Baekhyun didn't believe in legends, especially not those related to mythology. Yes, he'd always liked the idea that this world is ruled by some gods and there are monsters hiding in the shadows, but how real can that be? He believed the only evil creatures on this planet were humans themselves, with their bad behaviours and rainbow coloured ideas about life. He'd been on his own for so many years that he almost forgot what good human nature looked like. There were friends that supported him and held his hand through the bad times, but as fast as they appeared, they left, allowing the darkness to surround him again. So he gave up on forming any kind of relationships – he considered those a true waste of his precious time.

          When he got into college, things weren't supposed to be any different. He stayed in his lane, studying to become a good teacher, because really... as much as he despised humans, he had to admit that he was really good at interacting with them and making them listen when he wanted to. The main subject he leaned on was geography, nothing can go wrong with that. It's filled with facts and crude realities that the general public can't deny. Nothing based on faith and belief there. Just perfect for him.

           Baekhyun read a lot and that meant spending most of his free days in the library, tearing books apart with his eyes and enjoying the silence. Every week of every month was like that for him: taking care of his basic needs, studying, going to classes and even more studying. He didn’t go out with his colleagues, he avoided crowded places as much as possible, his best friends were every collection of geography research. And he was content on living like that, until one day, when he realized his black and white universe had begun to crack, pieces falling off all around him when he heard a particularly loud laugh. He turned his head in annoyance, only to notice a wonderful being disrupting everything he was trying to build, putting a stop to his voluntary isolation. A shadowy figure walked into the history section, brown locks swaying as he moved through the shelves. Baekhyun couldn't help but wonder, so he wandered a little bit out of his comfort zone, to the said area.

           In between books and a fair amount of dust, stood a tall man, with lanky arms and long legs, glasses fixed on his nose and prickles of sweat dripping on the back of his neck as he tried to collect as many books as possible from the wooden boards before him. He was wearing tight black jeans and a simple, white t-shirt with some anime character on it, that Baekhyun failed to recognize. He got closer and closer and as soon as they were just inches away, his breath hitched and his heart took a few erratic jumps before stopping completely. That guy turned to look at him and asked a simple question that changed his whole world 'Oh, I' m sorry. Do you need any of these books?'. Brown, soulful eyes met brown, lifeless eyes and a crooked smile persuaded the corners of Baekhyun's mouth to go up.

          'You were making a lot of noise.' the smaller man mumbled shyly as his gaze landed on the titles in the other's arms - Mythology for beginners, All you need to know about mythology, A complete anthology of legends - and so on. He scoffed. What a turn off. He guessed this guy must be an airhead with his carefree style and terrible reading choices, but he refrained from making any more assumptions. That was just wrong. Just as wrong as what happened next in between them.

          'Uh, my name's Chanyeol. I've just transferred here to study Greek history. I heard this university has the specialty and it's pretty good.' the tall one told him, without the other even asking for any details and Baekhyun could feel the air filling up his lungs again. Who the hell studies this kind of thing? What the hell do you even do with it? This guy wasn't only an airhead, but a naive human being that clearly knew nothing of this world (probably only more of the others). But his voice was dripping honey on Baekhyun's ears and his name was something he wasn't going to forget all too soon...

         So that meeting awoke something in him he didn't think would ever exist and he started visiting the library even more often (if that was even possible), especially the history section. He'd lie there on his , back leaning against the shelves, a book on his lap, waiting for Chanyeol to come back. And when a cheerful voice called him and a talkative guy sat next to him, telling him all about the gods and the monsters he found interesting, random facts and stories, Baekhyun believed a little more. Not just in mythology, but in love too. The warmth he felt all those hours he’d spent listening to stories and legends was something irreplaceable, immeasurable and unforgettable.

          The nights grew longer and the days got shorter, months passed before Chanyeol called him his one true friend. And that made him happy, but also hurt a bit. Maybe this guy will never see him as more. Maybe all the things he’d imagined they could do together were further away from reality than the myths. But he still didn't give up. So he listened more, he hung around Chanyeol with every occasion he had and started to share his passions, his dreams, his wishes, while they still seemed possible, while he still had the chance.

        Baekhyun thought his newfound friend was pretty amazing. His favourite anime was Inuyasha, because there wasn't just pure fighting, there were heartfelt moments too, about love and friendship. His favourite character was Natsu from Fairy Tail. Apparently Chanyeol thought he resembled him pretty much, with his loud shortcomings and firey personality. Only the height didn't match. He said that Baekhyun could be Gray, a calm, reserved character most of the time, silently caring for his friends, even though his main powers were as icy as they could get.

           When it came to mythology, Chanyeol loved the Helen of Troy legend, because he did believe there could exist in this world a person so beautiful to start world wars. The most beloved god for him was Hades, he thought he got the short end of the stick to rule the Underworld (at least he has a cute puppy - he told Baekhyun once) and his story with Persephone was just beautiful and heartbreaking. When it came to creatures, Chanyeol compared Baekhyun to the sirens, because he had a soft, gentle voice that just drew people to him, and he might have been a cyclop, definitely two-eyed. He could barely see like this, he didn't want to have just one eye. Baekhyun snickered - that's not how it works.

          But for them it worked somehow: they bickered from time to time, over small things they couldn't agree on, mostly Baekhyun's lack of care for otherworldly things and Chanyeol's target to make him see there's more to humans than it meets the eye, and not just the bad stuff. Sometimes they sat in silence, each reading about their own school subjects, eating snacks and drinking coffee - he was more of a caffe latte guy, but the tall man always said the espresso is so much better - so he tried it and couldn't sleep a full night, strong aroma, all black (so unlike Chanyeol), lingering on his tongue as thoughts of his friend lingered on his mind.

            Of all the mistakes he could make in this world, he had to make this one. Of all the people in this world he could’ve met in the history section of his school’s library, he had to meet Chanyeol. Maybe if it was someone else, things would be very different. Maybe if it wasn’t him, it wouldn’t be another Baekhyun loved this much. Every second spent with Chanyeol was a moment well spent, worth every laugh, every tear, every heartbeat. So many feeling were overwhelming him at that time, killing the rational thoughts, feeding the crazy idea that his friend might be into him too. But the risk was too great and with this kind of relationship you don’t play. Baekhyun didn’t want to risk the one good thing that’d finally come into his life. The chances were truly 50-50, for telling Chanyeol how he felt. Fifty percent of pure, untouched happiness as Chanyeol’s partner was one version of the story, if the other accepted his feelings. The dark side of all this was the possibility of losing him forever if the kind of love he had in his heart was rejected. So he chose to stay quiet. He chose to be only the other’s friend, probably with half of the amount of content he’d feel if he was more, but that was good enough for the moment.

            Time passed and things got better, but torturous. One day, Chanyeol learned that Baekhyun’s hand was way smaller than his, when playing around in the library and ever since then, he seemed to enjoy holding it in his own, to keep it warm (for that Baekhyun loved and hated winter at the same time). At first, he was doubtful, but taking into consideration Chanyeol’s innocence, what was the worst that could happen if he played along? Losing his mind? His feelings growing stronger? As if that wasn’t already happening. They exchanged presents on the Christmas Eve (scarf and gloves for Baekhyun, as he was always freezing, and yet another Greek mythology book with nicely painted pictures for Chanyeol, because of obvious reasons), as neither of them afforded to go back to their respective homes. They ordered Chinese food and watched reruns of old shows in Chanyeol’s dorm room. It was way more spacious than Baekhyun’s and all the fun stuff was gathered there (CD collections, Playstation, guitar, Chanyeol’s smell, Chanyeol’s bedsheets etc.).

              He noted the morning after that was the best Christmas he’d ever had, waking up facing the taller man, faces just a breath away, soft covers over the both of them, as their legs were tangled under. Baekhyun stayed like that probably for several minutes, until Chanyeol fluttered his long eyelashes and opened his eyes. Blush crept on both of their faces, but neither moved away, instead, his friend got closer and closer, until their noses touched. Baekhyun’s heart stopped in his throat at that moment, thinking this couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be happening to him. Then their lips touched lightly and as Chanyeol cupped his cheek in his palm, his tongue slipped past the lips to taste him just a little bit better. Baekhyun’s fingers went up and held on his friend’s wrist, pulling him even more towards him. The other didn’t complain, carefully climbing on top of him to deepen the kiss. It was gentle and soft, slowly discovering each other as Chanyeol’s weight crushed him under.

             And then he woke up to an empty bed, his friend already in the bathroom washing away last night’s sweat and poorly made decisions (apparently one bottle of tequila was more than enough for both of them). Baekhyun sighed, feeling tears threatening to appear as his eyes stung and his heart hurt. This was an average Christmas for him, as he was proved once again that not all wishes come true when you want them to or ever.

          When the new semester started, they were closing in on their one year anniversary of friendship. He wanted to prepare something special that both of them would never forget, but that turned out to be more difficult than he’d thought would be. Baekhyun had searched every library and website, in hopes to find a special edition Inuyasha comic book that he knew Chanyeol really wanted, but to no avail. Everywhere it was sold out. And when the day came, he only waited in their usual place in the library with some homemade cookies and espresso. He came with gifts, Chanyeol got there a bit later, with someone else attached to his side. ‘Her name is Jimin. She is my girlfriend.’ he told Baekhyun, as the small girl extended her hand. She wasn’t that pretty, he thought, analyzing her from head to toe: big brown eyes with circles lenses, short black hair with bangs, thin lips and skinny figure. Pretty average.

          And so the day of their anniversary was also the day that Baekhyun knew his chances with Chanyeol were not slim, they were non-existent. He cried his heart out that night, refusing to get out of bed for days after. He didn’t get to spend time with his friend anymore. From several times per week they ended up seeing each other on a few occasions a month and even then, sometimes Jimin came with him. So he succumbed again to the comfort of his studies, reading as much as he could, learning everything that he considered necessary to his classes. Months passed like this and the exam for his diploma was getting closer, while Chanyeol was going further and further away. At night, Baekhyun started sleeping with his window open, hoping that the cold wind would come and freeze his heart, so it wouldn’t break anymore. At times like this, he started to regret ever getting up from that chair to see where the loud laugh was coming from. At times like this, he didn’t want to be alone anymore, but there was no other choice left.

        November came, rushing to fill his life with moments he’d never be able to forget. He hadn’t seen Chanyeol in a few weeks. Jimin had managed to pull him away from his side for an indefinite period. He was working on his final term project, writing page after page, only stopping to tend to his heart with either a cup of coffee or a simple shot of soju. He’d lost a lot of weight, shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders. It was close to 12 at night, but he couldn’t sleep. Something kept eating at him from the back of his mind. Only if he knew…

        There was a knock on the door, which awoke him from his thoughts. He got up from his bed and moved lazily towards the exit. Once he opened to see who it was, he was hit with the devastating view of his friend shaking and crying, bottle of beer in his right hand and his dirty bag in the other, ready to collapse at any time. Baekhyun’s heart sank even deeper. He couldn’t stand the sight of Chanyeol hanging out with Jimin, but at least he was happy. This man in front of him was a wreck he didn’t know how to fix, how to bring back from the dark places he was wandering in. It took him weeks to at least manage to breathe normally after having his hopes killed, but this was a kind of pain that wouldn’t go away that easily.

        He let Chanyeol in and helped him reach the bed safely. The bottle ended up in the trash, before Baekhyun started undressing the tall man slowly. He didn’t know what happened, but his clothes were soaking wet and his body had quite a few bruises. Chanyeol didn’t smell like cinnamon and lavender anymore, but more like garbage. What the hell had happened to him? Baekhyun didn’t dare to ask as he cleaned up his friend and dressed him in some of his older, looser clothes.

‘Baek…’

‘Hmm?’

‘If you were a girl and had the chance to be with me, would you accept? Do you think that I am that bad?’

            Baekhyun’s breath stopped and his chest started to hurt as if it was being torn apart. What was he supposed to answer to something like that? Maybe this was his chance to tell Chanyeol the truth. He didn’t have to be a girl to love him, he was already crazily head over heels with this man in front of him and would’ve been there for him without any hesitation only if he’d asked him to. It damn hurt. He was pathetic. His friend was suffering from a hard break up right now and all he could think of was the ways he’d try to protect him and how he’d never make him cry like that.

‘Chanyeol, it’s late. You should sleep.’

‘Yeah… But it’s not like I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and everything will go back to normal.’

            At that point, Baekhyun felt like he couldn’t hold it in anymore. His heart was bleeding continuously and his brain was screaming at him to finally set an end to all of this.

‘No. It’s not. You’re gonna wake up and feel as if your insides are being crushed. You’re gonna cry until you grow numb to that pain. There will be days, weeks or months until you’re able to breathe normal again, until you’re able to look at another human being and not despise them for being happy and it will take even longer until you’re able to give your heart to another once more, at the same time almost managing to push that girl away from your mind.’

‘You--’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Who?’

‘I can’t tell you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because right now this is about you, not about me.’

            Chanyeol stopped from making any more comments, so that night he fell asleep crying in Baekhyun’s arms. The next morning when the smaller man woke up, the other was completely gone. He left the clothes folded in the bathroom and didn’t look for Baekhyun that day or any others that followed close after. Apparently he found a new group of friends, more up his lane, joined a band and started singing in student bars, garnering a lot of attention for his songs that summed up heartbreak perfectly. Baekhyun didn’t try to look for him. He held back every time, while going through his contact list, stopping at Chanyeol’s name and stating at it, only to let his tears fall. No matter how much he wanted to hear that voice again, to feel those arms pulling him closer, it wasn’t a place he could fill, it never belonged to him. He was something temporary in Chanyeol’s life, just a bandaid, and that kind of person gets his ‘thanks’ months later when the finals are drawing in, through a long text that doesn’t make much sense to others, but it does to them. Baekhyun kept that on his phone and from time to time he’d read it again:

From: Chanyeol

To: Baekhyun

Message: Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone the most. I’m back on my feet and working hard right now to become a singer. A label wants to sign me, but I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea. I hope you’re doing well and I’m sorry we couldn’t finish our conversation last time. Maybe some day we can meet up and have a drink…

From: Baekhyun

To: Chanyeol

Message: No worries. That’s what friends do. Sure thing. I’d like that. J

            He waited for that drink and waited and days passed, seasons got him older, wiser, and he was not able to find someone to love as much as he’d loved Chanyeol. The latter was pretty famous now, his face showing up everywhere, but the eyes that made Baekhyun’s heart skip a beat were no longer there. The man he met in college, with a cute, dorky style, a pure mentality and laugh so loud it could wake the dead seemed like only a figment of his imagination right now. Star Yeol was cold and poker faced, no sign of the previous fire that was burning inside of him. That made Baekhyun taste just a little bit of the previous heartbreak once more. ‘I never even got to tell him how I felt…’ he kept thinking once in a while. That was what killed him from the inside out and made him wake up in the middle of the night crying. It never really went away. He regretted a lot of things, but loving Chanyeol was not one of them. Everything was worth it: the smiles, the tears, the warmth, the memories, the heartbreak. Even if their time together had been short, Baekhyun treasured it and promised to himself he’d never allow his heart to forget that man.

♫ When the autumn’s leaves fall down on us

And the nature doesn’t let me forget ♫

♫ How much your eyes warmed me up

And your heart knew me the best ♫

♫ I once made you a promise

I never got to keep ♫

♫ Please, forgive me for all the hurt

Let’s meet in our next lives ♫

♫ And maybe we’ll be together

With the god’s blessings by our sides ♫

♫ I’ll be your cyclops with two eyes

            Baekhyun smiled to his phone, as he struggled to wipe the tears falling down his cheeks and searching for that same name in his contact list. Maybe he still had the same number, maybe this time he’ll be able to say it. For how long can a human keep their feelings bottled up before everything blows up? This time he was mature enough to speak his mind, but not enough to listen to the saying – the past should stay in the past.

‘Hello? Who’s this?’

‘It’s been a long time.’

‘Baek…’