"Wow! I feel like spinning!"

"Noona! Hahaha You're going the wrong way."

"Let's dance! I want to dance!"

"We can do that later, noona!"

"Aigoo, this boy. Why are you in a rush? We have all night!"

"This noona really..."

"What did you say?"

"What are you doing?"

"Noona... "

"My head... "

"What... "

"Good Morning, noona..."

Droplets of sweat trickle down my forehead. I look at my clock.

Just 2 am.

I open the drawer of my bedside table. Inside is the only thing giving me sleep these days.

I take a couple of pills and pop them on my mouth. I lie back in bed, hoping to be able to sleep again but I'm too scared to even close my eyes.

That dream again, that dream that has haunted me for five years now.

No matter how I push that thing off my mind, it keeps popping like a stubborn virus that weakens me.

"Unnie..."

"Hyo Joo-ya, what time is it?"

"Seo Yeon-unnie, how was your day?"

"Can't sleep again?"

"Hmm."

"Maybe you should ask him."

"I don't even want to see him."

It's true. I'm terrified to see him.

"He's the only one who can give you the answer."

What if I don't want to know the truth?

"I don't know... "

"You're scared, aren't you?"

"Terrified."

I met Jin Seo Yeon while filming my movie, Love 911. She's years older than I am but we clicked like same age friends. Among all my peers, she's the only one who sees the real me.

Even the side of me that I refuse to show.

"Sooner or later, you have to face the music. You can't keep avoiding it."

I know and that's what terrifies me. I've given up so much just because of this shadow that keeps on following me.

I've given up too much.

Including that one thing I've wanted all my life.

"How long are you going to let it haunt you, Hyo Joo-ya?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hyung, what's the update on my comeback drama?"

"Update meaning if she said yes?"

"That included."

He tries to look busy by flipping through the script. "I hate to bring bad news so early in the morning."

I should have expected it. After the cold treatment she kept on giving me the past couple of years, I knew I shouldn't have bothered.

But I'm a stubborn one.

"Set me an appointment with her."

"Jong Suk-ah..."

"Do it, hyung. Choose an appropriate venue. Somewhere corporate. Let her know it's about business."

"But it isn't, right?"

"Just do it, hyung."

He sighs before dialing his phone. I pretend to read the script I've already memorized by heart.

"Ne. Jong Suk-sshi wouldn't ask for it if it wasn't urgent. It won't take long."

I feel my heart beat frantically as I wait for what comes next.

"Great! I'll send the details to you. Give me a few minutes."

I almost drop the script. "What did he say?"

He ignores me and types on his phone instead.

"Did she say yes? She'll talk to me?"

Still no answer. I swear I'll throw that goddamn phone!

"Hyung!"

"LET ME FINISH TEXTING HER MANAGER, FOR CHRIST SAKE! DO YOU WANT TO SEE HER OR NOT?"

I almost jump from my seat.

"Mian." I cower slowly. "I didn't know you were texting her manager. Sheesh... no need to get all riled up... "

He sighs once again before keeping his phone. "She agreed to meet you."

My heart leaps a little.

"But it's to explain why she can't work with you."

And drops down to earth just like that.

The thing about me, though is that when I set my heart on something, I don't give up so easily.

"She'll say yes."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why can't he just leave me alone?

I lived my life the last couple of years that he was in the army.

But now, all of sudden, he barges in my life once again.

I read the letter I received this morning.

SUBPEONA

The first word alone is enough to break me down.

My head starts to ache. I lean back and massage it, hoping to soothe my troubled thoughts as well.

"Hyo Joo-ya, I can cancel your meeting with Jong Sik-sshi if you want."

"Aniyo. I want to talk to him too."

I can't let him make the biggest mistake of his life.

We stop inside the VIP parking lot of Intercontinental Seoul Grand Parnas. As I get out of my van, two uniformed staff usher me into an exclusive elevator.

We stop at the Presidential Suite.

I walk inside the plush, luxurious suite he has rented for us. I can't even take a second to admire the decadent interior of the room because my eyes zoom in on him.

There he is, seating quietly by the window, a cup in his hand.

I stop as he turns to look at me.

"Hyo Joo-ya."

I clutch my purse as tight as the feeling in my heart.

"Jong Suk-sshi."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't know how long we've stayed silent.

She's just seating here in front of me.

And here I am, just staring at her face, wondering what have changed.

"Hyo Joo-ya..."

I try to reach for her hands but she pulls them back.

"Jong Suk-sshi, I want you to listen to me."

Her voice sounds so cold, as cold as the air inside this room.

"I can't work with you."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

"Not even a reason?"

"None."

I must admit that hurts.

"Do you hate me that much, Hyo Joo-ya?"

"I'm just stopping you from making a huge mistake."

"Why will it be a mistake to work with you?"

"You'll understand."

"How can I understand if you don't tell me why?!"

"Just believe me. This is for your own good, Jong Suk-sshi."

I can't accept this bull.

"Is it Nara? We broke up, okay?"

"It's not it."

"Tell me what it is then!"

"I DON'T WANT TO WORK WITH YOU, OKAY?!"

She runs away as quickly as she tears my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alcohol, the one thing that never disappoints me.

"One more, hyung!"

He ignores me again.

Why does everyone ignore me?

"Hyung, I didn't call a wall to drink with me." I pour another glass and place it in front of him but he continues to be fascinated by his phone. "Aisht, give me that phone!"

I snatch his phone but something catches my eyes.

I read the message slowly.

Annyeong, yeorubun. This is Han Hyo Joo.

I sit up straight, focusing on the words in front of me.

I'm writing to make a confession. I have lied to all of you.

An uneasy feeling creeps in on me.

I have said before that I wasn't involved in any way to the Burning Club Scandal. I'm afraid to say that it's all a big lie.

It's not true that I have not stepped inside that club. In fact, I was the actress who was written about in several news articles.

It was a night I regret until now. I had a company event that night when a junior asked me to stop by and say HI.

I met Jung Joon Young when I guested in Running Man five years ago. Back then, I thought of him as a dear friend. A good colleague.

That was the biggest mistake of my life.

I was trying so hard to forget like a bad dream. I wished it was all a bad dream.

But it isn't.

I won't elaborate anymore. I'm sure minutes, no, seconds from the time I post this, you will already hear the full details of this story.

I just want to apologize to you.

That I wasn't able to tell the truth, mian.

That it took this long to tell the truth, mian.

I hope one day you can forgive me.

 

I feel the alcohol in my system start to fade.

I quickly open Naver with trembling hands.

Actress Han Hyo Joo summoned by Police to attend the Burning Sun and Kakao Talk investigation

Actress Han Hyo Joo, latest victim of Jung Joon Young Kakao Talk Scandal

Actress Han Hyo Joo to attend Jung Joon Young's trial as witness

I stop at the last article.

Video of Actress Han Hyo Joo goes viral - Jung Joon Young's latest date victim?

 

I throw the bottle of soju on the wall. I can't see anything.

"Jong Suk-ah- "

I push away the hands of my manager.

I speed off into the night. I don't care if I get caught.

I have to see her.

I stop by her house, just a few blocks from mine. Hundreds of cars flock her house. Media people all swarm her place, hoping to glimpse a sight of her.

Just like me.

The lights in her room are still on. I sit on my car silently, watching her from afar.

Hyo Joo-ya, mian.

Suddenly, I see her shadow move towards the window.

Even from afar, she looks lonely.

Hyo Joo-ah, mian. I wasn't there for you.

I watch her as she slowly falls into a crouch and leans her head to her knees.

I'll be here for you now.

Even if you push me away.

Even if you tell me to go.

I'll stay with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I walk straight, ignoring the flashing bulbs in front of my face.

My manager leads me into a crowded room, coming to life the moment I enter.

"All rise."

I take my place in front.

"Miss Han Hyo Joo, do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?"

Yes, the truth.

That's what I want to know. The whole truth.

That's why I'm allowing myself to experience this humiliation.

Because I want to know the truth.

"I, Han Hyo Joo..."

I look at the guy in handcuffs, the guy I despise with all my life.

"... swear to tell the truth, the whole truth."

"So help me God."