Choi Yena has always loved Jo Yuri. In an fan-idol way. Jo Yuri was the epitome of an idol. Beautiful, talented, an amazing personality on and off camera, and just simply, inspiring. She was currently in a temporary group called IZ*ONE formed by a survival show, PRODUCE 48. It's weird really. Yena never really adored Yuri much in Idol School, as she was constantly rooting for Jang Gyuri. But as she watched PRODUCE 48 and Yuri, she realized how much Yuri had improved and how charming she was.

She was... beautiful. She had grown a lot over a year. Now, she was constantly main vocal for her evaluations. Yena was proud of Yuri. But, Yena wasn't much of a internet person. She loved Yuri but she wasn't obsessive or constantly searching up Yuri's name on the internet. She had a life to live. She wasn't really into idols or K-Pop either so that was part of the reason.

She had never really cared about Jo Yuri so much until now though. Where Yena finds Yuri's body in the river. She knew it wasn't a murder or anything. It was suicide. Yuri's lifeless body floated in front of Yena. Yena didn't react. She was frozen. It couldn't be Yuri right? Yena was just trying to enjoy the river's beautiful view with the sunset shining onto the water, but she didn't expect to find a dead person. And now somebody had spotted them. 

They shouted and pointed. Yena panicked. She didn't even do anything. In fact, she was also gonna dial the police, but now she was being accused of drowning a K-Pop idol. Yena sighed. It was no use. Yena was older than Yuri by 2 years, and it hurt seeing a young person be hurt so much more than Yena. What had caused her death? Yena inspected Yuri's body. Her face was pale and lifeless. Her eyes were closed and was slightly opened. She seemed to had drowned just recently. Maybe a few hours ago?

Yena carressed Yuri's face. How beautiful it was, even when she was dead. If only this youngster stayed alive, then she would've became the nation's main vocalist. Yena chuckled. This kid had so much potential. And that was when time froze. Yena knew because the sound of the river and the sound of the screaming had stopped. She looked up. And she wasn't there at the river anymore, holding Yuri's lifeless body. She was outside a building with two unfamiliar girls beside her. 

"Wow, Yena! Look, we're here outside of MNET's building!" the girl on her right exclaimed, pointing at the sign on the building. Yena looked up, following her finger. It really was MNET's building. Yena furrowed her eyebrows.

Where had she gone? She never remembered going to MNET's building ever in her life. Maybe this was some kind of.. alternate universe? That was the best explanation anyway. Of course, she thought that suddenly disappearing from the river was unnatural, but there was no denying it now. She had somehow travelled somewhere that even planes can't reach.

She learned that the two girls' names were Yiren and Sihyun. Yiren was beautiful, very beautiful. Yena also recognized Sihyun from the first season of PRODUCE 101. She didn't show very much potential but she seemed confident in her skills now so Yena left it at that.

"You think we have even a slight chance of debuting?" Sihyun inquired as she walked into the room that the staffs guided them to. It seemed that they were the first trainees to arrive. There were cameras everywhere in the room. In the room was a big whiteboard. It had the PRODUCE 48 logo and told them to write something encouraging.

Suddenly, a lightbulb lit up in Yena's head. Was this.... Was she... participating in PRODUCE 48?? She wanted to confirm it (which she already had, with the PRODUCE 48 logo in front of her and the cameras everywhere) but she didn't want to seem stupid. She wanted to ask Yiren and Sihyun which company they were from but... that's stupid. Surely, Yena would've already known. 

"Yah! Yena! You've been unusually quiet for a while now! Are you sure you're alright?" Sihyun asked Yena. Yena snapped out of her thoughts and reassured Sihyun awkwardly. After all, Yena's only known these girls for a few minutes.

Yiren and Sihyun had both written something encouraging near the logo and it was Yena's turn. Yena already knew the final lineup, so she knew that she had no chance of debuting. Yena remembered when she saw a snippet of the last episode of PRODUCE 48. All the final girls were crying and bawling their eyes out. The trainees who didn't make it were all hopeless yet happy. So many tears were shed. 

Yena felt indifferent about the circumstances though. She never dreamt to be an idol and never would. To be put here in this reality after that shocking incident felt like... she was put here for a reason. Yena wrote something encouraging, but it was hinting towards Yuri. 

LET'S DO THIS GIRLS! NEVER GIVE UP! 

The message was vague, but it was enough. Yena never liked writing anything too long, so she left it at that. She hurriedly joined the other girls as they were still deciding on where to sit.

"Is it bad that I want to sit on that first place throne?" Yiren asked. Sihyun laughed.

"Don't worry, I do too," Sihyun replied. Yena was quite surprised actually. The first place throne was actually quite appealing. She thought that MNET had just edited the throne to be like, superior but it had exceeded Yena's expectations. Reality doesn't disappoint sometimes. 

Yiren and Sihyun were quite indecisive. 

"Do you think we deserve to sit here?" Yiren asks as she looks at the 4th, 5th, and 6th place seats. Yena rolls her eyes.

"Yes! Of course! We're all talented enough to sit here!" Yena exclaims out of irritation but it rolled so naturally out of that it was almost comedic. Sihyun even snickered as Yena sat down on the 4th place seat.

"Yah! You're being selfish and sitting on the higher rank seat!" Sihyun complains. Yena smiles a bit. She was caught, hehe. But the 4th place seat just seemed to call out to her. She felt connected to it.

Yiren sat on the 5th place seat and Sihyun sat on the 6th place seat. More trainees arrived as Yena stood up and bowed to each group of trainees that entered. It was interesting. There were many trainees that were familiar to Yena, but others that weren't. Of course, MNET doesn't give fair screentime so Yena wasn't surprised to not know half of the trainees that entered.

Suddenly, a group of girls walked into the room. Yena couldn't quite identify them at first, but when she did, she gasped. It was her. Jo Yuri. She was alive. Alive and... well. She was whispering to the other Stone Music Entertainment trainees. There was Jang Gyuri, Lee Sian, and Bae Eunyeong. Yena didn't know what to say or do.

"Yah, Yena! Don't let these Idol School girls intimidate you!" Sihyun whispers to Yena. Yena gives Sihyun a scary look but Sihyun laughs. It was cute, more cute than Yena meant for it to be.

The Stone Music Entertainment trainees sat down on the row below Yena's. Yena was blushing a little. It was the reaction of any fan to their idol. Seeing Yuri so up close and personal. She looked happy and well too. And.... she was alive. Yena sighed. That was all that mattered.

Yena just thought about how maybe, she was put here for Yuri? That's the most stupidest thing she's thought about today but that's the only thing that connects Yena to this world. It was Yuri. It only felt like a few seconds ago that Yena was holding Yuri's dead body. It passed by so quickly, everything did. And that's how this show would too, for Yena. 

Yena didn't expect to be so mesmerized by the trainees' auditions. She had already seen it all through the camera but it was much more dazzling in real life. Even the Japanese trainees did great. Yena found herself clapping with her jaw wide open after every performance.

"Wow... she was great... I wonder if our audition would be that good?" Yiren whispers, but loud enough for Yena to hear. Yena gulped. She had remembered about how she would need to audition as well. Oh , welp. There's nothing she could do about it now. She absolutely at singing and dancing but she hopes that she can count on fate to save her. 

Yena dreaded the inevitable as her audition slowly creeps by and Yuehua Entertainent was finally called to audition (so that was Yena's company, she thought). Sihyun got up and exited first, with Yiren and Yena following. Yena's palms were sweating. It's not that she would embarrass herself in front of everybody or in front of national television, but it's just because she had a bit of stage fright. Well, maybe she was embarrassed. Yena had to admit it.

Suddenly, the music . Somehow, Yena's body moved on her own. Was this from.... muscle memory? Wow, this Yena must've trained a lot. Then, Yena thought about the actual Yena. Did she just take over somebody else's consciousness? She felt a little guilty, but there was no helping it. Fate did what it needed to do.

The Yuehua Entertainment trainees finished off the audition with little to no mistakes. Yena was breathing uncontrallably. Dancing and singing at the same time was hard. Somehow, she managed to pull it off, all thanks to the actual Yena. The judges gave Yena an A (surprisingly, Yena thought), Sihyun a B, and Yiren a B. Maybe this show's results would be different after all?

Yena meanders to her seat, relieved. Maybe she wasn't such a bust after all. She was glad that she did good was all. She was now waiting for the Stone Music Entertainment trainees' turn to audition. She stole a few glances from Yuri but she kept her posture. She didn't want to seem like a creep after all. 

"Gosh, Lee Chaeyeon is so good at dancing," Yena mutters under her breath after she witnesses Chaeyeon's dancing for herself. She also fangirls a little at Kwon Eunbi's audition. Who knew she would become the oldest out of the IZ*ONE members? Yena found herself mesmerized by all these trainees, who were soon-to-be idols. 

"Woah, she's pretty," Yena mutters again after seeing Kim Minju. Though, her audition wasn't very promsing. She also saw Kang Hyewon and nearly melted. "Why are these trainees all so pretty?!" Yena asks to herself. Yiren tells Yena to shush as Yiren continues enjoying the auditions. Yena is actually enjoying this more than she thought.

She even forgot about Jo Yuri for a while. Until, it was finally their turn. The trainees get out of their seat and Yuri and Yena make eye contact. Yena blinks and now Yuri's eyes are down at the stage. Yena's heart skipped a beat. That weird. Nobody had ever made her feel that way before with just slight eye contact.

The Stone Music Entertainment trainees go to the stage and introduce themselves. They then prepare for their audition. Yena anticipates this. She remembers Yuri getting an A so Yena isn't worried about her stage. Yena enjoys their performance.... a lot. Especially when Yuri was asked to sing. Yena melted by the sound of Yuri's honey-dripping voice.

"Oh man, what I would give for her to sing to me everyday," Yena mutters. Turns out, the Stone Music Entertainment trainees were returning and Yuri looked a little shock after Yena said that. Yena wondered if Yuri heard her but she shrugs it off. I mean, Yuri probably gets those kinds of compliments everyday anyway. Yena's always seen it on the internet when she does search up Yuri once in a while.

The auditions were finally over as Yena travels over to the PRODUCE 48 dorms. She was dormed with the A trainees (more specifically, Jo Yuri) and had received those A jerseys with the A being gold and glittery. 

"Wow, these are actually really nice!" Eunbi comments as she observes the jersey. Yena agrees loudly. 

Yena was usually a quiet person, but she didn't know that she would feel so excited and be so loud. She couldn't help it. She knew that there would be a lot of crying later on, but right now, it was all excitement for her. The other girls seemed to be feeling what she was feeling as well. 

But Yena couldn't help but glance at Yuri. She seemed very lonely. She wasn't very social and didn't talk with the other girls much. 

"Sakura! Ahh.. um..... konichiwa.....?" Choyeon greets Sakura. Sakura chuckles awkwardly at the interaction. Gosh, it really is awkward during your first times, huh?

Turns out that Chaeyeon was actually quite skilled in Japanese. Sakura and Chaeywon had gotten to become friends in no time. 

"Gosh, flexing her Japanese," Eunbi teases. Yena laughs. It wasn't even that funny, but just the genuine jokes that these girls would make makes Yena laugh. Eunbi really is cute. 

"Man, I should get her to teach me Japanese," Yena says. Eunbi agrees. Yena then goes to wash up. She comes out to see Yuri being the last one to wash up. Yena doesn't greet her or anything. She looks lonely. She feels lonely. Yena then remembers Yuri's lifeless body as she walks to her bed.

She lays in her bed and thinks about the future. She thinks about Yuri's.... death. It's weird. How she wants to prevent it but she's doing absolutely nothing to prevent it.

She turns to her side and closes her eyes. She'll think all about this tomorrow.

---

Yesterday, Trainer Youngjoon had taught the trainees a bit of the Pick Me dance for PRODUCE 48's anthem. Yena named it that anyway. It was pretty hard, well, considering that Yena couldn't dance for life. She was struggling to pick up the pace but she had gotten used to the dance after a while. But the dance lesson wasn't long as Trainer Youngjoon wrapped up the lesson, saying he had already taught the whole dance.

Yena couldn't believe it. It was only a few minutes, and Trainer Youngjoon didn't properly go through with the dance moves. Many other girls also complained and Yena joined it. But of course, they still thank Trainer Youngjoon for teaching them because they wouldn't even know the base of the dance without him. 

The trainers came in to help the girls practice. Vocals, dancing, all of it. Yena got the hang of it but was still struggling to remember the dance moves. She wanted to complain to somebody so she just turned to her side and blurted out,

"Yah! Have you learned the dance moves already?" 

Yena didn't get an answer so she properly looked at the girl beside her and gasped. It was Jo Yuri. Yuri was blushing slightly, probably from the embarrassment of not answering. Yena chuckled. Cuutteeee. Yena was simply just fangirling, don't get any wrong ideas.

"N-no, I had just started learning it too," Yuri stuttered. Yena sighed. Of course nobody could memorize it and perfect it so quickly.

"Should we just....," Yena leaned in closer to Yuri, "ditch this and go to bed?"

Yuri leaned back, quite surprised at Yena's preposterous idea. Yuri was speechless and Yena just sighed dramatically.

"It's alright. Let's just keep practicing until my bones break," Yena says to reassure Yuri (somehow causing the opposite effect). The two practice each other while Yena asks questions to Yuri about the dance. 

"Is it really that and not this?" Yena asks as she does the dance move where they switch their fingers. Yuri nods shyly as Yena her head to the side. Yena was truly confused now. She shakes her head and goes along with whatever Yuri says. After all, Yuri was the better dancer.

Yena finally gets the move right and decides to stop for now. "It's really tiring," Yena tells Yuri as she was about to exit the room. But Yuri suddenly squeaks and Yena turns around at the weird noise from Yuri's mouth. Yuri covers and blinks cutely. Yena's heart melts.

"Aigoooo," Yena says as she cups Yuri's face and pinches both her cheeks. Yuri exclaims at that but Yena can't help it. "You're tooo cute!" Yena tells Yuri. Yuri blushes as Yena laughs.

"It's even better because I'm your unnie!" Yena says, wanting to show off her unnie role to Yuri. Yuri rolls her eyes as the two chat and bond over practice. 

The good times end though, as re-evaluation day comes right around the corner.

---

Yena actually feels a little pressured and nervous. She knew that she had practiced a lot but she can't help it. She knows that she'll mess up. She keeps thinking that anyways. She doesn't even remember about Yuri's unfortunate event until it's actually Yuri's turn for re-evaluation. Suddenly, Yena wants to yell stop. But she couldn't. Yuri's sweaty and nervous face says everything. 

So Yena says something surprising instead. Something she wouldn't usually say ever back where she was from. "Hwaiting!" she shouts out to Yuri. She sees Yuri's lips curve upwards slightly but Yuri hurriedly introduces herself and the music starts. Yena watches Yuri with a good start. Yuri sings and dances like she means it, like her practice has paid off. Until Yuri stops singing.

Yena could see Yuri's lips trying to move. Trying to make a nosie. Trying to say something. But Yuri didn't. Her dancing had also weakened as her footwork started getting messy and she stumbled a lot more. Yena observed the A trainees' expressions. 

They had sympathy and so much pain in their eyes, but they knew they couldn't do anything. Everybody had observed each other practice hard, and to see somebody do bad.... breaks their heart. Yuri's re-evaluation ends as she bows and runs out of view. She had tears flowing out of her eyes in no time after. Yena knew that she wouldn't be able to keep her tears in. She's only known Yuri for a few days yet she already knows it all. Yena immediately rushes to Yuri's side as she comforts her and wipes her tears.

"It's alright..... you did so well. I know you practiced hard," Yena says as she engulfs Yuri into a warm hug. She knew that Yuri deserved more than an F, since that's what she would get after this. Yena knows it all.

---

Yena immediately rushes to Yuri's side after the re-evaluation grade was announced. She knew Yuri had gotten an F but that's not what mattered. What mattered was Yuri. Yena didn't know why (though she knew exactly why).

Maybe it was Yuri's impending death. Yena didn't care as she asked Lee Sian where Yuri was. Sian told Yena that Yuri was in the bathroom. Of course, she didn't ask why Yena asked her. She already knew. Everybody had seen Yena and Yuri's relationship development only over a course of days. Yena rushed to the bathroom to hear soft sniffs and sobs echoing through the small bathroom.

Yena frowns as she checks every stall and eventually finds the one that Yuri's in, the one all the way at the end. "Yuri?" Yena calls out softly. Yuri stops crying as she looks up. She has her knees bending as her arms wrap around her knees. Her head was hanging low and buried in her knees. Yena smiles when she sees Yuri.

Yuri's red, puffy eyes and the tissue in Yuri's hand. Yena walks over to Yuri and immediately engulfs Yuri in a hug. Yena knows that Yuri needs it the most now. Yuri sniffs again and eventually, her arms wrap around Yena as well. Yena pulls away and stares at Yuri's eyes.

"Ahhh, my baby Yuri. You're crying because you dropped down.... from A to F huh?" Yena says softly as she takes the tissue our of Yuri's eyes and wipes her tears. Yuri sniffs and nods. Yena puts her hand onto Yuri's heart, feeling her heartbeat slowly calming. Yena sits on the ground beside Yuri. The two sit there silently for a while. 

Yena had also dropped down to B class, but nothing could compare to dropping from A to F class. It was just.... a huge drop. But Yena didn't care about that. She didn't care because she knew how good Yuri was. She knew that Yuri had practiced hard and that she would've done perfect if she was confident.

"It's okay. They might've told you that you are an F, but to me, you are A quality," Yena tells Yuri. Yuri stops crying and wipes her eyes with her arm. Yena and Yuri then stare at each other.

"...Are you okay?" Yuri then asks Yena. Yena blinks and looks down at her jersey, which now said B and was orange. Yuri's was F and grey. Yena chuckled softly.

"Come on Yuri. I dropped down too. But I didn't cry okay? I'm perfectly okay and that's why I came to comfort you," Yena answers. Yuri smiles slightly. Yena's heart was starting beat faster now. And now, she never wants Yuri to put her hand on Yena's heart as Yena did to her. She's nervous because Yuri might hear her heart beating loudly. When they're this close together....

Of course, Yena knew that she had no chance with Yuri.

---

Turns out that this version of Yena was also a cancer survivior. That was probably the saddest part of Yena's life. The doctors told her that she had no chance of living. That her parents should just give up. But they didn't. And Yena loves them so much because of that.

Yena couldn't help but tell that story to PRODUCE 48 and the viewers. Somehow, Yena was more emotionally invested into this show than she had originally thought she would be. After the first stage evaluation (with Yena pulling off IOI's Very Very Very), she felt happy when her team had won. She felt as if she was constantly improving. Also, she made good friends with Ahn Yujin, as the two were quite mischievous (contrasting with old Yena's personality).

Yena felt herself changing drastically after the first week of being on PRODUCE 48. She felt much more youthful and swayed towards the more childish traits. Being mischievous, acting cute, and being loud and extroverted. She loved socializing with the girls and more importantly, she loved singing and dancing. It made her feel whole and complete. As if that was the piece she was missing.

She also was quite conflicted during Yuri's stage. Her eyes were on Yuri the whole time. Her performance was much, much, much more ual than Yena's. Yuri had hip swinging and short pants while Yena had a cute concept with all the aegyo. It makes Yena cringe. Yena was older than Yuri after all yet Yuri was already pulling off the more mature concept very well.

She was gay panicking, if that's what you would call it. 

Then, there came the first elimination. There was much tension. Most of the unknown trainees and unpopular trainees were eliminated. It was unfair that MNET didn't serve that screentime to them but Yena couldn't do anything about it. Yena was quite confident in Yuri, she knew that Yuri would secure her place. 

She also knew more of the popular trainees and that they would secure their place. Yena was unsure about herself though. Yuri had came in at 19th place. Not bad. That's actually pretty high considering the rankings before. But Yena? She had came in at a whopping 9th place. She doesn't even know how she did. She didn't even know that she was that popular. When her name was called, she couldn't help but be shocked. 

She got up slowly from her seat and walked out onto the stage. She didn't cry, but she didn't have a happy expression on either. She was more shocked than anything.

"M-me?!" Yena exclaims when she was handed the mic. She just couldn't believe her eyes or ears. She gave a small thank you speech and bowed respectfully. She really didn't have words and she didn't like long speeches anyway.

It was nice. Yena felt quite nice. To feel so supported like that gave Yena confidence. But then the second evaluation stage came around. The remaining trainees now had to choose what stage they would be doing based on vocals, raps, or dance. Yena had a hard time choosing. She wanted to choose to be with Yuri (just naturally) but she knew that she wasn't an exceptionally good vocalist. Yena wanted to showcase her best strengths. She then assumed that that would be dancing, so she chose the song she would like to do.

Which was Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato. Surprisingly, Ahn Yujin joined her as well and so did Lee Chaeyeon and Kwon Eunbi. Those three were very talented and very popular, if Yena must say so herself. There was also Go Yujin, who was A class. So.... this team had quite the talent and the popularity. Yena was feeling confident about this time. Plus, she finally gets to pull off the ier concept. Though, there was the baby Jang Wonyoung, who had chosen Side to Side. Again, Yena feels uncomfortable at a younger person doing a y concept. But Yena knows that it was Wonyoung's choice, so she doesn't object.

The practice goes smoothly. Though, Yena and Yuri aren't roommates anymore (due to the drastic change in class), they still hang out with each other lots. Yuri was chosen as main vocal for her team, and Yena wasn't surprised at all. Actually, Yena expected Yuri to be main vocal, or at least lead vocal. 

"How about I watch you practice?" Yuri suggests to Yena. Yena raises an eyebrow. That was a bold request. Somehow, Yena felt as if that fan-idol barrier had been breached and now Yuri and Yena were best friends. Yena was confident though, she she boldly accepted Yuri's bold request. Yena fumbles to find the remix of Sorry Not Sorry but finds it and eventually gets in place.

She starts off and pulls off the dance perfectly with no mistakes. She completely forgets that Yuri was even watching her but when she does, she immediately stops dancing and shyly smiles with a tinted blush on her cheeks. Yena giggles as she runs to the iPad to turn off the music. Yuri doesn't even say anything. She just claps. Speechless. Was Yena's solo performance really that great? Personally, she thinks that Chaeyeon pulls off the dance the best (as expected) and that Yuri would be even more mesmerized by Chaeyeon's take on the dance.

"Amazing," is all Yuri tells Yena as it's time for lunch.

---

It's funny. Yuri's performance was great. How come Yuri had never practiced in front of Yena before? She didn't know. Yuri's vocals were probably the best out of everybody's (just Yena's personal opinion). Yena knew that Yuri deserved her debut. She knew that Yuri had gotten it. It's that future, though, that Yena doesn't want.

She doesn't want to be eliminated. She doesn't want to not debut. At first, she didn't care. At first, Yena was a quiet person who voiced her truest opinions and felt neutral about most things, like she did with this show. But.... this show changed her. Yuri changed her. And now she cared. Yena felt pathetic.

She shouldn't be feeling like this. She felt so selfish. So all she did was bottle it up and cover it with a smile.

---

Yena was watching some Yuri clips online. The ones where Yuri is crying breaks her heart completely. PRODUCE 48 really does heal, but it also breaks, and that's just the conflicting feelings that Yena has about this show. Somehow, coincidentally, Yuri also walks in on Yena.

"What are you doing?" Yuri asks innocently as Yena jumps and immediately turns off the iPad.

"N-nothing!" Yena stutters with a goofy grin on her stupid duck face. Yuri giggles as she takes a seat next to Yena on the practice floor. Yena looks at the two of them in the mirror. They look so happy and comfy, disregarding all the drama and competition around them. Even if they were competing against each other, it didn't feel like it.

Somehow, Yena's hands had entwined with Yuri's. Their hands percectly fit each other's. With the increase of Yena's beating heart, so did the increase of tension. The second elimination came around in no time. Yena's confidence faded quickly. Even with the Sorry Not Sorry stage being one of most well received stages, Yena still felt uneasy. She only felt more discouraged as she announced as 19th place. Though, Yuri was announced 10th place, so Yena wasn't all that down.

She glanced at Yuri and mouthed, congrats. Yuri smiled at Yena and Yena smiled back weakly. Sometimes she hated PRODUCE 48. She hated MNET for being so unfair. For all the trainees without enough screentime. 

Her true feelings were starting to show now. With the show nearing its end.

---

It was finally time for the concept evaluation. Yena was so excited for this. Especially after seeing RUMOR back in her time. But of course, she didn't have that y appeal so she was chosen to be in the I AM team by national producers. Yena wasn't complaining though. I AM was also a bop.

Surprisingly, when their MC Lee Seunggi had told the girls to kick out the girls who they didn't want, Lee Chaeyeon was kicked out. Yena was shookt but she was quite content with her team. Lee Gaeun? Amazing queen. Yena loved her. Heo Yunjin? Her vocals are out of this world. In short, Pledis Entertainment trainees were wildly talented. She was also teamed up with Ahn Yujin... again. Funny, huh?

Though, Yena loved Yujin so much she didn't mind. The youngster had a lot of potential anyway and she certainly popped off on the all the stages she has been in so far. There was also Juri. Juri was so sweet. Yena loved her so much. The team had quickly bonded and befriended each other. Yena loved her team that she even forgot that they were competing against each other. She loved everybody so much that she sometimes even forgot Yuri.

But Yena would always remember her. There was that time where Yena and Yunjin were in front of the camera. Yena had been chatting with Yunjin and the two had made a deal about how Yunjin would come sing at Yena's wedding. Yunjin had mouthed I'm not going to do it behind Yena's back while the two hugged after Yena had told the camera about it. Suddenly, Yena was asked the question, "Who are you going to marry?"

Surprisingly, a certain girl didn't pop up in Yena's head. But it did in Yunjin's head. She stood up and immdiately replied with, "Yuri." With that, Yena's heartbeat increase rapidly. But she didn't show it. She just sat back and shrugged it off naturally and coolly.

"Nah, I'm not going to marry her. Maybe dating, but not marrying," Yena told Yunjin and the camera. Yunjin laughed as she walked towards Gaeun who was so confused at what was going on. Yena laughed awkwardly with Yunjin but inside, she was feeling a little unsatisfied with her answer. She wondered what she could've said instead. But she ignored these thoughts and feelings. 

She then met up Yuri later. She had forgotten all about this incident but I guess word got around as Yuri had heard about it. "Yah yah! You can't cling on to me anymore!" Yuri tells Yena. Yena is surprised at this since Yuri loves it when Yena clings onto her.

"A-ah?! Why?!" Yena questions Yuri, but Yuri only pouts, not giving an answer. Yena pouts as well. Yuri really isn't good at ignoring and gives in immediately. 

"Fine...," Yuri mutters as Yena clings onto Yuri's arm. Then Yena looks at Yuri and questions her again.

"But why didn't you want me to cling onto you?" 

Yuri's face turns red. She then looks the other way.

"B-because....," Yuri stutters as she looks down. She tries to find the right words to say but outright confesses instead.

"I heard that you said that I'm only for dating, not marrying, so I got a little pouty and angry after that!" Yuri confessed quickly. But Yena heard every word. And Yena laughed. She laughed and laughed. Loudly too. Yuri pouted and raises her eyebrows. Her Busan dialect jumping out. 

"Yah! Why are you laughing at me?!" Yuri exclaims as she feels embarrassed now. Yena just wipes her tears from laughing. She giggles and then finally calms down.

"Yuri.... ahh.... you know I was only joking right? We can get married after we debut with each other, okay?" Yena tells Yuri as she sees Yuri's blushing and flustered face. Yena smiled. She loved Yuri all right. But after saying that, Yena can only feel her hope faltering. Debuting wasn't far away, but it was so out of reach at the same time.

---

Yena had gotten first after the performance of I AM. Which means she gets bonus points. Which means a higher chance of debuting. Yena doesn't jump up from joy though. At first she looks at the other members' permission to celebrate, and their kind gazes nodded. Yena smiles as she sighs and even laughs a little.

It's hard to not laugh when your hard work has paid off with this. Though she does feel a little guilty for placing first and a little sympathy for the other members, she knows that she's one step closer to debut. She also comforts the other girls. 

Her dream of debuting through this show is not only hers, it's also other girls' dreams. It's her dream to share with other girls, and she's willing to share it. But MNET isn't. How cruel.

---

The third elimination comes around as there's tension in the air. Yena just can't catch a break. She barely passes as she gets 16th place. Her heart is so full of hopelessness right now. There's no way she can debut at this rate. 

What's worse. Yuri places 18th place. She has an even worse chance of debuting. But Yena wants to stay hopeful. She knows that Yuri has it all to debut. Why can't national producers see that?! She's so beautiful..... and talented.

Finally, the last two songs come as well. The debut evaluation songs. They're okay songs. Yena doesn't feel any real connection to them but she knows that these songs are her last hope of debuting and showing her charm. She chooses the song, You're In Love, Right? Well, she chose it mainly because of Yuri, but Yuri was kicked out by one of girls who ranked higher. Yena felt devestated, as that would've been their first time performing together. Yena was secretly hoping for somebody to kick her out You're In Love, Right? but nobody did.

Yena and Yuri hug each other before leaving to practice for their respective songs. "I hope you do well," Yuri says to Yena. Yena smiles kindly towards Yuri after that. They were nearing their end. 

Yena was surprisingly chosen for center for the song. Yena was grateful and was sure that she was able to debut now. All centers for the debut evaluation songs in previous seasons debuted. Yena was confident. She was also able to show her charm this way. She practiced harder than she ever had before. 

She wanted to show everybody that she was ready to debut. Whether it was in her company or with IZ*ONE. Though, hopefully, with IZ*ONE. Then, the debut evaluation stage finally arrives. She doesn't worry about anything or anybody else except for herself and the stage. Her only goal at the moment was debuting. Her moment finally arrives.

The stage was supposed to be full of fun, yet it felt more heavy and felt more like goodbyes but covered with laughs and brightness. Which is how Yena has been feeling throughout the time she had spent at PRODUCE 48. One month isn't enough to describe how it actually feels.

It has felt like a year. It has felt like forever. If only it was. Yena's stage ends as the other team performs their song.

And the final elimination arrives. It arrives slowly at first, but when Yena is finally standing on that stage, it feels so quick. Even if MC Lee Seunggi was pausing, causing tension, the names were called quicker than light. 

Eleventh place was Kim Minju. As expected. She had certainly improved and her visuals are very pleasing and would definetly increase the group's popularity.

Tenth place was Kim Chaewon. Yena is still surprised at this. Chaewon hasn't ranked very high yet she still manages to barely debut. It's amazing. She deserves it. She's talented and she's certainly beautiful. 

Ninth place was Honda Hitomi. Gosh, Yena isn't very close to her but she is certainly a very talented Japanese member. She surprises Yena with her dancing skills and her ability to pick up choreographies well. Her baby face and peach cheeks are also very cute, hehe.

Eighth place was Kang Hyewon. This isn't surprising, considering her godly visuals. But her skills are still lacking. Hopefully, she improves during her time with IZ*ONE. Yena also finds her very funny, personally.

Seventh place was Kwon Eunbi. As she should. She's a full package. She had the visuals, the talent, and the leadership. She's worked hard and to go through all that hardship and not debut? Yena couldn't have thought of a better leader than Eunbi.

Sixth place was Yabuki Nako. The very talented shorty, indeed. Somehow, she had moved from F class to A class. Yena found it funny at first but Nako proved how much more she was worth. She could dance and she could sing, main vocal material, honestly. 

Fifth place was Ahn Yujin. Why, Yena loved the kid. Yujin was her best friend on the show. She's funny and is very talented for her age. Her dimples still get to Yena everytime. She has so much potential and will shine so much during her time with IZ*ONE.

At this point, the lower rankings have all been announced, except for 12th place. Yena wonders why her name wasn't called yet. She was pretty high ranking and even got center during the debut evaluation. 

Fourth place was finally being called. Yena's palms were sweaty. Her eyes were watering. She looks at the girls sitting on their respective seats. She then sees the fourth place seat. The seat she had sat on at the very beginning of the show. She had felt a connection to that seat. Maybe it was because she would debut on there.

"And in fourth place is...." MC Lee Seunggi pauses. The other names were called so quickly that Yena forgot who all the debuting girls were, but this time, it was slow.

Yena wants to debut. She was reminded as to why she was here in the first place. Yuri's name hasn't been called yet either. Yuri. The girl who had committed suicide. Because of hate? Society? Expectations? Yena wanted to be there beside Yuri to protect Yuri from it all. But that can only happen if they debut together. Yena gulps.

MC Lee Seunggi still doesn't call out a name. His eyes are on his card. He grips it firmly. He then puts the mic closer to his mouth.

"Congratulations...."

Yena is breathing heavily. Her senses are weakening. She wasn't going to pass out, but her anxiety was the only thing she could feel, her beating heart was the only thing she could hear, the fourth place seat was the only thing she could see, hope was the only thing she could taste, and sweat was the only thing she could smell.

"Cube Entertainment, Han Chowon!" Lee Seunggi exclaims. The crowd cheers as Yena nearly drops on the floor. Her knees had almost given up on her. She hadn't debuted yet. Now it was top 3. That was even more slimmer. Maybe she could debut? She goes to hug Chowon, first and foremost. Chowon walks on the stage and is bawling. She couldn't even speak. Yena smiles. Chowon deserves it. She really does.

Yena sighs. Even if she did get third, Jo Yuri placing first or second? That was impossible. There was still Miyawaki Sakura and Jang Wonyoung to consider. Their popularity was greater than Yuri's for sure.

Chowon then walks up the stairs and is hugged by the debuting members. She sits on the fourth place seat. Yena smiles harshly. Reality is harsh isn't it?

Third place is called and..... it's Jo Yuri. Yuri. The girl she wanted to protect. Yuri cries. She drops to the floor. Yena is the first one to rush and hug her and help her up. Yena cries as well. Yuri cries while walking onto the stage. She's still cute though. She wipes her tears and now has a shocked expression on her face. She gives her heartwarming speech that tells Yena that it's the last time that Yena will ever be with her again.

And the candidates for first and second place are of course, Jang Wonyoung and Miyawaki Sakura. Yena really expected Sakura to rank first, but Wonyoung did. Surprisingly. But Yena isn't surprised that Sakura ranked so high. She expected it. 

And now, there's 12th place. Suddenly, four faces are shown on the screen. Her own face, Lee Chaeyeon's, Lee Kaeun's, and Miyazaki Miho's. A flame of hope sparks in Yena again. She's hopeful. But then she sees Lee Chaeyeon and Lee Kaeun. They seem to be the more likely candidates. Miyazaki Miho is also amazing but Yena feels a little more hopeful when put against her. Man, competition is harsh.

But Yena and Miho's faces are eliminated from the screen as MC Lee Seunggi announces it. Yena's hope is replaced with disappointment. She doesn't care about anything else now. The final debuting member is Lee Chaeyeon. Yena claps sadly. 

She deserves it. They all deserve it. And Yena doesn't. After all, Yena doesn't even belong in this world. She took the actual Yena's consciousness and used this all to get closer to an idol that she adored. Yena chuckles sadly as tears fell out of her eyes.

Tears.

Lee Kaeun was hopeless as well. She ranked 13th place after all. She was so close to debuting. She had managed to debut but that was all for nothing as After School was never active after her debut. And this was her last chance. She was so close.

And so was Yena. She ranked 14th place. She looked at Yuri with her 3rd place ranking. Yena was proud of it. Yuri didn't need her anymore. Yuri had changed Yena so much and Yena hopes that she's changed Yuri as well. 

She can be Yuri's side support. She can still be the one to prevent Yuri's suicide. Is she right?

Yuri smiles at her as Yena glances at her one more time. Yena blinks out all her tears. Juri, who wasn't even mentioned, hugs her. Yena finally breaks down. She falls down to her knees and onto the floor. This time, there was no Yuri. No Yuri to hug or no Yuri to comfort her. It was Yena and all the relationships and bonds that she had created.

And that means a lot. Because Yuri means a lot to her and so does everybody else. But Yuri was something else. She wasn't a friend. Yena would be more proud than sad for a friend who had accomplished her dreams. But she loved Yuri. She wanted to be with Yuri. She wanted to date her. She wanted to..... marry Yuri. And Yena cries more. 

After all, placing third was Yuri's fate, but not Yena's. It was never Yena's to begin with. Maybe the actual Yena, but not this Yena. Somehow, she hopes all will turn out well. Because there was still an impending death to be seen.

Though, Yena still wants to be by Yuri's side to prevent that and to be with Yuri.

This is only the beginning after all. This is only the first heartbreak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(ugh angst. i love angst lmfao. also, this is my longest one shot to date. enjoy? cried? maybe not but um, please comment! that's highly appreciated! thank you!)