"Where, Am I?"

 

"What, what Am I?"

 

I was floating over my body. I could see and hear everything that was being said and done. 

 

I could move around but strangely, in front of me is where my body lay. 

 

I knew why I am here, lifeless and dead. I was in an accident.

 

Rain was lashing against the windshield of my car, as I drove down a one lane highway, going a little over the speed limit in rush to see my wife. My wheels slipped a little on the wet slippery pavement, but I tried to keep the car steady. I peered through the front window trying to see what was ahead of me; it was pitch black outside, only the moon’s faint light and the small sign lights reflecting and lining the road to see by. But the rain was coming down so hard it was blurring my vision even more.

 

Looking out my side window, two blinding lights suddenly blazed ahead trying to pierce the impenetrable darkness and with a panic I realized that those lights belonged to a car. A car that was speeding towards my direction. I slammed on my brakes and turned the car so the passenger’s side was pointed to the incoming car.

 

"Ah.. hah.." I took a deep breath. It was a moment of silence but the sound of my car’s screeching brakes and tires skidding on the wet pavement shattered it. Suddenly, my car spun out of control towards the incoming car.

 

I could've been more worried about how my wife could go on in life without me. Our plans, my family, my cats and my friends. Even with the slow paced memory flashback, I immediately stared at the man who was trying to turn his wheels erratically against my way but it was too late and in just a few seconds a huge blow hit the car. It felt like an immense weight was thrown on me; the last thing I saw was a waterfall of glass cascading down on me before everything went black, as I seemed to float away into complete and utter darkness.

 

It's no wonder why I am here on my deathbed. Although, I'm not completely dead as I'm using my mind to try and make my arm and hand move but no matter how hard I try it's as if I am parallel to my body.

I just want anything to move but none of it is working. I slowly tried to relax myself but instead I floated. I looked down at my face, I saw my tears were streaming.

 

It was so strange, for I could see my pathetic body as a spirit. I looked all withered and cold and lifeless. As I slowly moved away, I unknowingly told my body goodbye, as soon as I saw the light I felt the need to go into it. It was like a path of light that was warm and bright.

 

"Don't go"

 

Someone held on my wrist tightly. I looked behind and saw a man. He looked so celestial. He's so beautifully perfect, he was dressed in a white gown that was loose, free-flowing. From his head there emanated a bright, soft-white halo.

 

"Are you an angel? Are you taking me?" I asked.

 

"I am trying to stop you and not take you. Look around where else can we go? And that light... Is not where I think you should go... Have you not watched dramas?" He answered.

 

"Doesn't this light feel like it will lead us somewhere safe?" I pointed at the light that seemed to be paved just for me.

 

"That is you, right?" He ignored my words and pointed at my lifeless body on the hospital bed.

 

"That's me." I answered but he was just staring at me blankly.

 

He took my hand and led me to the room next door. Although we didn't need to use the door because we both passed-through it.

 

"And that's me." He pointed at the body although he has signs of breathing.

 

The longer I stared at him the more I realized that he looked like the man who was in the car that hit mine.

 

"Why were you in a rush?" He asked as if he was blaming the accident on me.

 

"I... My wife..." It was unbearably hard for me to answer.

 

I couldn't deny that it was indeed my fault.

 

"Your wife? Hmm.. It's fine you don't really need to answer if it's hard. I'm just curious." He assured me.

 

"I want to cry so bad but why can't I?" I'm not that delicate but it was a perfect moment to cry.

 

"I guess spirits don't cry" he mischievously laughed.

 

I wanted to smile back at him and take all the fear in him as well but before I could the heart monitor next to his bed started beeping and the doctors and nurses started marching on the room to attend to his body.

 

"Aigoo, Jungsoo, Jungsoo ahh... You work so hard already, is this how you will end?" He laughed to himself.

 

"Jungsoo?" I couldn't help but ask.

 

"Ah that.. Jungsoo is my name, you?" He again smiled at me.

 

"Heechul. Kim Heechul"

 

"What a pretty name. It fits you"

 

We were both watching how they tried to save him. Although the operation was a bit gore and bloody he watches them carefully.

 

"If we survived this, do you think we will remember everything that we did right now?" He asked.

 

"I think so. But most cases don't they lose memory?"

 

"I wish I don't remember anything"

 

"Then, won't you forget about me too?" I joked.

 

"That's true." He paused.

 

"Although we have an unusual meeting. We still met, isn't it amazing?"

 

"It is. But what's the point of remembering you when we wake up? You are already married." He laughed.

 

"Are you trying to flirt with me?" I moved 10 meters away from him.

 

"It worked, right?" He then winked at me.

 

"Forget it, we might not wake up" I sighed.

 

Although he was mischievous and somewhat naughty, the pain was visible to his eyes. I couldn't help but hold his hands.

 

"I'm sorry" Saying sorry is a promise not to repeat the same mistake again. What's the point of me apologizing to him right now?

 

He didn't answer but I felt his hands tightening on mine.

 

"It's a rare occasion, should we go on a date?" He asked out of nowhere. 

 

"A date? Like this?" I asked if his prepositions were obnoxious.

 

"Where else will you experience this kind of date? With whom?" His face was brimmed with a smile once again.

 

"Did anyone tell you before that your smile is very convincing. With a smile like that you could be a president or a superstar." I rolled my eyes.

 

He answered me with a smile and a wink before dragging me away from the hospital. We were roaming around for a while until he suddenly suggested something much more obnoxious than him.

 

"Let's go to the haunted house! Let's go!"

 

"Sure, sure. Why don't we two spirits go and get the thrill of getting scared inside the haunted house!" I smiled sarcastically.

 

We went around for a long time. Although the world is moving around so fast it felt like we weren't a part of it anymore.

 

"How did you meet your wife?" He asked me.

 

He was staring at our intertwined hands which I immediately tried to separate but couldn't.

 

"Where are you trying to go?" He looked at me so intently I couldn't even move.

 

"Stop joking around!" I slapped his hand as I tried to escape from him.

 

"If you leave now, I will be alone" he pouted.

 

I knew I lost. Through his expressions he became the boss of me.

 

"You smiled" He knew what I felt before I even noticed it myself. I rolled my eyes in return.

 

"Sassy"

 

"When we wake up can you remember me?" 

 

Jungsoo, why do you look so sad?

 

"Is it a habit? I kept talking to you but you seemed to be talking to me in your head instead... But you know, where and when will you be able to talk to me if not now?" he continued.

 

"That unless, you remember me if we wake up. " Although he was sad a few moments ago, a smile is now plastered all over his face.

 

"Let's go back and see." I have a thousand more words to say but I ended up with only five words.

 

But I promise you, I will remember you.

 

We floated our way back. Although it was silent, sad, dark and nerve-wracking I wasn't scared. We stopped in front of the hospital still with our hands clasped together tightly.

 

Jung-

 

"Soo..." I muttered his name, it wasn't loud but the silence made it clear.

 

He didn't say a word but he smiled.

 

"I will remember you" I said with my hands trembling and my voice was stuttering.

 

"You know, I think today was the happiest I've ever been." I looked at him with disbelief.

 

"Enlighten me" Me and my sarcasm comes on a pack.

 

"If you met me on a normal day, you might not even want to talk to me. I'm an emotionless person without anyone to talk with. I have never been so alive until today. Thank you! You made me really happy" His smile contradicts his words.

 

"You look very outgoing and fun, I really don't believe you." I stated which he again replied with a bright smile.

 

"Jungsoo, you said you want me to remember you. If I did, what do you think would happen?" I asked.

 

"Marry me?"

 

Although his laugh was a cue for me to realize it's a joke. I had a thousand what ifs on my head.

 

"Fine, so be it." I replied to him accordingly.

 

"Haha! Forget it. You won't remember me." He said confidently.

 

"You don't want to marry me?" I have left the borders of all the jokes in the world. 

 

I had a hunch he would either reply with a joke or seriousness but neither of it.

 

He kissed me. It was cold, I can't barely feel anything.

 

"So, this is how soulmates kiss. Too romanticized, isn't it?" He laughed.

 

"Is this what soulmates, really meant?" I had lit a lightbulb when I realized what he meant.

 

"Is it not? The world failed to let us meet, but even so our souls did." He answered with excitement.

 

"Jungsoo, I think I will really remember you" I sighed. I don't even feel anything inside me but the heavy weight on my heart kept pressing me.

 

"You think?" He asked but with a tone of a voice that wasn't really asking.

 

"You don't think so?" I asked.

 

He nodded.

 

"Forget me, then. That's better, afterall we lived a world apart." I knew I pouted which made me want to hit myself so bad.

 

"I don't think I will remember you." He said as he let go of my hand and started floating inside.

 

"I will remember you" 

 

His voice was almost fading in the air but I was able to hear him clear. I guess being a spirit makes you invincible.

 

"What did you say?" I heard him once but I want to hear him say it again.

 

"Flirt!" He looked back at me and showed me his tongue.

 

I couldn't help but laugh.

 

We entered his room, although the doctors confirmed his safety we still haven't heard anything about me.

 

We waited in my room to check on me and we were just watching my body as we sat on the floor hand in hand.

 

...

 

It was another moment of silence until we heard someone, crying and sobbing as she entered my room.

 

"What a beauty!" he said as he examined her face.

 

"Everyone says so, they were really envious of me because of her." I answered him proudly.

 

"What a throbbing moment, how do you feel cheating in front of your wife?" He joked. As he tried to kiss my hand on his.

 

"She isn't my wife."

 

He paused and stared at me as he waited for my explanation.

 

"Yet..."

 

"Ohhh. Invite me on your wedding"

 

I glared at him, I really don't know what else to say.

 

If I tell him, I would choose him. If I remember him, will he believe me? Will it make sense?

 

He stared at me for a while before words came out of him, "With that look, you are clearly a heartbreaker."

 

"How did you know?"

 

As I answered him, my girlfriend talked. "Heechul, you really left me speechless. You speed up your way to me only because I want to break up with you. With this state how can I let you go? Who will take care of you if it's not me? You think all those girls you play with will be as loyal as me?" She hit me thrice before she walked away still crying and sobbing.

 

"It must be so nice being born like you, I bet everyone around you loves you"

 

"What's the point if I don't love them?" I answered.

 

"What's the point? Well, when you come back alive you have someone who will take care of you. If I did, only my dog would accompany me. Although she's all I need she can't take care of me"

 

"I will..." I suggested but he just laughed it off.

 

I knew that everything he did to me was just a joke, why would he even take our situation seriously?

 

Who would?

 

I'm probably the obnoxious one.

 

I didn't even need to tell him that meeting him was also the happiest moment for me. I would be so vulnerable in his eyes.

 

Why am I so delicate?

 

"Heechul, If you wake up. Don't remember me..."

 

I was so shocked I could not react.

 

"Wh... Why?" I stuttered.

 

"Just..."

 

Just? Bull.

 

I prepared thousand words to call out on him but before I could the world we were in started crumbling. The distance between us started getting farther and farther and only the unrecognizable noise can be heard.

 

My whole body was heavy, I used a lot of energy before I could move my hands.

 

"He is awake!" This time, I am completely aware.

 

I am alive.

 

"Call the doctor!"

 

"Heechul is awake! Hurry up! Call someone!"

 

I felt warm heavy drops flowing on my face. I am alive…

 

Why do I still feel empty?

 

"I didn't forget... I didn't..." Before I lost consciousness I heard my girlfriend. "Thank you for coming back to us, Heechul. I will marry you! I promise you I will. I will not break up with you anymore..."

 

It took me three weeks before I could finally walk and talk. I tried to look for him and asked everyone around but there are no traces of him left.

 

Are you alive?

 

I was about to leave the hospital balcony when I heard little kids running towards my direction. They almost could hit me so I tried to dodge but instead I lost my balance and fell.

 

Only that I was caught on the hands of someone I know.

 

Someone I have been wanting to meet. Someone who should not be a soulmate to me.

 

"Are you okay, sir?" He asked.

 

Who is the heartbreaker now?

 

"I'm okay" I moved away from him and settled myself.

 

"Hey, kids. I told you to be careful! I told you not to run around!" He shouted at the kids. His voice sounded so lively and that face was filled with warmth and a smile.

 

Liar.

 

Everything you said was a lie.

 

I couldn't help my tears as I walked away from where he was. Jungsoo, if only you remembered me I would have walked a thousand miles and broken all the world's boundaries just to be with you.

 

I would've not blinked twice and chosen you.

 

"What are you doing here?" My girlfriend came and held on to me for support.

 

"I..."

 

I glanced back at him hoping he would remember me but he was immersed with playing with the kids. He didn't even spare a glance on me.

 

"I was watching the kids" I answered as I heard them call him father before we could walk away.

 

Jungsoo, you were right. I shouldn't remember.

 

I should've not thought of it.

 

Even so, I just have to forget it.

 

Forget everything. Just forget everything...

 

Several years past, my supposed girlfriend is now my wife. It was her first check up for our soon to be baby. I suddenly felt an urge to walk around the hospital tracing the places I walked around with the man I should have not remembered.

 

I went everywhere to the hospital but for no reason I ended up on the balcony where I first met him after we woke up.

 

I stared at the building he overlooked and stood by there for a long time trying to let go of my feelings completely.

 

I let out a big sigh until I opened my eyes and saw what was carved on the rails.

 

My heart was unbearably heavy and painful. It was more than getting hit by a car. My tears heavily flowed more than the rain that night and my whole world cascading down faster than glass.

 

Why, why did I remember you?

 

Why, did you...

 

"Heechul, I remember you."