Incendiary

YOU

 

        Sicheng was a quiet boy. Growing up, he had learned that silence was an answer most powerful and absolute. It diffused potential fights, avoided conflict, saved him from heartbreak and allowed for the compliance that usually followed with the lack of response to take its course. No one would call him a pushover, because he was nothing but, for his unfeeling nature, more often than not, deterred any negative outlook of him. He could slip in and out of people's perception unnervingly easily that his presence catered categorically towards being ghost-like.

But with the stoicism that he had so inculcated in his daily life, he had forfeited so much: There were no fights, but there was no expression of self either. No conflict meant he had remained stagnant and unmoving, much like his stubbornly silent persona. No heartbreaks meant no bold and daring risks for the sake of love and romance. Sicheng was fine with that.

"That is no way to live, my man." Doyoung, two years his senior, full-time neighbor, part-time best friend, remarked one day. It was in relation to Sicheng's utter disconnect from the rest of his class, nay, the world, that brought the topic at hand to come to light. "You need friends. Great friends." His gestures were loud and flamboyant like the rest of him. "There will be no net that you can cast wide enough to find a friend like me, I get it. But you can't live in that bubble forever."

"I don't think I have it in me to try." was Sicheng's honest and straightforward reply. Doyoung sighs in defeat. 

"You still have two years until you graduate." he retorts with as much gentleness as he could. Sicheng knew what was coming, of course, but the seriousness felt out of place with Doyoung and it made the uncomfortable truth even more uncomfortable. "I don't know anyone I can entrust you with when I'm up and outta here, pursuing greatness in the theatrical arts."

There was truth to that. Doyoung's presence grounded him. But Sicheng, steadfast and unwavering merely replied: "I'm used to being alone."

 


 

"An intervention?" Sicheng's response was fifty percent confusion and fifty percent indignance. His friend, on the other hand was amused. It was rare that Sicheng was this riled up (if one would call the smallest twinge of his brows being riled up, though Doyoung could tell) and his reactions fueled his chaotic energy even more than usual. "Do you just pick guys up from the street...." his eyes glance towards the other presence in the room, Doyoung's hands on said person's shoulders, like the malicious puppet master he was, orchestrating this whole fiasco. "... the hallway, I mean... " to supply to his statement of non-offense. "And expect them to magically be my friend?"

He was halfway towards being fully offended when Doyoung's acquaintance spoke up.

"I'm Yukhei." 

The deep rumble of his voice set of alarms in Sicheng's head and further heightened Doyoung's amusement. He could detect the slightest fraction of wideness that his best friend's eyes had adopted upon hearing the smooth bass of the newly introduced male.

"He's Yukhei-" he chucks his thumb towards him, Yukhei, and lets unfold the full glory of his grin. "And he's a year younger than you. Longer shelf life when you get to know him eventually, don't you think?"

It seemed that his best friend's plan was to set a legacy; A rather horrible legacy of adopting juniors, taking them under their wing and helping them learn how to fly beautifully once the time comes. Sicheng was Doyoung's fledgling and the newer addition to the pair of them was going to be into the hands of a socially incapacitated Sicheng. "What does he get out of this, exactly?" he inquired.

"He's new. Transferred in the middle of the school year. The perfect candidate. You can show him around."

They lock eyes for a few moments and Sicheng had the pleasure of visually interrogating his features. Yukhei was the very definition of tall, dark and handsome. He easily towered over anyone they've come across with, had big, brown doe eyes that looked kind and disarming, full lips and a smile that screamed he was all too eager to make friends.

There were no bright lights around but Sicheng felt the need to squint. He was positive. Radiant. It disgusted him.

Doyoung would never let this simmer down, he would hold it against him til the end of time unless he agrees to the whole thing. Nevertheless, he sidesteps the both of them in lieu of going to the next period. Not a word said.

"He seems nice." Yukhei found his interest unusually piqued for something so rude. In fact, he was laughing over it.

Overhearing this, Dong Sicheng found it in himself to feel, just this once, for the other male.From that point on, Dong Sicheng decides he despised Wong Yukhei.

 


 

During most nights, he would bother him with calls that would stretch up to the wee hours of the morning. Early morning classes be damned. But Sicheng would quietly resign to listening to him ramble. Yukhei was nothing if not insistent and had plenty of things to talk about in contrast to what he would call the older boy's vow of eternal silence. By this point, it was routine. Him listening intently and Yukhei never stopping unless he wants to.

"Do you think Doyoung's doing okay? Are the people around him doing okay?" Sicheng laughs at that and Yukhei finds himself smiling. Neither of them would voice it out loud but Yukhei had the singularly sublime talent of making Sicheng crack a snicker or two. 

"He's more independent than you or I. His free spirit will get him through anything." he responds, twirling a pen across his fingers; as was his habit while doing homework while in conference with the other boy. "I wouldn't be surprised if he razed the ground for not getting the lead part he was talking about a week ago."

Yukhei takes this as an opportunity to ask one of his more obscure questions of the night. There had to be at least one every night they talked.

"What do you think would be worth razing the ground for, Sicheng?"

His heart stops for a moment. Sicheng's breath was caught in his throat. He wanted the answer to be one name and one name only.

"Doyoung?" he answers, unsure of himself. 

Yukhei hums over the other line, sounding out a yawn. For once, there was silence between them. Silence that Sicheng was not used to. And when he bid a cheery goodbye and good night, his heart resumes its steady beat.

Doyoung was not the name he wanted to say that night.

 


 

It was through Yukhei's relentlessly magnetic personality that they now enjoy a complete circle of friends. Sicheng would rather have called it a friendship hexagon out of pure nitpicking but he would never outwardly admit that this group of people were his friends. There was Mark who was a transfer student from Canada and whom Yukhei found kinship in simply over the fact that he too came in the middle of the school year at one point. Jungwoo who was, in so many ways, reminiscent of a younger Doyoung. And Jaehyun, a student in the same year as Sicheng from another class who Yukhei roped into their friendship via a simple chaos-ridden match of UNO.

"Marine Biology, huh?" Everyone's head's turns to Sicheng courtesy of Jaehyun's unexpected and untimely inquiry.

"That sounds really cool." Jungwoo pipes up, the worry evident in his voice. "But also really difficult." Yukhei attempts to cover his mouth and brings him to his side, which, for the most part, was successful. Up until Sicheng himself reveals his plans completely. 

"It's something I'm passionate about." and though it was, he couldn't help but feel it was an anchor weighing him down to the bottom of the sea, as opposed to it being visually compared to a burning, raging fire. "That's why I'm taking a big leap." he keeps his eyes lowered before continuing. "I qualified for a scholarship... in Zurich."

Jungwoo's previous struggles come in full force as Yukhei's hold on him weakened. His bluntness coming into play where everyone else's voice fell flat. "You didn't plan on telling us this sooner?" he looks towards his boyfriend for any sign of knowing but it was clear that Yukhei too was left in the dark. 

"Well, it's obvious that he's thought really hard about it." Mark finally speaks up after what felt like an eternity. His smile was melancholic and the hand he put upon Sicheng's shoulder's felt heavy with sadness. "He's not the impulsive type and you all know that."

Sicheng smiles weakly. Sometimes, Mark was scarily mature for someone younger than him. Most times, he wasn't. But now was not one of those times. Mark continued upon meeting the look on his friend's eyes. "We should at least throw you a party before you leave, yeah?" 

Shaking off the awkwardness, everyone decides to end with a high note; Jaehyun was suddenly in charge of the booze, Mark with the cups and chips, Jungwoo with the entertainment and Yukhei with their venue. Now on their feet, they enclosed Sicheng in a tight hug, loud hoots and howls of laughter resounding... drowning the only meaningful thing he would take away from that day.

Yukhei's eyes on his.

 


 

Senior Prom was as loud any of them had expected. For the faculty, it signaled the height of rowdiness, but was only allowed purely for reasons of leniency, bittersweet goodbyes and the distant cries of the students' youth leaving them. The night was consistent with pranks, drama, heartbreak and success. A hodgepodge of every possible human emotion multiplied by the intensity of adolescence and puberty. Jungwoo made the perfect call when he had announced that the party won't stop until four in the morning, it was already two o'clock and it was still in full swing.

When the clock struck three, the rest of their group had gone their separate ways, preferring to resign themselves for the night and finally get some rest. 

Or at least, that was the plan.

Yukhei had dragged Sicheng towards the bleachers, the speakers blaring far behind them. They were walking slowly but his heart had sped up miraculously, so much so that he was afraid he'd go down with cardiac arrest that same night. 

When Yukhei settled them down on the highest spot on the bleachers, he breaks the silence with a sigh. Sicheng stiffens and looks towards his friend, barely turning his body when he catches sight of Yukhei's visage, bathed in moonlight and showered with the sparkles of the stars above him.

"Jungwoo and I broke up."

"Oh. I'm.. sorry. I didn't know. Did you want to talk about it?" he curses himself, because of course he did. His best friend wouldn't have brought him for a one on one for any other reason. It was obvious he was sad.

"It wasn't really working out from the beginning." Yukhei leans back, inhales slowly and swings his legs idly. "He confessed, I wanted to try if it would work out and it just didn't click."

"So what's your plan now?"

"Try again. With the right person."

"You'll find him soon."

There was a long silence and they were left just staring at the constellations in deep contemplation before Yukhei, and it was very Yukhei of him, breaks the silence.

(It seemed he was good at that. Breaking Sicheng's silence. Always. All the time. In the best of ways.)

"I'm gonna miss you, Cheng." he turns to him, his much bigger hands over Sicheng's.

He nearly melts, if it weren't for Yukhei's hand gripping his tighter, almost in desperation. It was like he was back inside the party: multi-colored lights strobing around his vision, the thrumming bass of his heartbeat threatening to deafen him and the warmth of the other man's touch feeling unbearably electric. 

Yukhei continues this onslaught towards his senses with the deepness of his voice. "Do you have anything... anything at all.... to say to me before you leave?"

There it was, the entire universe had conspired for this moment to come to fruition. The stars have aligned, in so many ways. And yet, Sicheng replies...

"I'll miss you. More than you'll ever know."

 


 

The cold was biting and unforgiving that year. Sicheng was used to it, it was his element, preferring such climate over the heat. What had bothered him so much when it snowed like it did was having to clear out his driveway from snow. It never got thick enough to be of paramount concern but at the very least, it was inconveniencing him and he was already inconvenienced enough, with several papers due and unruly roommates making it hard to study for his midterms. And of course, the crippling loneliness.

He was busy sweeping off the pile of snow off from the hood of his car when Doyoung called on his phone, his fox-like features remaining the same, as if he were that same overdramatic theater kid back in high school. It was winter where he was at, from the looks of it, and for that Sicheng was thankful. It almost felt like they were closer to each other, and god knows how much Sicheng yearned for his company. Or any kind of company at all.

"You're enjoying yourself too much." Sicheng comments on the big grin plastered on his face. "You always did like watching me suffer."

"It's just funny seeing you so active. Relatively speaking." Doyoung's hands were already gesturing to the whole of Sicheng's person, as was his habit. "And the brown hair does wonders to your usual gloom and doom."

Sicheng had half the mind to throw a handful of snow at the screen, regardless of if it would transmit digitally and actually wipe the smirk off of his friend's face.

"So how have things been going for you? How have you been?" There was an emphasis on his words that Sicheng knew was nothing good. Doyoung had always been so confrontational and when he asked how he's been, he knew he meant 'How have you been... after Yukhei?' 

The coldness would have been enough to mask that little twinge he felt in his chest, but memories, like the snow came in tiny specks, accumulating until you had no choice but to acknowledge the large enough pile you've amassed. It felt vivid. He remembers how the day he left, it was Doyoung who was consoling him through his torrent of tears. He had never cried that much, nor showed as much, not to anyone. And for his best friend, even for him, it was a first. Sicheng had so cleverly devised a plan of departure so cruel that it haunted him with guilt to this day. Perhaps, it was heartless of him to have sent Yukhei a text altered from what he sent his other friends. Everyone else's read seven when Yukhei's read eight. When he got to the airport, Yukhei was breathless and Sicheng was nowhere to be found.

"I've grown a backbone. I guess living alone does that to you." he starts off, and Doyoung starts to notice the little differences of his friend's countenance, like he's been smiling a lot. Living a lot. "I've made friends of my own. Made enemies of my own. Had drunken bar fights, would you believe." Sicheng laughs. It was hearty and full of life, so unlike the shy boy Doyoung met before. "I've come to terms with things. There's a lot I wish I could have done but it doesn't feel right to be regretful. I'm afraid though, that there's still some things I don't have the strength to face just yet."

Sicheng sits down on his front porch and sighs in aggravation, over the thick snow and this whole emotional discovery that Doyoung brought upon him. His friend listens this time around with the fullest of intentions to, for the first time, ramble and rant and complain. "Back then, at the airport, I could only admit to you that I adored Yukhei more than life itself because I would never see him again. I didn't mean to like him. And I most certainly didn't intend to .." Doyoung grins and Sicheng finds it hard to spit the word love  out in front of him in fear of being to sappy. "... fall for him. I was at a loss. Because I wanted to be more for him. And I do... I do feel more when I'm with him. But for someone like me, it was too much and I had to take a risk. I don't do risks."

"He mentioned before that you don't answer his calls or messages." Doyoung finally interjects as he gets off his car and steps outside, seemingly as annoyed as Sicheng was with the snow earlier. "Why not answer them now that you have a backbone?"

"I told you, I'm not ready yet." Sicheng rubs his face in exasperation, his prominent cheekbones turning pinkish; whether it was from the cold or his feelings, no one was sure. "I'll just have you relay a letter for him when the time is right. It'll be awkward. How do I even begin with that? Oh, Yukhei, I was in love with you by the way but I'm an absolute coward so good luck with that."

Sicheng hears the tiniest squeaks of the small wooden picket gate as it opened, had a snowball chucked right into his sweater and a boisterous greeting of: "Hey, stupid! Try telling him yourself that!" Doyoung was there in the flesh, yanking him by the wrist from where he was sitting from and hugging him tightly.

But standing behind him, not two feet away was Yukhei. All warm smiles and cozy sweaters. Sicheng thinks he's never seen him look so huggable.

"So?" Yukhei steps forward, and even though the tips of ears and nose were red, his confidence was still at an all time high. "You had something to say to me?"

This felt like a train heading straight for him as his life flashes before his eyes. There were considerable options he considered as Doyoung released him from his vicegrip of a hug. And for a moment, both of his friends thought he would have bolted from the scene right then and there. But Sicheng, with what little courage he had in his body had stepped forward as well. His hand pressed against Yukhei's chest first, sliding down to his arm eventually. He was gauging his reality. His concrete existence.

And when Sicheng's smaller fingers touch upon Yukhei's palm, suddenly... it was Summer again.

 

(For once in his life, without having to say a thing, Sicheng had spoken in volumes with words only he could hear and Yukhei was fine with that.)

 

 

 

 

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Progress is (terrifyingly) slow but sure. Halloween themed trilogy should be finished before or during actual Halloween. Or at least. That's the plan

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