In Circle of Words

Standing in front of each other, both Jung Eunji and Bang Yongguk recognized a complicated situation they were about to encounter. Yongguk believed this story shouldn’t be continued while Eunji didn’t plan to get pleased easily with an abrupt cut. So, she waited, eyes stayed locking with his beautiful brown ones.

He took another deep breath. “First, let me say sorry if I have hurt you,” he started.

Eunji was about mention how the apology was unnecessary, but she stopped herself, remembering he asked her to finish his sentence. It still sounded painful though, she needed to admit. She didn’t like how he interpreted his action as a mistake. A tease. A no meaning affection.

“I genuinely was worried when I saw you last night, the situation was something I couldn’t ignore. I did it the way it should, even if it’s not you, I would still do the same. It’s something natural.”

Stop there! She wanted to scream the message loudly. It’s getting even harder now that he put more words into his explanation. By now, Eunji knew she shouldn’t have jumped in wrong conclusion, it was a huge mistake. This man seemed to be living as a righteous man for the whole his life. If he said, helping people, or anyone in need, was something he should do, then it was it. Now it only meant, she was just anyone in need. And it hurt her ego, badly.

“But you suggested something you shouldn’t. I told you I was just like any man, we are scary, Eunji-ssi, and I don’t like how you just let that meaning aside. You should never ask a man to come inside your house in time like that. You have no idea how frustrating your request was.”

Yes, he looked he truly was, even now. It seemed that he recalled the frustration he had last night when she persistently proposed the idea. And now that he’s more composed, Yongguk was more troubled by the thought how easily he gave in and followed her idea. Self-blaming just began.

“I was stupid, I know.” He admitted, and she despised the idea. “You’re right, I provoked you instead. I didn’t know you would kiss me instead when I was the one trying to scare you first. You’re right, we knew nothing about each other, I shouldn’t have outsmarted you. It was a mistake. And I’m sorry. I truly am.”

It hurt so much. Her chest tightened as he repeated his apology. This pain was so new, something she never experienced before. Yes, she might have experienced relationships, affection, even maybe love. When things ended, she also experienced pain and resentment, but it’s different. She didn’t know him, at all, which only right if her heart didn’t react overly like this. but she couldn’t stop this weirdly overflowing emotion, she felt like a fool. There should be someone to blame, Bang Yongguk should be blamed, but she knew that only meant she had stupidly fallen in love with this stranger. Stupid, indeed.

“Are you done?” her voice was slightly shaking, she tried not to, and she failed. “I heard you, now go.” She turned her heals, and walked away. She needed to before he could see her tears falling.

A groan followed instead.

He stopped her again, this time he grabbed her arm and blocked her way. “What is wrong with you?!”

“I heard your explanation very well, Bang Yongguk-ssi, now gone! I don’t want to see you again!” She’s losing, finally.

“How can you expect me to leave you when you’re crying like this?” His voice softened, he naturally loosened the strength on his grip, thinking it might hurt her.

“Why?” she raised her chin, not liking the idea. “Will you also stay whenever a woman cries in front of you?”

“That’s not what I am saying. You are you.” He leaned down, his hand reached her cheek trying to wipe her tears, but she pushed his hand instead.

“I don’t need your pity.” She shot him a glare. “I am capable enough to understand this whole situation. You don’t feel anything, I understand that, very clearly, and I am the fool of thinking you do. Now, please be gone.”

His expression changed, again flustered. He made a step backward. Not expecting how cold she pushed him away. He disliked the idea of leaving his problem unsolved. He should know it wasn’t a problem, Eunji would hate him for thinking it was. But one thing he’s certain, he had deeply hurt this woman. This realization, surprisingly enough, had hurt him even more. Something was not right. And he hated it.

“Seriously, give me a break, Jung Eunji,” he’s now losing it. His hands run through his hair, feeling utterly exhausted. “We just met for god’s sake! You know nothing about my life. You have no idea of how messy it is! I am not like you, you’re shining, you’re loved, you’re a people person, you are that Jung Eunji. You cannot just suddenly feel something without thinking of what would happen if we do this!” He groaned again, this time along with a curse. “I have huge responsibility on my shoulder and I don’t have time to commit on feeling, this, I can’t!”

Her eyes felt so hot and by now Eunji just couldn’t stop her tears. “You’re right. I know nothing about you. It’s just me. I am one-sidedly feeling this stupid heartbeat! And I said I understand that, didn’t I?! I’ll take responsibility of this my own. I told you to go! Now leave!”

“!”