Chain of Gold

It's been a hundred years and he hasn't come back.

I begged to the gods and asked the stars. I summoned the kindred spirits to bring him back but nothing could bring the spark of his life. And I watered the ground where he lies with my blood and chanted the old psalms. And yet, the one that was promised is still away from my reach, his heart iced, un-beating. Only dead can bring the dead back. And I don't have anything equivalent to him, to Minho. Only my life.

I've walked through the fire and gone to the pitch of hell to ask for a favor to those who called themselves my family but they were too scared to awake the dead, a tool too powerful to cast, an enchantment too old, too prohibited to remember, to try and they said nothing to me even when I supplicated, put my immortality in their hands to take, to keep - because without him all the years' weight inside my mind and I can’t breathe. They called it a curse but it will be my cure even if I have to give up everything I have, all that is dear to me - I will only to have him back.

I studied the spell books searching for a way but they never mention how I could raise him again, embrace his love and feel his warmth once more, count the thumbs of a living heart and be with Minho. The time that was granted to us was so short, it barely lived, it barely weighed. All the days spent together didn't add up to a few months and it was not enough. Not after all we lost in the ashes of despite and hate that was thrown to us. And then he perished in my arms. And it isn't enough because the only thing I ever wanted is Minho, the sun and the star of the sky of my existence. The world is too cold without him, it doesn’t worth living, recalling all the moments for eternity - that is all that I have, dreams and memories of better days, days that disclosed new emotions, new experiences to a soul that had lived for centuries and thought it knows all that there is to know in Earth and below.

I inquired about it to the arcane powers and implored their help. I traveled the world twice, I followed all the leads, investigated the sacred hints, performed the rituals, danced under the moonlight, and then I summoned you, the evil itself, the grace that was once the spark of the stars, the voice of the universe, the first falling angel: my father, one of the Greatest Demons. And you came to me and I kneel down in front of you and ask for your help. But you refused me as well despite that your blood runs free in my veins. You said I would set the world on fire - that rising what is dead would gobble too much energy, it will leave a blank space, that will mess up with the equilibrium of this world. But I will do it just to watch it burn down with Minho. I will consume the power of the night, take away the tides and silence, and the music of the galaxy. I'll do anything it takes to bring life from the dead, to bring him back.

I'm the Hight Warlock of Seoul and yet the knowledge that I'm seeking has been forbidden, escapes my understanding. The Spiral Labyrinth, that once was home, a balsam t my solitude, has banned my name. I'm not allowed between my kind, they refuse me as mad, devoured by grief, sunk in despair, dangerous, crazy, unstable. Maybe they are correct - my mind is determined to get Minho back, no matter what, no matter how big the sacrifice must be, I’ll do it all but the words, the cast it is beyond me, out of my reach and all that were my friends prevent me against it, hamper my path. But I don't care if I'm tarnished, banned, forgotten, the only thing I long for is Minho and I will get him back even if I have to tear down the universe, separate the space between dimensions, I'll find the chant, the spell, to summon him back to my life.

In a time before this, when I was consumed by fears, he talked to me. He put his hands on my face and glanced into me, right into a soul that burnt with fears, with all the hate people thrown at me for being different - for being a warlock among mere humans. He called me "angel" when I'm made out of treachery, suffering, and despair; tears and pain nourished me since I am of the lineage of Abbadon, an angel of destruction, leader of the army of hell. Me, whom I am a descendent of war and pain, son of chaos and lies, of the demons’ heritage. And yet, with my magic on him, he called my name and I felt it, deep inside where a heart should be. My eternal heart for an eternal existence that, until him, was meaningless. And his mortal life passed by so fast, shining like a flame, as bright as the sunlight. He taught me how to love, how to be loved, that I was beautiful despite my starry eyes, despite that, I will forever be as I was at age 20. I’ll never grow up, just my soul will age, will perish, turn into ashes under the burning fire that he was, my falling star that I watched igniting my sky.

And then, like a sin, the idea grows on me.

Another world, another dimension... I could find Minho there. It won't be the same that I so much loved but a different version of himself. But a different Minho is better than no Minho at all, better than this empty life that time and use are chaining me with because even if I live for centuries no-one will ever replace what Minho means, the person he made me by (better, happier, healthier). He saved me without realizing and I own him until my last drop of magic, until age and time are vain, mumbled again until there is nothing of me left because he took it all.

I can open a portal, scour all the parallel universes that I know - all the other universes that are similar to this but not quite, avoid the ones that lead to demons’ reigns and kingdoms. It will take time but time is all I own and this won’t raise suspicious among my peers as necromancy would - dimensional traveling is complicated but not illegal, it won’t change the substance of this world, it won’t break the thread of the time that is given to all mortals, to those who are born to expire, it won’t leave a space empty, a dark mark consuming all that is good, all that Minho was - devouring his memories, his love, his treats. A new Minho that is alienated from this, who doesn’t know what has happened in this world and that will be willing to start anew, to have another opportunity with me.

At home, trapped in a magic pentagon, surrounded with candles and protective spells, my Father awaits to be liberated. But I don’t need your help any more so I diminish you with a motion of my hand and you disappear in a waterfall of smoke and daze - the room smells like sandal and burned incense and, for a second, the floor opens and reveals the house of Abbadon, a deserted land where nothing but despair and agony grows. You go without one last word and I feel alive, the idea twinkling inside my mind. I summon books and conduct my new research to find Minho. With a snap of my fingers and a cascade of blue sparks that Minho used to love watching dissolve into the air, the color and flavor of my magic engraved on his skin, the books come to me and I immerse myself in them, forget the world and anything that isn’t my imposed task - I find him, I’ll bring him back to me, to my life, whatever it takes, whatever the cost will be, I’ll pay it.

My kid, my sweet, summer child, you should never trust your Father from Hell, born from treachery, I will deceive you. You have shown me your dreams, exposed your soul to me willingly, seeking for help you are well aware I can’t provide you with as much as I want - because I want to see you burn like a thousand falling stars, consumed by your own sins, the enormity of the crime you are so resolved to commit. I peek into your mind and I know who you want to bring back. And I can aid you, I can summon the greatest powers, force them to obey my orders - and they will because in this land I am the ruler, the master, everything that lives and exists there vows to me, belongs to my hands, crafted by only me. And I could give you a part of it and you just have to provide me with your magic and your immortality. Yes, that would be our terms, our agreement, you won’t have to suffer any more, my son, the brightest of them all, the one I always have my eyes on, vigilant, observing your path, your future and your past in my hands. Come to me and you shall be rewarded with that person who lingers inside of your heart - come to me, open the door to my world, be welcomed in, come to your home, where you belong (you belong to me).

A life for a life, a death for a dead, you shall always pay the price for your happiness. You thought you could trap me inside your pentagram, that you could tie me down. I let you, I wanted to taste your power, see how good you are - and you surprised me, you are better than I expected, a Great Warlock you become since the last time I visited you (when you were just a kid fighting to fit in a world that loathed your sight, born of smoke and fire, you consumed your mother’s life, you devoted yourself to learn and discover, to find your own place, your own kind). Your mother never loved you, how could she when you were a monster? You showed your immortal signs, revealing your true nature to a world not ready and you felt the wrath, the irate fuming on you. You killed her and I can’t blame you - you did it in an explosion of blue magic that left me impressed. Oh, you are powerful but weak to love. You bloomed beautifully when that boy called your name and you saved him with your magic, did all you could to keep his heart beating despite that he was a lost cause. You saved him and he saved you from your forlorn life, the agony of an immortal existence. I lost you to love but I waited because I know mortals perish and he did and you languished, remembering him, remembering a life no longer available to you. Your soul and mind decayed, and you become one with despair. You wanted him back and you tried all the ways, but necromancy is forbidden for a reason - a reason I, myself, wouldn’t break, a reason that is the equilibrium between universes. But you are so down, deep in a pitch of desperation, sorrow, and mourning, you don’t care about the consequences. And I could use that, I could use your grief to pamper my land, feed it with your anguish, your tears and your screams.

In the end, I will take it all from you and you will thank me, too caught up with a fantasy to realize that I’m playing you, fooling you. Oh, you won’t see it coming and, if you do, it will be too late to save you - not that you want to be saved, you only want that boy named Minho and I will provide him to you, my dearest son. I will give you everything and you will give me your all, will turn yourself to me with a willing heart. Yes, you will, Jinwoo, my child, because I will make an offer you can’t refuse.

I open another door to another dimension. The portal brittles before me, the edges twisted. In front of me awaits devastation, a full land of nothingness. I step into it, firmly - I have one purpose and no fears. The air speaks to me in low whispers, it makes my immortal chest thumbs. This place… I look around and it is just a vast desert of sand and the sky above, red like blood, with no stars, no moon. I walk over the heat that comes from the ground, feeling my magic being drawn out, led from me to the immensity. And it tastes familiar, it reminds me of someone but there is someone in the distance and I forget about everything else and run to him - because I know him by heart, even with my eyes closed, it’s Minho, my Minho.

I hold him in my arms and he lets me embrace him. His lips tremble, unaccustomed. He remembers me, he says my name and all the magic in me explodes in waves of blue and I don’t care if it just disappears because I’m with him in this abandoned place and all falls again, all the pieces that were missing now I found them, I grab Minho and kiss him with all the days and years of longing, of aching, of craving for him - all the tears scattered, shed, all the times I yelled his name in pain to the sky, praying down on my knees for him to come back. And he is back to me and there are no words to describe the emotions overwhelming me - it’s my miracle, my dream, the driving force of my life, the reason I keep existing.

Minho remains exactly the same as he was before, with the same memories, the same experiences. He remembers me, all we did, all we fought for. He still has the marks - the voyance rune on his right hand in pale ink, eroded by time. I hold his hand and trace it with care, feeling the callosities of his fingers curling around my wrist. He hasn’t changed or aged - like a statue, beautiful, eternal, graceful. And I honestly don’t care, all I want is him and I have him in my arms and that’s all - it’s everything.

We stay in each others’ arms in a tight embrace, mumbling words that the wind takes away for hours - but time doesn’t matter, I can’t track it, I have it drown inside my heart.

“I’ll bring you home,” I promise him but home is the place where he is so we are there now and I know there is no way out of this desert, that the portal is gone, that I can’t use spells here, I can’t compel them out of me - not when all my magic is being taken away, leaking from my skin, by a force greater than mine. And there is only one kind of entity capable of doing this.

Of course, my Father. This is his kingdom. This is his Minho, his creation that he has mold out of stolen memories. He has done a perfect job. I look around; there is nowhere to go. I know it is my time. He is claiming me, he has found the only way I would hand myself over to him. I should have seen it coming but I was too busy looking for a way to have Minho. And now that he is with me, Father can have me; I’m done, I’m happy.

I sit down on the gravel with Minho pressed against my chest, my lips on his forehead. He looks at me with starry eyes. I wait.

“You are an angel, you have come to save me,” he says, gently. I brush his face, my fingers dancing on his dark hair. I missed him so much, I have given up all just for a moment like this, just to hold him again, feel his heart beating. I listen to it, let it reassure me. It thumbs faster than mine, a reminder that he is mortal - a copy of a mortal, he is not real, this is not another dimension but a demon hole and I’m captured here with no way out.

If I’m going to die - and I will because my magic is consumed and that will throw all my years on me, - I’ll die with Minho. And I have no fears or regrets.

And when my Father reclaims my immortality, I give it to him willingly, watching how my skin crawls, breaks, exposing bones that dissipate on the wind. Minho smiles at me lovingly.

 “I’ll be with you soon, my love,” I promise with one last kiss.

Because I was chained with gold to his heart, in life, and in death. The last thing I heard before turning into nothing is my father’s laughter and the assurance that Minho is waiting for me somewhere - that we will have another chance.