But everything else about Joohyun isn't scripted. Not the way she rasps and talks and laughs. Not the way her nose scrunches up when she gets annoyed. And definitely not the selflessness ingrained in her soul.
 

She hopes Joohyun won't leave.

Joohyun returns that afternoon, sweat causing her loose shirt to stick, holding a bag of take-out. She kisses soft and gentle and Seungwan expected everything but that.

They talk well into the morning. Joohyun’s face is heartbreaking when Seungwan talks about her nightmares and the missing blocks in her childhood. There's a determination in the furrow of her eyebrows and the way she holds Seungwan that night.

-

Seungwan knows her birthday is coming up, and she knows Joohyun is planning a surprise. There's a palpable tension in the air, with her dreams and stress getting to her, and Joohyun running around getting things in order while trying to hide that she's doing just that.

Joohyun's side of the bed will be long cold by the time Seungwan wakes - and it's unnerving because Seungwan often wakes up before the sun has a chance to rise. There'll be a muffin on the table, along with some tea, and a little handwritten card with a reason.

The reasons get more incredulous as the week goes by.

--

"Baby, had to run out for some errands. Will be back early tonight. Love you." Beside the message there was an adorably drawn flower with the words "Have a good day" written along its stem.

"Yerim managed to set fire to her hair. Gotta save her, love ya <3" With a background drawing of a cartoon fire enveloping cartoon Yerim, all drawn with highlighters.

"Our neighbour found a pot of gold, Im going to steal some. See you later! I love you." And a leprechaun, a leprechaun with a humungous nose typical of Joohyun’s art style, grins back at her from her spot on the post-it.

She folds all of them neatly and adds them to her growing collection - filled with other doodles and small notes from Joohyun, on napkins and scrap paper and newspaper clippings.

--

Seungwan wakes up on the day of her birthday disoriented. She wakes with a start, heart palpitating, into darkness. A quick check of her phone certifies that she has officially turned twenty-five. Joohyun shuffles, disturbed by the movement, and tries to pull her in closer.

"Wan-ah?" Her voice is thick and drowsy. "What time is it?"

She tries to reply, but there's a lodge in and she's still trying to grasp onto the tail of her dream. Instead she passes her phone to Joohyun, who barely opens her eyes to squint at the screen before slamming them shut and burying her face into her pillow with a groan, the phone forgotten.

"Happy birthday baby," she greets, muffled, "now let's sleep."

Seungwan turns, presses a kiss on the side of Joohyun’s head, breathes in the soothing scent of her soap, and stares straight at the hazy figure squatting beside their bed.

It stares back, what seems to be its eyes glowing at her.

She blinks.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

And it's still there. Silent and motionless and just, there.

The gnawing between her ribs splutters and stops. The more she stares at it the quieter her head becomes. But it's disappearing, slowly, edges fraying and willowy, just like her dream. At some point she falls back to sleep, and the next time she wakes up Joohyun starts off the birthday schedule with the softest birthday kiss, and everything is forgotten.

Almost.

There's always something watching them. And for some reason she's more comforted by that than afraid.

-

"Do you." Joohyun swallows. They're both nervous, and emotional. And the guilt Seungwan feels triples. "Do you want to try getting home?"

The emotions playing on her face must be evident, because Joohyun draws in closer, soft and careful, as though she is dealing with an injured animal - and flashes of two-headed baby deers appear in her mind before fleeing. But then Joohyun floats back into focus. Joohyun doesn’t talk much, she listens instead, so endearingly, to Seungwan chatter a million words a second. But lately it seems that their dynamic is changing. Her girlfriend feels her shift and is accommodating her - and that thought, if she weren’t already crying, would cause Seungwan to burst into tears.

"I've heard stories, from when I was young, about what's beyond the city," Joohyun says. She takes a slow breath, an uncertain smile on her face. "If nothing else, it'll be a fun camping trip. Just you and me, and the romance of the great wide unknown. How about it? Let's try to find your home."

The prickle in her eyes begin to morph into a sting. But for that moment the itch in Seungwan’s chest ceases. She tries to stop her voice from wavering, tries to clear the lump in .

"You are my home, Hyun." It's true. Joohyun, especially now with her splotchy red cheeks and messy, tangled hair, is her home. She never needs anything more than Joohyun. 

“Wherever I am,” she recites, a little choked up, “if you are with me-“

Joohyun finishes it for her. “That’s the luxury I want.”

She gets drawn in for a kiss, and realises what Joohyun means; that Joohyun is offering her more. To find her childhood, find answers. To find Sooyoung and maybe even bring them home.

-

Her birthday is quiet and peaceful, just the both of them, in their little apartment filled with light and love. The entire day is emotionally charged, and they spend majority of their time close to the other.

She gets a painting for her birthday, it's murky and grey and the majority of the piece seems to have been covered by a fog. But it's everything to her. There's an accuracy in the way the painting seem to move, courtesy of Seulgi’s talent - Joohyun explains the days she wasn’t home were spent trying to work with Seulgi to create this masterpiece. 

She cries a lot and kisses Joohyun with tears streaming, salty and sticky and snot-filled.

The painting gets hung up above their headboard. And for the first time in a long while, Seungwan doesn't get her dreams. The looming presence seems to have pulled back, and all Seungwan can see and feel is Joohyun. She's going home, with her safe haven.

------

a little different from my usual fics so I hope it's still enjoyable? :/:/:///// I hold this quite close to my heart ahahaha  I think that's why I'm trying to portray smth warm and living even though it's basically a horror genre like you know, it's not horror if you're the ghost or smth idk

come talk to me about this if you want? ask about the world or smth idk here's my twitter @wanniesaure  

and support seulrene's debut tomorrow!! Let's stream Monster together <3