Jaebom right now is in his highest peak of his life, he thought. He had his career, his band was soaring high, slowly gain recognition and reputation. His proposal to the love of his live was successful and right now he was contented with what he had. A family who will be there for him in better or worse. A big family at that, his parents, his spouse, and his children; be it the cats or his other bandmates.

 

What in the world could go wrong? He thinks to himself, but boy maybe he was too early for that statement, as there was 1001 ways to flip his life around. And one of it was their nature of work. As they were idols they were constantly watched. There’s no privacy and they always on their toes. Their sweet moments always disguised as fanservice, and both of them had to divide similar amount of affection to all their members, honestly that’s not so hard as they love all their members. But aside from affection towards their members, the biggest problem is Jinyoung’s acting.

 

It’s safe to say that Jinyoung stick to teenager role so that he didn’t need to do rated acting which he knows Jaebom’s not fond of. One possessive of boyfriend he is. But as far as his concern, Jinyoung’s love for acting is as much as his love for Jaebom, if not bigger. So, there’s impossible to say no to him to act and involve in drama. The thing is, in his upcoming drama, there would be a scene that he dreaded the most.

 

Unlike in his previous roles, the kiss would be just a simple touching of lips. And honestly, they weren’t even together at that time, but still it hurts him like hell. So, can you imagine now, when they are together, and they can’t even kiss in public but his boyfriend, his gorgeous drop dead y-innocent boyfriend will have his kiss to be display for the whole world to see. And with a girl at that. What if suddenly Jinyoung decides that kissing a girl was more satisfying?

 

He was never exclusively gay. But he never announced his uality either. What if Jaebom just his experiment and he will regret ever being with Jaebom? What if someday being in love with him just not enough? As he already understands Jinyoung’s love for children. He will be a great father someday and Jaebom refused to be his obstacles to gain one of his dream.

 

Even though he looked straight like the most badass boy, when he stumbles upon problem like this, the one related to his heart and his deepest and raw emotions he tends to wrap, cover, and smash it into the deepest hole he ever had in his heart and consume him. And it resulting in the most desired outcome, which is hurting the people he cares the most.

 

The thick tension was in the air inside their dance practice room. It was so thick it suffocating. Nobody knows why their leader acting that way. Ever on edge and readily to snap at anyone who ever dare to do a mistake. Jinyoung’s not there to control their appa’s wrath. How they miss their omma’s presence. In the span of ten minutes 3 members already have a taste of Jaebom’s anger. He knows it not healthy but he can’t help himself. His insecurity added with Jinyoung absence just resulting in the worst of him.

 

Their dance instructor sees what happened and announced that they will be taking a 15 minutes break. He walked up to Mark, the eldest to put the responsibility to make things right.

“I don’t know what happened to your best leader, but all I need to know is after this break all of you will be ready for this lesson.” And he walks out of the room.

 

Mark just released a deep sigh afterwards. The maknaes looking at each other and shrugged their shoulders and stand up to get some drink and beverages. Jackson just pats his shoulder and follows maknaes’ steps.

 

Mark stand up and sigh again. For the nth time he regrets being the oldest. He makes his way to Jaebom, taps his shoulder to get his attention. He was met with glassy eyes. It’s rare to see their well composed leader like this. He always appears tough in situation like this, well usually. But when it involves Jinyoung, his sore spot, he always crumbles. That is one fact that Mark himself knows too well.

 

It roughly gives him idea on how to handles fragile Jaebom.

 

“Rough day huh?” he starts, nudges Jaebom shoulder a little.

 

Jaebom’s nods his head, to fast to his liking, since he feels a bit dizzy afterwards.

 

“Care to share?” Mark, being Mark, short and sweet.

 

To which Jaebom just shrugged his shoulder. He knows better, things related to Jinyoung needs to be discussed with Jinyoung and no other soul.

 

“Just for you to know, I am always here if you need me.” He said then, lightly hugs the leader.

 

“Okey Markie.” Jaebom short reply.

“And if it’s about Jinyoung, I just want to reassure you. He is definitely, absolutely in love with you. You should never doubt his love.”  Mark whispers to Jaebom when he saw other members slowly coming inside the practice room.

 

And that reassurance from Mark was really helping since afterwards Jaebom became more calmer and their practice flow smoother compared to before.

 

And that night, Jaebeom’s getting ready in his apartment with soft music and a table graced with full course Korean meal he cooked, waiting for Jinyoung’s arrival.

 

He just finishing his shower and getting dressed, not to bother to style his hair as he heard doorbell rings. Jinyoung’s already arrived and he can’t help feeling nervous. But this insecurity of his needs to be soothed, need to be chased away by his love thus he slowly went to his front door and unlocked the door.

 

As always, Jinyoung looks so charming in his casual wear and unstyled hair. He looks younger, freer. Not idol-like but still exude deadly charm and Jaebeom can’t help falling deeper. He can’t even explain how deep is his love for him as he keeps on falling, each and every day. Not reaching the bottom, not even a bit.

 

Jinyoung gives him his best smile and hug him tight.

 

“Hyung, I miss you.” Short and sweet, and Jaebeom instantly felt safe and at home.

 

This is his home, and he really do hope he was Jinyoung’s home too.

 

“Hmm, I miss you too babe. Come, lets eat. You must be hungry.”

 

Jaebeom drag his boyfriend towards the kitchen.

 

“Hyung! To what honor do I deserve this. It looks so tasty” he exclaimed with happy beams shots from both of his eyes. And his infamous cat whiskers make an appearance. Jaebeom was glad he decided to cook for him tonight.

 

They ate and have small talk with relaxing music. Jaebeom was not really ready to drop the bomb. Thus, he tried to delay the process with fancy dinner and cleaning the kitchen.

 

 

But, it’s not Jinyoung if he can’t sense there’s something wrong with his lover, and as sweet as he is, he took Jaebeom’s hand toward him and give it light kisses.

 

 

“I guess someone has been missing me so much that he gets into trouble today.” He said, testing the water. Giving Jaebeom light encouragement to talk about what’s has been bothering him.

 

 

Jaebeom’s eyes widen with the statement. It must be Mark who tells him that he’s ben restless today. Then he nods his head and leans toward Jinyoung. Jinyoung opens his arms wide and engulf Jaebeom warmly.

 

 

Jaebeom rest his head at the crook of his lovers’ neck and take a deep breath. Somehow Jinyoung’s smell always calm him down, even in the worst moments.

 

 

“Please, say you won’t let go.” He said after a moment of silence.

 

 

Jinyoung sense the weight of the problem, drag his lover towards Jaebeom’s bedroom where they will be comfortable to discuss this issue further.

 

 

“What you have been thinking lately hyung?” was Jinyoung question after they settled, comfortably snuggling in Jaebeom’s bed.

 

 

Jinyoung, being the bigger spoon, cradling Jaebeom in front of him with Jaebeom back resting on his chest. He keeps on making small circle over Jaebeom’s sculptured abs, making his lover emitting small contented hum.

 

 

“Nothing much,” was Jaebeom’s simple answer, but Jinyoung can sense there’s continuity of his sentence.

 

 

“Hmmhmmm, nothing much but…?”

 

 

Once again, he patiently tried to encourage Jaebeom to open up.

 

 

“Nyoungie, am I a good lover to you?” Jaebeom asked him.

 

 

Jinyoung was surprised with sudden question. He never knew that his hyung ever doubt his love for him. So, he grabs his broad shoulder and turn him around so that they are facing each other.

 

 

“Hyung, look at me.” He said when he saw Jaebeom closed his eyes tightly. His eyelashes flutters with the force he put in.

 

 

“Love, you’re the best lover I could hope for. I might not say this often but I really want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I can’t imagine to live a life without you in it.” He said, caressing Jaebeom’s cheek gently.

 

 

“Will I be enough for you? How about kids? I know really well how much you love them. And I can’t give them to you.” Jaebeom said with tears b in his eyes. They never really discussing about their future previously. Never thought to discuss about it.

 

 

“Baby, you are so really cute.” Jinyoung said, with soft chuckles.

 

 

“Wae? I am serious right now and you are laughing at me” Jaebeom sulk and pout. Turning his body, didn’t want to see beautiful smirk of his lover. Hurt a little cause Jinyoung think lightly of his worries.

 

 

“Hyung..” Jinyoung calls his name, lightly kissing his nape and his side.

 

 

“Don’t you think I already think that through before saying yes to you? Before come to agreement with my feelings for you? Before I even decided that watching you be happy is the biggest satisfaction in my life?” he said with his deep voice, sending shivers to Jebeom spine.

 

 

“I….I know you loves me, but I can’t help feeling that you are destined to have more if you were to be with a girl. You could have kids of your own to be loved, and I believe you could be a great father someday. You already showed that you are a great parent with how you handle those bratty maknaes. And I don’t want to be an obstacle to that dreams of yours” Jaebeom said then, hoping his lovers could understand his point of view.

 

 

Once again Jinyoung turns Jaebeom towards him and he succeed without any objection. He hold Jaebeom’s face lovingly and rest his forehead against Jaebeom’s. 

 

 

“Beom-ah. It’s true that I loves kids, and I want a big family. But I want to have all of that with you. Without you my life would be incomplete. But how can I think of a kid right now with our busy schedule? Who would take care of our child? I don’t want them to be neglected. And, we can always adopt. Do you know how many unfortunate children without parents who need to be loved? We can give them our love. If we agreed to adopt some time in the future, we will decide that together. You are my person, hyung. My most important person, my other half, my soulmate.”

 

 

It’s rare occasion for Jinyoung to drop the formality between them, but seeing Jaebeom’s almost breaking down he needs to do this. To reassure his lover that they are meant to be together, forever.

 

 

“Hyung, is this about the kissing scene between me and Ye Eun?” Jinyoung asked then, grasping the core of his lover insecurity.

 

 

And his suspicion was answered with silenced, but confirmed with the change of Jaebeom’s face expression. He was like crimson red and it was so cute to know that the one and only Im Jae Beom was jealous of him. Jaebeom tries to hides his face in Jinyoung’s chest but his lover apparently slightly stronger and quicker than him.

 

 

“Baby, is it?” he asked again, softly. And Jaebeom can’t help but being honest, so he nods his head slightly.

 

 

“Ahhh, how can I not love you if you keep being like this my love?” Jaebeom’s face that already red in embarrasement becoming more red.

 

 

“Do you want to stop loving me, huh?” Jaebeom asked and lightly punches Jinyoung’s shoulder.

 

 

Jinyoung laughs heartily and Jaebeom decided that he really loves his laugh.

 

 

“No baby, what I am trying to say is you don’t need to worry about my undying love for you as long as you keep on being this adorable for me. I keep on falling in to you, you know. You were like an abuyss that I don’t know how deep you are but I am glad I keep on falling. For you I will.” Jinyoung said giving Jaebeom’s lips a peck.

 

 

Jaebeom startled for a bit with the sudden attack, but when he gets his sense back, he grips Jinyoung’s front shirt and give him full French kiss. Then they continued their snuggling session as Jaebeom’s insecurities has been blown away with Jinyoung’s cheesy confession.

 

 

“You know, I really want you to listen to this song.” Jaebeom said after he choose one of the songs in his playlist for Jinyoung to listen.

 

 

I met you in the dark, you lit me up

You made me feel as though I was enough

We danced the night away, we drank too much

I held your hair back when

You were throwing up

Then you smiled over your shoulder

For a minute, I was stone-cold sober

I pulled you closer to my chest

And you asked me to stay over

I said, I already told ya

I think that you should get some rest

I knew I loved you then

But you'd never know

'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go

I know I needed you

But I never showed

But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

Just say you won't let go

I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed

I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head

And I'll take the kids to school

Wave them goodbye

And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night

When you looked over your shoulder

For a minute, I forget that I'm older

I wanna dance with you right now

Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever

And I swear that everyday'll get better

You make me feel this way somehow

I'm so in love with you

And I hope you know

Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold

We've come so far my dear

Look how we've grown

And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

Just say you won't let go

I wanna live with you

Even when we're ghosts

'Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most

I'm gonna love you 'til

My lungs give out

I promise 'til death we part like in our vows

So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows

Finally it's just you and me 'til we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

Just say you won't let go

Just say you won't let go

Oh, just say you won't let go

 

 

Turns out it was a song that Jinyoung also keeps on listening lately. Laid back music with honest, domestic lyric really caught to him. But the way Jaebeom explain why he want him to listen to this opens up his eyes, as he realised how poetic his hyung is.

“You know when we first met, and I am sure you remember how my personality is. Remember Im Rage? Well, I kind of amused how you, the one with also short tempered be so patient with me. And with that we learn to manage our anger together, brings us both out of darkness. To be someone better and received by others well.”

 

 

Jinyoung smiles and nods his head. Suddenly the events of their life flashes in his mind. How was his first meeting with Jaebeom, the awkwardness, suddenly needs to be patient where he was spoilt youngest child. He learns how to accommodate with Jaebeom who broken with childhood trauma of alcoholic and abusive father, thus becoming someone easily flammable.

 

 

He hugs his lover tighter, trying to tell him that whatever happened is in the past, and Jaebeom did such a good job being the gentleman he is now. So considerate towards others, and love everyone warmly.

 

 

Jaebeom, being thankful with support from his beloved hugs him back with the same love he offers.

 

 

“And remembers our temporary happiness during JJ project debut? I think if it wasn’t you with me, I won’t be able to bounce back. Most probably I would give up and quit, then abandoned my dream. I thank god it was you; it was your smile and your encouragement that keeps me going. Those times I avoided you because I started to realised what I felt for you, and how I am not worthy of you and I scared that you will be snatched away from me, or you will leave me because you didn’t feel the same. Those torturous days, God I really hate those days.”

 

 

By this time, Jaebeom already hovers over Jinyoung, looking straight into Jinyoung’s beautiful pair of eyes. And Jinyoung just laid there, giving Jaebeom all the opportunity to voice out his worries, his thoughts, his insecurities so that he will chase those negative thoughts away with his enormous love for Jaebeom.

 

 

“Remember when we have to regroup with the others, having to take care of two bratty growing teenagers, an aemosional hyung and an endless ball of energy? I am so down and hates that I needs to share you with them but then you said something I never even think of? Still remember what you tell me that time?” Jaebeom asked.

 

 

“Uh huh, yeah I remember vividly.” Jinyoung said with a low, deep chuckles.

 

“Let’s share them together?” Jinyoung said a little later and evoke a bright smile from Jaebeom.

 

 

“And honestly that time I already felt like I am entering parenthood with you. With four kids, an emo quiet teenager that is Mark hyung, Jackson, seriously I don’t even know where he gets all his energy but turns out becoming source of vitamin to all of us. And those bratty maknaes on top. Sometimes I keep on thinking where did we do wrong in raising them for them to be that cheeky, but I honestly won’t change them for anything. Last but not least, our favorite child Youngjae. I thank God that he is such an angel. With you and them I learn to be a better person, but I still afraid that I am not enough for you, for them.

 

 

But you proved me wrong. You always make me feels that I was the best, that I am enough for you and you won’t ask for anything. You stayed with me all this while, and bring out the best in me as we grow older, more mature. And now I am proud to say, look how much we grown Nyoungie. I honestly thank God and all my good luck to be paired with you, to get to know you, to love you, and to be the one you love. You are my home, you are my world.”

 

 

Jaebeom said, caressing Jinyoung’s face gently giving light kisses all over his lovers’ face.

 

 

“Remember when you dancing with ahgabong pretended to be a ghost so cheerfully? At that moment, I decided that if I can be a happy ghost with you there’s nothing I would regret. I want to grow old with you, always be beside you. That’s why I said I want our tombs to be beside each other. I want to be with you for eternity, in this life and afterlife. And I gladly be happy being ghosts with you, together we will tease human beings and be happy ever after.”

 

 

And this time it was Jinyoung who was startled with the cheesiness. He knows his lover could be extra sometimes in expressing his love, but this honestly a different level where he can’t think of witty remarks to cover his fluttered response. Tears escaped from his sparkling eyes, too hapy and touched with how much Jaebeom loves him so he smiles lovingly, giving his lover deepest kiss to blow his worries away. To let him know that all his heart is and always be with Jaebeom.

 

 

Seems the kiss done its work, as Jaebeom’s tense shoulder relaxed in Jinyoung embrace.

 

 

“And baby, always remember.” Suddenly Jinyoung said.

 

 

Jaebeom raise his brows looking at Jinyoung, waiting for his next sentences.

 

 

“I Park JinYoung, would definitely NEVER, EVER will let you, Im JaeBeom go” he said making a vow.

 

 

Jaebeom gets the message; that they love each other so much and they are one soul with 2 separate bodies. If they were to be separated, neither will survive.

 

 

“And I, Im JaeBeom would NEVER allow you, Park Jinyoung to let me go” he declared his vow and resume their makeout session.

 

 

And that night they go to sleep with contented heart, satiated body and calm mind, as they know they are completely in the same stage of relationship.  

 

 

 

 

 

**********************************THE END************************************