“Jungie?” Jinsol calls out from above Jungeun’s bed, her voice shaky from nervousness. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

She stays still, trying her best to keep herself from moving too much.

She hated the metal frame of their bunk bed. Every single movement made the entire bed shake too much, including the bottom bed and the top bed. It didn’t matter which part moved. She listens carefully, waiting for a response from the younger girl.

“Mm?” Jungeun groaned. Her eyes were closed, but she was never asleep. Although she wished she was, she hasn’t really slept properly ever since Jinsol broke things off with her.

“I’m sorry, were you sleeping?” Jinsol’s voice was apologetic. Lately, she tossed and turned in her bed. No matter how tired she was, she was always stuck wondering if she was still worth Jungeun’s time.

“I wasn’t...” Jungeun says. I don’t think I can... 

Jungeun keeps her eyes closed and hoped Jinsol wouldn’t do anything stupid. She hoped that Jinsol would stop talking to her, for she fears that somewhere along the way, she had set herself up to break her heart again. 

Yeojin and Yerim was fast asleep on the other side of the room, and their steady breathing was the only thing that made their conversation feel less awkward than it really is.

“Can I come sleep with you?” Jinsol’s voice was soft.

Jungeun felt her heart freeze. No... She struggled to say the simple two-letter word.

What was she supposed to do, accept Jinsol’s request and act like her heart wasn’t shattered a few months ago?

But Jinsol broke the awkward silence once again. “Please?” She pleaded softly.

The way Jinsol’s voice sounded made Jungeun’s chest physically hurt. Her fingers ached to pull her blanket higher. Maybe she could ignore Jinsol that way.

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Sol.” Jungeun said. She knew she had to deny Jinsol, but her stupid heart still wants to keep her close. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes tighter, hoping Jinsol and her feelings would just disappear.

“I know, but just this once?” Jinsol whispered.

It was silent for a few seconds. Jungeun’s thoughts were everywhere. She wanted to disappear.

She thanked the gods above that Yerim and Yeojin were heavy sleepers.

Jungeun contemplated Jinsol’s words and how it would affect them. She thought of all the things she should do, and she thought of how letting Jinsol in once again would only send her to ruins. She sighed softly. “Okay...”

There was a pause in the atmosphere, and the room was quiet, save for Yeojin and Yerim’s soft snoring.

A few seconds passed, and Jungeun heard shuffling. She felt the bunk bed shake a bit before she found Jinsol staring at her with teary eyes and a few tears streaming down her face.

“Sol?” Jungeun whispered, trying to ignore the way her heart broke at the sight. Jinsol sniffled a bit before giggling.

Jinsol looked messy.

“Hi, Jungie.” She gave Jungeun a teary smile. Jungeun gulped before she moved over until she’s almost touching the wall next to her.

Jinsol slid in the bed beside Jungeun. No words were uttered from the lips of the two girls.

Jungeun stared at the bed above her, trying to ignore Jinsol’s existence. No matter how small the bed was, the gap between them was too big.

She tried to ignore Jinsol’s scent, and Jinsol’s breathing. She tried to ignore the way her heart still tried to yell for Jinsol’s name. She tried to ignore the way her hands would almost automatically try to reach out to the older girl, like it was some sick routine she set up for herself.

And so she held back.

Suddenly, she felt Jinsol shuffle beside her. She looked over to see Jinsol’s eyes stare into hers.

“What’s up?” Jungeun asks unconsciously. She mentally winced, awaiting Jinsol’s reply.

Jinsol shook her head. “Nothing, really.”

Jinsol looked up and stared at Jungeun’s every feature.

She stared at the loose strands that fell everywhere. She stared at her eyebrows, her eyelashes, and her eyes. She stared at the hesitant look that seemed to be permanently ingrained in her eyes. Jinsol knew it was her fault somehow.

She trailed down and stared at Jungeun’s cheek and her lips. Out of instinct, she reached out, and touched Jungeun’s cheek. Softly, slowly, gently. As if pressing into Jungeun’s porcelain-like skin would break her.

“What are you doing?”Jungeun whispered. Her eyes fluttered and stared deep into Jinsol’s, eyebrows furrowed.

Why is she making me feel this way? Jungeun thought.

“You’re breathtaking...” Jinsol muttered under her breath, tracing Jungeun’s cheek with her thumb.

“Sol... Don’t.” Jungeun closed her eyes. She reached up and held Jinsol’s hand, with full intentions on trying to make her stop. She hated the fact that she still loved what Jinsol was doing to her. Their bodies were facing each other now, and Jungeun had to scold herself for being too easy to sway.

Jinsol ignored Jungeun’s plea and let her fingers trace down towards Jungeun’s lips, placing her thumb softly on the surface. “I love you...” She traced it slowly, as if she was trying to remember what it felt like to have her lips pressed against Jungeun’s.

“Do you?” Jungeun suddenly felt rage bubble in her guts. She tightened and squeezed her grip around Jinsol’s hand. How could she just break things off with me just to make me fall in love with her all over again?

But Jinsol was just too sweet to not indulge herself into. “I do.” Her voice was impossibly soft, along with the way she was Jungeun’s lips. Jungeun ignored the way she gulped at how Jinsol spoke. So genuine and true—it made her feel horrible.

“Then why...?” Jungeun whispered. She looked at Jinsol with pain in her eyes. “Why did you leave me alone all these months, as if it wouldn’t pain me seeing you every day?”

Jinsol said nothing. Instead, she wrapped her arm around Jungeun’s head and slowly pulled her closer. She ignored the way Jungeun froze and instead let Jungeun listen to the way her heart was beating. As if she was telling Jungeun that her heart still belongs to her.

Jinsol Jungeun’s hair. She felt Jungeun’s shaky breath against her neck and still pulled her closer, closer than they’ve ever been before, with her legs wrapping around the younger girl’s body and her arms holding Jungeun tight.

“I’m sorry,” She heard Jinsol whisper against the crown of her head. “I’m really sorry...”

Jungeun closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. She really doesn’t know why she can’t stop Jinsol from doing all of this.

“Give me more time...” Jinsol murmured. She breathed softly and continued to Jungeun’s hair.

“Why?” Jungeun wondered out loud. “What for?” Jinsol’s touch against her skin was burning. She created some distance between her and Jinsol to stare into Jinsol’s eyes.

“Should I wait until you’re finally ready to be with me, even though you keep doing things like this?” Jungeun’s voice cracked as she whimpered. She gulped down the tears she tried to hold back.

“You always do this...” Yet still, Jungeun snuggled closer to Jinsol—burying her face in the fabric of Jinsol’s shirt. Jinsol slowly feels it dampening, and she has to breathe heavily to keep herself from crying. Right now, Jungeun needs her. “You’re always playing with my heart.”

“I knew entering this relationship with you was a bad idea...” Jungeun sobbed.

Although it hurts to hear those words from the person she loves, Jinsol kept quiet. Jinsol wished she could be the one to pick up Jungeun’s broken pieces, but she knows well that she’s the reason Jungeun’s heart was shattered in the first place.

Jinsol closed her eyes and kept her arms wrapped around Jungeun tightly. “I know.”

“Why...?” Jungeun’s voice was soft now. Softly breaking, just like she is.

Jinsol hummed instead of replying.

She continued patting Jungeun’s head, knowing well that the action made Jungeun drowsy. She kept still until she’s sure that Jungeun’s asleep.

It took a few minutes of her humming a tune and Jungeun’s hair before she felt Jungeun’s breathing grow steady.

---

Jungeun woke up the next day cold and alone. Just as I expected. She sighed, combing through her unruled hair with her fingers.

She was sure that Jinsol would do the same thing later that night. She felt her head pound from all the tears she shed during the night. Even if she wouldn’t admit it, she missed falling asleep next to Jinsol.

She checked her phone and found that practice had already started and that she was three hours late.

“Ah...” She muttered to herself, cursing inwardly because her alarm didn’t wake her up.

Looking around the dorm, there was no one there. She sighed again. “I’m a mess...”

If Jungeun were to be honest, her little relationship with Jinsol was kept a secret from their members. She knew that the members would support them no matter what, but they decided against it because of the complications it could have brought. They didn’t want their members to be caught up in whatever business they have, such as when they fought and broke up.

She loved Jinsol in secret, and grieved their relationship in secret.

Alas, they were a pair of star-crossed lovers.

She knew how much it would hurt if Jinsol ever broke up with her. She knew the moment Jinsol told her she didn’t want anyone to know. She knew from the way Jinsol flinched whenever someone would catch them doing the bare minimum of what normal couples do. She knew, and yet, she didn’t mind. At least, that’s what she told herself.

But throughout the short time they were together, Jungeun craved more. She wanted to hold Jinsol in between her arms, even if it was just in front of the other members. She wanted to at least be able to gush to someone whenever Jinsol made her heart swoon, or to rant whenever she had an argument with Jinsol. She just wanted the sense of normalcy of relationships, but she knew Jinsol couldn’t.

Because the moment she told Jinsol she wanted more, Jinsol backed out. 

Admittedly, Jungeun hated the fact that she had no one to talk to about her relationship with Jinsol. She resorted to talking to herself when she’s alone and even crying it all out when the members are all gone.

She asked to stay behind almost every time they went out together.

Jungeun suddenly remembered that she was alone in the dorm right now. She figured going to the company building was a waste, anyway. She could always lie and say that she didn’t feel too well.

After all, this was one of the few times she could cry where no one could hear her.

And so she did. She cried her little heart out for the millionth time ever since Jinsol broke things off with her, clutching her face in her hands as she slid down the wall of their living room. She sobbed hard, letting her pent up frustration spill free from her eyes.

It took her half an hour to gather herself. When she did, she stood up and lazily made her way to their bathroom to wash her face.

---

She spent hours just laying down and staring at the bed above hers. She spent the day that way, anxiously awaiting the other members’ return.

Once they did, it was already late into the night. Not one word was uttered, save for the little questions (Unnie are you eating that? Chaewon’s voice rang).

Jungeun stayed in her room despite this, clutching a pillow under her arm and her phone in her hand. She scrolled through her old messages with Jinsol, torturing herself as she read the sweet little nothings they would say to each other.

“Jungie?” Jiwoo called out to her. Jungeun turned the screen of her phone off for a moment and placed it down.

Jungeun groaned to tell her she’s here. Jiwoo walked in and slowly made her way towards Jungeun.

“How are you feeling? Jinsol-unnie told us you were sick...” Jiwoo’s voice sounded worried. She sat on Jungeun’s bed. Jungeun sat up, letting Jiwoo put her hand on her lap freely. It was a gesture Jiwoo unconsciously does to make people feel better, and Jungeun always appreciated it ever since they were younger.

But the feeling of comfort slipped her mind the moment Jiwoo’s words registered in her head. “What?” Jungeun asked. She sat up straighter before she cleared and continued. “Jinsol said what?”

“She told us you were feeling sick, so we let you sleep in...” Jiwoo looked at her with a confused gaze. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked at Jungeun suspiciously. “Are you okay?”

Jungeun froze before she finally nodded. “Never better, I guess...”

“That’s good.” Jiwoo flashed her a toothy grin. “It’s a good thing that it’s our day off tomorrow, I missed you.” Jiwoo pouted, and Jungeun had to giggle. “Will you finally come out with us? Heejin suggested we watch something outside the dorm. All we do is stay in lately...”

Jungeun thought long and hard. “Yeah, I’ll do my best to go tomorrow, don’t worry.”

“Don’t force yourself if you need more rest.” Jungeun nodded. Jiwoo flashed her one last smile before she left the room.

Jungeun was met with silence once again. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the impending headache she was feeling from all the tears she shed a few hours ago.

It took a few minutes before Yerim, Yeojin, and Jinsol entered the room.

Jinsol looked at Jungeun and gave her a small, tentative smile. She hoped Jungeun would smile back.

Jungeun didn’t. She merely nodded before closing her eyes to sleep again.

---

Jinsol stared at the time on the dimmed screen of her phone. It was nearly two in the morning and all she could really think about was Jungeun.

Would I be bothering her if I slept next to her again tonight? Jinsol pursed her lips, deep in thought. Her mind wandered everywhere, but no matter what she tried to think of, she still kept going back to Jungeun.

She started overthinking. Maybe it was a mistake to pursue Jungeun... Maybe I shouldn’t have forced her. She breathed heavily, albeit unconsciously, and closed her eyes tightly. Her nerves were skyrocketing and she willed herself to stop thinking.

As if... Jinsol thought to herself. She wondered if Jungeun was also tossing and turning beneath her bed, but with the lack of movement, she figured that the younger girl was asleep.

She shook her head and took a deep breath. I should do the same.

But no matter what she does and how much she tried to slip off into slumber, she couldn’t.

How could I, knowing I hurt the one person I love the most? She hated how dramatic she was getting. She shook it off as an effect of not sleeping properly lately.

She opened her phone once more and noticed that she had been overthinking for over an hour now. It wouldn’t hurt to look at her, right?

Jinsol felt her pulse reach . She gulped it down and tried to bring up some courage she hid deep down for herself. She knew she should have kept it when she was still with Jungeun. If she had had kept her courage, maybe she would have kept Jungeun too.

Enough of that. Jinsol shook the negativity away. She would rather see Jungeun’s face instead of imagining it.

She tried her best to make sure that the metal frame of their bunk bed wouldn’t move too much as she made her way down. When she felt her bare feet hit the cool surface of their bedroom’s tiles, she felt proud.

She looked at Jungeun. Her breath hitched at the way the younger girl was curled up so tightly with a pillow in between her legs and arms. She looked so cold.

She looked cold, and she looked lonely.

Jinsol didn’t need a genius to figure out that Jungeun was feeling both.

She wondered if it would be a sin to get in bed next to Jungeun. She wondered if Jungeun would hate her if she wakes up with Jinsol next to her.

But Jinsol couldn’t help it. She really loves Jungeun.

She sighed and made her way out of their room. She made sure her footsteps were light, so she wouldn’t wake any of the other members up. Their schedules have been hectic.

She reaches the kitchen and got herself a glass of water. She leaned against the counter and sipped slowly, her mind still thinking about Jungeun.

Did she drink water at all today? I know she would have cried when we were gone...

Jinsol’s thoughts were interrupted when she sees someone walk in the kitchen too. Her heart froze.

“Oh.” Jungeun’s voice was soft. “I didn’t know you were up.”

“Uh, yeah... I am.” Jinsol averted her gaze. She took another slow sip from her glass.

The conversation was short. Awkward. Jinsol hated it.

Jungeun stalked closer to Jinsol and took a glass for herself. The silence between them was unbearable, and the sound of water filling up the glass seemed to be amplified.

Jinsol wanted her heart to stop beating so loudly. Jungeun might hear you.

Jungeun gulped down the entire glass quickly and set it on the sink. She turned around and made her way towards their room.

“W-Wait!” Jinsol called out a bit too loudly. She felt herself wince, and so did Jungeun. She really didn’t want the members to wake up now.

“Sol...”

“You don’t have to speak,” Jinsol interrupted her. “Can I just get something off my chest?”

Jungeun took a deep breath and turned around to face Jinsol. She nodded solemnly, waiting for the words to come out of Jinsol’s mouth.

Jinsol nodded too, but with a shaky breath. She placed down her glass and took a small step towards Jungeun, testing whether Jungeun would mind her being close.

“I know that we both haven’t been doing well after I...” She looked at Jungeun hesitantly and gulped before continuing. “After I broke up with you.” She didn’t enjoy saying it out loud. She hated the fact that it sounds so real.

She took another tentative step closer when she saw that Jungeun didn’t step away from her. “And I was stupid for doing that. I should have kept you.”

Jungeun held back a scoff.

“I miss you...” Jinsol slowly reached both her arms out to hold on to Jungeun’s hands that were resting on her sides. "And with how you’re still in front of me even if you could easily walk away still gives me hope...”

Jinsol hated it. She used to stare into Jungeun’s eyes and see nothing but herself. It used to be so warm.

Now, as she stares into Jungeun’s eyes, all she sees is doubt. She doesn’t see herself anymore.

Little did she know, Jungeun also longed for her.

“Jungeun, we can still work this out...” Jinsol tightened her grasp on Jungeun’s hands ever so slightly. She bit her lip. “We don’t have to rush into it, okay? I’ll take my time and you can take yours, I promise it’ll be worth it.”

Jungeun hated how desperate Jinsol sounded. She just wants the older girl to shut up and kiss her, even though she knows it will only harm their hearts even more. Jungeun hated how she’s still so madly in love with Jinsol, even after everything.

“Is that all?” Jungeun’s voice was cold. “I’ve listened to everything you said. Is there anything else?”

Jinsol felt her heart drop. “N-No. there’s nothing else...” She whispered back. She hesitantly let go of Jungeun’s hands. Jinsol hung her head low and kept her gaze trained on the ground beneath them.

Jungeun stared at their hands. She missed Jinsol’s warm touch. “Are you sure?” Her voice was softer than a murmur. Deep down, she didn’t want Jinsol to stop talking.

Jinsol felt like she was suffocating. Have I said everything? She asked herself, even though deep down she knew that she hasn’t. No words can explain how much she missed Jungeun. She kept mum for a while, gauging whether it would be all right for her to speak.

She took a deep, shaky breath in. She had to mentally prepare herself before she could spit out the words stuck in . She lifted her head for a bit, to look at the crown of Jungeun’s head. Jungeun seemed fascinated by their feet.

“I know the only reason we’re not together is because of how scared I was, Jungeun.” Jinsol breathed out Jungeun’s name like it was a prayer. “But lately I realized that living everyday knowing I let the most important girl in my life go is more terrifying than the opinion of others.”

Jungeun whipped her head up and stared at the way Jinsol’s eyes sincerely shone. Jungeun just wanted to dive into the unknown with the girl before her, blindly entrusting and shoving her heart into the hands of the person who broke it.

But Jungeun knew it was a bad idea. Her words like to say the complete opposite of what her heart wants.

“How am I supposed to trust you?” Jungeun’s voice trembled. “You can’t even look at me when we’re in the same room as everyone else.”

Jinsol gulped.

“All I wanted in our relationship was to proudly show you off, Sol. You know everyone else would still love us, right?” Jungeun’s gaze pierced through Jinsol’s heart.

“That’s the only thing I needed. I hated having to wait until we’re all alone before I can talk to you without you ignoring me.” Jungeun felt frustrated to no ends. “I hated having to hide from our members just because you feared what they’d think. I hated having to lie through my teeth and tell Jiwoo that I’ve been okay because damn it, Sol, I’m not okay!”

Tears slipped out of Jungeun’s tears and Jinsol could feel her heart shattering.

“I wanted to tell Jiwoo everything so I can finally get you off of my mind... I wanted to gush about you, cry about you, dream about you freely without having to worry if you’ll be okay with it.” Jungeun did not understand what she was saying at this point. She just wanted everything to stop.

But as Jinsol stood in front of her, just as broken as how she felt—speechless, she knew the pain would not end soon.

“I just want to be sure I’m not mindlessly entering a doomed relationship with you, Sol.” Jungeun whispered. “How am I sure that you’d finally be okay with, I don’t know, loving me?”

“I’ll prove it to you.” Jinsol’s voice was trembling, but it sounded firm. She was determined to get Jungeun back.

Before Jungeun could properly retaliate, Jinsol had wrapped her arms around her. “I promise that.” Jinsol spoke against the crown of Jungeun’s head. “But for now, we should go to sleep. Is that okay?”

Jungeun inhaled Jinsol’s scent. She hesitantly hugged Jinsol back. “Okay...”

She could feel Jinsol tighten the hug. She let it be.

Jinsol pulled away and gave her a teary smile. She giggled softly before reaching for the glass of water she left alone. After drinking, she offered Jungeun some, to which Jungeun gladly accepted.

They washed the glasses and made their way back to their room in silence. The atmosphere wasn’t as heavy as before, but it sure as hell didn’t feel light.

At least it’s better. Jungeun thought to herself. She glanced sideways and looked at the content expression on Jinsol’s face. We’re starting to be better.

“Well...” Jinsol spoke out slowly. “I hope you finally sleep well tonight.”

“You too,” Jungeun gave her a small smile. They stood around their bed awkwardly.

Jinsol shifted her weight from her left to her right leg. She cleared . “G-Good night, Jungie.”

“Night...” Jungeun got in her bed and watched Jinsol climb to get to hers. 

“Wait, Sol.”

“Hm?” Jinsol hummed, her foot hovering over the ladder. “What is it?”

“No, it’s just...” Jungeun felt herself cringe slightly. “Do you think things will get better? Between us, I mean...” She watched as Jinsol gave her a contemplative look.

“It will.” She gave Jungeun a small smile. “Is there anything else you’d like to say...?”

Jungeun shook her head. Jinsol gave her a knowing smile. She put her foot down and climbed in bed next to Jungeun. “I’ll sleep next to you tonight too. I like falling asleep with you.”

“Sol, seriously?” Jungeun giggled under her breath. She raised the blanket over their shoulders, and she snuggled closer to Jinsol. Jinsol opened her arms and pulled Jungeun closer. 

Things between them weren’t perfect, but Jungeun thinks it’s good enough.

---

“I can’t believe Jungeun’s still sleeping.” Sooyoung’s voice rang throughout the dorm. She held a bag of chips in her hands, which Jinsol recognized it to be from Jungeun’s stash of snacks. “She’s usually the first one to get up.”

“Let her be,” Jinsol lightly slapped Sooyoung’s arm. She took a chip from the bag and spoke again. “It’s our day off anyway, what’s the big deal?”

They were sitting on the sofa with a show playing on the TV, but Jinsol could only think of it as background noise. She was aimlessly scrolling through her phone. She sprawled her legs across the sofa and over Sooyoung’s lap.

“It’s not a big deal, I’m just... curious.” Sooyoung took another chip and munched on it. Her eyes were blank as they stared at the TV in front of them. “I mean, the rest are also still asleep...”

“See?” Jinsol spoke through a mouth full of chips. “I think it’s fine to let her sleep in once in a while.” 

“Who are you guys talking about?” Jungeun’s sleepy voice carried itself to Sooyoung and Jinsol’s ears. Jinsol immediately sat up properly, making a small thud as her feet reached the floor.

“We were talking about you, love.” Jinsol froze before she could continue. She gave Sooyoung a shaky gaze, and Sooyoung only raised her eyebrows.

Jungeun also looked at Jinsol oddly, but she didn’t mind. Instead, she gestured for Jinsol to move over so she could sit next to her on the sofa. Jinsol gladly obliged.

“Isn’t that mine?” Jungeun leaned towards Sooyoung. She sighed. “I wake up late once and I get my food stolen.”

“It isn’t even that late.” Sooyoung teased. “It’s nine AM. It’s still early.”

“Why are you up this early then?” Jungeun jabbed back. She took a chip from the bag Sooyoung was holding.

“Jiwoo’s talking in her sleep again... She told me to get up.” Sooyoung sighed. “I can’t believe I thought she was talking to me when we all know she’s the one who wakes up the latest.”

Jungeun laughed, and Jinsol couldn’t help but follow suit. She thinks Jungeun’s smile was contagious.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s hilarious.” Sooyoung murmured under her breath. “But I have a genuine question for you two.”

Jungeun stopped laughing almost immediately. Unconsciously, she distanced herself from Jinsol.

Jinsol did the same.

“What is it?” Jinsol bravely asked, even though deep down she was anxious about what Sooyoung could bring up. She could feel the nervousness of the younger girl beside her, and it only fueled her own.

“It’s not that serious, I guess, but the members and I were worried about you guys lately.” Sooyoung starts tentatively. She wanted to know whether she’s crossing her boundaries. “Personally, I think it was weird how you guys started being distant these past few months.”

“Oh, is it weird?” Jungeun awkwardly spoke out. She wasn’t sure whether Jinsol would be okay with telling the truth. “We’ve always been fine though, right?” She nudged Jinsol to say anything.

But Jinsol felt like it was her fault they were in this mess. She went on and on about not wanting to involve everyone else with their business without realizing that it already involved them. She looked into Jungeun’s eyes briefly, as if to remind Jungeun that she should trust her.

She gulped down the nervousness she felt prior to the situation right now. I don’t have to tell everyone all at once, right? I could take my time. Jinsol thought about Jungeun. I’ll take my time with her.

“Actually, Sooyoung...” Jinsol muttered. Sooyoung read the intensity behind Jinsol’s tone. She put the bag of chips down and faced Jinsol, silently urging her to continue.

Meanwhile, Jungeun was confused. She didn’t think Jinsol would be ready to say anything. It’s only been a few hours since they talked about it.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell the rest of the members yet, but there’s something you should know.” Jinsol felt Jungeun’s fingers on her hand, and she squeezed it softly to reassure the younger girl.

Sooyoung nodded, waiting for Jinsol to continue.

“Jungeun and I dated.”

Silence filled the air. Jinsol was glad that they were the only ones awake so far.

Dated. Sooyoung repeated in her head. Dated...

“What?” She couldn’t hide the disbelief in her voice. Jungeun flinched. “Dated? So you’re not dating anymore?”

“Yeah.” Jinsol confirmed. “That’s the reason it was awkward between us. I’m sorry that you guys got caught up in it.”

“No, no, it’s fine, it’s just...” Sooyoung stumbled around her words. “What about now?” She gestured at the way the two were holding hands beside her.

“Well, let’s just say I was the reason we broke things off.” Jinsol laughed to relieve the uncomfortable atmosphere in the air. “She wanted to come out to you guys but I couldn’t.”

“Ah, I see...” Sooyoung nodded.

“I’m trying to win her back, though.”

Jungeun choked on air and let go of Jinsol’s hand.

Jinsol and Sooyoung looked at her amusedly, watching as she coughed and looked the other way. Jungeun looked like she was trying hard to keep herself from blushing. “You’re surprisingly blunt about it.” Jungeun breathed out, embarrassment creeping up her neck and disguising itself as a blush dusting around her cheeks.

“Well, get used to it. I’m not backing down soon.” Jinsol gave her a cheeky smile. “When I told you last night that I’d prove it to you, I wasn’t kidding.”

Jungeun nodded and hummed. She trained her eyes on the TV before them.

She found the beating of her heart hard to ignore.

With the way Jinsol tenderly wrapped an arm around her waist to give her a side hug, Jungeun knew she was going to have to get used to an affectionate Jinsol soon.

---

However, she didn’t think it would be so soon. It was as if confessing to Sooyoung about everything awakened the confidence Jinsol hid when they were still together.

Everyone was awake now, and the dorm seemed lively. (Hey! Stop hiding the remote, I want to watch something else! Yerim pouted as Hyunjin took the remote further away from her).

Jungeun would have scolded them for being too naughty, if only Jinsol’s cheek wasn’t pressed against her shoulder and her arms weren’t wrapped tightly around Jungeun’s waist. Jungeun felt her heart pound. She sat on Jinsol’s lap (Please, Jungie? Just this once? Jungeun didn’t know why she couldn’t say no), and she could feel Jinsol’s warm breath spread around her shoulders and her neck.

No one had questioned it so far.

“Hey.” Jinsol whispered so only Jungeun could hear her. “Are you sure I’m not pushing things too far?” Her voice was so sickeningly sweet. Jungeun only nodded.

“It’s okay...” The younger girl murmured back. “I kind of... missed having you this close to me.”

Jinsol almost didn’t hear what Jungeun said, all because of a piercing scream that slipped out of Jiwoo’s mouth. (Unnie! You shouldn’t do things like that! Jinsol didn’t understand what was happening, but she didn’t mind. She wanted to focus all of her attention on Jungeun).

“You missed me, huh?” Jinsol teased. (She tried to. Her heart was still stuttering around her ribcage, and she forced the embarrassment out of her body). She wanted Jungeun to know she wasn’t afraid anymore.

“Getting bolder?” Jungeun bit back. She carefully placed her hand on top of Jinsol’s and squeezed it. “I’m kidding. I just thought it would be nice to be honest once in a while.”

If Jinsol’s heart wasn’t skipping already, it definitely was now. She felt like the first time she fell for Jungeun. A giddy child learning what it means to have a crush again.

Except she knew it wasn’t just a crush, and that she was absolutely in love with Jungeun. But I won’t say it now, Jinsol thought to herself. She bit back the childish smile that creeped its way up to her lips as she stared at Jungeun’s side profile. 

“I can be honest too, right?” Jinsol murmured against the cloth of Jungeun’s t-shirt. “I missed you too, Jungie.”

Jungeun nodded. She covered her face with her hand slightly, fully aware that anyone could see how red she was turning.

“Oh! Look at unnie—” Heejin pointed towards Jungeun, and everyone whipped their heads to look at her slowly reddening skin. Jungeun wanted to disappear. “Are you still unwell from yesterday?” Heejin’s voice was a mixture of teasing and worried. 

Jungeun merely cleared before she spoke. “Y-Yeah, a bit.” I’m definitely not red because of Jinsol. Nope, definitely not.

Heejin nodded. “If you need, there’s still some medicine in the cupboards. I hope you feel better soon, so we can go out later...” She flashed Jungeun a toothy grin.

Jungeun only hummed in response, ignoring the way Jinsol was silently giggling behind her.

---

And so days pass by that way.

Jungeun would wake up to Jinsol’s soft voice, greeting her a small good morning before they both got up to wake the rest of their roommates up (Yeojin would always be stubborn when she’s half-asleep). Whenever they’d work in the studios or even in the practice room, they’d share little glances and sneaky smiles from across the area. They were always up in their own worlds.

Jungeun’s head would always be stuck in the clouds, and Jinsol would beckon her to come back down so they could take on the world together.

It was everything Jungeun asked for during their relationship. 

She wanted tiny affections from Jinsol, not the awkward head turns and snobby attitudes she’d get whenever they get too chummy with each other in front of the others.

Although, so far they haven’t really told anyone about their situation—save for Sooyoung who only gives them amused looks occasionally, Jungeun didn’t really mind.

Or maybe I do, she thinks to herself. What are we?

And so her mind wanders again. What if Jinsol’s only being brave because we’re not exactly anything? Jungeun hated the insecurities that whispered to her ears. It fueled her fear of Jinsol leaving her again. Cold, alone, and broken. Jungeun shuddered.

And she hated the feeling. She didn’t like it when her heart remembers what it was like when she was all by herself on her bed, listening to love songs singing about what-ifs. She didn’t want to go back.

However, a part of Jungeun also didn’t want to impose a relationship to the older girl. She didn’t want Jinsol to feel pressured.

But she couldn’t help the thoughts that lingered.

From across the room, Jinsol noticed the look of worry etched onto Jungeun’s face. It was their small break, and the practice room was quiet. She jogged her way to Jungeun and hugged her from behind. “You look tired...” She whispered against Jungeun’s ear.

Jungeun only smiled softly. She turned around and looked into Jinsol’s eyes. “Don’t worry about me,” she starts, loving the way Jinsol’s gaze pierced through her soul. “I’m okay.”

Jinsol hummed before she nodded. “Sit down and rest for a while, then. They gave us fifteen minutes.” Jinsol pulled the chair that was resting against the mirror closer to Jungeun. Jungeun gladly accepted and sat down, groaning when she finally felt her legs relax. She sighed, watching as Jinsol gave her a small smile of comfort before the older girl walked around and stood behind her.

Soon, she felt Jinsol’s fingers comb through her sweaty hair. Jungeun couldn’t stop the grin that was growing bigger by the minute.

“You don’t have to do that,” Jungeun tells Jinsol, however she did not stop the other girl from doing so.

“I know.” Jinsol’s voice was cheeky. She made eye contact with Sooyoung, who only rolled her eyes. “I like making you happy.”

“I see...” Jungeun sighed. She closed her eyes and relaxed into Jinsol’s touch.

She felt content. She would have to worry about labels and commitment in another day.

---

Jinsol loves it whenever she flusters Jungeun with the small cheek kisses she’d slip in between their conversations. She decided that it would be her way of telling Jungeun she loves her without saying it so explicitly.

Jinsol loves it even more whenever Jungeun would compose herself and act like she wasn’t embarrassed. She would keep her eyes trained on the way Jungeun would avoid her gaze, clearing and keeping her face free from the pink that would spread across her cheeks and her nose and her neck.

But Jinsol loves everything about Jungeun, anyway. She often stared at Jungeun’s figure, from afar or even when the girl’s inches before her. Jinsol loves Jungeun, and she knew there was no doubt behind it.

Jinsol could go on and on, listing every reason she loves Jungeun and matching each one with the stars. She’s even confident she’d run out of stars somehow.

There was just so much about Jungeun that’s more to the human eye. 

Just like how Jungeun’s head would start dropping whenever it’s nearing her bedtime, or when Jungeun would guffaw over a joke or an incident, or even when Jungeun would hum to herself while she sweeps the floors of their dorm every Sunday. Jinsol found everything about Jungeun endearing.

Sometimes she catches herself thinking about how she wasn’t worthy of Jungeun’s time. If Jungie finds out I’m thinking about this again, she’d definitely be mad at me. Jinsol smiles at the thought. 

Jinsol likes to stay quiet in the presence of Jungeun. She just enjoys watching her.

Jungeun gives her a pointed look. “You’re staring again...” She nudges Jinsol and the older girl couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re so weird...”

“You don’t like it when I stare?” Jinsol giggled. She paused at the way Jungeun was glaring at her. “I just find you so beautiful, Jungie.”

Jungeun’s heard it so many times before, but she appreciates the sentiment. She loved it whenever Jinsol would compliment her.

But as of now, her nerves were overpowering her appreciation. She knew she would have to ask Jinsol about them soon.

Why not now? Jungeun asks herself. They sat on Jungeun’s bed, alone but together. Yeojin and Yerim were off, hanging out with the rest of the members in the living room.

Comfortable silence casts over the two girls, and all they could hear was the ruckus outside of their room. (Jinsol figured they were watching some comedy. She didn’t really mind missing out. She’d rather stay with Jungeun, anyway).

“Actually, Sol... I want to talk to you about something.” Jungeun’s voice shakes along with her heart and her hands. It was now or never.

Jinsol moved closer to Jungeun, whose back was leaning against the wall. She sat right next to the younger girl, their shoulders pressed against each other and their hands slowly entangling amongst themselves.

“What is it?” Jinsol’s voice was barely above a whisper. Jungeun could feel her heart flutter against her chest.

“Are we ever going to define...” Jungeun gestured towards their entwined hands. “This?”

“Oh.” Jinsol would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared of this very conversation. Although she had promised to do her best with Jungeun, the thought of having something to commit to still formed the familiar bubbling of anxiety in her guts.

What if I mess up again?

Jungeun’s small voice interrupted Jinsol’s train of thought. “I-I’m not forcing anything, okay?” Jungeun squeezed Jinsol’s hand. “I just want to know if we’re actually... something.”

“No, it’s okay, I get it.” Jinsol sighed. “Do you... do you want to be something?’

The room was filled with quiet yet again.

“I think I do...” Jungeun had to be honest with Jinsol, even if it scared her to no ends. She needed Jinsol to know how she feels. “I mean, no labels is fine but I think it would ease my nerves if we were something…“Jungeun whispered the last few words, worrying if Jinsol would turn her down.

Jungeun’s anxiety grew with each second Jinsol didn’t speak. She glanced at the contemplative look on Jinsol’s face.

She jumped when Jinsol moved so suddenly. Before she realized it, she felt Jinsol’s hands cup her cheeks. “Is this your way of asking me to be your girlfriend, Jungie?” Jinsol’s voice was low and soft. It made Jungeun’s stomach roll.

“Only if you want to...”

Jungeun noted the way Jinsol was her cheeks with her thumbs. It brought up a sense of familiarity from the time they dated. Jinsol would always do this before she kissed Jungeun.

And now Jinsol dropped her eyes to look at Jungeun’s lips carefully, as if she was trying to remember the sensation of it being pressed against her own. “Jungie, you know well that I love you... right?”

“I know.” Jungeun trailed her fingers around Jinsol’s forearm. “I love you too.”

The three words they uttered weren’t awkward. It was three words they have grown so accustomed to, the rekindling of a flame that disappeared along the way. 

“I think it’s safe to say that you’re my girlfriend again.” Jungeun teased. She loved the way Jinsol’s eyelashes fluttered, and she loved the small blush that graced itself upon Jinsol’s cheeks.

Jinsol gave her a bashful grin. She gulped before leaning in.

Their lips connected, and the feeling was just as intense as the last time they kissed. They were slow pecks trying to portray what was left unsaid after they parted; a pair of lonely lips missing their other half.

It was what they were both used to. Jinsol could hear her heart pounding against her ears, and she could feel Jungeun’s breath mingling with hers. It just felt perfect.

Jungeun traced Jinsol’s forearm before reaching up and placing her hand on the nape of Jinsol’s neck. She missed everything about Jinsol, and she definitely missed the way Jinsol kissed her.

Jinsol kisses her like she was the most valuable person in Jinsol’s life.

And so she tries to reciprocate everything Jinsol’s trying to tell her through the kiss. She pulls Jinsol closer, kisses her deeper, and leans towards her even more. She wanted more of Jinsol, and she wanted to be the only one to take her.

She felt nimble fingers gently pull her waist closer. Jungeun pulled away to press her forehead against Jinsol.

“I love you so much.” Her words were shaky. It overwhelmed her with emotions.

Jinsol looked at Jungeun like Jungeun put the stars in her eyes.

“I love you so much too.” Jinsol whispers. “Can I kiss you again?”

Jungeun rolls her eyes. She sits on Jinsol’s lap and wraps her arms around Jinsol’s neck lovingly. “You don’t have to ask for permission. I always told you that before...”

“Oh, so we’re picking things up where we left them?” Jinsol teases. Jungeun’s laugh was breathy, and she threw her head back in the air.

“You could say that,” She gives Jinsol the sweetest smile.

Jinsol merely connected their lips once more. Too much of Jungeun was never enough for her. She sneaked her arms around the younger girl's waist and pulled her closer.

I love you, Jinsol bites Jungeun’s lower lip slightly before kissing her again. I love you... Jinsol clutched Jungeun tightly, afraid that letting her go would also mean losing her.

I love you so much... Jungeun’s small groans were music to her ears. She felt Jungeun tug her fingers through her hair. God, I just love you so much...

But she leaves the rest of her feelings unsaid. 

Because even if she doesn’t speak, she’s sure Jungeun knows.