a/n: hi friends :] it’s been a while, huh? i’m the worst at finding the mindset i need to write, so i apologize for the (nearly) 6 months between these chapters. as i had planned, we’re going into the minx timeline now, but i decided not to go too deep into it as i can only imagine how difficult that was for the girls and i guess it didn’t feel right? idk, i hope you get what i mean. a reminder that this is FICTION and in no way reflects real life. i think that’s always an important thing to remember. once again, english is not my first language so if you spot dumb , it’s bc i’m dumb lol :] i hope you enjoy!

----------------------

the first time bora hears siyeon sing, she wishes time could be frozen.

not even a week after they’d all shared that comforting day together, the company decides to cut out the last group of trainees before they have to choose exactly who will debut. thankfully, everyone bora is somewhat close to stays around and she feels extra lucky when she realizes she’s possibly about to achieve everything she’s dreamed of and that she might get to do it all with people she cares about. 

with only ten girls left, they are now scheduled to train together at all times - something about figuring out which voices go well together and where the biggest chemistry lies is what bora hears. it isn’t until their first singing lesson is almost over that it dawns on her that she still hasn’t heard siyeon sing, and the dancer is trying to keep in mind that the staff had said that none of them were very good and everyone still needed a lot of practice, but as soon as siyeon opens , she’s more inclined to believe minji was right when she had said the girl had the voice of an angel.

being constantly busy and on the go, bora could count in one hand the moments where she’d felt time stand perfectly still. right then and there, though, while watching siyeon do what she loves most, she almost wishes it was possible to stop the world. to stop the world and then loop the three minutes she spends listening to siyeon’s voice. and suddenly it hits her that this could be one of the last moments they shared before it all got too scary, before they’d either be eaten alive by the entertainment industry or lose the chance to live out their dreams. so just as she can’t stop the world, she can’t stop the tears that fall from her eyes. 

siyeon’s song ends then and having been nervous to sing in front of some of these girls for the very first time, she seeks their approval. her eyes immediately land on bora’s because she’s the stranger that is the least unfamiliar, but instead of approval she finds wet cheeks and puffy eyes. naturally, after thanking the voice teacher for her hard work and hearing that everyone is dismissed, she runs up to bora before the older girl can even try to leave.

“bora, is everything okay? was I that bad?”, she asks with a nervous laugh.

“exactly the opposite, silly. I mean, I’d heard minji compliment you hundreds of times but I’d also been told no trainee was very good yet so I didn’t expect you to... you know, do what you did”, bora responds without giving the singer the chance to doubt herself.

“I am very flattered, thank you for the compliment. this is what I love to do, but I know I need to work way harder and fix everything I’m still lacking so please don’t my ego too much! I saw you crying though, are you sure you’re okay?”, siyeon feels the need to confirm. 

“don’t worry, I’m okay. you just chose a very emotional song and you clearly felt every word you were singing and I got too lost in the moment. you’re really talented, siyeon. I wasn’t wrong when I told you there had to be something you excelled at. but yes, now I’m done that ego of yours!”

siyeon was taken aback by the sincerity of those words and in an attempt to pretend hearing that from a completely unbiased person (that she happened to be very fond of for reasons she still couldn’t comprehend) didn’t make her the happiest girl in the world, she simply said, “damn bora, don’t fall in love with me just yet!”.

bora had scoffed back then. today, she’d laugh at herself for how easily she’d dismissed that sentence. 

———

the first time bora feels like everything in life will work out, it’s almost like it’s too good to be true. 

it’s only been a few weeks after their first voice lesson together when they find out that what minji had been hearing was true and bora and four more girls are told they‘d been the chosen ones to debut.

in what minji and yubin say is “a happy coincidence” but bora chooses to call “fate because the universe knows I’m great and deserve good things”, all five girls who are selected know and like each other. they find out gradually, and they’re each told to keep it a secret until every member has been notified and they can schedule a group meeting to finalize the contracts. bora is the first one to be called in and she just wants to tell minji that it’s all happening and that they wanted her and that she feels like she’ll explode if she doesn’t do this with the friends she’d come to cherish so much. the next day, when minji has a worried smile on her face and hugs her for longer than she ever had, she feels hopeful that it would all be okay.

by the time the group meeting comes, bora thinks her heart might’ve stopped beating. as she enters the room and sees yubin already sitting there, she realizes it’s actually beating faster than it ever had. bora wants to run up to her and cry happy, relieved tears, but her thoughts are quickly interrupted and her heart races even more when minji and siyeon walk in, trembling hand holding trembling hand, followed by an overly excited yoohyeon a few seconds later. 

bora still thinks that is the purest form of happiness she has ever felt. 

———

the first time bora spends the night with siyeon, they don’t even sleep on a bed and she thinks she’s found some sort of soulmate. 

with signed contracts and nervous hearts, all five girls are given one single weekend to go home and pack their bags to move into a dorm with one another. bora can’t quite believe how fast it feels like time is moving all of a sudden, because when you wait for something your whole life and it finally comes, it almost feels like none of it is real. to make sure it is, though, she doesn’t even take the whole weekend to move into their new place. 

the roommate arrangement was easy to figure out. siyeon and minji had known each other the longest and were pretty much a “do not separate” package deal so there was no doubt those two would room together. yubin liked her peace and quiet, and yoohyeon and bora were good friends by then, so they told her to take the single room as long as she promised to teach them to be as cool as she was (they all knew there was no way that was ever happening). so, when bora gets there on saturday evening even though she assumed the rest of the girls were only coming either on sunday night or monday morning, she is extremely surprised to find siyeon in the living room. 

“well, hi there! I definitely thought I’d have the dorm all to myself for at least another 24 hours”, bora says to the brunette on the couch, who jumps at the sound of her voice.

“oh my god bora, I didn’t hear you come in. what are you doing here?”, siyeon answers, clearly startled upon finding out she’s not alone. when she looks at bora, the girl is grinning from ear to ear, “sorry to have scared you, as funny as it was, it wasn’t my intention. and to be completely honest, I’m trying to accept all of this is real so I thought I’d try to come as fast as I could. what about you?”

“the cool answer is that I’m just pumped and so ready to start that I had to be here early”, siyeon says. “and the real one?”, the shorter girl immediately asks, sensing that something’s up with the singer.

“the real one is that as excited as I am, I am also terrified and normally find it hard to sleep in places I’m not familiar with, so I thought I’d try to get used to it a night before everyone else was around to see me struggling", siyeon utters tentatively. 

bora’s eyes soften at the words and she feels the urge to hug her friend, but instead she sits down next to her, puts a hand on her lap and calmly says, “hey, it will all be okay. please know that whatever you’re feeling, we are right there with you. it’s a new and scary experience for all of us but we’ll stick together and make it work”. hearing this, siyeon lets her hand shyly hover over bora’s, and the dancer shows no hesitation in taking it into her own with a reassuring squeeze. it was the first time they did that, too, but they were both too lost in their own thoughts to register anything but the comfort and warmth they felt in that moment. 

after brief minutes of silence, bora has an idea. “how about you help me unpack and then we can watch any movie you want? though I hope you brought some dvds because all I’ve got with me are superhero movies...”, and the second siyeon hears that, she can’t contain her excitement. “I love superhero movies! please tell me you brought captain america content with you and I will love you forever”.

the older girl feels her heart dance happily in her chest at those words, but keeps her cool when she confidently responds, “I thought you’d already decided to love me forever because, you know, I’m an awesome person, but sure, we can definitely watch captain america if it means that much to you, lee siyeon. but make sure you know thor is the superior character!”

“never say that to me again kim bora, captain america all the way! but let’s hurry up and unpack your things so we can watch this movie and I can explain to you all the ways in which steve rogers is better than thor”.

three hours and many jokes later, both girls are on the couch under a single blanket because they silently decided it was too cold to sit far away from each other. they’re halfway through the movie when bora notices siyeon has fallen asleep as she feels a head on her shoulder and looks down to see her eyes closed shut. at the endearing sight, the dancer can’t help but let out an “aw” that comes out louder than she intends it to, and siyeon once again jumps when she hears her voice.

“I’m so sorry I fell asleep on you”, siyeon says when she realizes what had happened, and bora can tell she’s embarrassed. “you’re very cute”, she blurts out. the taller girl feels reassured but shy, so she can only hide her face in bora’s neck as she puts her arms around her and asks, “is this okay?”.

bora thinks she’s about to melt and takes a while to reply, “I did tell you I like hugs, right?”. she wonders if she’s imagining it when she hears siyeon’s sleepy voice whisper a whole minute later, “I like you”. so she leaves the lightest kiss on the singer‘s forehead, to make sure this moment is theirs and real and that she’ll always remember it before letting herself fall asleep, too.

———

the first time minx are on a real stage together, bora can’t tell if she’s the most excited or the most scared she’s ever been.

all five girls had been training for years and they knew that to reach that point in their careers, they had to have something special about them. bora knew she was a good dancer, she even happily took the lead rapper position the company had chosen for her, but the second it’s all about to become very real, it’s easy to doubt your worth. so, even when the stage goes well enough, the uneasiness doesn’t leave bora’s stomach and she’s not sure what to do about it.

that’s momentarily forgotten when minji, now the official leader of minx, walks into their dressing room with the proudest look in her eyes and excitedly exclaims, “we did it! come here all of you!”, initiating their warmest group hug yet. “I know we promised not to get too cheesy but just know I love you a lot and I’m so proud of us for making it this far. this is only the beginning and there’s no one else I’d rather be experiencing this with”, the oldest girl continues.

“don’t get too sappy! you’re jiu the cool leader now! but I do second everything you said”, yubin playfully responds.

when yoohyeon sees siyeon is as close to tearing up as she is (that wouldn’t be the first time either of them cried today), she pulls everyone back in for another hug and yells in a voice that matches minji’s excitement from earlier, “minx fighting!” and they all share a loud and overjoyed laugh.

once they’re all back home and in the comfort of their living room, bora accidentally allows her mind to wander back to that familiar uneasy feeling, so as soon as they’re done eating she quickly excuses herself, saying she’s too tired to stay awake any longer. 

the conversation had been flowing easily between the members and she doesn’t expect anyone to follow, so when there’s a knock on her door not even five minutes later, it takes her by surprise.

“come in”, bora says to whoever’s on the other side of the door. when it’s siyeon who walks in, she wonders if this is another one of those instances where the singer mysteriously reads bora as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, even when it hasn’t even been a year since they first met each other.

“hey”, siyeon greets softly. “I don’t know what’s wrong and I have a feeling you don’t want to talk about it but I thought I’d keep you company anyway. would that be okay?”

bora wants to cry. “I don’t know how you do that”, she manages to say instead.

“do what?”

“that thing where I don’t have to say a word and somehow you know how to read my mind.”

“I do pride myself on my reading kim bora skills, thank you very much. now let me into that tiny bed of yours so we can cuddle your bad mood away, please?", siyeon teases.

bora could protest and pretend everything’s okay but if there was one thing she’d learned in the time she’d known siyeon, it was that she would never get away with lying to her. so when she lifts her covers up and makes space for the taller girl, she lets herself enjoy the simplicity of having someone who understands her by her side.

siyeon is the one to break the silence first, “whatever it is, please remember you have me and three other girls who will always support you and be there for you. if you wanna let anything out, never think there isn’t someone who will listen. you said it first, we’re sticking together through it all.”

“I know and I appreciate all of you, I really do. if I still feel this way tomorrow morning, I promise you’ll be the first person to know.”

“why tomorrow morning and not now? I don’t want you to go to sleep feeling upset.”

“honestly? because being in this bubble where nothing exists except me and you is soothing me more than any words could”, bora says, and it almost sounds like a confession.

“cheesy, kim bora”, siyeon laughs.

“you bring it out of me, lee siyeon.”

and with the shared understanding that nothing else needed to be said that night, the two fall asleep knowing there will always be some kind of forever between them.

———

the first time bora truly understands things really aren’t going as planned, she feels her heart break a little.

it had taken minx nearly another year to be scheduled for a comeback but, instead of dwelling on that, each girl had chosen to seize the opportunity to work the hardest they ever had. still, it didn’t take any of them too long to figure out it just wasn’t going that well. as the years in the industry had gone by, there were more and more girl groups trying to find success in a career path that was clearly more likely to work out if you were a man. as proud as they all were of what they’d been able to do thus far, there was an inevitable sense of loss at the end of each week when it almost felt like they were just blending into an already saturated market. the girls had tried to avoid the topic at first, not wanting to make the others feel doubtful or insecure, but the more time passed, the more they decided to rely on one another. 

it was late at night, the comeback promotions had just ended that day, and the feeling of defeat mixed with hope was lingering in the room.

“I just wish more people would tune in, you know? we work so hard and somehow it’s like the audience isn’t connecting with what we’re doing no matter what it is”, yoohyeon confesses.

“yeah, I know what you mean”, yubin responds. “to be fair, there’s so many groups to pay attention to and people will always choose their favorite. I don’t know what we can do to stand out from the rest.”

“I’m sorry that things aren’t going like we imagined they would. it’s kind of out of our hands though, isn’t it? we get a concept and some songs and do our absolute best with what we’re given”, bora argues.

“you’re all right. none of what’s happening is because we’re doing something wrong or not trying hard enough. all we can do is stand by each other the way we have been, keep giving it everything we’ve got and hope that eventually the world will listen. as long as we’re in it together, I think we’ll be okay”, the eternally positive leader says, trying to comfort her members.

siyeon just stays quiet. and because bora has become an expert at knowing the other girl’s heart too, she chooses to hold her hand the tightest she’s ever held it and whispers, “it’s going to be alright. we’ve got you”, into the younger girl’s ear. 

looking back to those days, bora truly believes that honesty and trust they’ve always shared is what kept them together through every single battle they lost and gave them the strength they needed to get back up and fight again. 

———

the first time bora kisses siyeon, it’s simply supposed to be a symbol of the comfort and trust between two people who have always fit together. 

the scariest part was nearly over. things were finally better after they’d been terrifyingly worse for a while. the company started throwing words like “rebranding” and “redebut” around and then introduced two bundles of sunshine in their lives.

there was handong, who looked very intimidating at first, and when you’ve never talked to her all you’ll feel is this immensely powerful aura she has. it turns out she had come from china and was still perfecting her korean and was just the loveliest girl who wanted this just as much as the rest of them always had. and then gahyeon, a beautiful baby they immediately took under their wings and promised to protect forever. and as soon as they came around, the so called “rebranding” started happening. 

the total concept change, the intention of showcasing each girl’s individual strengths, the incredibly difficult choreography that made bora feel like the baddest in town... the promise of a future where they would finally be happy doing what they love.

it was, all in all, a process of self discovery for each of them, not just as artists but as people whose lives were starting to look like they were going somewhere again. they had all grown up a lot, maybe quicker than they’d ever planned to, and as a rare peaceful dinner happened in a living room that was chaotic and loud most of the time, the dreaded subject of dating came up.

“there’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot, now that we’re slowly approaching our debut date”, gahyeon lets out.

“do we need to fight anyone for you? because we will!”, bora jumps in with her usual protective instinct.

with a laugh, the youngest continues, “everything is okay. I just keep wondering what our personal lives will be like when people eventually know us. I know success doesn’t come right away, if ever, but I always see our seniors struggle with dating scandals and rumors that weren’t supposed to come out and honestly, that scares me more than I’ve ever admitted out loud”.

“when did you get so wise and thoughtful?”, yubin teases, but gives gahyeon a comforting smile. 

“speaking from experience, when the craziness starts, it’ll feel like that’s all your life is. when we first debuted, dating was the last thing on my mind. now that I can look back, I think I almost forgot I existed outside of being in the group. we’ll be extremely busy and at the end of each day the one thing we’ll think about is sleeping”, yoohyeon admits.

minji, who always knows exactly what to say and when to say it, adds, “that’s true, but I want all of us to remember that we do exist outside of this and that no matter what happens this time, the most important thing is to stay honest with each other. dating is something normal, we’re still human beings, and wanting to have a life outside of our jobs isn’t a crime. let’s just not keep secrets from one another and everything else will fall into place”.

“amen”, handong intervenes.

“awomen!”, bora says. a loud, collective laugh erupts at that, with the chaos automatically installing itself back in once the hard hitting words are out of the way. except a minute later, bora realizes the only thing siyeon had done throughout that entire conversation was look at them and smile fondly. they all knew each other well enough by then to know that when siyeon doesn’t say a word, it’s because there are a million thoughts running through her head. evidently, when their main vocalist announces she’s going to sleep instead of staying up for a second movie and leaves the room, handong asks, “who’s going in there with her to make it all better?”.

bora stands up without even needing to say anything and everyone shares a thankful smile and says their goodnights to the dancer. once she’s knocked and siyeon has given her permission to come in, she isn’t surprised to find the younger girl completely drowned under her sheets. 

“siyeon, what’s wrong?”, bora questions right away. 

showing no intention to move from under the covers, siyeon tries to get away from what she fears would be a conversation their friendship couldn’t recover from when she says, “nothing’s wrong”.

sitting down at the end of the bed, not wanting to invade the other girl’s space if her presence wasn’t wanted, bora insists, “please don’t lie to me. if you don’t want to say anything you don’t have to, but I think we both know we can’t lie to each other so I’d prefer if you told me to off instead of trying to pretend you’re okay”.

this makes siyeon sit up. “there hasn’t been a single moment of my life where I’ve wanted you to off”, she calmly says as she stares at bora. the older girl stares back and when siyeon makes space for her, she sits at the top of the bed with the singer and laces their fingers absentmindedly.

“did we say something that upset you? you seemed fine all day and then your mood just... dropped”, bora tries again. 

it’s obvious that siyeon hesitates before she replies, “no one said anything to upset me. it was just that whole thing about dating. I feel like we’d never talked about it before and I don’t know, it’s not my favorite subject to focus on.”

“why not? we’re not children anymore, it’s normal to feel like you want to be with someone. there’s nothing wrong with that, siyeon. don’t feel guilty for being human.”

“yeah. I really do hope it’s normal”, and it sounds like siyeon is thinking out loud when those words come out of . bora pulls both of them down so they’re lying in bed and facing each other, and as she caresses the taller girl’s cheeks, she feels like she can push a little further.

“please talk to me, singnie. there’s nothing you can’t tell me and I know you’re holding back and that holding back is hurting you and I can’t stand to see you hu-“

“I think I like girls”, siyeon says so quietly bora almost misses it and then turns around to hide, clearly ashamed of herself. it takes the dancer a few seconds to react (and to this day she still beats herself up for it, since siyeon eventually confessed that the delayed reaction made her think bora wouldn’t ever be able to look her in the eye again), but as soon as her body catches up to her brain she pulls siyeon into her and they’re face to face again.

“and?”, bora whispers back.

“and? what do you mean, and? I’m also a girl, bora. you know that’s not how things are supposed to work.”

“says who?”

“the entire world, basically”, siyeon sounds sadder than bora has ever heard her.

“as your self proclaimed entire world, I have just decided that if things did work out this way, then it can’t be as wrong as you think it is”, and as the dancer says this in a playful tone, she feels a light slap on her shoulder. and then siyeon is crying. 

“what exactly are you scared of, siyeon?”, bora wants to keep her in her arms forever.

“we’re gonna redebut and be under the spotlight and people will be watching. how am I going to hide this? how am I gonna hold it in forever?”

“we all pretty much hide our dating lives anyway. that’s what we’re taught to do. but you will not have to hold it in. you deserve to be yourself the same way everyone else does.”

“I can’t exactly go around kissing girls. I don’t even think I know how to kiss anyone, let alone a girl! how does that work? how does any of this work?”, and once again it’s like siyeon is thinking out loud. she is brought back to earth in an instant when bora says, as if it’s the easiest question she’s ever been asked,

“like this.”

and then their lips are touching. it’s slow but deliberate and so, so sweet, and bora hopes siyeon feels in that kiss the words she doesn’t know how to say - there will never be anything about her that bora won’t love, there will never be anything she can’t trust her with, there will never be anyone in the universe who will feel more like home to her than lee siyeon, no matter where life takes them or what it throws their way.

and when they pull apart after just a few seconds and there’s only them and heavy breaths and then silence and the most loving stare they’ve ever shared, bora knows siyeon understood.

----------------------

a/n: yay, you got through my 4k words of non sense! i hope that after reading that, what i meant when i said i would be writing the minx part more superficially was clearer. this is really just a piece of suayeon fiction so i didn’t want to delve too much into what was a real, horrible struggle for a group i love so much. as always, feedback would be very much appreciated and i thank you all for the kind support you left in the first chapter. thank you so much for reading & i am sending everyone love during these trying times! see you soon (please take that word lightly, haha) :]<3

ps: stream boca