20 years old, Summer

Where are you now?

You promised to come back for me.

I grew up. So, will you recognize me?

Just call out my name. I’ll be there.

                “_______, there’s a seminar tomorrow,” Geun Young said. How thankful I was for Geun Young to still be by my side. She reminded me of the seminar being held in class tomorrow. I nodded. “Just wanted to remind you.” I walked back to my room. It was a summer day, the second last day before summer break. I was already in my third year of university. Young Jae was still hung around but he had a new girlfriend. Geun Young and Sun Mi went to our university. Hyun Ae stayed in the city while Eun Kyung took over her parents’ restaurant. I still didn’t even know what I wanted to do in the future because I still had the same mentality I had when I was 13. I still had hope for Oppa.

                It’s been seven years since I’ve seen Oppa. Every hour without him felt like a year. Every year felt like decades. I stopped crying but my heart was still waiting. I couldn’t give up after all this time. I still had the strength to wait but every now and then, I became doubtful. Geun Young and Sun Mi stopped caring and Young Jae moved on. I guess I was the only one who was still the same. I was growing up. I left my parents to go to university but unlike Oppa, I would come back and see them. Every time I went to visit, I always hoped that Oppa would be there but he wasn’t. I was hoping that I’d be lucky this time. Summer break was coming up and Geun Young, Sun Mi, Young Jae and I were going back home. I thought that I’d get lucky this time.

                The next day went fine and we packed up to go home for two weeks. “You guys ready to go?” Young Jae popped his head into the girls’ room.

                The three of us yelled back, “Yeah!” We loaded our luggage into the back of Young Jae’s car. Young Jae drove, his girlfriend called shotgun and Geun Young, Sun Mi and I sat in the back.

                “So, _______?” Young Jae called from the front.

                “Yeah?”

                “Do you think he’ll be there when we get there?”

                I shrugged in my seat. “Maybe. I hope.”

                Young Jae’s girlfriend turned around from her seat and asked, “Who? _______, do you have a boyfriend that you haven’t told me about?” Young Jae’s girlfriend, Hae Won, was nice. I wasn’t as close to her as I was with Sun Mi and Geun Young so she didn’t know about Oppa. Oppa, look. I’m still waiting.

                “He’s not my boyfriend,” I told her with a poker face. Geun Young and Sun Mi looked at me with big eyes.

                “Then, who is he?”

                “My oppa. Um, I’ve been waiting for him to come back,” I explained. It was hard telling this story but I’ve gone through it so many times.

                “You’ve been waiting? Did he leave you or something?” Hae won asked, more reserved. Hae Won wore a puzzled expression. 

                I bit my lip and looked at her. I started to sink into the seat behind me, wanting to hide my face from everyone. “Uh, Oppa didn’t exactly leave me. He said he’d come back and I’m just waiting for that day.”

                “How long has it been?” Hae Won, what’s with all these questions?

                I scratched the back of my head. “I d-don't really know. Maybe seven years or s-something like that...?” I answered awkwardly. Hae Won could tell that I was getting uncomfortable so she stopped talking. It was quiet in the car until Young Jae started talking to his girlfriend. They were deeply engaged in their conversation that they couldn’t hear ours in the back.

                “Do you think he’ll be there when we get back?” Sun Mi asked. I sighed.

                “I have no idea.”

                “_______, I was wondering something,” Geun Young said. Sun Mi and I looked at her.

                “What is it, Geun Young?”

                “Are you tired of waiting?” My two friends now had their eyes focused on me. I blinked twice.

                I huffed. I shook my head slightly. “No,” I admitted. “I don’t really…care how long I have to wait.”

                “Oh,” they said in unison. I nodded my head. “Is it hard?” Sun Mi questioned.

                I shook my head again. “If it’s for him, I’ll wait.”

                Geun Young sat back suddenly. “Wow, _______, I’m so jealous.”

                A frown appeared on my face. “Why?” I chuckled.

                “You’re so cute. Your face when you answered our questions was so adorable. You must be really in love. The feeling must be nice.” I laughed.

                “It is. Imagining him being at the door when I answer makes me so happy. The image is so nice, that’s why I’m still waiting,” I smiled. It seemed a bit sad thinking about it. “Actually, you know what I forgot to tell you?” Sun Mi and Geun Young looked at me with sparkles in their eyes. Their facial expressions brightened and they leaned forward, anticipating what I’d say. “The day he told me he was leaving was the day I told him I loved him.” Their eyes widened. “I tried to cover up my actual feelings by telling him, I just loved him as a friend but he was like, “No, _______, you love me more than that.” I didn’t know what to say to him and then” - Geun Young and Sun Mi leaned in closer – “Oppa said he loved me, too.”  Geun Young sat back quickly again.

                “Wah, I’m so jealous. Your face is soooo cute when you’re talking about him,” Geun Young sighed.

                Sun Mi giggled, “Yeah. _______, you’re so cute.” I put a hand on my cheek. Oppa, apparently I’m cute when I talk about you. “Hmmm…I’ve never even met him but he must be a good guy for our _______ to look like that when she talks about him.” I laughed at their words. Oppa, did you think I was cute? Did you really mean it when you said you loved me, too?

                The rest of the car ride was quiet. We opened the windows and the breeze filled the car. The sun was still up as we drove in to my apartment’s parking lot. Everyone came out of the car to help me with my luggage.

                “Guys, I don’t even have that much luggage. I can get everything out myself,” I told them, pulling out my suitcase from the trunk.

                Sun Mi and Hae Won stretched their arms. “Please, _______. We’ve been in the car for more than two hours. We need to stretch,” Sun Mi explained. I laughed at her reply.

                “Yeah, besides, we should go up and see your parents, right? Do they know that you’re here?” Geun Young wondered. I shook my head in embarrassment. She whacked my arm that was holding a bag. I dropped the bag, surprised. “Yah, you didn’t even tell your parents?”

                “I forgot to do that while we were in the car,” I answered her quietly. I picked up the bag again. They laughed and we went into the lobby. As we went up the elevator, my heartbeat started to pick up. Oppa, will you be there just like you were the day you told me you’d leave?

                I pressed the numbers into the pad and when it clicked, I could hear my heart explode. Geun Young, Sun Mi, Hae Won and Young Jae stood behind me. I swung the door open. I lugged my things into the entrance with me.

                “Hello? Is anyone home?”

                “_______? Is that you?” My eyes widened. Everyone behind me shuffled inside as well, slipping their shoes off.

                “Mom?” My mom came running out of the bathroom.

                “_______!” she exclaimed. She pulled me into a tight hug.

                “Mom, it hasn’t been that long since we’ve seen each other,” I said, my voice all muffled.

                My mom stepped back. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

                “She forgot to!” Geun Young answered from behind. My mom ran over to her and gave her a hug. She also gave a hug to Sun Mi and Young Jae.

                “Oh, who’s this?” my mom whispered to me. She was talking about Hae Won. I placed my suitcases down beside the kitchen table.

                “Hae Won, this is my mom. Mom, this is Hae Won, Young Jae’s girlfriend,” I said. I wiped my hands on my shorts. Hae Won bowed to my mother.

                “Annyeong haseyo, my name is Hae Won and I’m one of _______’s friends,” she introduced herself. I let out a short laugh. My friends and my mom talked a bit longer as I brought my things to my room. When I opened the door, everything was still the same. My bed was made and the sheets were smoothed out. Everything was still in the same place as when I left it the last time I visited. I went back to the kitchen to find my mom pouring glasses of lemonade and everyone else sitting at the table. All of my friends were talking about where they were going and such after my place.

                “Mom?” I called out. I walked over to her.

                “Yes, dear?” she answered, pouring the last glass of lemonade.

                I scratched my forehead. “Is anyone else here?”

                “No. Your dad and Uncle went out for a party with his co-workers and Auntie is at the grocery store right now picking some things up for the both of us.” She brought all the glasses to the table and I took one as well. “Why?” she asked as she walked back into the kitchen.

                “I was just wondering. Did anyone else come here when I was gone?” I asked a bit hesitantly. My mom shook her head.

                “No, why? Are you trying to ask me if he came here?”

                My mom saw right through me. I nodded my head once. She smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, honey, he hasn’t been here ever since. Auntie and Uncle said he hasn’t visited either.” My shoulders fell as she told me.

                “Oh, OK, that’s OK,” I sighed. I headed back to the table to join their loud conversation.

                “Oh, yeah, _______, did your mom tell you about your dad’s surprise party in a couple of days?” Young Jae asked. I shook my head, taken aback. A surprise party for my dad? Oh yeah! He’s turning 50!

                “Oh, sorry, ______. I forgot to tell you,” my mom said from behind the kitchen counter. I rolled my eyes at her forgetfulness. “Today’s Wednesday, right? It’s on Saturday at the hall down the street. Your cousins and aunts and uncles will be there, too.” But will Oppa be there?

                “Yeah, we’re all going to come. We better see you there, too, _______, arasseo?” Hae Won scolded. I nodded my head.

                Sun Mi screeched, “Obviously, she’s going to come. It’s her dad’s birthday!”

                “OK, OK, OK. We’ll just talk about later.” My head dropped as I stared at the floor. Another party? Great. I didn’t like parties since they only made me feel lonelier. I shook my head from those thoughts and continued to talk with everyone. They left after an hour or so and my mom and I were left at home.

                “Mom?” I called out again, getting up from the kitchen seat.

                “Yes?” My mom looked up from the cutting board.

                “Do you think…?”

                “Yes?”

                “Do you think…that O-oppa will be there?” My voice was cracking now.

                My mom chuckled, “Maybe.” Then, her face became serious. “_______ honey, are you still waiting?” I looked at her with misty eyes.

                “Y-yeah.”

                “He’ll come around sooner or later,” my mom said under her breath. A tear escaped my eyes.

                “Mom?”

                “Yes, dear?”

                “Is love supposed to be this painful?” I asked with tears in my eyes.

                My mom continued to chop some peppers. “Only if you think it is.”

                I wiped my eyes with the ends of my sleeves. I took a breath in to clear my throat. “Did you have to wait for dad?”

                She shook her head but a smile crept on her face. “No. But ______?”

                “Yeah?” I sniffled.

                “I don’t think you’ll have to wait much longer.” It became quiet after that. I hope you’re right. I want you to be right.

                “I'm tired of waiting," I whispered. "Mom, was it obvious that I liked Oppa?”

                My mom laughed her bubbly laugh. “Yes. Of course it was. We all knew and so did your oppa. He knew it, too.”

                “Was it obvious that he liked me, too?”

                “No. Not to others but we’ve known him longer so we could tell.”

                “Oh.” I inhaled. Oppa, I don’t want my mom to have lied. I hope that you’ll come back soon. It’s been seven years and the only person I’ve thought about was you. The reason why I grew up was because of you. The reason that I’m here today is because of you. Don't let me down, oppa. I don't want my years of waiting to have gone to waste. I love you and I want you to come back. I want you to recognize me, the one who I hope that you think has grown up.