Happier

“Woh, hyung, I didn't forget how handsome you are, but you look even more handsome now!” he exclaims, entering the room, staring into him in awe; he is just back from his training at the military, they have been only a month apart but, right now Jinwoo looks fresh and new and Minho wants to leap to Jinwoo, savour him all because a month without him felt like a lifetime, every day stretching to eternity.

Jinwoo is sitting on the couch, in the same spot that he already owns, watching him in mock shock, wearing the same expression that Minho has on his face. Minho sits next to him, his hands running to his hair, down to his temple, down to his lips, gracing his skin with butterfly fingertips. It makes Jinwoo giggle, leaning to the touch, letting fingertips to rain on him, tickling, his voice thrumming on his head, velvety, sweet - and the string inside his heart pulls him in, closer to Minho, closer to his heat, warm, reassuring.

“Pretty and manly, you have it all". Because he looks so gorgeous, even better than when he left; he has lost weight and his skin feels mild and tanned and rougher, his hands stronger and he can’t wait to have them opening him, lingering on his own flesh. "Also, come here, hyung, I want to take a good look at you since I've missed you like crazy,” he says, his hands falling to his shoulders – broader, sturdier, more muscular; all of him has turned firmer, bulkier in a perfect extent. He looks just like out of his dreams and he wants for nothing but to have him, ravishing his lips until they are as gritted and coarse as his fingers that are loitering on his cheeks. But Jinwoo is not giving in although Minho is trying to get him into his embrace. He pouts at his failure, “Come on, hyung, let me kiss you,” he murmurs inside his ears, seductively, insisting, glaring at the man he has trapped between his arms and the sofa. He appears so appealing, inviting, even when resisting and pushing, neglecting him what he so badly wants.

"Nah, I survived a month without any, I can go a few more hours more. Just let me catch up with my dramas. Snuggling later, love"Jinwoo pushes him out, back to his seat, shoulders brushing but still far away for Minho. Minho stares at him hard, unbelieving that he is getting rejected, that Jinwoo is not as willing as he is, to duck into him, that he doesn't need it as much as he does.

"But, hyung! You can't do that to me!” he complains, looking bewildered, not quite understanding on what Jinwoo just said, “I've been going insane missing you and now you are here refusing me?" he huffs,  "what is this about, hyung? Did you get a new boyfriend to in the army? Is that it?" Minho hisses, disappointed, frustrated. This is not what he had in mind – in his imagination, by now they should be already nacked.

But Jinwoo shakes his head, adamantly. Minho is now angry at him, throwing snarls and sharp remarks and it's hurting. He has arrived home a few hours ago to an empty space just to end fighting with Minho because he doesn't understand because he only wants him for one thing only - and Jinwoo is frustrated, he has bottled up all his feelings, leaving Minho to get away with what he wanted but this is too much; he only wanted to have a nice catch up with Minho and Seungyoon, to fill up the time they were separated. Though he is not up for this, he is not ready for a fight: he has missed Minho, too, even if he doesn't trust in what he says, and the last thing he wishes for is to lose him just when he is back.

He isn't cool hearted but he knows well that, if he kisses Minho, if he let Minho in, they will not talk, they will get engaged on tangled sheets and all day in bed. And as much as he missed the feeling of Minho in him, he prefers to talk, to be together like they rarely do. Because Minho is hardly home and, when he is, he is sleeping. And the scattered moments they had together always ended in bed under Minho's urgent ministration and Jinwoo always allowed him because he loves him this much, to the point of giving up, giving him all.

Of course, Minho wouldn't understand even if he explains it. For him, it's all about and being in charge. And Jinwoo is tired of this, he has learned that this is not healthy in the long run – and he wants a forever with Minho, he wants to build a life with him. He wants to watch movies together without the heat coming to eat Minho alive, the rush of lust whenever he lays his eyes on Jinwoo. As if he can’t control it – sometimes it only takes a glance for him to be up to no good: he is like an insatiable teenager, too full of lust and desire. Jinwoo wants to go out on a date, having dinner together, just having a conversation, get to know what’s Minho is doing, his current interests, his new music – he wants to be part of his life, not just the boy he likes to up with.

"It's not that," he says, voice wavering, "I missed you, too. But this is not what I want," he states and Minho scrunches his expression in confusion. “Look, Minho... I’m not sure where this is going... Our relationship?” he wonders, choosing words carefully to not hurt Minho – but he is already hurting, scared of what is coming next. Minho can't imagine a day without Jinwoo, a universe where he isn't the centre, the axis of his life. Tears are already on the verge of his eyes, shimmering like gold and he brushes them viciously - he doesn't want to be the weak one, the one breaking down though his mind is a barren place of scattered glasses - “I just... I don’t want us to only be in bed as usual... I want for our relationship to be more formal, to do more, together" he says, apologetic as if he is at fault. He is not.

So that’s what was eating Jinwoo’s before, Minho realises. That’s the reason – and it’s him who committed the mistake. He loves Jinwoo, all of him, his heart, his personality, all his rareties, his odds and his antics. Just all, just everything. For Minho, Jinwoo is perfect, the piece that fits in every way.

He can do it – it will be hard to resist Jinwoo’s charms and defined body but he can manage because he wants Jinwoo’s happiness above all, above his own needs and hunger, above everything: Jinwoo's dreams are his own, Jinwoo's smile is his world. He can just clunch with him, lean on him, be soft and warm and bubbling, nestling his head on his lap, let him play with the flocks of his hairs. And, right now Jinwoo looks so inviting, so sweet and loving, he wants to give him all. He can talk to him and have fun, holding hands and staring into his soul until he has him tattoed behind his eyelids. He will make sure to make time to be with him or to invite him out, to be his muse on his new studio or to bring him to his café shop. He comes closer to Jinwoo, his heart now pounding at the same pace as he breathes his name in - and the feeling is beautiful.

"OK hyung,” he settles on, bundling around Jinwoo, nuzzling closer to his bones, head on his shoulders. “I’ll tell you everything. I cried when I was at home. I actually moved to my parents for a while to fill up the void that was not having you,” he explains, Jinwoo's fingers sprayed on his side, slow-dancing on his ribs, slightly brushing.

And he can feel the joy spreading from Jinwoo, taking his face with one of his blinding smiles, beaming. He can have him later, or tomorrow, or any other day – right now he wants Jinwoo to be happy, to be encircled inside his arms, to listen to his voice until they run out of words (until there is nothing else to say but “I love you”). It feels so warm and comfortable to chat with him, he has forgotten; they used to do it when trainers before love bloomed, they spent so many hours just talking, laughing - because Jinwoo always laughs so easily and it is the sweetest sound to ever be, entrancing.

"You dyed your hair, again," Jinwoo says hours later, brushing it, damaged and dried, it feels like straw in between his fingers."I don't think you can trend bald head," he laughs and Minho has never loved something as much as the sound of Jinwoo chuckling at his own, silly joke.

“You'll still love me," he says confidently. Jinwoo will - he has loved him during his lowest time, he has been there to cheer him up, has helped heal, get better, he has supported him when no-one else trusted in his own worth, he has always been his strength, his shore.

"You are full of yourself, aren't you?" he replies, still giggling. Minho can't be mad with his remarks, he is too busy pretending to pout and be sad. He earns a soft kiss falling on his temple. "but even bald, I will still love you, alright. Because your hair isn't what I like the most,” he admits, still smiley. And Minho is too weak to resist.

“And what is it that you like the most about me?” Of course, he has to ask, too tempted to avoid such a snare. And Jinwoo is too kind to lie about it.

“The shape of your soul.”

Jinwoo is not the romantic type exactly but, sometimes, he still manages to surprise Minho, to surpass him with precious words able to shake Minho’s core. And his worlds are sinking deep in Minho's heart, where he will keep them alive and well.

“Can I kiss you now?” Minho begs, too ashamed to face him. Jinwoo beats him on that, too.

“Yes, you can now,” he breathes in Minho’s mouth, “thank you for spending time with me,” he continues, his lips rose, inches away from him. Minho blinks twice before smiling big.

“Spending time with you is all I want to do,” he replies, holding his frame. He gives another kiss, chaste, on his nose and another one between his glimmering eyes filled with stardust and love. “You were right,” he admits, proudly, “every moment with you is a wonder, a gift. I don’t want to keep you all in bed, as much as it is a delight. I want you to be with me while I write music or paint or just walking around. I want to be with you even when you are sleeping, I want to cuddle with you and watch dramas and listen to your heart-beat. Waking up with the warmth from your body pressed to mine, feeling content to just see you by my side,” he manages to say, kissing him all reverently. "We used to be like this and I missed it, now that I have a taste of it. It is better than , it is better than a hundred stars. You are my universe."

“I missed you,” Jinwoo's lips fall on his shoulder, move up to his neck, up to his lashes, “even your cheesiness”.

“Still, you love me,” he replies, cheeky, Jinwoo blushing.

He nods.

“I love you even balding,” and he rubs his straw-like hair for emphasis, “I love you always”.

“Welcome back home, by the way,” Minho murmurs before falling again on his lap, purring delightedly with Jinwoo patting his head, his voice lulling him with stories of the days spent apart.

“I’m back home,” Jinwoo mumbles back, kissing his cheeks, carrying a sleepy Minho to his room and snuggling next to him. He falls asleep too, listening to Minho’s breathe, thinking that, just now, he is much happier than ever, Minho’s hands laced to his one, his chest Minho’s pillow, his lips ghosting on his grey hoodie and his head filled with Minho.