VI.

“Are we there yet?”

Mei has been so excited about the trip that she has barely been able to contain her joy and delight. She has been clapping her hands since early in the morning and has woken them up by jumping over them, three hours before her usual morning routine. And she has been asking the same question every five seconds, with her high-pitched, floating voice. It is getting tiring. 

Minho sighs looking over the back seat to where Jinwoo is, blissfully sleeping next to Mei, who is currently watching him intently as if she could oblige him to open his eyes and entertain her again, as he has been doing since 3 am. Jinwoo was the one taking Mei to her room, putting her back to bed, reading her stories, making funny voices, and acting them up. He had given up attempting to lull her after the fourth tale: Mei was too overwhelmed to get back to sleep, she had been talking about this trip all week – she had explained it to her friends, begged granny to come with them, counted down the hours before they were supposed to go, had learned to count up to 60 just to count down the seconds in a minute.

It was understandable, according to Jinwoo, since it was her first family trip, the first vacation they had since they had adopted her: since she came to spark their lives. She has been so amused, which amused Jinwoo. Minho, on the other hand, was a little fed up with all the planning, organizing, and detailing everything for a five-year-old girl. Not that he wasn’t happy to go out with Mei, it was that he didn’t find it all that mirth – one weekend of camping in Busan. They would be meeting with Seunghoon up there, too, which was great, but Minho has been out all week and, honestly, he would rather be all cozy at home, watching a movie, the three of them cuddled on the sofa, the cats roaming free. Instead, he is driving up to Busan with his little daughter singing to all the Disney songs not hitting a note right, on top of Jinwoo's humming voice. 

Jinwoo, too, was elated and Minho was amazed at how beautiful he was when he was filled with happiness. He gleamed, his eyes like shooting stars, his soft, peachy smile: it was hard to contain the urge to bite them, to make him flush, to color him pink and red. He has been programming the whole trip, from the car they would ride to the parcel they would put the tent on, to all the snacks to bring – as if Seunghoon hadn’t invited them to dinner at his place.

Overall, Minho shouldn’t complain. But he has been cranky for the lack of sleep and he has been eyeing Jinwoo resting in the back seat, his head gently pressed against the window, his slow breath warming the car, his fragrance numbing his senses. And, then, there was Mei, demanding and commanding and singing at the top of her lungs.

The patches of green and blue sky come to a halt when they enter a tunnel. The radio stops abruptly and, with that, Mei's voice trails along until she is left with parted, ajar, but no sound coming out, perplexed at the sudden silence. 

“Daddy, wake up!” Mei exclaims, jerking Jinwoo. His body shakes and bumps and endures gentle punches. "Night has come, look, look!" she proclaims, eager. She is clapping enthusiastically, her eyes round and big, opened in delight, trying to make sense of the change she is seeing, too small to comprehend that they are driving under-earth.

Jinwoo is pretending to be asleep, Minho knows. He will make a fuss and crack Mei up. He always does. He grabs at her waist and tickles the soft flesh until Mei is begging him to stop between puffs of hysterical laughs.  Minho frowns at them from the rearview mirror.

“Ok, pet, we better stop, or Dad will crash the car on purpose,” Jinwoo is joking, but Mei becomes serious, staring at Minho’s neck intently. “Mei, butterfly,” he says, his voice sweet, “he wouldn’t. I was kidding,” he assured her, pulling her into his embrace, peppering little kisses over her forehead. It is lovely to see – he sighs, wanting to stop and join them in a hug group. But he is the designed driver – forced because he can’t deal with Mei, it has been proven more than once and Mei prefers the company of Jinwoo – Minho can’t blame her. He would choose Jinwoo too, over and over again, to spend every minute and every second of his life, just to hear him calling his name like he is calling Mei's - and Minho should stop monitoring over his shoulder, and drive, stop the small tinge of pain that washes over him whenever Mei is coiled on top of Jinwoo's tights, his fingers brushing tenderly her curls, his voice smooth and delicate, telling her how much he loves her, how much she means to him until she falls asleep and Jinwoo sighs, watching at her beatifically: he wants some affection, too. 

"Are we nearly there?" it shocks him that Jinwoo is chatting to him. His heart skips a beat. 

"Are you five now?" Minho retorts, jokingly, a giggle escaping from his lips. Jinwoo, too, chuckles, his cheeks a little flustered. For a split second, their gaze meets in between, across the rearview mirror, and Minho smiles, disarmed, can't help it. Jinwoo grins back, preciously, his features lighting up, radiant and alive, pupils gleaming. "We are an hour away from Busan," Minho says, finally, breaking the trance, the marvel that is Jinwoo looking at him, glancing at him with all of his being. He focuses on the road ahead, driving carefully - he is not used to Jinwoo's car, he is used to his Aston Martin, wanting to be distracted by Jinwoo but also not desiring to crash the car against the fences because he is too caught up in Jinwoo. 

Jinwoo smiles again at him before pointing at Mei, who has given up being awake - her energy has finally diminished. He takes a blanket from one of the hundreds of bags he has packed that fills up half the capacity of the car and wraps her little body, rubs her temples delicately, fingers skimming her curls and the soft skin of her apple-like cheeks. It's lovely, so tender, so sweet, Minho misses a brush and a canvas to draw the familiarity of this single moment, to capture it and preserve it forever in his heart. 

Mei has been bubbling with energy and has been up and about, jumping and running and giggling. She has helped Jinwoo cook, she had an internal debate about what teddy bear to bring with her - she has opted to carry her favorite, leaving home the rest, waving at them with tears in her eyes. She has been hugging it for a while but now the poor thing is resting on the floor, forgotten, relegated by Frozen songs. It was about time for all the tiredness to wash over her. 

It is suddenly so quiet and calm, a rare sight since Mei has arrived in their lives. She has brought joy and sparkles but, also, a lot of trouble. Life had come to a halt, turning into something entirely different and Minho was still adjusting, still fighting for a place, to regain his position in a family that, unexpectedly, was of three instead of just him and Jinwoo. It had been challenging, it had brought the worst out of him, but also the best and he is not changing any bit of it. Such calm is unusual now - Minho has gotten used to loud cartoons, Mei excited yells, her burst of laughter that spurts at any moment for any reason, and that fills the room with joy. He has gotten accustomed to sharing Jinwoo - and, as much as he dislikes it at times, he adores watching how domestic Jinwoo is around Mei, how at ease and peace they are in each other's company: they had bound since the beginning, from the very start. It is a beautiful panorama and Minho won't trade it even if that means that Jinwoo is no longer completely his - Jinwoo, too, has to share Minho, though Mei is still a little distant and stiff with him, it is getting easier (he collects her from school and brings her to the park and spoils her with presents whenever he has to be out of town). But Mei and Jinwoo have their complicity and their dynamics: they are always in synch, breathing in at the same pace, laughing at the same lame jokes, and making fun of Minho and his silliness - which makes him very proud. 

"Are we there yet?" a sleepy voice breaks Minho's torrent of thoughts. He has been spacing out, driving out of habit, his mind dispersed. He jolts, back to reality - back to this car and the trip. 

"No, butterfly, but nearly," he says, bending a little so he can glance at her. He beams - she is so adorable, all ruffled and sleepy-head. 

"Can I watch movies?" she asks, expectant. Jinwoo shakes his head. They should get one, Minho thinks, but Jinwoo doesn't fancy the idea - he wants Mei to be raised with people, not screens and IA. 

"No, love, but I can tell you a story," he offers, but Mei refuses.

"Dady told me all my favorite ones. I'm bored..." she complains. And that's not good. "Can I play with Rei and Bei?" she demands, but, soon enough she realizes she is not home. "No Bei and Rei," she mumbles, pouting. "I don't like this," she says. 

Jinwoo tries his best to cheer her up but it is bound to happen - Mei is about to throw a tantrum, toss and trash because she can have things her way. She is too young to understand or to stay still for too long. This is going down - this is becoming a disaster.

It takes ten more minutes of asking and negating before Mei burst into tears, yelling that she hates the trip and that wants to go home.

"Don't want Seunghoon, want Bei and Rei!" she bawls, devastated. She is frustrated and that frustrates Minho. And Jinwoo is doing his best to calm the waters, but the situation is building up nastily and he knows that, against Minho and Mei he is powerless, he has nothing to do. 

So he yields before it can escalate more - before Minho stops the car or loses his cold and gets into a crash. Mei is sulking and Minho is furious. He didn't want to go and maybe he was right. Maybe they should have tried somewhere closer first - Busan is hours away and it is too hard for a first road trip perhaps. Minho fumes angrily, grumbling about how this whole trip is a waste of everything. Jinwoo loathes how this is going, collapsing and crumbling down. 

"Babe, don't you remember how much you wanted to go?" Jinwoo queries, his smile stiff and fake. "You wanted to go so much that you even woke up early to help, do you really want to go home?" and his voice feels like honey, sweet and sticky, a trap to convince Mei. She stops crying midway and looks at Jinwoo with imploring eyes full of starry nights, and imploded fuss. She does remember. 

"Can I have Minho?" Mei mutters, sorrowful - she can feel the tension that is forming between her parents. 

"Of course, you can," Jinwoo retorts, bending to pick it up from where it was discarded. He gives the teddy bear to Mei, who hugs it tightly, buries herself behind it. "How do you like that?" Jinwoo says, punching Mei's face with Minho's soft paws. It makes her chuckle. He makes voices, plays the part of a teddy. "Why are you hiding princess?" he says, his tone light, lively, "Come and play with me!"

It takes a few attempts but Mei surrenders to Jinwoo. 

"Are we there yet?" she asks while Minho is parking, finally. 

It has been an exhausting trip and this is only the beginning. But after assembling the tent and preparing everything, unrolling the mattress and setting up all the fairy lights, after running after Mei, playing catch, after rolling down the green fields of daisies and making crows for Jinwoo, whose hair is white and dusty, tasting like wildflowers. After flying kites and chasing butterflies, Mei collapses in bed, and sleeps tight for the rest of the night, unbottered, forgetting the fight and the blowup. She has been a happy little girl, swirling around and jumping and getting dirty, fingers digging into the soil, picking up bugs and flowers, with not a trace of bad mood or temper. Since getting out of the car she has been a blast to be around: she has been perfectly well-mannered, sweet, caring, and fun. 

"Well, some tranquility," Minho says, pulling Jinwoo into his embrace. He lets his warm spread, clean his mind. He kisses his forehead, and tugs him closer to him until his skin graces his bones, until he is not sure if he belongs to Jinwoo or Jinwoo belongs to him.

But Jinwoo already belongs to his own dreams, falling completely drained on top of his chest. 

"Are we there yet?" Jinwoo voices in his sleep and Minho chuckles, keeping him pressed to his side, clutched under his arms.