He missed her voice, the voice that always heard singing in the kitchen. Her beautiful voice was already gone long ago. The only sound he heard from the kitchen was the adjust fan. He didn’t manage to get use of the eerie silence.

He shuffled to the kitchen, feeling extremely thirsty. He grabbed a glass from a cabinet and sloppily poured distilled water into it. He turned his left and sighed. No one was washing dishes beside him.

Then, he imagined she was by his side, playfully imitating his tired face like she always did. She was good at this. He missed her imitation. Quickly, he snapped away the thought and greedily drank the water. He then dropped the glass in the sink and walked off the kitchen. Memories kept on flowing back.

“By staying by your side, I’ll only cause trouble to you. I can no longer cook for you. I can no longer wash the dishes. I can no longer eat ours dinner together. I can no longer clean the house.”

Hoya remembered the lines she wrote on her letter. He had been reading it repeatedly as it was some kind of definition that must be remembered for tests.

He stared at the empty living room and sighed again. There was no exact words could define his feeling right now; only sigh. She wasn’t here either. There was no more laughing or sobbing sound filled the atmosphere like it used to be.

He remembered that his wife loved to watch Korean Drama every day. She would sit on the couch, cuddling herself and focus on the television. Sometime, he will accompany her, offering his whole body for her. When she was laughing uncontrollable, she would unconsciously hit him and when she was crying, he would lend his shoulder for her. He once promised her to purchase a big television, just for her.  However, there was no used for purchasing a new LG television like he used to promise her.

“I can no longer cover my face if I cracked. I can no longer wipe my own tears if I cry. I’m surely a burden to you because I can’t even do the simplest things. Now, what’s the point for watching the television together if it will only give burden to you?”

Another paragraph from the letter that he vividly remembered and memorised. He heaved a sigh as he was walking into his bedroom.

Loneliness him, the emptiness and eerie silence. His bed was in a total mess. Usually, it will always stay neat and beautifully arranged. However, it was not the same again.

“I can no longer clean our bedroom. You always say that you wanted to have a clean and neat bedroom and I always try my best to fulfil your wish. However, I can’t do it again. I’m helpless.”

Tears trickled down his cold cheeks. He couldn’t hold it anymore. How can she leave him without asking for his opinion? How can she leave him when the reason for his agony was her disappearance?

“I know it’s a burden to you whenever we walked down the street together; the stare and glance from the surrounding made you flit uneasy, right? I always know that you hate attention from the people and I stupidly gathered their attention. I know you tried your best to defend me in front of your parents. They are right, you should divorce me. I’m nothing special to you anymore. I can no longer hold your hand.”

Hoya dropped onto his knees, crying his heart out. He realised that it must be difficult to write using her toes. However, how can she be so cruel to let go of him when he didn’t have any thought to leave her?

He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from the nearby. He then wrote a reply to her letter in between his tears.

Four days later… Hoya was found death in his bedroom due to . She should have been here, knowing that Hoya was alone and this would happen anytime. She should have been there to look after him. 

His letter was later found and directly given to Park Jiyeon during his funeral.

He wrote:

You should have asked me!

How selfish you are. How ungrateful you are. How cruel you are. No matter whom you are, my heart still attached to you!

You should have asked me!

I don’t care if I have to cook. I don’t care if I have to wash the dishes. I don’t care if I have to spend extra energy to feed you. I don’t care! For me, whatever it takes to make you happy like before is my priority. It hurts me that I have to eat alone, starring at the wall with the silence surrounded me.

You should have asked me!

I don’t care if I have to wipe your tears because I’m proud to be able to do that. I don’t care watching you laughing without covering your mouth because seeing your laughing would make my day. It hurts me that I have to watch movies alone. It hurts me when you aren’t by my side, commenting every scene.

You should have asked me!

I don’t care if the bedroom is mess. I don’t care if you can’t clean the room. I would be gladly clean it for you. No, you are not helpless. I’m the one who deserve that title because I can’t do anything when you lost your pair of hands. Even though you can’t hold my hand, I still have my arms to wrap around your shoulder.

You should have asked me, what is my source of happiness?

I would gladly tell you that it is you.

“I thought I have made a good decision,” she murmured sadly.

Yo! (x comments are appreciated.