There was a knock on the door.

“Come in?” Tiffany replied seconds after, half-convinced that she was the intended recipient of the gesture, though doubting that she had any permission to give. Taeyeon stepped into the room warily, glancing around as if she expected to find the room different from how she had left it. She was dressed in dark blue sleepwear, hands hugging a few pastel-coloured folders to her chest. The door closed behind her as she took a seat behind the desk.

“Why are you here?” Tiffany asked meekly, feeling embarrassed about how she must have looked. To be fair, it wasn’t as if she could wipe her tears away. Her hands were still bound to the chair. She had broken down the moment she was left alone, after the three deities had decided to continue their discussions privately. Tiffany had felt a wave of resentment towards the fact that decisions regarding her life were often made by other people, and that she rarely had any say in it. She wondered if Taeyeon was here to deliver the verdict.

“Losing someone you love is hard” Taeyeon replied, not answering her question. Tiffany felt the vines that held her in place loosen and disappear, though she stayed in her seat, uncertain if she could truly be free. “Did you lose someone too?” Tiffany asked, looking past Taeyeon to gaze at the portraits behind her, realising that she had not seen the figure in the frames, the infamous Jang Man Wol.

Taeyeon’s thoughts drifted towards Jessica, remembering the night she left. It wasn’t the first time they had fought, nor was it the first time Jessica had left, but there was a certain finality to the way Jessica had said goodbye. “I hope you have a good life,” Jessica had said, sincerely, and at that moment, Taeyeon could no longer sense her anger, only defeat and resignation. For the first time, instead of walking away from Taeyeon, Jessica had vanished before her, denying Taeyeon the chance to apologise, bargain, beg, or follow. Taeyeon remembers falling to her knees, sobbing, as if she knew then that she would not see Jessica for another hundred years.

“Yes,” she replied, as a tear fell onto the page, smudging the words on paper. The hotel received a folder for each of its guests, containing brief summaries of their lives, intended to help the hotel employees serve their needs better, though no one did read them except Taeyeon. She had been rereading the same line on Ju-Hyun’s page almost a dozen times.

Taeyeon lifted her head and followed Tiffany’s line of sight, realising that she had been thinking of the wrong person. It was Man Wol who had found her that night, after Jessica had left. “I did something terrible to Jessica,” Taeyeon had confessed, as Man Wol took a seat on the ground next to her under the tree. “Eventually, we all end up doing terrible things to the ones we love,” Man Wol had replied while handing a white lace handkerchief to Taeyeon. “I killed the man I love,” Man Wol had reminded her, gazing into the night sky. It was then when Taeyeon noticed that Man Wol was wearing a matching lace-sequin pantsuit, one of her many extravagant outfits. “You’re really the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met,” Taeyeon had said, and laughed.

“You’re really not what I expected at all,” Tiffany said, finally standing up and stretching, looking pained. Taeyeon realised that she had forgotten how frail the human body was and felt guilty about how unthoughtful they were towards their human guest. “In what way?” Taeyeon asked, as Tiffany sat in front of her. “When my mom told me stories about you, I always imagined you to be this ethereal being, full of wisdom, detached from human drama, but…” Tiffany giggled, trying to find the right words. “But here you are, in pyjamas, looking like a child about to cry.” Tiffany’s mind was racing through scenarios of potential punishments she could face for offending a deity before she heard a deep chortle. Seeing Taeyeon laugh was another unexpected sight.

“I don’t think we’re that different from humans,” Taeyeon explained, finding it odd that she is speaking to a human about this. “Maybe all of this,” she circled the room with her finger, “is just a job.” Taeyeon nodded to herself. “Can I work here then?” Tiffany asked, jokingly at first, but her expression changed within moments, as the idea solidified. “Why would you want to work here?” Taeyeon replied, amused. “We agreed to let you go tomorrow, after wiping your memory of this place. Even if you were in danger, it doesn’t make sense for us to hide you in a hotel for the deceased indefinitely.”

“You came here because you didn’t want me to be alone, didn’t you?” Tiffany asked, wanting it to be true. Everyone who has ever loved her was gone. So here she was, pleading to a stranger for a place to belong. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone either, running because my death is apparently worth more than my life. It’s funny how spending the night here, despite being tied up, is the safest I’ve felt for the longest time.” Tiffany admitted, staring at Taeyeon who’s expression remained unreadable.

Taeyeon avoided Tiffany’s piercing gaze by directing her own towards the page in front of her, rereading the same words she had read countless times. “Unfinished business: Ju-Hyun worries most about her sister, Tiffany, who has spent most of her life living for other people, being left alone.” Taeyeon thought back to a week ago when the hotel was completely empty. The deafening silence that surrounded her made her want to sleep for a thousand years. She might have done, but then Jessica arrived at the hotel.

“I’ll talk to Jessica.”

----------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m really grateful that you’re here,” Taeyeon divulged, shifting the weight between her feet awkwardly. She found it difficult standing still. “Who knows where I would be if you hadn’t come for me,” she shuddered at the thought. “I’ll try harder,” Taeyeon promised, “to be better, I mean,” uncertain about what better meant.

“You couldn’t say this the moment I got here?” Jessica slurred, her head lying on top of her folded hands rested at the counter. Taeyeon had found Jessica passed out at the hotel bar after her long conversation with Tiffany. She shuffled towards Jessica’s side, but hopped off the stool and opted to stand behind the bar counter instead.

“You couldn’t find a drinking partner?” Taeyeon retorted, uncomfortable with the thought of Jessica drinking alone. “My options were limited,” Jessica said as she lifted her head, seemingly with much effort. “It was either you or Yoona. Yoona is upstairs boxing or sword fighting or doing something violent. Definitely not how I would like to destress...” Taeyeon beamed internally at the fact that she was still an option. “And you, you were with Tiffany,” Jessica yawned mid-sentence, her tone nonchalant.

“You knew?” Taeyeon asked, surprised at how calm Jessica was. Jessica had insisted Taeyeon not be left alone with Tiffany. “Of course, I knew,” Jessica stated, rolling her eyes. “Do you know how many nights I have spent waiting up for you while you comforted sad souls in this hotel? I know you can’t help it,” she yawned again, reaching out for her martini, which Taeyeon snatched out of her grasp in the nick of time.

“Why are you drinking so much?” Taeyeon asked, worried. Taeyeon knew that it was wrong of her to probe, but she concentrated on blocking out the faint hums of emotions emanating from the hotel – the sorrow of a young mother at room 241, the anger of a murder victim in room 78, Yoona’s exasperation at the gym - to read what Jessica was feeling. After a thousand years, Taeyeon still struggled with distinguishing the signals from the noise. What Jessica felt for her used to be so simple, but now Jessica was a mix of sentiments, dulled by alcohol, almost impossible to interpret.

“Yoona said that we should find another grim reaper.” Jessica sighed, exhaustion evident. “She’s going to try tracking down the kid. We all know it never ends well for souls who have been snatched.” Taeyeon reached towards the shelves and brought down a few bottles of liquor and mixers, deciding to make them both drinks. Whoever paid for souls to be hijacked from crossing over peacefully rarely had the best intentions. It was either for recruitment or revenge, though she could not see Ju-Hyun or Tiffany fitting into either category. It remained a mystery that Taeyeon tried her best not to be too invested in, knowing that one could spend forever contemplating the mysteries of the after world.

“Let’s talk about happier things,” Taeyeon suggested, invading the silence when she started shaking her invented cocktail. “I’m actually a decent bartender now,” she bragged as she poured the red liquid into two glasses and added an orange peel in each. “Is this how you pick up new lovers?” Jessica asked as she took a sip, surprised that it is the best thing she has tasted in a while. “Wow, this will definitely work,” she downed her drink and reached for the second glass, only to be denied again as Taeyeon moved the other glass behind the bar. “This isn’t even my best one,” she winked as she turned away from Jessica, searching for a second set of ingredients.

“You do know that I’ve never been with anyone else, right?” Taeyeon let it slip when her back was facing Jessica. She cringed at her confession, almost dropping the bottle of gin she was holding. She decided to cover it with an air of indifference as she turned to place another pair of bottles in front of Jessica, busying herself with the preparation of what she thought was her best cocktail yet.

“Why not?” Jessica asked softly, almost a whisper. Taeyeon’s eyes never left her hands as she measured the liquids, an effort to avoid Jess’s gaze. “Maybe it’s because we’re immortal…” Taeyeon shrugged as she placed another two margarita glasses on the counter. “I just never felt like our breakups were permanent.” Taeyeon finally found the courage to meet Jessica’s eyes and smiled. “Like here we are, after not seeing each other for a hundred years, but really, a hundred years compared to eternity is… nothing.”

“This is nice,” Jessica said as she took a sip of the new drink, returning the smile. “Talking, I mean,” she clarified, too distracted to properly appreciate what she was drinking. She felt her mind gain clarity, though her feelings remained muddled. “I don’t want your love for me to be another prison,” Jessica said, leaning against the palm of her hand, feeling fatigued. “When we’re not lovers, we’re best friends, and when we’re not best friends, we’re family. You should never have to worry about us and be open to experiencing all these kinds of love with other people as well. People like Man Wol and Yoona deserve your love too.”

“But I did… I do love them,” Taeyeon declared, sounding frustrated.

“In your own way, I believe you do...” Jessica agreed, trying to find the words that would make Taeyeon understand. “But love isn’t meant to be self-sacrificial; it’s supposed to be reciprocal. There are so many things trapped in that head of yours that you never tell anyone, not even me. You think you are protecting the people you love, but you’re really just… shutting them out. You never gave me the chance to know all of you, never gave me the chance to prove that I loved all of you. You’re so frustrating, yet here I am, again, attempting to prove myself.”

“As family, friend, or lover?” Taeyeon asked, as if it was the most important question.

“As colleagues,” Jessica teased, attempting to lighten the mood. She wished she knew the answer to Taeyeon’s question. Maybe not knowing was the reason she was drinking alone in the first place.

“Can Tiffany be our new human manger?” Taeyeon decided to switch the subject abruptly, fearing that they were threading on dangerous grounds.

As much as Jessica dreaded the idea, she knew that Taeyeon rarely made requests regarding the hotel, often playing the role of the one granting the demands of others instead. She pressed her fingers to her temples, as if anticipating a headache.

“If it makes you happy,” Jessica replied.

******

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I wish I knew the answer to the Taeny vs. Taengsic questions, but I honestly, really don't.