Whenever he sang ‘Spring’s song’, Sung Gyu would feel utterly alive again. For him, it felt like breathing. He’d close his eyes and reminisce back to that time, the thirteen year old him, the scent of damp earth in his breath, the saltiness in the breeze by the lake bank, the sound of cicadas, the sound of her laughter. He’d think back to that spring day when he held her hand, helping her down the hill to the lake and thought how breathtaking she seemed to be. He’d think back to that summer, when she’d told him that she’d leave, and the only way he could think of to hold her back was to kiss her, that changed everything. He’d reminisce every single memory he had of her, hold them closer to his heart and he’d sing the Spring’s song. 

That moment, when the first few chords strung, he held hard onto the microphone and let the rest of the world fall away. It was easier to think that he was there alone, like the very first time he sang it in his room after a prolonged phone call with Gaeul who spoke to him from Spain. It's easier when he imagined that it was only him and her.

And she too, seemed to understand this, as if she’d looked into his mind. It wasn’t exactly a slow ballad. It was upbeat, cheerful, happy, just like her. And much to his amazement, as soon as he started the first few lines, she took his hand and started to dance.

Sung Gyu could swear, it was at that moment that he fell in love with her even more.

She lifted his hand and she twirled, she placed her hand on his shoulder, and his on her waist, a moment of a lingering slow dance. As he continued to sing he thought, by their proximity, that he wouldn’t be able to breathe again. But she had the right to dance, if she wanted to. It was Gaeul. What more could he expect?

Yet, there was no peace in his mind. He was singing right there, the band playing behind him, him performing, doing the very thing which scared him to the core. But for that moment, he felt braver, stronger, for she was there dancing to her song, right in his arms. When years had passed and when he’d think of Spring’s song again, it wouldn’t be his failure that he’d remember. It would be this moment, when he realised that the other part of his soul was her. 

The audience was cheering and awing at them; their cameras recording this strange incident, late into the night on a rainy spring day. Gaeul seemed to have no care for the world. She was loving it, as she would anything. Gaeul was the epitome of happiness, of endless positivity. There was nothing that she couldn’t do. And he learned it the hard way that there were plenty of things that she couldn’t; yet they never pulled her back from what she wanted to be. Right now, she was dancing with him to a song that they couldn’t even dance to. In her mind, it probably never mattered. Why would it? If doing this very thing made her happy?

Towards the end of the song, everyone was applauding, singing along with him. Torch lights from some mobile phones were waving in the crowd like stars, and the band harmonized behind him. It was that one performance, he, as an idol, could never have. His heart felt light; almost as if he’d gained wings again. For a moment, holding hard onto his mic, his free hand on her waist, he looked at her, he glanced at the crowd and sigh. He thought to himself, then; ‘This is life’

The song came to an end then, with Gaeul stretching their arms out and swiftly twirling herself back into his arms. She lost her balance, and he moved fast. When the gathered crowd started cheering so loudly in response, he was holding Gaeul in his embrace, his forehead against hers, his breath mingling with hers. He dug his fingers against her skin and closed his eyes, breathing hard. He wanted to kiss her. If this was another place, another time, if they were in different circumstances, he would have kissed her breath away.

“You did it” Gaeul muttered to him as she finally stumbled away from him. Her cheeks were pink, eyes glimmering with tears. She took his hand. “You did it, Sung Gyu...it’s yours…”

It was ages before they finally parted from the crowd. The group which they later learned to be known as ‘Gung-ho’ (A very strong name for an indie band, he thought) was delighted to have met in person, and with much pestering from their side (and Gaeul’s) he promised to meet them again. There were a lot of good words and compliments coming from the gathered crowds; some recognised him, some knew his voice. Certain, inevitable expressed their disappointment at how his career had to end while certain gave him their well wishes and hopes to start again. The two of them then left Gung-Ho to continue with their gig, picked up the bag of unnecessary amounts of grocery that they’d left on the side of the road and made their way back home again.

It was when he’d come so far away from the crowd that his anxiety kicked in again.

“What if” He asked her, worry coated in his tone. “Gaeul what if it was illegal? I mean, the company still owns its copyrights. I am not allowed to sing it in public”

“Relax” She told him and held his hand in the warm one of hers. “It was just a gig, not a commercial performance or anything-,”

“But if it gets out-,”

“It will get out,” Gaeul told him, with no hesitation, certain as ever. “Sung Gyu, a performance like that; what we did right there was something that will get out”

“That also means I would have to pay a penalty then” He reasoned out to her. “Serve in jail”

“No, Sung Gyu, don’t be ridiculous” Gaeul laughed, rolling her eyes. “It is a big deal, but not that much of a big deal”

“That is not helping at all”

Gaeul slowed down at that moment, and they stopped walking altogether. They were further away from the town now, and were walking down a path lined with cherry trees on the either sides, their blossoms that had descended with rain littered the ground underneath in a mismatched pattern. It was quiet around them, so much so that they could hear the hustle and bustle of the town somewhere far away. They stood under a street light, and it's pale yellow illuminance made Gaeul’s light brown eyes appear ethereal. Sometimes, she really seemed out of this world.

“Listen” She told him, a hand laid on his arm. “What if it gives you a second chance?”

“A second chance?” Sung Gyu echoed in return, not bothering to hide the ridicule in his voice. “Gaeul, a lot of things could happen after something like this, but a second chance is simply not one of them”

“How could you be so sure?” She returned, meeting his eyes.

“Because I have been in this industry much longer than you think”

She rolled her eyes and moved away. “It’s your negativity that is stopping you,” She said.

“It’s the reality, Gaeul” He caught up with her in hurried steps. “You fail, you lose. There is no gain after that. I know how it works”

“So you’re going to give up? Just like that?”

“I already have” He sighed, and gave her a sad smile.

There have been moments, if he was to be honest, where he did think there might be a silver lining, a second chance. He had heard of idols who made it work at an older age, who moved from one agency to another, changed names and started all over again. There have been moments too, that he wanted to try. He had gone to the extent of looking for more agencies, sending demos to people, waiting anxiously, anticipating a response. It’s been less than six months since he terminated his contract, and so much in his life had changed. Sung Gyu wasn’t the same Sung Gyu anymore. And there was no way that he would go back to that place again. 

“But Sung Gyu…” Gaeul’s eyes have filled with tears at that point, threatening to fall. “You’re the happiest when you sing, did you know that?”

Sung Gyu remained quiet as a thick knot formed in his throat.

“You’re the happiest” She continued, and a hand laid on his cheek. Sung Gyu’s heart started to hammer so fast, butterflies started to flutter in his chest. “I have seen it” She continued, her voice lowering to a whisper. “I saw it, tonight. Your eyes become really shiny, and you smile so much...and your voice….it changes so much, you know. You’re just the happiest. Do you know how happy that makes me?”

“G-Gaeul…”

“Don’t think” She continued, now holding his face in both her hands. “Don’t ever think that you’ve failed, Sung Gyu. This isn’t the you that i have always known. Did you hear those kids back there? Did you see all the people that you made happy tonight? Did you see yourself? Do you see me? That’s how much it all means, to you, to me, to all of us…”

“So you think…” He started, her voice giving him a tiniest flicker of home. “You think there is a chance?”

“You’d never know, would you? unless you try” She smiled.

“You’re right…” He smiled back, his voice lowered to a whisper too. “Maybe….I think...”

She laughed, her voice so soft like wedding chimes that he remembered from early morning back home. Gaeul hadn’t changed all that much. She still didn’t think much, she still talked a lot, laughed too much, and when he looked at her from a distance like this, when he looked deeper into her eyes, light as leaves in the fall, he would see the thirteen year old her still alive inside her. Sung Gyu had loved her since then, till now. If there was one thing that stayed as constant as her in his life, perhaps ever grew stronger, that was his love for her, blossoming like roses in the spring.

They were alone at that moment, the road completely empty, the wind chilly and trees rustling gently in the breeze. Sung Gyu wasn’t thinking much when his arm wrapped around her, bringing her closer, and even closer, when he pushed away the strands of hair that stuck to her lips. Gaeul too, understood what was about to happen, and she didn’t move away, perhaps allowing the time to take its rightful course. He closed his eyes, thought back to that fateful first kiss nineteen years ago and imagined he was thirteen again. Yet, they were only a second apart when, with a splash that sounded so loud in the quietness of the night, that they were both showered in dirt. When they both pulled away, befuddled, Sung Gyu took in the sight of the car that had rushed over the puddle of rain on the side of the road.

“Aw crap” Gaeul growned, her fingers holding onto her dark hair drenched in mud. “I conditioned it just this morning”

Sung Gyu couldn’t help but laugh in response. His own pale white sweater had a massive spudge down the neck, so did his jacket, which would be hard to take off. 

“Well” He started, attempting to wipe off a bit of it from Gaeul’s shoulder. Her wine red sweater seemed to have absorbed the dirty water. But she was in no shape to return like this. “Gaeul, I think It’s time we finally go home. The right way” He raised his brows in emphasis.

“The right way” She reiterated, met his eyes and broke out in laughter. “The right way, oh god!”

They laughed and laughed after that point, until the mud crusted on their skin and tangled their hair, until they started to stink of dirt and rain. They were laughing even as they stopped a taxi for he had no idea where they were, and laughed even more learning that they’d walked two miles away from where his home should be, getting lost, just like she had worded it. But for that moment, he couldn’t really blame her. Sung Gyu actually thought, as she buried her face in his chest and laughed so hard, that he had found his home again.