Journal entry #13 

   Two things happened today: 

1. Bambam visited me today at work. 
2. Bambam had a bizarre reaction towards Yugyeom. 

   My day had started out the way it’s lately been. I woke up at the company with the same clothes I was wearing the day before, with dry drool at the corner of my lips, and a slight bed head. However, I wasn’t at my desk like I had thought I would be. Instead, I was at a lower floor level, sleeping at the cubicle of a random person, with someone’s arms around me. They were sleeping on top of me in an uncomfortable position, and I pushed them away when I realized something wasn’t right. 

   I was staggering on my way back to my cubicle, my vision somewhat blurry and whack; I couldn’t tell apart half of the things I saw. I struggled to remember what happened last night because I had a headache, a constant loud banging inside my head. Now it’s gone, but at that moment, it was too distracting for me to register the Tylenol that I had placed around a month ago, on my desk for emergencies. It was an emergency, but I wasn’t thinking properly. I sat down on my desk and rested my head, wishing for the headache to go away… 

   Then I slept. I slept until someone else woke me up, and that someone was none other than Yugyeom. Perhaps it was because of the state I was in, but Yugyeom had never looked more handsome before until that moment. His hair was styled back neatly, revealing his young facial features; it made me remember what I first thought of him when I met him. Yugyeom used to be a child in adult clothing, chasing after his father's shadow in hopes of being able to suceed the same his buisness his father had dedicated to the majority of his life for. Almost predictably, like every child does, Yugyeom had successfully grown into his adult clothing. His well-built body proved that, and more than anyone else, I knew that well because I had been admiring his physique for a while now. The way his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he got nervous, the way his shoulders were broader than mine when we stood next to each other, the way his hands look bonier and firmer than me, the way his was just the way I like it… Yugyeom has grown up to be a fine man (in more ways than one). 

   More than fine, actually. I would say smokin’ hot, but then it would make Yugyeom feel smug and I don’t want that.  

   But anyway, Yugyeom had waken me up. I automatically blocked out his voice when I realized that he was scolding me for the state I was in. The headache helped; it made it easier to excuse myself when I needed to go to the bathroom. For some reason, Yugyeom followed, holding what seemed to be like medicine. I hadn’t caught on yet that I was hungover, so I didn’t understand what the medicine was for. 

   When I reached the bathroom, I hurled into the nearest toilet. My throat burned with disgust and hurt, screaming at me, “Why the did you drink, you dumb piece of ?” as I vomited everything out. I thought of answering back to my body; because I had been so stressed lately, because I don’t have a social life anymore, because Yugyeom doesn’t do anything regarding his confession, because Yugyeom, Yugyeom, Yugyeom… but obviously, I didn’t. Instead, I continued vomiting until I didn’t have anything left in my system, and I curled up pathetically to the toilet as if it were a teddy bear of some kind. I had forgotten completely that Yugyeom had been there to witness everything. How terribly mortifying... 

   Instead of receiving a snarky remark from Yugyeom, he knelt next to me with a bottle of water and medicine. He smiled softly, and looking back now, that was a first. “Drink the medicine and go home for today. You’re excused from work.” 

   I was thrilled about his words because that meant I could rest properly, but then I vaguely remembered some papers I had to do that were for today. “But I can’t,” I said, “I need to work too.” 

   “How about I pick up the papers, and take you home?” Yugyeom offered as he considered my words, “We are, after all, neighbors.” 

   And somehow, Yugyeom knows exactly how to take the weight off my shoulders. I can’t say I hate him for that because I don’t. It’s very liberating, but it’s just as worrisome.  

   Without waiting for my answer, he took off to look for my papers and left me there by the toilet. A few minutes had passed before Yugyeom appeared with my bag and the documents I needed. I draped an arm over his shoulder, and just like that, he helped me reach the entrance of the company. Then out of nowhere, Bambam entered the Industry looking like a million bucks, even though he’s still studying and doesn’t have much money on him. Bambam took off his sunglasses when he saw me, and immediately looked delighted to see me. 

   Under any other circumstances, I would’ve been happier to see him as well, but I was too out of it to feel remotely happy; Yugyeom had been right (as usual), my health required top priority at the time... When Bambam approached us, Yugyeom let go of me so that we could hug, and immediately everything I had felt during the office party yesterday came back to me. I wanted nothing more than to tell Bambam everything about it like we used to do when I hadn’t moved back here. Tears were threatening to fall, but I held them back. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion. 

   Then Bambam took a closer look at my pallid face, and little to my surprise, he looked concerned right away. He asked me about my complexion, about what happened, and I vaguely answered him what I recalled from last night. Then Bambam looked over at Yugyeom, almost as if he had remembered his existence, and eyed him suspiciously. “This wasn’t your fault, right?” 

   Yugyeom simply raised an eyebrow at him in response. I laughed nervously. 

   I further explained that Yugyeom was my boss, that he had absolutely nothing to do with last night, and that he was just taking me back home. Bambam connected the dots and smiled apologetically at him. There was a brief awkward silence until Yugyeom excused himself by saying that he would go get the car and left me alone with Bambam. We talked a bit about his surprise visit, about where he would be staying at, and other details, until he said, “Is Yugyeom going out with someone?” 

   I smiled at my feet before looking up at him, “Not that I know of.” 

   I didn’t ask Bambam about why he asked me about Yugyeom's love life. I also didn't mention to him that Yugyeom was already interested in someone else (and that, that someone else was me of all people!). I mean, according to the last time I checked, anyway... not that I had verified again with Yugyeom or anything of the like. Surely, you know what I mean, right? In any case, I don’t know what came over me in that moment, but all I know is that I didn’t like the thought of Bambam being all over Yugyeom in the near future. 

P. J.