I lay in bed the entire day, unable to fall asleep, crying every now and then. The silence of the house was both a blessing as well as a curse. I loved the tranquility of it all, being able to relax my otherwise chaotic mind, yet the stillness of everything made me think even more. I heard the engine of my dad's car pulling into the driveway, the engine cutting off. 

A couple of minutes later, I heard a light knock on the door before the handle turned. The door creaking as it parted with the doorframe. "Nyoung, are you awake?" My dad whispered. I guess not wanting to wake me up if I had been sleeping. 

"I'm awake." I said, not turning towards the door but keeping my eyes on the window. 

"I bought pizza. I figured you'd be hungry." He said, the door creaking as he opened it further. 

"Thanks dad but I'm not hungry." I said. He came over and sat down at the foot of my bed, his weight causing the bed to tilt slightly in his direction. 

"You sure? It's pepperoni your favorite." He said. I furrowed my eyebrows. 

"You remembered that?" I said, turning slightly to face him. 

"Of course I did. You're my son right?" He said. He hasn't referred to me as his son in so long I kinda have forgotten that I was. Maybe breaking up with Mark was the right thing to do, if my dad and I could reconcile our past. 

"Right." I said, dropping my head back down onto the pillow. 

"I'm sorry." He said, laying a hand on my leg. 

"You don't have to be sorry. I wanted to break up with him." I said. 

"No I do and you and I both know you didn't want to break up with him. I'm sorry I've been such a bad father. I shouldn't have asked you to be something you're not. You were right. I should have been more understanding. My past gave me no excuse to treat you the way I did." I sighed, sitting up on the bed and looking at my father. 

"It's okay dad. I'm going to be straight now. Everything can go back to the way it was." I said. 

"No, you're not. You're gay Jinyoung. I was wrong in trying to make you think otherwise. I see that now. I love you so much, and I know your mom wouldn't want you to pretend to be someone you're not either. I'm sorry." He said, dropping his head in remorse and embarrassment. 

"It doesn't matter anyway. I broke up with Mark and that's the way it's going to stay." I shrugged indifferrently.

"You love him don't you?" He said, a statement more than a question. I kept quiet, not wanting to say anything. "Listen Jinyoung. I can see it. I can see how much you love him. I can see how much you're broken up about it. From the kiss I saw that day, I can tell he loves you very much too, so why are you pushing him away?" My dad asked. I remained silent, not wanting to remember the horrible nightmare I had. "Nyoung, talk to me. I just want to help." He continued.

"I'm just... scared dad." I said, feeling my eyes water again. 

"Scared? Of what?" His eyebrows raised at my statement. Clearly confused as to the reason behind it.

"I'm scared that I will lose him, like how I lost mom. I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and he won't." I cried, letting a tear roll down my cheeks. 

"Oh Nyoung... Let me tell you something okay? Death is a thing of life. You can't prevent it and you can't control it. Letting that fear dictate your life isn't living. You're telling me that you're going to throw away your life over something you have no control over." He said, moving up and putting a hand on my shoulder. 

"Wonpil said the same thing to me yesterday." I chuckled sadly. 

"And he's right. Listen to me. When I lost your mom, I was devastated. But that's not what I choose to remember about her. Instead of her death, I remember when we shared our first date. I remember whenever she would smile at me when I came home from work. I remember her smell, her laugh, everything that made your mother special to me. I remember the day she held you when you were born and I thought that this was what life was about."

"If you're going to throw away what could have been an amazing relationship because of a fear that it would end before you were ready, then what's the point in living anyway? If your mom passed a year after our marriage or twenty, I still have that amount of time I shared with her. That amount of time that I felt complete. Can you honestly say that you feel complete now, breaking up with Mark?" He said. With Wonpil and my dad saying these stuffs to me that make sense, I'm really contemplating to have my head checked because I'm really rash with my decisions, hence me being stupid in making them.

"Even if I wanted to get back with him now, he won't. I hurt him really bad dad. And I don't think he will ever forgive me for it." I said, regret pouring out of every word I said.

"You'll be surprised what people can look past when they love someone." He smiled, squeezing my shoulder. 

"Thanks dad. I love you. I missed having these kinds of moments with you." I gratefully said. My heart feeling lighter than it was in the past days.

"I love you too son. I don't say it enough but I do, more than anything. I'm so proud of the man you have become." He said, hugging me in his tight embrace. It has been too long since I felt his strong arms around me, so long since I felt safe in them. I eagerly returned his hug back.

"So where's that pizza?" I asked, chuckling while wiping my face of any stray tears. 

"There's the son I know." He smiled, releasing me from the hug.

Even after my dad's pep talk, I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to get back together with Mark. I was glad that my dad now accepted me for who I was though. For so long, I wished he would say that he was proud of who I have grown up to be and today I finally heard it. Never have I understood a child's need for a parent to be proud of them until today. It was different from acceptance. It was a testimonial to the fact that your parent not only accepts you but feels that your life accomplishments are worth something more, something that they could look at and smile upon.
                                     ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That night, as I slept, I had the same nightmare again. I saw Mark, lifeless in front of me. I didn't cry this time though, my brain telling me to do what my dad said. To focus on the happy moments we spent together rather than focusing on the bad. But still try as I may, I felt sick at the image of his corpse. 

The next morning, my dad poked his head into my room, stirring me awake from the nightmare. "Hey kiddo, are you heading to school today?" He asked. 

"Nah I don't think so." I said, rubbing the sleep from eyes, once again relieved that it was all just a dream. 

My father sighed. "You have to face him sometime you know."

"When I'm ready." I said, asking for a bit more time to think over things so I won't be dragging anyone with my poorly thought-over decisions.

"Okay well. I'm heading to work. Just call if you need anything." He mentioned.

"Okay dad." I replied, still unmoving in my bed. He closed the door and I turned, going back to sleep. After the complete and utter drama of the previous day, it was no wonder I was tired. I slept till 2pm. Waking up feeling happy that my nightmare didn't come back for a third time, at the same time feeling refreshed and hungry. I took that as a good sign though, knowing that I wasn't as depressed if I had my appetite back. 

I got out of bed, taking a quick shower. I knew the kitchen had nothing to eat so I was going to have to go out for something to eat. I changed and picked up my phone, realizing that it was still turned off, not having turned it on since yesterday morning. I knew the minute I turned it on, a barrage of messages would greet me. 

True enough the minute I turned it on, texts started pouring in. Missed calls appeared in my call log. Jackson, Irene and Jaebeom flooded my inbox. 

"What happened? Call me?" - Jaebeom

"Turn on your phone goddamn it." - Jackson

"You can't hide forever." - Irene

All the texts were along the same line. All except one from Wonpil.

"I'm here. I heard what happened. I didn't go over because I knew you'd come around when you're ready. Call me."

Wonpil is in Seoul? As in, my best friend is here in the same place as me?

I quickly dialed his number, hearing the phone ring a couple of times before he answered. "Well it's about time."

"Wonpil? You're here in Seoul?" I asked, forgoing the introductions.

"My text was pretty clear. C'mon. Meet me at the usual diner in town. My treat." He said, hanging up immediately. I knew what diner he was talking about, a usual hangout for us back in the day. Without a second thought, I stowed my phone in my pocket, grabbing my keys and headed out the door. 

I drove into town, going the route to the diner that I haven't travsersed in so long. Eventually, I stopped in front of the old roadside diner. Basically empty except for a few other customers. I walked in, scanning for Wonpil, spotting him at the far end of the restaurant. He smiled when he saw me, watching as I clambered my way over to him. I was so happy to see Wonpil, my best friend who moved away. 

"Oh my god. I'm so glad to see you." I said, taking a seat across from him. 

"See? You didn't lose me. I'm still here." Wonpil said. 

"What? When? How?" I shot. 

"I'm here for you. You sounded pretty distressed on the phone the other day so I had to come down here, prove to you that I am still around. I arrived last afternoon, thought I could surprise you in school, but Irene told me someone broke up with Mark Tuan." He said, giving me a knowing look. 

"I had to do it." I defended. 

"Bull Nyoung. You damn well know I was right. I mean shutting the world out after you dumped him? Real mature. Your actions just prove that you shouldn't have broken up with him." My best friend said, reprimanding me with the decisions I have messingly made.

"Okay okay. First my dad, now you. You want me to say it? Fine. I regret it okay? I shouldn't have done that to Mark but I'm still not ready to get back with him yet. Hell I don't even know if he'll take me back, after the things I said to him." I frustratingly replied back.

"Wait wait back up. Your dad?" Wonpil asked. 

"Yeah. We kinda talked yesterday. He has come around, full circle if I might add. In fact, he shares the same sentiment as you do." I shared, recalling yesterday's conversation with ny dad.

"Well. I always knew your father was a smart man. Great minds think alike after all." Wonpil said, sitting back and giving a pose fit for a king. 

"Yeah whatever, you still haven't told me how you got here?" I repeated.

"I teleported. I took a plane of course, first flight out of Jeju. I leave tonight though, skipped two days of school as it is. I'm surprised my parents even agreed to it, but they treat you like a son so really I shouldn't be." He answered.

"That soon? I was hoping we could hang around and do stuffs." I said. Sure it was nice that I could see Wonpil in person, but I wished he could have stayed longer. 

"What are we doing now? Working?" He mocked. 

"Sorry. I mean I haven't seen you in so long. I kinda hoped I could have had more time with you." I confessed.

"Well. If you have bothered to turn on your phone earlier, we would now wouldn't we?" He quipped, being his usual snarky self. He took a breath, relaxing and softening his voice. "It is nice to see you Jinyoung. It's seems like so long ago doesn't it?"

"You have no idea." I said. Just then, the waitress came over with two plates, each holding a massive double cheeseburger and a truckload of fries.

"I took the liberty to order for you. It's still your favorite thing here right, or have your tastes changed?" He said, pointing to the burgers in front of us. 

"I actually haven't been here since you left." I confessed, grabbing a fry and pooping it into my mouth. Oil oozed out of the deep fried potato, a health nut's worst nightmare, but it was oh so good. 

"You're ting me. Didn't bring your boyfriend here?" 

"He's not my boyfriend. Not anymore at least." I said, feeling dejected at the memory. 

"And whose fault is that?" Wonpil said, taking a massive bite of his burger. Yeah he looked like a complete slob but who cares. When good food was concerned, personal image didn't matter. "But seriously though, you need to get back together with him." He said, mouth full. 

"Like I said, I don't even know if he'll take me back."

"Trust me Jinyoung. He'll take you back. He loves you, doesn't he?" Wonpil said confidently.

"That's what he says." I said, giving a little shrug. 

"You see, that's your problem. You still don't want to believe that he loves you. You don't have to be scared about loving him Jinyoung. If anything, you should be happy. Happy that you actually found someone you can honestly say you love." Wonpil continued, playing with the food on his plate, pushing it around with his fork. 

"It'