There'll be oceans for us to tread
There'll be bridges for us to mend
But I'll stick through it
Oh, I swear

 Aisha Badru -  Bridges 

Oh, how I have missed you. Strong arms wrap around his body, encasing him in familiar warmth that feels like the setting sun. Kim Ryeowook closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and breathes in the familiar scent of his lover, earthy and vanilla. He’s missed this, incredibly much so. His lips settle into a gentle smile, a genuine one and Ryeowook realizes he hasn’t smiled this way, he hasn’t smiled with his heart for a very long time now.

“I’ve missed you,” Ryeowook whispers, quietly. No one else needs to hear. This conversation is just for them.

“I’ve missed you too.”

Ryeowook shudders. It’s been too long since he hears Yesung’s voice The velvety roughness of his voice, the raw emotions in his voice. Ryeowook inhales a very deep breath, tries not to let his emotions run wild, tries to hold his tears at bay. He doesn’t want to cry, not now, now right here. It’s been too long.

“How are you, Ryeowookie?” Yesung asks.

Ryeowook swallows a lump that has formed in his throat. He exhales a rough chuckle, before he answers, “I’ve been better.”

Yesung laughs softly and Ryeowook doesn’t have to look at him to know that his eyes crinkles when he laughs the way that he’s doing now. Ryeowook feels a phantom kiss on the back of his neck and it takes all of Ryeowook’s willpower not to fall onto his knees from the overwhelming emotions he’s feeling right now. The despair in his heart, the tightness in his chest, the pain from the memories… Everything feels raw and real right now.

“You never said goodbye,” Ryeowook’s heart ached as he recalls the night he loses his heart and soul, his person, his better half.

There’s a comfortable silence before Ryeowook feels the arms around him tighten. He presses himself fully against the body behind him, sighing as he does so.  

Yesung hums and then finally says, “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

“And now?”

Yesung chuckles, “Maybe I’m ready now.”

“Well…. I’m not.” Ryeowook challenges, just a little. He wipes a tear that has fallen from his eye, sniffles as he does do. “I’m not ready.”

“You are, my love.” Yesung presses a fluttering kiss onto his shoulder, “You’re ready to move on. You have someone here that will love you, heart and soul.”

“You loved me, heart and soul too.” Ryeowook whispered, “But you still left.”

Ryeowook remembers everything painfully clear. The night he wakes up to find six missed calls, ten text messages. He remembers shuffling in the dark, hands grasping around for his glasses and then putting them on before he pulls up his notifications from his phone and presses onto the latest text message from his brother in law.

Ryeowook. Call me please. It’s about Yesung.

Ryeowook remembers the broken voice of his brother in law over the phone, telling him his worst nightmare. Ryeowook remembers his phone falling next to him, and then he remembers the feeling of being alone, being left alone in that dark room, on his bed that suddenly seemed way too big, in the apartment they had built and called home. Alone. Ryeowook remembers how numb he felt, for months, then years. He remembers the pain, the hurt he had felt all this time, wondering if there was ever a way for the hole in his aching heart could mend, for him to find a purpose in his life when his very person was taken away from him.

“I’m sorry.”

Ryeowook huffs a small laugh. Because he knows. He knows how sorry Yesung is, he knows it the night it all happened. Ryeowook knows Yesung never meant for this, that he had fought with every breath he took to stay. But life happens, and sometimes, it doesn