“Come over, please.”

You suddenly give me a call, 4 in the morning. Waking me up from my sleep just to tell me to come over. But I gave in, there is something wrong, and I can sense it in your voice. You always know how to make my worries.

“I will be there in 5.”

********

I walk into her room right after I arrived at her apartment. We haven’t known each other for long, but I don’t know what makes her trust me enough to give me her apartment pin codes.

“You okay, Minji?”

“Yubin… She cheated.”

“Oh…”

“Is that all you are going to say?”

“What are you supposed me to say?”

“A little comfort maybe? Or a hug?” and a hug it is that I gave her. We stay like that for a moment, waiting for her to calm down from her crying mess.

“Talk to me.”

“I saw her this morning when I went to her office. Siyeon… someone is kissing her, and she didn’t even push the person away. She just sits there, on her desk, with someone else sitting on her laps.”

“Minji…”

“I know, I know Yubin… You told me to break up with her, I know you told me before that she is not a good person, and I will only get hurt by the end of the day. But I love her. Or I thought I did.” Minji started to sobs again. “I dropped a message instead. Telling her to just end this. I am tired.”

“Then why are you crying like this? Weren’t you supposed to feel relieved instead?” I asked.

“3 years, Yubin. 3 years. It’s not easy to just let it go like that.”

“Hush, it’s okay, just cry it out.” I said as I pull her into my embrace and let her cried it out.

********

“So I’ve heard that Minji and Siyeon broke up?” Yoohyeon asked when we went out for a lunch break.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“How is she doing?”

“She needs her time, just let her be for now maybe. She will talk when she is ready.”

“Well, looks who’s here.” Yoohyeon said as she points behind me.

I feel someone hugs me from behind when I tried to turn around. A strand of red hair and a sweet smell of vanilla hit my nose. I smiled as I know very well who the person is.

“Hi, girls.” She said as she kisses me on the cheek before she sat down beside me.

“Hey, Minji. How are you?”

“Feeling better, how are you, Yoohyeon?”

“Never been better.”

“How is Handong doing?”

“She is doing great, she will come back next week.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Yubin, you will come over tonight, right?”

“Yeah, I will be there around 7 I think.”

“Okay, I will cook something for dinner later.” Minji stands up and left the café.

“So, you two…”

“No, Yoohyeon, it’s not like that. She just broke up with Siyeon, and I don’t want to force it.”

“You like her, don’t you.”

I don’t know how to answer that question. I don’t even know what am I feeling for her. Sure I like her, but do I like her that way? Or is it because we have been together almost every day since she broke up with Siyeon? Besides, I don’t want her to think of me as a replacement. So I just shrug at the question, and good thing Yoohyeon drop it.

********

It’s been a year since I and Minji got even closer than before. Safe to say that she lives with me now because she stays over very often. But, no. We are not together. I like her, sure I do. But what about her? I am not even sure.

Sometimes she acts as she likes me, but sometimes she just talks about someone that she is crushing at. There is this one new co-worker of her, who also the same age as her. Kim Bora is her name. Bora and I, we are 2 different personalities. While I am the quiet one, she is the loud one. Everyone loves her for her personality.

Minji talked about Bora a lot when we are together. It hurts, of course. But it’s not like I could just tell her what I feel, it will just ruin our relationship.

“Yubin, talk to her, tell her before it’s too late.”

“And what? It will be very awkward if she doesn’t feel the same. I wouldn’t want that.”

“But…”

“No, Yoohyeon.”

********

“Yubin, I want to tell you something.”

I got a bad feeling as to what she will tell, but I just listen. I know this day will come sooner or later. I know I should have told her what I feel, but I am scared as of what will happen if it didn’t go well. And now I will have to hold onto what I feel and act like everything is okay.

“Bora and I, we kind of…”

“It’s okay, Minji. I know. You and Bora went to a date every weekend, and you think I don’t know something is happening between you two?”

“I… I am sorry, I should tell you earlier.”

“How long?”

“It’s been almost a month.”

“I see. Congrats then. She better treat you well, or she will have to face me.”

I leave Minji’s house before she could say a thing, telling her that I have something urgent that I need to take care of. But it’s just because it hurts. If I stay any longer, I am afraid that I will break down in front of her.

********

“I told you to tell her, Yubin.”

“I know, I… I am just scared. But now it’s too late, everything is too late. Beside, Bora is a good person. I am sure she will take care of her.”

“What about you, Yubin? You are okay like this? Without telling her the truth?”

“I will be fine.”

I stayed at Yoohyeon’s apartment that night. We talk and talk until we fall asleep. I woke up before she did the next morning and I left the house without waking her up. I made up my mind, as I will accept the offer that I received a few weeks ago. I never tell this to anyone, not even Minji, because I am not sure if I wanted to do it if I am ready to leave everything behind.

Yoo, I am sorry that I never tell you this. Remember 2 weeks ago when Mr. Kim called me to his office? He offered me something. He asked me if I am willing to move to Japan, to work with the project that they are currently planning on. I was thinking of rejecting it, but now that there is no more meaning of me staying, I decide to accept the offer. I will leave today, and I am sorry that I didn’t tell you this earlier. 

By the time you are awake, I might be on my way to Japan already. Please don’t tell this to anyone, not even Minji. I am not sure when I will be back in Korea. I might not be going back to Korea in the future. But don’t worry, I will keep in touch with you once I settle down in Japan. I will miss you.

********

3 years later.

“Bora and Minji are getting married.”

“They are? That’s great.”

“Yubin… Have you, you know, ever contact her?”

“I did. She is the one that reached out to me last year.”

“Oh? Why am I not surprised that she found you. She did asking around for your information.”

“Well, she is scary sometimes. And yeah, she kinda screamed at me the moment I picked up her call.”

“So, will you get back to Korea?”

“No, I won’t.”

“Yubin…”

“I won’t Yoohyeon, and that is final.”

********

Present

8 years of knowing Minji, 5 years after I left her, and 2 years after she is married to Bora. Now we still keep in touch, and I do feel sorry that I didn’t attend her wedding. She rants to me for days, but I am just not ready at that time.

About me? I am still in Japan, not ready to move on, and also not ready to move back. Yoohyeon or Handong visited me from time to time. I am still regretting my past self, and still blaming my past self for being coward and not to tell Minji about my real feeling. But at least I told her around last year when we met. She accepted it openly, and she apologized for not being able to return the feelings. That is enough because at least now I could let go of that. I will be happy, as long as she is happy.