It has been a super tiring day for Yunho that’s why when his shift ended, he immediately bolted out at his workplace to go home. He wasn’t’ even able to wait for his friends at his studio because he just wanted to rest already, he has been lacking sleep these days and managing 15 noisy kids for the day didn’t help him. It only worsen his headache and he felt like he’d be having a fever one of these days.

He slumped down on the sofa and let out a loud sigh. If given a chance he would want to take a vacation week and just take a rest for the whole week.

“Damn.” He muttered after taking a look at his messy apartment. He felt like his head is going to explode as he looked at the things scattered on the floor. Having a dirty and messy apartment would really give you a headache. He stood up and headed to take a shower to somehow help himself to cool down.

It was probably still early when he finished eating his dinner and brushing his teeth, but he wanted to go to his bed already.

As he was about to set his alarm, someone called him. The number that was calling him was unlisted in his contacts but he was sure who owns that number. He could have just blocked the number, like what his friends are suggesting but he can’t bring himself to do so.

These calls are one of the reasons why he has sleepless nights these days. It was because of his ex-boyfriend, the one and only Kim Jaejoong.

Yunho pressed the green button. “What do you want?” He didn’t even bother greeting the caller. “Why are you always calling me?”

“I just want to hear your voice.” Did Yunho hear Jaejoong’s voice trembled? It couldn’t be, right? “I miss -”

“You miss me? You’re calling me because you feel lonely?” Yunho hissed. He didn’t want to hear his ex-boyfriend say those words again to him. It pissed him off to no end but at the same time, he knew that if he ever heard those lines again with voice trembling, he’ll be weak again for Jaejoong. “Is that what it is Jaejoong?”

“Love…”

Yunho tighten his hold on his phone. The audacity of him to use that endearment to him. He has no shame. Has Jaejoong lost it? “I have to sleep Jaejoong!”

“Yunho please… I want to talk to you. Even if it’s just for a moment.”

“We have nothing to talk about Jaejoong. Please don’t call me again.”

The moment Yunho ended the phone call, his lips quivered and a tear ran down his face. He was still in the process of moving on, he didn’t want anything that reminded him of his ex-boyfriend as of the moment.

He was almost over him, he always tell himself. Baby steps, but he knew he’ll be there someday. It’ll just take a really long time because he loved him so damn much. He was ready to risk anything for his beloved, but Jaejoong broke his heart.

He immediately blocked Jaejoong’s number, but who was he kidding? He has memorized Jaejoong’s number already.

Yunho suddenly remembered their conversation when Jaejoong decided to show up in front of his apartment.

[flashback]

“I have nothing to do to you anymore Jaejoong.” Yunho spat out as soon as he saw Jaejoong waiting at the lobby of the building he’s living.

“Can we just talk? Please?” Jaejoong begged.

Yunho hated it when Jaejoong speaks softly like that. Even when they were in a relationship back then because he knew he’s going to succumb to him when he’s being like that.

“I told you I don’t anything to do with you anymore. What part of it you don’t understand?”

“But you still answer my calls.”

“That… that doesn’t mean anything Jaejoong.” He didn’t to admit to him that he answered his calls for the reason that he missed hearing his voice.

“I’ll tell them to cancel the wedding.” Jaejoong said softly.

“What?”

“I’ll tell them everything Yunho. I’ll tell my parents this time, I swear.”

No. This can’t be. Jaejoong has told him this several times already but nothing has happened. He can’t be giving him false hopes for the umpteenth time. He’s emotionally drained about it.

“No you won’t. You don’t want to disappoint them, right? That’s what you told me.” Yunho said in a stern voice. He wanted to appear strong in front of Jaejoong.

Their confrontation was suddenly interrupted when Jaejoong’s phone rang.

Jaejoong immediately pressed the red button, but Yunho was quick to notice that it was Jaejoong’s fiancé who just called him. “You can leave now Jaejoong. Your fiancé’s waiting for you. Who’s that again? Joonho? Is that his name?”

“He’s not my fiancé Yunho.”

“Yet.” Yunho snickered. “His and your family’s arranging the engagement party already right?”

Jaejoong ignored his question. “Yunho please let’s talk.”

“I don’t think there’s something to talk about. There’s no us anymore Jaejoong you broke up with me already.”

“You know my situation Yunho.” Jaejoong said in a frustrated tone.

“Yeah I know, you’re stuck with your family and you can’t get rid of them.”

Jaejoong tried to reach for Yunho’s hand but the latter swatted his hand away.

“Then why are you doing this Jaejoong? Do you want me to be your paramour? Is that what you want? Is that what you’re going to ask me?”

“No! That’s now what I’m going to tell you.”

“You know what? I’m trying to understand you. I really do, but please know that I have feelings too Jaejoong. Don’t make me hope again.”

Jaejoong wasn’t able to say anything.

“Leave.” Yunho walked passed by Jaejoong ignoring his calls for him. He walked as fast as he could so that Jaejoong wouldn’t where he’ll be heading.

[present]

Yunho finished his dance lessons with his students early since he has been not feeling so well that day. He asked Junsu and Hyukjae to teach the students for the meantime so that the students won’t waste the remaining time they have.

As soon as he got home, he spotted his cousin at his apartment, lying at the couch munching chips as he was watching the news.

The latter part of the news is just about what the latest gossips or news about celebrities. So when he saw Jaejoong appeared on the screen his mood turned sour.

“Turn it off.”

“I don’t’ have the remote.” Sungmin, stared at the screen as he listened on what’s the latest news about the son on one of the wealthiest families in their country.

“It’s on the table.”

“Sungmin, I said turn it off.”

“Hey, wait. I’m still watching.”

Jaejoong looked ethereal in his white suit and new hairstyle. He was glowing and the cameras definitely loves him. He was smiling but the sadness in his eyes is evident.

Why can’t you be happy?

Yunho began his internal monologue. He wasn’t looking at anybody else, his eyes were only focused on Jaejoong.

How am I supposed to move on if you’re not happy?

He just wanted to see Jaejoong happy with somebody else so that he can finally get over him for real because there’s still a nagging feeling that there’s still a chance, but he doesn’t want to give himself a false hope. It will break his heart for the umpteenth time.

Please be happy already Jaejoong so I can get over you.

“He’s getting married but why does he look sad. Our eyes don’t lie, it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to be there. Arranged marriages between rich families really . Marriages are supposed to be celebrated with love joy!” Sungmin

It hurts me seeing you like this.

o-o

“I put my heart on the line for you!” Yunho frantically shook Jaejoong’s body to let him feel his desperation and his agonizing pain. “I went against my family and friends to defend you, and this what I will get from you?!”

Jaejoong let out a sob.

Yunho’s being frustrated now. As much as he hated seeing the love of his life cry, he wanted to know what’s going on with Jaejoong’s mind. He needed his answers now!

“What? You can’t answer me huh, Jaejoong?”

“I can’t go against my family Yunho. I’m their only son.” Jaejoong knew his reasoning sounded absolute bull. He didn’t know what else to tell him. He could just have tell him straightforward that he’s a coward.

Yunho looked at him in confusion. “I’m an only son too Jaejoong!”

“But Yunho…”

“No. Listen to me Jaejoong.” Yunho said in a firm voice, he “Stop giving me false hope. Stop barging into my life, making me feel like we could still work then breaking my heart into millions of pieces again. You can’t keep on doing that Jaejoong!”

No, he’s not going to breakdown in front of Jaejoong. Even if he is already seeing him tearing up.

“I love you so much and it hurts already.”

Jaejoong stared at his face, it was the first time he heard Yunho tell him that after such a long time. The last time he heard that from him was when his ex-boyfriend was still running after him after he broke up with him.

“I know I have hurt you…”

“Then what on earth are you doing here Jaejoong?! You already know that you hurt me so bad and yet you’re still here!” “I don’t understand you. Why are you doing this to me?”

“Jaejoong if you understand what I feel please leave me alone. I know you do.”

Jaejoong cupped Yunho’s face with his hands and stared deep into his eyes, those are the orbs that made him in weak in the knees. The eyes that he loved to look at so much.

“Wake the hell up Yunho! He’s getting married already!” He chanted in his head, but his brain and heart betrayed him as he pressed a kiss into Jaejoong’s.

Yunho wasn’t expecting to bring Jaejoong in his apartment. That was Jaejoong’s 6th attempt to talk to him in the dance studio. He saw how his friends and colleagues shook their head when they saw him walking with Jaejoong.

“Why do I still love you?” He didn’t mean to say those words out loud, but he just did. Yunho wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s frame, his chest on Jaejoong’s back. He missed this so much. How he wished they could do this again. Or just do this for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, the odds are against them.

“I still love you too Yunho.”

“Don’t say that. I might take you far away from here.”

“But I really do.”

“Don’t say anything. I’ll be the only one who’ll speak. Just having you here is enough.”

Jaejoong just nodded and leaned back on him.

“I just want to hug you, cuddle you to sleep. I won’t ask for more. That’s all I want.” He pulled Jaejoong closer to him, savoured every moment because he knew this will be the last time he’ll be with him.

Jaejoong turned around and buried his face on Yunho’s chest. His circled his arms around Yunho’s body.

This is so wrong. Yunho thought to himself. Jaejoong belongs to somebody else now. Despite knowing that what they’re doing is wrong, he wanted to be selfish one last time. Just one last time, he wanted to be with the person he loved, or maybe still loves the most. He swore it’s going to be the last. He just wanted to know what it feels like once again.

He wanted to tell himself to stop being so cheap and have some dignity.

The rays of sunshine that peeked from the window woke Yunho from his deep slumber. He stretched and yawned carefully not wanting to wake up a sleeping Jaejoong beside him.

He stared at Jaejoong sleeping face. He looked so ethereal even if he’s sleeping. Yunho smiled and pressed a gentle kiss on the man’s cheek.

Oh how he missed this so damn much.

A notification sound was heard from Jaejoong’s phone. He accidentally opened the message and suddenly reality punched him square in the face.

Where are you? Joonho will be fetching you for the wine tasting. Be ready at 2:00 pm.

end.