“You are avoiding it again. You are avoiding me again.” 

 

“I…”

 

“I am tired of this, Lee Yubin.” 

 

“Minji, I…”

 

“Why did you even confess that day? If you will just avoid me in public all the time like this? Are we even dating?”

 

********

 

“MINJI!!” 

 

Yubin woke up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat.  ‘I miss her’  she thought. 

It’s been a while since Minji left her. All because of her fault, she is the one making her leave in the first place. If only she wasn’t such a coward to show her love for the older girl. 

 

Yubin raises from her bed and walks to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water to calm herself down. But when she stepped into the kitchen, there is someone else sitting there on the kitchen counter. 

 

“Why are you awake, Yubin?”

 

“Why are you awake, Siyeon?” She asked back. Lee Siyeon, her sister, and also Minji’s best friend. 

 

“I just finish my project and got hungry.” 

 

“4 in the morning?” Yubin asked, raising her sister as she watches her sister eating her instant noodles.

 

“Another nightmare?” Siyeon asked without leaving her eyes from her food.

 

The silence is all she needs to confirm that her sister indeed having another nightmare. She didn’t say anything and just continue eating, knowing that her sister will talk to her if she wants to, if she is ready to. But Yubin didn’t say anything, instead, she just sits there across of her sister while drinking her glass of water. 

 

“I…” Yubin starts. Siyeon stops eating and looks at her little sister, waiting for her to talk.

 

“I miss her, unnie.” Yubin looked down at her glass, playing with the now empty glass.

 

“Then go look for her. Talk to her.” 

 

“It’s not that easy, she is not even answering my phone.” 

 

“Go to her then. Not like you don’t know where she lives.” 

 

Yubin didn’t say anything after. She just sat there, thinking. 

 

“If you are to go for her, make sure you are ready. Make sure that won’t be hurting her again this time. I love you, but she is my best friend too, and I don’t want to see her hurting too.” 

 

Siyeon said as she stands up, washes her dishes, and go back to her room. Not before she ruffles her sister’s hair and kiss her cheek saying good night. 

 

Yubin cannot sleep after that, so she stays up while sitting on her bed thinking of what she should do, and she should say and how she should apologize to the older girl. She loves her too much for her to lose her. She doesn’t want to hurt her, because she is afraid and selfish. 

 

********

 

“What are you doing here?” Minji asks with a poker face when she saw Yubin standing in front of her apartment door. She just came back from buying some groceries when she saw the younger girl standing there with a dejected look. 

 

“Minji…”

 

“I ask you. What are you doing here?” She is now standing in front of her door, eyes no leaving Yubin.

 

Yubin was about to answer when the door suddenly flung open, startling the two girls. And a girl that is a little shorter than Yubin, and having a fierce look stand there on the doorstep. 

 

“Oh, Minji, you came back.”

 

“You going out?”

 

“Yeah, work call, so I have to leave now.” The shorter girl says in rush, pecking Minji’s cheek and leave with her car. Minji just shakes her head while looking at the girl with a smile on her face. 

 

“I… I am sorry, I will leave,” Yubin says without looking at Minji and she runs away. She didn’t turn back when she heard Minji calling for her name.

 

She walks without destination, she just walks around thinking that Minji must have moved on. She is an attractive person, everyone loves her and she also has a good personality. It was only normal that there will be people going after her. And it was only normal that she will be moving on because Yubin hurts her after all. She cannot give the older girl what she wants after all. 

 

********

 

“Welcome to Paradise.” 

 

Yubin walks into a bar for the first time in her life. She always hates places like that, because she doesn’t like crowded places. She prefers the library, where she can have her peace while reading a book. But tonight, she just wants to let loose and drink. And so here she is, sitting at the bar counter with a glass of whiskey in front of her.

 

“Hey, I know you! You are the girl that came looking for Minji this morning, right?”

 

Yubin looks up to the person behind the bar. It was that short girl that came out from Minji’s house this morning. She smiles bitterly,  ‘What a day, here I have to meet with Minji’s girlfriend.’

 

“Hey…”

 

“What are you doing here alone? Why are you not with Minji?” 

 

“I… yeah, I just want to drink alone.” 

 

“You are Yubin, aren’t you? My name is Bora, nice to finally meet you.” The girl behind the bar smiles while looking at her. Yubin looks at her weirdly, thinking how this girl knew about her and why is she smiling like that looking at her.

 

“I am Minji’s roommate, and she talks about you often if you are wondering how I know about you.” 

 

“Oh…” 

 

“I thought you came to talk to her this morning? How are things going on?” 

 

“I left…” 

 

“Wha…? Why?”

 

“I thought that…” Yubin looks down on her glass.

 

“You thought that I am her girlfriend? And that she has moved on?” Bora says, hitting the jackpot because Yubin stays shut.

 

“I am not her girlfriend if you are wondering. And she hasn’t moved on at all, she mopes all day, waiting for you to come looking for her. So you better make things right and don’t make her wait any longer.” Bora says and leaves her with her drink as she needs to attend to another guest.

 

********

 

Yubin was already tipsy by the end of the day, and she cannot even sit straight anymore. She knows she has a low tolerance in alcohol but she still drinks her night away. She tries to call for a cab or her sister. But she cannot think straight and feel dizzy. That is when she feels a pair of arms holding her, helping her to stand.

 

“Let’s get you home. Why did you even drink when you cannot hold your alcohol well.” She vividly remembers the person who says that before she out. 

 

It was around 6 in the morning when she woke up, and she sat up too fast that she felt her head throbbing.  ‘Where am I?’  she thought as she looks around the room. And that is when she realized that she is in Minji’s room.  ‘How…’  

 

“Why are you awake so early? Come back to sleep.” 

 

She feels a hand wrap around her, pulling her back into the bed. She tries to struggle, but she calms down when she realized that it was Minji sleeping beside her. And so she obliges and lay back down, snuggling into Minji’s embrace and went back to sleep.

 

It was around 9 in the morning when she woke up for the second time. But this time she was met with an empty bed instead. Minji has woken up before her and nowhere to be found. So she just lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking of what is happening last night.

 

“Bora called, telling me that you are too drunk and you are alone at the bar she works at. And so she tells me to pick you up if you are wondering how you ended up here.” 

 

Yubin got startled when Minji suddenly talked. She stares at the older girl that stands by the door, holding her cup of coffee. She is as beautiful as ever, Yubin thought. 

 

“I called Siyeon telling her that you are staying here.” She said as she turns around leaving the room and leaving Yubin alone. 

 

Yubin finally stands up a few minutes later, she went to freshen up herself before she walks into the kitchen where Minji is. She stares at the older girl’s back as she prepares breakfast for herself and Yubin.

 

“Take a seat, or help me get the plate ready. Don’t just stand there and stare.” 

 

The two of them sit across each other and eats their breakfast in silence. No one dares to speak up.

 

Minji is now washing the dishes, not after a little banter between the two of them because Yubin insisted on washing it but Minji is not allowing her.

 

“Where is Bora?” Yubin asked when she can’t locate where the shorter girl is.

 

“Maybe she is still sleeping, she works late last night.” Minji answer without looking at her.

 

“Oh… I see… I… I have to leave then.” Yubin says quietly.

 

“I thought you want to talk? Wasn’t that why you came by yesterday?” Minji finishes washing the last plate and now turning her body to look at Yubin.

 

“Yeah… I… I came to apologize.” 

 

Minji cocked her eyebrow looking at Yubin, confused.

 

“Why?” 

 

Yubin just sat there, don’t know what to say, and don’t know how to start.

 

“I… I hurt you. Because of my insecurity, because of my lack of confidence. Because I don’t trust myself enough that I could make you happy. That I don’t realize, I hurt you instead.” 

 

She looks up, eyes meeting with Minji’s. She can feel herself tearing up, she doesn’t know why. It could be because she is afraid, could be because she is insecure, could be because she is hurting. 

 

“You are an amazing person, Minji. Everyone loves you, I love you. But what if, what if I am not good enough? What if you say yes just because you pity me? What if you say yes because I am your best friend’s little sister and you don’t want things to be awkward? What if… well, a lot of other what-ifs. Then I realize, I distance myself instead because I am afraid.” 

 

Minji just sits there and listens to what Yubin wants to pour out. She is now holding the younger’s hands, caressing it slowly, calming her down. Assuring her that she is indeed listening. And so Yubin continues.

 

“I know I am making you hurt, I know by distancing myself I am hurting you. I am hurting too with my insecurity. But I don’t know how to convey those feelings. You know I am not good at expressing my feelings. And by the end of the day, I ended up hurting both of us. 

 

When you left me that day, it hits me. If only I am brave enough to tell you what I feel. If only I didn’t keep my insecurity for myself. If only I told you my concern, we wouldn’t be like that. I wouldn’t be hurting you.

 

Siyeon scold me for a long time, you know.” Yubin smile bitterly. She looks at Minji, wishing the older girl would say something too after her long confession. But the older girl just looks at her with a warm expression that it makes her blush.

 

“Say something.” She looks down at their entwined hands.

 

“Pabo… I love you too you know. You don’t know how happy I am when you told me you like me. Because I couldn’t bring myself to confess.” 

 

Yubin looks up at Minji, surprised. She won't know what the older feel about her, because the older girl never been vocal about it. Though she can feel it through her action when they are together, she never heard the older girl say her feeling out loud. 

 

“I guess we sure are lacking in terms of communication, huh? Both of us are not good enough at expressing our feelings I guess. But one thing that you should know, Yubin. I love you, and you make me happy. Though I should admit that it hurts when you act like that in the public, that makes me sometimes question myself, why are we even dating in the first place?” 

 

I don’t know what the other saw in me that makes them like me. But what I know is my heart belongs to someone. And it has been for a long time. I…” 

 

Minji’s word was cut off when Yubin kisses her. She was startled for a moment but she gives in to the kiss and she kisses back while smiling. And when they part, she can see the blush on the younger’s face and she found it cute. But she knows better not to tease the younger.

 

“I love you. Will you forgive me, and will you give me a second chance?”

 

“Don’t mess it up again this time.” 

 

“I won’t. I promise”