Click here to listen to this while you're reading; Super Junior - Evanesce

Silence, is there nothing more to say?

It’s been long since

the white flowers of laughter have withered

The flower petals fell (more and more)

and became dirt (no)

The burning passion became ash

Why does everything good always become like this?

Seungri sits on the bed, waiting for Jiyong to come home so they can have a talk. The black haired man knows this talk is overdue, what’s with them dancing around each other and avoiding the big elephant in the room. He lets out a sigh, not wanting for the reality to take place here in the bedroom they shared for 5 years.

They’ve been sleeping in the same bed together since they were a trainees trying to make everything work. Seungri looks up when he hears the front door opens and close slowly, the padding of the feet he knows by heart whose belongs to Jiyong are making its way to the bedroom. Heart racing, Seungri braces himself for the inevitable.

Jiyong stares at the younger, neither let out any words. The former makes his way into the room and shut the door close before shuffling in front of Seungri. The elder sits down on the couch opposite of the black haired man and crosses his legs.

Silence. There are no words being utter by either of them. No one dares to break the tension in the room. Seungri wonders if there is nothing more to say. They both know what will happen at the end of the talk, so they can’t afford to not have any communication between them.

The younger wonders how long have it been that they were happy with each other, he couldn’t even remember when they both fall out of this relationship. The old them used to be so happy with each other.

There were no boring moments between them since they always searching for something to do together. Seungri thinks it’s been so long they are content and in love, now their relationship only consists of fighting, annoyed with the other or giving each other silent treatment. He admits their relationship died down and wither away.  

Their happy memories with each other feel so bitter now that Seungri thinks of it. The burning passion in the relationship becomes ash and the younger wonders why does everything good always become like this.

Don’t know why (Don’t know why)

Tell me why (Tell me why)

Why does love end?

Why are things

that will disappear

So beautiful?

It’s just a daydream,

love is like a daydream

“When did we both start to feel like a stranger with each other?” Seungri questions out loud and look at Jiyong for answer. They both can feel this suffocating tension and the need to address it trample over the awkwardness they both feel.

“I don’t know Seungri. Why did we become like this? Tell me Seungri-ya” The elder questions back. “Don’t know why. Tell me why hyung. Why does love end?” The tears are gathering in his eyes but the younger blinks his eyes many times to avoid them from spilling out.

“I really don’t know Ri.” Jiyong looks at the younger to gauge at his reaction. He finds the answer when Seungri scrunches his eyebrow and his mouth forms into a frown, clearly showing how the younger is about to cry but he tries his best not to.

‘Why are things that will disappear so beautiful?’ Seungri bursts into tears at that thought. He remembers how they first became a couple. How jiyong spoilt him so badly, how Seungri couldn’t sleep if Jiyong was not beside him and how the younger always felt like he was in the safe space whenever he was with the leader.

Seungri was a teen when he first came to YG. No one knows his real self as he used to fake himself in order to survive the harsh competition. Everyone viewed him as cocky and naïve teen who is so overconfident but no one knew that was an act. When he was accepted into Bigbang, the guy he admired make it known that he hated him. The younger felt so dejected and alone, but he dared not to complaint or whine in order to not get into the elder’s bad side.

When the leader suddenly wanted to be nice to him by asking about the Goong drama, Seungri was so happy that he answered the elder very enthusiastically. Since then they become close over the drama. Seungri noticed how Jiyong’s demeanour change over time when the latter became possessive over him.

After that, so many happy and sad things happened before they get together. No one knows except the members and the few selected staff from the company. YG wanted them to keep it a secret as it can jeopardize their careers. Not even their parents know, that their children love someone with the same gender up to this moment.

The happiness Seungri feels in the relationship is wasting way and he does not like it. He misses what he and Jiyong used to have. But now it feels like far away. “It’s just a daydream, love is like a daydream Seungri-ah.” Jiyong’s facial expression is still stone cold but his voice trembles, betraying his inner turmoil and how this affects him badly too. Seungri sobs harder.

Darkness, why are you

erasing everything black?

I can’t see anything,

about the eternal future by myself,

making me dream however I want

The black haired man never knows how it feels to be lonely. Sure their relationship drifts apart but Seungri never feels like he is alone. He knows Jiyong will indulge him with his insecurities even though they both notice the big void surrounding them.

“I think we should break up.”

The sentence sends dread down Seungri’s spine. He is prepared to hear this but why does it hurt so badly? Why? Seungri does not understand why. The younger even knows that this is the best course of action for the dying relationship.

“I don’t want us both to resent each other. It’s the best for us and Bigbang. We need to get out while we still can.” Jiyong reasons. Seungri looks up with blurry vision from the tears and see how Jiyong hunches his body and look down on his laps. The elder is silently crying.

“Okay. Let’s break up.” The younger murmurs with a low voice, having no energy to talk at all. No one dares to utter any words after that, letting the reality sink in. Seungri’s sob gradually cease but sniffles can be heard throughout the room.

The younger knows he is at fault. His fear that anyone would find out about them and not wanting to let his parents down when knowing their son is gay played a big part in the break up. He started to feel conscious about being around Jiyong and tried to push the elder away in public. He knows how that hurts the elder but his fear blinded him to his ex-lover’s feeling.

The leader gained success with his solo and people started to notice the GDRAGON. Seungri knows so many celebrities and idols want to associate themselves with his ex-boyfriend. Jiyong is overwhelmed with the attention received and he started t