Everything had gone exactly how she planned it. Not a piece of furniture out of place, not a mark on the white tablecloths, not a wasted slice of cake. It was perfect. Just how Momo had always imagined it would be. Just as magical as it has seemed in her head. Seared into her memory forever as one of the best days of her life.

The kiss was what she remembered the most. It stood out in the heat of the moment. Like the pinnacle of everything she had dreamed of.

His eyes were so close, deep like an ocean full of love and adoration, and also seeming far away as if he were having an out of body experience. Attempting to capture this moment from all angles in his memory. His face filled her vision and everyone else in the room disappeared.

Momo could hear the cheers of her friends, the bridesmaids, her parents and relatives, but they faded away as she leaned in, fluttering her lids closed as Heechul’s lips encased her own.

The greatest feeling in the world was the feeling she got when his hands rested on her waist like they were meant to be there, and his lips pressed so gently against her own. Though they had kissed a million and one times before… this time was different. This time… it felt like the first all over again.

 

Perfect.

 

Everything is perfect.

 

 

 

 

The partying after the ceremony was inevitable. Out came the alcohol and the food and the music. This was Momo’s scene. The part of the day when she could lay back, her body resting against the rhythm of the music as it pulsed through her.

She took her shoes off, discarded to the side as if they hadn’t cost more than two hundred dollars and danced, laughing with her friends as they joined.

 

This is the best day of her life.

 

Things were going great. Everyone cheered when they performed the first couple dance complete with the dramatic dip at the end of the song.

Things were going great. Momo looked into the eyes of Heechul for the thousandth time that day, looked into the eyes of her husband, and smiled the biggest smile she could muster.

Because things were going great until a small, familiar hand slipped into her own and a voice politely interrupted her dancing.

 

“Does the groom mind if I steal his bride for a dance?” Dahyun’s tone was light, joking, happy. Her eye smile seemed to reach her ears as she looked up at Heechul. He smiled back, nodding and gracefully letting Momo glide into Dahyun’s arms for the next song.

They laughed as if it was a joke. It was a funny thing to see two girls dance together wasn’t it? It was funny to watch the bride dance with her best friend to a slow song.

 

Dahyun’s hands fell automatically to Momo’s waist.

 

 

They fit.

 

 

And Momo let her arms sling around her neck, smiling again at Heechul as they twirled away to the slow sway of the music.

 

Dahyun stayed quiet for a long time. Momo watched her features dissolve from a smile into a neutral stare that remained over her shoulder for most of the first song. Not a sign of emotion was present on her face.

Momo traced her eyes along the curls of her friend’s deep blue hair that flowed down her left shoulder. She outlined the lace of the golden dress she had chosen to wear as it curled across her collarbone and over her shoulders leaving very little skin exposed. She felt her body steadily relax, eventually so she was pressed tightly against her, her head tucked in the crook of her neck.

 

 

She fits.

 

Perfectly.

 

 

When Dahyun finally decided to speak, it was so quiet that Momo could barely hear her.

“There isn’t a place that I’d rather be… than here with you. Right now.” Her breath brushed against Momo’s cheek and her words seemed to tighten a rope around her heart. A rope she hadn’t realised was there.

 

“You know,” She continued, swaying Momo’s body along with the music. “I’m still really cut that you chose Sana as your maid of honour instead of me.” A giggle followed. Momo’s favourite… one of her favourite sounds. The sentence made her want to reciprocate the laughter and relentlessly (Sana is a better friend, so it’s obvious I would choose her. HA!). It also made her want to cry.

 

“I couldn’t do that to you, Dahyunie.” Momo whispered.

 

I could never do something like that.

 

 

“I know you wouldn’t.” She said. Dahyun’s hands pulled at Momo’s waist a little tighter and Momo pulled her closer in response.

They swayed together, impossibly close.

 

In the back of Momo’s mind, she wondered if anyone was staring. She wondered if Heechul was watching and Dahyun could sense it. She knew how to read Momo like a book. Nobody else would have seen the subtle tension in Momo’s shoulder’s or the tiny change in the rhythm of her breaths.

 

Dahyun pulled back slightly so she could look into Momo’s eyes.

“Do you want to go outside for a bit?” She asked.

 

Momo is helpless to refuse any request from Dahyun, so she nodded.

 

 

 

 

Once outside, the masks came down and the costumes they both wore unravelled.

They intertwined their hands as they looked to the night sky, both pretending to understand the constellations. Both connecting the dots. Both knowing that the pictures the sky made were very different in each of their minds.

 

“How does it feel?” Dahyun asked.

To be married. To be married to Heechul? To be married to anyone that isn’t Dahyun?

 

Things were going wrong.

 

Nothing really ever goes to plan.

 

 

“This isn’t what I planned.” Momo finally admitted. “Not exactly.”

They didn’t look at each other. If they had turned to look, Momo would have seen Dahyun’s eyes filled with as many tears as there were in the night sky. Dahyun would have seen Momo’s eyes filled with regret. A deep-set regret… a regret she had never planned for.

 

Nothing ever goes to plan.

 

“I had a plan once too.” Dahyun mumbled. “But everything went wrong.”

 

Everything is going wrong.

 

Momo had the strongest urge in the world right then and there. The unexplainable pull to run away, never look back, forget the best day of her life and take Dahyun with her.

Dahyun knew what she was thinking, because she let go of her hand.

“I’m not running away with you.”

 

Momo often wondered just how Dahyun always knew her thoughts before she spoke them. She loved it and hated it at the same time.

“I wish you would.” Momo whispered.

 

“I wished a lot of things too. None of them came true. Wishes don’t work, Momo-unnie.”

 

The formal language stings a little. The tone of Dahyun’s voice – melancholy and low; hurt – burns. The fact that wishes don’t come true broke her, and tears started to flow.

 

“I’m sorry.” Dahyun croaked out, her own tears choking her. She still refused to look at Momo. She couldn’t.

 

“Why are you apologising? I should be the one saying sorry. For this. For everything. For today. For before. For being selfish. For giving in.”

“That’s not your fault, unnie.” Dahyun sniffed, unable to resist taking Momo’s had again; for reassurance, for the warmth, because it fit. “None of this is your fault.”

 

 

They stood in silence again, oblivious to the many guests wondering where the bride had gotten to. Unaware of Heechul asking everyone individually if they had seen his Momo. Not noticing their friends starting to search too.

 

It was just Dahyun and Momo.

 

Momo couldn’t help but think that this was how things had been planned all along.

 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to leave you alone.” Dahyun spoke out loud and it hurt. Everything that Dahyun said hurt.

 

Momo squeezed her hand tighter, finally looking to her right and looking into the face of the only one she had planned to be in her life forever.

 

Nothing ever, EVER goes to plan.

 

She wanted to apologise again, she wanted to beg on her knees for forgiveness.

Dahyun, you have no choice. I’m so, so sorry.

But Momo was selfish. She had always been cowardly and selfish.

 

 

“Then don’t.” she said.

 

“That’s not fair to say.” Dahyun still wouldn’t look. Momo could only see the left side of her face and the tears that stained her cheek. It made her feel horrible. “None of this is fair. I’m sorry, Momo-unnie.”

 

 

Neither of them could see the crowd that had started to build up from behind them. Looking out to the balcony they stood on from inside the venue. Through the huge glass windows. Momo and Dahyun’s friends, her family, her husband.

 

 

“Stop apologising, Dahyunie. Stop. Just look at me.”

 

Dahyun, too, is unable to resist Momo’s words, so she looks.

 

 

Momo’s memories of Heechul’s deep brown eyes are replaced with Dahyun’s. His face dissipates into the air and Dahyun is the only person in the whole world she can see and remember.

 

Momo knew that this wasn’t fair. That her plan to be with Dahyun for the rest of her life had already been ruined by expectations and her own nerves. She had another plan to uphold now. She was married to Heechul and there was nothing she could do about that. She had to play along and pretend that this was what she had hoped for. But she had to end this. A final goodbye to the only thing… the only person she had ever wanted.

She let go of Dahyun’s hand and took a step toward her. Dahyun looked up, knowing what was about to happen. She wanted to stop. This was a mistake. But this was also Momo.

 

They moved in a familiar pattern. Dahyun’s small, warm hands reaching up to cup Momo’s cheeks. Momo’s own hands fitting to their place behind Dahyun’s head, curling her fingers into her lover’s hair. The natural movement continued as they learned in and their lips brushed together feverishly. As light as a feather, both holding back as if afraid of breaking the other. Breathing in each other’s scent.

 

Slow, familiar, but it was the last time.

 

 

“WHAT’S GOING ON.”

 

 

Momo hates plans.

 

Nothing goes to plan.

 

The pair jump apart, the world, reality, rushing back in and falling around them like a hailstorm.  The damaging one that will dent your car. Break your things. Hurt you if you step out into it.

 

Momo’s mother stood at the glass door they had walked from. Her father and sister were behind her. The rest of her guests… Heechul. They were all there.

“Momo!” Her mother cried again. The silence of the crowd was deafening. “You are at your own wedding! YOU ARE MARRIED!”

 

If Momo was alone with her parents, her mother’s words would be more specific.

You are not a dyke! We’ve talked about this a million times! You disgust me!

 

 

Momo met the eyes of Sana in the crowd. A knowing look of pity was in her eyes.

She met the eyes of Hana. Shock filled her expression.

She met the eyes of her father. No expression.

 

She met the eyes of Heechul.

 

His eyes were the ocean. Swimming with hurt, confusion, uncertainty, jealousy… and something else.

 

 

Run. I won’t stop you.

 

 

Finally, Momo met the eyes of the one she loved the most.

 

She was so frightened.

 

 

Run. I’ll run anywhere with you.

 

 

Do things ever really go to plan?

 

Run. Run. Run. Run. Run.

 

 

Dahyun knew what Momo was thinking. Dahyun saw the look on Heechul’s face. Dahyun trusted Momo with her entire being.

 

 

“I’m sorry, Mum. I’m so sorry.”

 

Dahyun’s hand was in her own. Her bare feet were pounding against the grass. The night air rushed past her ears. Dahyun never let go.

 

 

Suddenly everything is perfect again.

 

 

“I love you!” Momo screamed, not knowing who would hear, not caring where she was running, just knowing that Dahyun was next to her and that they were running into the future…  together.

 

 

Some things go to plan.

 

Some wishes come true.