written for Eroselin. thank you for waiting! hope you like it <3

*

It all started when Chanyeol took responsibility for something that should have never happened in the first place.

It was a drunken mistake; a poor and overused excuse but Chanyeol should have known that a night out with his friends will be the cause of his remorse for the years to come after. He was on top of his career back then—getting promoted twice within a year despite being new to the company and so his friends insisted that it’s something to be celebrated over a few drinks.

He remembers seeing Baekhyun’s name on his phone screen that night they were seated at the back of the club, probably calling to ask him when he’ll get home. He remembers staring at it until his friends take it away from his hands, pushing one of the dancers onto his lap and telling him to stop waiting for a husband that is married to his work. Chanyeol remembers not defending Baekhyun, maybe because of the grudge he himself holds against the latter.

Or maybe it was because of the girl on his lap, Chanyeol doesn’t really remember as he was ashamed of remembering how he had done his husband wrong when he finds out the truth, but he should have known better than to think he could escape from his mistakes even in his own mind.

Chanyeol wanted to scream. Even remembering it feels so wrong. He knows it was something that has happened in the past—he had never done it again in the recent years in hopes of having his husband back again, but how could a painful memory that is seemingly there still manage to devour you whole?

Painful—he feels disgusted at himself for even thinking that it was a painful memory. It wasn’t painful to him when he was there, it wasn’t painful to him the first time he places his hands on another person’s waist, it wasn’t painful to him when he justified to himself that what he was doing isn’t detrimental—that what he’s doing is just simply fulfilling his needs his husband failed to provide.

Chanyeol made himself believe that it was human nature—just so he wouldn’t call it cheating because he’s a coward who can’t own up to his mistakes if everything goes wrong.

He should’ve known that he would be the one to be at the receiving end of his actions because it now feels so wrong to know that it once had felt right; that he once thought of it as something he was doing for himself.

Or maybe it was. Indeed, it was for himself, but he was foolish to think that he was doing himself a favor back then by getting everything he thinks he deserves on his own just because his husband is busy prioritizing other things than him, because when his illusion was shattered, it was then he realized that the only thing he did for himself was to put him in a place he doesn’t want to be in.

Chanyeol realized too late that the only place he’d rather be is beside Baekhyun.

This all started when Chanyeol took responsibility for something that should have never happened in the first place, because he can be a coward again and run away from Baekhyun and the consequences of his actions.

Baekhyun gave him the chance to leave—if the divorce papers in his hands isn’t any indication that his husband is giving him the chance to start anew without suffering through the damage he has brought upon himself because Baekhyun was an angel like that.

He can be a coward again, he wouldn’t have to face the pain of seeing the love you held dear late slip away in front of your eyes if he chose not to take responsibility for his mistakes. But Chanyeol realized too late that he doesn’t want to.

Chanyeol doesn’t want to be free from the pain—he wants to be a better husband.

And so now that he sits in front of the person he wants to make himself better for, he finds himself reaching for the papers in Baekhyun’s hands, putting it on top of his own copy, and stares at the words that seems to be screaming at him for not giving his husband the change to be finally happy.

Petition for Dissolution of Marriage

Chanyeol flips the papers over, clicking the pen he was playing on his other hand and positions it to write on the blank page. He hands the paper back to Baekhyun when he’s done, reaching for his pocket to get Baekhyun’s ring that he found hidden somewhere in the closet and places it on the table.

Baekhyun stares at him after reading what he’s written on the form, Chanyeol takes it as a chance to speak.

“I’ll keep on choosing you this time, Baek. I promise you; I will do it right this time.”

Chanyeol’s heart soars when his husband reaches for his ring.

“Okay.”

Baekhyun wears the ring on his finger where it once belonged.

Baekhyun-ah,

If looking back is painful, and looking forward is scary,
then look beside you.

This time, that’s where I’ll always be.