"Who was that?" You ask Younghyun,  trying to force a smile as you approach him, watching another girl try to slyly slip away.  

"The girl I'm going home with after the show, likely my future wife." He says, his face straight, his eyes lacking any humor. He places his guitar strap over his head as he gets ready to step on stage. 

"W-what?" You ask, the tears building in your eyes. 

"I'm just kidding babe, christ." He scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

Before you can respond, he runs on stage, ready to melt hundreds  more of girls' hearts.

It took you a few days to be able to fully let go of his comment. 

He was joking, at least that's what he told you later that night. You were being dramatic and overly sensitive again, you didn't trust him and he didn't know if he could be with someone as insecure as you, so you told him fine. You packed a week's worth of clothes and headed to a friend's house. 

5 days later he called, begging for you to come home. He apologized profusely, promising he was going to change. 

You needed to ask him a question that night that you returned, but you were scared. More so scared of his reaction but also his answer. With Younghyun it really could be anything. 

"You.. you weren't with anyone while I was gone, were you?" You asked nervously. You and Younghyun sat on the couch, cuddling. 

"God no. Why would you even ask that? I spent the entire time missing you baby. I'm so sorry for everything. You deserve more, I'll be the man you need." He whispers, pulling you in closely. 

And you believed him. You believed all of it. Until you found a pair of dark purple shoved in between the mattress and box spring a few days later. 

And they definitely weren't yours. 

"What the is this, Younghyun?" You scream, throwing the you had found at him. 

"Why are you throwing your underwear at me and screaming like a mad woman?" He snaps, placing his guitar case on the floor. "I just ing got home and you start this already." 

"I'm starting this ? You said you weren't with anyone while I was gone!" You cried. Your heart felt like it was going to shatter. 

"So ing what if I was! You weren't here. What else was I supposed to do?" He spits. "I let you have your little tantrums, you run off and do god knows what, with who knows who while you're gone." 

"I sit inside and I cry! Because I love you! And I want us to work! And you're out ing whatever?" You scoff, unamused. 

Younghyun scoffs. " I'm just trying to play catch up, whenever I get the chance baby. We all have a past, some more than others." He smirks, looking you up and down, and not in a lovingly way, no. This was a judgemental, disgusted look. 

A look that you were no stranger too when it came to Younghyun. 

"Wow." You sniffled, rolling your eyes. "Not even surprised you'd end up going there with a line like that." You laugh, no humor to be found anywhere. "I'm done." You whisper.

** 

That night you end up at your best friend, Jaein's house. She's always had a particular distaste for Younghyun, or as she calls him, Brian. 

"He's a piece of mother ing babydoll, and you deserve someone who is not a giant man baby piece of . That's all I'm saying." She says, shrugging her shoulders before taking a large sip of wine. 

If there was anyone you could truly count on, it was Jaein. She never failed to make you laugh, brightening your spirits after Younghyun so viciously tore them down, even though it wasn't her job to fix it. 

She always told you how much you were worth and how much you should see it, but she knew you loved him. 

did you love him. 

She always took your side when you came to her about your fights, she talked him like there was no tomorrow, but she also never tried to convince you to leave him. She knew you weren't ready, she also knew that you would leave him when you were ready. She always gave you a hug when you said it was time for you to go back to him, never pressuring you to stay. 

She knew no one could leave him for you. 

Early that next morning, you left Jaein's and headed back to your shared apartment with Younghyun. You opened the front door, slipped off your shoes, jacket and hat while making your way to the bedroom. 

You your jeans, sliding them down your body before stepping out. You stood at the edge of your bed where Younghyun slept so peacefully. 

You knew you needed to end it but you were unbelievably, unequivocally in love with him. You would do anything for him, be anything for him and he knew it. 

You just wished he felt the same about you. 

You constantly asked yourself why you stoll stayed, why you put yourself through the torture of knowing theres almost a 100 percent chance he will never love you as hard and as much as you love him. You needed to be done. But how can you quit something you need so badly? 

You knew he was able to love, you've seen it. He loved his guitar. He loved his music, and he loved his groupies that followed him from small dive bars to even bigger dive bars. He loved the attention that he received from those women, any woman really that wasn't you. In his mind because you couldn't make it to every show, you weren't as dedicated as them. You didn't love him more than them. You didn't support his music enough. Telling him you were working was never a valid reason to not be there to support his dreams even though you were pretty sure he didn't even know what your dreams were. 

You were done. 

You just wished he wouldn't break you again. And again. And again. 

But that seemed to be the thing he was best at. 

This time you were actually going to be done. You needed to be done. You couldn't keep chasing him around, waiting and praying that one day he might decide to settle down. One day he might decide you're finally worthy of his unconditional love since he's put you through so much. 

One day you might be good enough. 

You crawled into bed with him, his arms slipping over your body before pulling you in tightly against him. He nuzzles his face into your head, deeply inhaling the scent of your hair. 

"I've missed you." He sighs. 

A tear slips down your cheek as you wiggle yourself closer to him. 

"Really hope you didn't go some dude last night like a ." He huffs. 

You can't do this anymore. 

Now Y/N. Do it now. 

"I'm done, Younghyun." You whisper. 

"Stop." He groans. "Don't ruin a perfectly good morning." 

"I'm not. I just can't anymore." You sigh, wiggling out of his hold. 

"Where the is this coming from?" He snaps, sitting up in bed before rubbing his face. "ing Jaein is getting in your head again isnt she?" 

"No, I'm finally realizing it myself. You tear me down, and build me back up only to tear me down harder next time. You don't care about me. You constantly throw it in my face that I have a past and think I'm always cheating, but that's all you. You think I don't care about your music because I don't attend every show, you crave the attention from random women, not to mention who knows how many times you actually cheated." You snap. "I'm done being treated like I'm the lowest scum when I've done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I've done nothing but love you and support you but it's never good enough for you Younghyun. I will never be good enough so I'm done." You sigh. 

"Please don't baby. You're my world. I love you so much, let me prove it to you baby." He cries. Boy was he an excellent manipulator. 

"You've had an abundant amount of chances and you've ed them all up. Save it." Younghyun begged and pleaded for you to stay while he followed you around the apartment as you gathered up the belongings you could think of at that moment, the most important things. You knew you could come back in a few weeks or so to grab whatever you forgot. Because this time was it, this time you were done. 

Looking over your shoulder, you see Younghyun's pained face as your hand reaches for the door knob. "If you walk out that door Y/N, I swear to god, I'm done. I won't ask for you back, you'll have lost me forever." He snaps. 

"You've already lost me." You whisper, gently closing the door behind you.

** 

A few weeks later, it still felt like your chest was going to cave in. Like your heart was going to glue itself back together before shattering into a million pieces, over and over. 

You cried into Jaein's pillow everyday, all day. You missed him so much. Maybe it wasn't time, maybe things could be better this time. 

Younghyun had texted, called and showed up to Jaein's apartment everyday. His messages came multiple times a day, his calls even more. Your heart slowly mended itself with every loving message you read, with every soft word you heard him speak through your voicemail. He sounded sincere this time. He sounded like he was going to try, this time would be different. Maybe the 11th time's the charm. 

You took a few days to think it over, making sure it was truly what you wanted, and it was. Not to necessarily get back together with him at the moment, but just to see him. See him perform, listen to his voice. You missed everything about him. 

This was a good idea. 

Or so you thought. 

Jaein kept shut as you made sure your outfit was perfect. Younghyun had told you he had a gig tonight at one of the first bars you met at. You didn't tell him you were going to come, you wanted to surprise him. 

"I wish you all the luck with Brian, babydoll." He forces a smile. 

"Thank you. For everything." You smile. "I'll see you in a bit." 

For the first time in a long time, you felt hopeful. Younghyun promised to spend more time with you, go to anger management, and couples counseling. All things he had never promised before. 

He was trying. He was finally trying. 

You smiled widely as you pulled the door open to the bar. 

Your eyes looked hopeful as you tried to find Younghyun. They widen as you spot him laughing. You can hear the sound of his laugh in your head. 

Making your way over to him, you rehearse in your head about what you're going to say to him, wondering if he'll hug you, swing you around, plant a kiss on your lips? 

You're distracted as you approach him, the possibility of so much happiness blinding you. When you finally came too, you stopped dead in your tracks. Younghyun laughed as he wrapped an arm around a girl, leaning in closely to whisper something in her ear, making her giggle. Their eyes met, he slightly grips her chin to tilt her head up before leaning down to place his lips on hers. 

After a few seconds, they break apart, smiling at eachother. He feels like they're being watched so he raises his eyes,scanning the room. He lands on you. You with the shocked face, hurt eyes and heavy breathing. 

You were so ing stupid. You should have known better. You did know better. Younghyun had never changed, he had always said he would but never did. What made this time any different? Nothing except you had hoped so ing hard that this time it was it. This time he would love you properly. 

You let out loud laughs/ scoff before turning around to run out the doors you had just so excitedly came in. 

"Y/N wait!" Younghyun yells, leaving the girl behind to chase you. 

You run through the door to the outside, where it's now pouring rain. 

Of course. 

"Y/N, please!" He yells, catching up to you. He grabs onto your arm, yanking you back. "Just wait!." He yells. 

"What!?" You scream, pulling your arm away from him. "What the do you want?" 

"You weren't supposed to show up tonight. You weren't supposed to see that." He sighs. 

"Oh." You laugh. "So its my fault for showing up, hoping to fix us, and not your fault for being a piece of who just can't keep it in his pants." 

The rain pours harder, you and Younghyun stand face to face, water dripping down your bodies. 

"You didn't return any of my calls or texts. What was I supposed to do?" He asks. "It's been like a month." 

"Wow." You scoff. That's all you can say. 

"How long after I left did you start seeing her?" You ask. 

"Four days." He admits. 

"F-four.. four days? You only waited four ing days? I'm so ing stupid. You will never not be a self centered piece of will you?" You laugh. 

"Excuse me? What the gives you the right to insult me? How's a used up like you any better." He laughs. 

"Yeah, okay. This just sealed it. I'm done." You say, turning to walk away again.

"You're done because I'm saying you can be done. Got it? Because I'm tired of manipulating you. I'm ready for someone new." He smiles. 

"What are you talking about?" You ask. 

"I've never loved you, frankly never really liked you. You were just too easy. Too easy to manipulate, to easy string along like a little puppet. I could completely tear you down until you were nothing and say all the right things to build you back up. You're easy to read, easy to , just all around easy. I need a bit of a challenge now." He smirks, patting your shoulder before walking away, leaving you standing in the rain, thinking about the words you'd never recover from.