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"What do you want to be when you grow up?" 

 

The boy holding the purple crayon stopped coloring the grape, his eyes focused on the picture, but his mind wasn't. 

 

"Yah, Hongjoongie..." The little girl nudged his shoulders as she waits for his answer, looking at him expectantly. 

 

"Let him be  Jiyeonie. Come play with us instead!" 

 

One of their classmates shouted from outside the room, successfully catching Jiyeon's attention. 

 

"Neh!" She sang before leaving little Hongjoong alone on the table, staring innocently at the picture he's coloring. 

 

It's purple.

 

What do I want to be when I grow up? He mused inside his head. He looked out upon hearing cheers and giggles coming from his kindergarten classmates. 

 

They were giggling and they look so happy playing on the sandbox.

 

"I don't want to be anything," he whispered to no one in particular, his eyes fixated on the scene outside. His small hand unconsciously let go of the crayon, allowing it to rolled over the edge of the desk until it fell to the floor, the impact breaking the crayon in half. 

 

✳✳✳

 

Kim Hongjoong woke up from his dream. 

 

Well, Actually, no. 

 

What he saw earlier wasn't a dream but a pigment of his memory in the past that rarely visits his mind nowadays. 

 

He detached his cheek that resting on the table only to lean his head on the back rest of his recliner chair, groaning upon the discovery of how stiff his neck and back became because of  his earlier position. 

 

He let out a blow fish as he scanned the interior of his small studio. This is where he composes songs and write lyrics because he can concentrate when he's here and garners inspirations for every concept but he just can't seem to find one this time. 

 

Here he was, sitting for almost sixteen hours and down to his fourth attempt to compose a song to his liking but couldn't. Whatever he does, he just can't seem to find the perfect melody and tone that suites his taste, repeating his work over and over again. 

 

Hongjoong sneakily glanced up the walk clock that was hanging on the wall to his right, reading the time. 

 

It says there that it's already way past 11 pm, earning another sigh from the guy. 

 

Ever since the rumor about Wooyoung, he was not being his self anymore. He knows that what he felt for her was just a simple infatuation so he doesn't get why he was feeling dejected like this. 

 

Well, maybe it was due to the fact that he acted like how a leader should — understanding s and making way for their happiness. Jung Wooyoung might never admit it, but the younger was into Seo Jinahn obviously. 

 

He's not even sure if the two were going out or not because heck, they're not allowed to have any relationships at the moment. 

 

Being the leader of the group is requiring too much from him. And that made him realize one thing:

 

It's true he made way for Wooyoung by stepping back on his game.

 

And it was good. For now. 

 

But what if they come across more troubles that he would need to choose between the members' happiness and his, would he be able to do the same thing he did with Wooyoung's case?

 

He wasn't sure how he would act truthfully.

 

Letting out a huge sigh for the last time that night, Hongjoong thought it was enough thinking and worrying for this day. He needs to stop torturing his mind for now and get some good rest if he doesn't want to be spending the next day lying on a hospital bed. 

 

Turning his devices off then lastly putting the lights out inside his studio, ateez leader started his journey back to their dorm late at night. 

 

✳✳✳

 

Hongjoong lightly pushed the front door open after punching in the code to their dorm unit. He flinched slightly seeing another body standing by the center of the living room and because it was already dark, he almost spilled the contents of the coffee he bought from the 24-hour coffee shop beside their dorm. 

 

"What are you doing? You scared me!" He complained in a hush at the realization that it was only Jongho. He went closer to the maknae to land a light slap on his arm for almost giving him a heart attack. 

 

Jongho answered back in the same manner, "I was waiting for you!" Nursing the arm that Hongjoong slapped. 

 

The leader frowned at this. "Why though?" He went to the kitchen whereas the youngest of the group followed him. 

 

He placed his coffee on the table turning back around after to go to the living room again. Just like earlier, Choi Jongho followed him wherever he goes. 

 

"You told me you're giving me your words of wisdom if I start being more polite to the hyungs," the one following him mused still in a whisper and he found himself cracking up a bit this time. 

 

So he remembered what I told him, huh? 

 

"Oh so you want my words of wisdom, huh?" He snickered, placing his bag on the couch, plopping beside it after. 

 

Jongho studied the exhausted guy who was pinching the middle of his brows, his eyes tightly shut. Clearly, something was wrong with him. And obviously, it has something to do with the rumor from a few months back. 

 

Ever since then, Hongjoong wasn't as goofy or as energetic as before. Since then, they were taking more breaks than practices. And ever since then, it wasn't as comfortable as it used to be in their practice room. 

 

He and the other members still don't know what's the real case as the two were keeping them in the limelight. Though one thing's for sure;

 

The girl in Hongjoong's rumor and the girl that spread Wooyoung's rumor is one. 

 

So, most probably, she was the root cause of all of this.

 

"So why were you out late?" He queried and when he got no immediate response from the leader, he thought that his hyung was already sleeping. 

 

But when one of his eyes opened to look at the younger, Jongho was proven otherwise. 

 

So, he wasn't sleeping. 

 

"I was composing a song." Was his vague answer. 

 

Liar. 

 

The maknae knew better. Inside, he knows that the older's thinking like this. "I was trying to distract myself."

 

"Why though?" Being the persistent guy that he is, Jongho grabbed the nearest stool then sat down, looking at Hongjoong with hawk eyes. "We're having our last stage the day after tomorrow and the concert wouldn't be until next month." 

 

"Well," the hyung chuckled tiredly. "I just want to create a song for our fans for the upcoming concert." He look up the younger playfully. 

 

Jongho pressed his lips in a thin line. Hongjoong-hyung isn't being honest with him. Nevertheless, if the older isn't ready to open up just yet, then he wouldn't press in the topic any further. 

 

"Just don't overwork yourself." The latter muttered after heaving a sigh. He stood up and the leader followed his every movement with his eyes. "I'm going in because I'm tired already." He pointed a finger at Hongjoong. "Don't forget your words of wisdom for me, okay?" 

 

The hyung just smirked at the younger's silliness. After a while, as the door to Jongho's room closed did the leader realized what the younger did. 

 

Yah, did he just point his finger at me? He tilted his head in question, a deep frown on his face. 

 

✳✳✳

 

Ateez pulled the last stage for their comeback successfully and once again, the CEO wants to talk to the group for a litt