It’s another one of those days, whenever things get rough I always find myself walking towards the forest I spent most of my high school life at. This is the place where I met and said goodbye to my best friend and the love of my life, Kim Heechul.

                I hate life here in Seoul. I hate my school, I hate learning Korean, and I hate my classmates. I just want to go back home. Can’t I just live in Tokyo with my grandma? I don’t need this; I don’t need to “learn” about the other half of my identity. I don’t care if my father was Korean, he left me. He gave me a stupid Korean name that stood out amongst my classmates and now I’m sent here because he wants me back. I spent 15 years with my mom, who does he think he is? Just because my mother has passed away doesn’t mean he can just come back and ruin my life. I withstood years of bullying before peopled stopped making fun of me for not being full Japanese and for being different but here I am in Seoul with my broken Korean and being bullied again. When is this going to stop? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Does my father really hate me that much?  I just….. “AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I began to scream as I sat on a dead tree in a forest next to my stupid school. Before I knew it, tears were rolling town my face. I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up to see the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes on. He started to speak but it took me a few seconds to register that he was asking me if I was okay in broken Japanese. I told him I was fine in Korean to the best of my abilities and quickly ran towards the school, I found an empty area in the courtyard and sat there, dumfounded at what had just occurred.

                I was sitting in class when the teacher announced that we had another new student, great maybe we can be friends. I looked up and saw the boy I had met at the forest today. Kim Heechul. His name is Kim Heechul. Wait… He’s a new student. How did he know that I was Japanese?  I was broken out of my daze when the class began to applaud after he finished his introduction. Since I had no friends the desks next to me were all empty, he walked over and sat beside me. With an awkward smile on his face he put his hands up to wave at me but I just looked down as he awkwardly put his hands back down. I didn’t know what to do.

                With his good looks and kind personality he soon became one of the most popular students at our school. What’s weird is that he didn’t hang out with any of the other popular students. The friends he made were all considered “geeks” and “nerds”.  He had tried talking to me a few times as well but I never knew what to say since I was scared of talking to him with my accented Korean.

                 A few more weeks had passed and I still made no friends and spent my lunches at the forest. I’m sitting on my usual spot and let out a sigh as I looked up at the clouds.  I’m especially tired today since some kids at the elementary school next to mine came over for our children festival. There was a group of students Japanese students on a foreign exchange program so I ended up spending my morning showing them around and playing with them. We were in one of the vacated classrooms since the kids wanted to see what a High School classroom was like. Before I knew it the kids began drawing on the boards and telling each other jokes.  We were laughing at the jokes that the boys were telling when Heechul came over. He wanted to join us. With the kids around I couldn’t refuse his offer and told him to sit in the desk next to mine. As the jokes continued I noticed the confused expression on Heechul’s face. I tapped on his shoulder and explained the joke to him in Korean. A smile spread across his face and he began to laugh along with us. When the kids had left Heechul came up to me and thanked me for being his translator today. I guess my Korean isn’t so bad after all.

               Heechul and I began to spend more time together after that day. He was helping me with my Korean and I was helping him with his Japanese. His group of friends had a meeting of some sort today so he spent his lunch with me. Without even realizing it I had brought him back to the spot where we had met each other. As we sat down he asked me why I always came here for lunch. I told him that I had found this spot because I liked sketching; the log I sat on had a perfect opening from the trees above showing the clouds during the day, the sun as it began to set and the moon at night. I started to go on a tangent about how beautiful it was when I noticed that Heechul was extremely confused. I had started speaking in Japanese. Embarrassed I look up at him and apologized for forgetting to speak in Korean. He smiled and told me that it was okay. Laughing at what had just happened we both sat down and talked about anything we could think of.

              Heechul and I became extremely close and spent almost every single day together. Time flew by whenever I spent it with Heechul. We went to our classes together, spent our lunches together, did our homework together and spent almost all of our spare time together. My relationship with my father had improved and I started to open up with the rest of my classmates over the year thanks to Heechul. He had convinced me to open my heart up to my father and introduced me to all his friends. I began taking extra Korean courses while he took Japanese courses so that we could talk about even more things with each other. We’ve learned about each other’s lives and the things that we like and dislike but our conversations were never able to go any deeper due to the language barrier.  There is only so much that our broken Korean and Japanese can communicate to one another.

             I realized that I had fallen in love with Heechul when a girl in our class confessed to him. I was extremely upset and ran to our forest before I even heard his answer. I was crying when I heard footsteps behind me. Although I wasn’t there to see what happened I learned from our classmates that Heechul had politely rejected the girl before leaving the classroom. He saw me running and had called out my name but I didn’t hear him. When he came to ask me what was wrong I was much too embarrassed to tell him. Noticing that I didn’t want to talk about it, he sat beside me and started to pat my back telling me to stop crying. My heart felt it like it was going to explode when he hugged me and told me that he’d always be there to listen if I ever needed someone to talk to and that he’d always lend a shoulder for me to cry on. From that moment on I knew that I was in love with my best friend.

             The two of us had gotten even closer after that day; it was the first time he saw me cry as a friend and not a stranger. Over the next year the two of us shared more laughter as well as tears with one another. Whenever something good happened to either one of us, we’d always tell the other person first. When we were upset we’d always find each other and cry our hearts out underneath the shadows of the trees that surrounded our secret spot.

            During our last year of High school we decided to go to the Valentine’s dance together. We were both single and had never attended the dances. I had no idea why Heechul decided to go this year but we did. We were having fun with our group of friends when a slow song began to play. Everybody around us had coupled up and began to dance while the two of us stood there awkwardly. I looked at the girls next to me with envy when Heechul suddenly put his hands around my waist, swaying to the song. Although we were dancing as friends, Heechul made me the happiest girl alive that day. He walked me home after the dance and kissed me goodnight before running off. I was once again left dumbfounded because of Heechul.

             The next day had been awkward for the two of us; I didn’t what to say and couldn’t even look at him straight in the eyes. I spent my lunch with the female friends I had made over the past two years while he was with his other friends. Almost every single student noticed that something was off between the two of us and had wondered if we had fought. If only they knew that it was nothing like what they had expected. Flustered at the questions my friends were asking about what had happened between Heechul and me, I told them that I wasn’t feeling well and left. I told the school that I was heading home and that my father would call in to excuse me later. I began to daydream and think about the kiss between Heechul and me last night when I tripped over a log. I had walked to the forest instead of going home. As I walked towards our spot I noticed that Heechul was there as well. I was about to turn around and leave but Heechul heard my footsteps and grabbed my arm. He had pulled a little too hard and caused me to lose my balance. Heechul had tried to keep me from falling but lost his balance as well, making me fall on top of him. I looked down at his wide eyes and tried to get off of him when he held me cheeks and kissed me. Nervous, I had tried to stop the kiss at first but soon melted in his arms and kissed him back.

                The next eight months were the happiest days of my life. Heechul and I became an official couple and spent even more time together. Our classmates laughed and cheered when they found out about the news saying that they knew that this was bound to happen one day. Heechul and I told our parents after our first month of dating. My father and Heechul’s mother was ecstatic after we told him but for some reason Heechul’s father didn’t look too pleased. Heechul told me to brush it off saying that his father had wanted him to earn a steady living before even thinking about dating. I took his word for it and soon forgot about the look his father had on his face when Heechul introduced me as his girlfriend and not best friends.

                  As the two of us dated we began to talk about our futures and the life we would live. I wanted to become an artist while Heechul wanted to become a writer. We had even talked about how our family would be; we both wanted a girl and a boy. Yes, we were only 17 at the time but the two of us knew that there was nobody else we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. I loved him with all my heart and he loved me with his.

                Heechul’s mother passed away in a car accident two weeks before our graduation, he was devastated. He didn’t go to school for a week and spent hours locked up in his room, crying. I had tried to visit him but his father told me that Heechul wanted to be left alone. This was the first time I wasn’t able to cry with him, feeling the pain that he had. His pain was my pain.

                Heechul finally showed up at school a few days before graduation, everybody was out of their seats immediately, making sure that Heechul was okay. After a few minutes everybody noticed that I was standing there behind them, laughing they realized that they had made it difficult for me to get to my boyfriend. As I hugged him he stiffened and told me to let go. Everyone in the room was extremely confused; I had no idea why Heechul was acting that way. As I backed off he walked towards our teacher and handed her a letter. I tried talking to him over and over again that day but he told me that he wanted to be alone. I figured he was upset about his mother and just didn’t know what to do so I had left him alone. I felt awful that day and took my sketch pad with me, drawing the sunset at our spot. I had fallen asleep and was awoken by Heechul shaking my shoulders. I looked up and smiled, my Heechul is back. I was about to hug him when he leaned away from me. Confused, I asked him why he was treating me that way. His answer was something I did not expect at all; he told me that he didn’t love me anymore. Tears began to fill my eyes, I opened my mouth to ask him why but I didn’t even get a chance. He had said goodbye and turned the other way, leaving me behind. I felt like someone had taken my heart out and crushed it. I felt someone had stomped on my heart repeatedly. I couldn’t breathe and fell to the floor, crying as I watched the love of my life walk away from me.

                I didn’t go to school the next day, I didn’t have the strength to get out of my bed. I had gotten sick from crying all night in the cold. Knowing my personality my father didn’t as any questions and tended to me while I was sick in bed. There was only three days until graduation… I didn’t plan to attend anymore. The past three years of my life had revolved around Heechul, going to a celebration of the achievements we made during High School would be pointless without him.

                My friends came to visit me the day before our graduation; they told me that Heechul and his father had left for the states. I felt my heart stop; I started crying again and asked them why he had left. Nobody knew the exact details but Hangeng, one of Heechul’s closest friends, says that his father’s company had joined with one in the states. After hearing that I had finally put the puzzle pieces together. Heechul’s father never approved of me. He saw me as an obstacle to Heechul’s future. This has to be why Heechul left, there’s no way he can say no to his father after his mother passed away. He still loves me, I just know it. I have to find him.

                It’s been five years since I last saw Heechul and a year since I last heard anything about him. Hangeng told me that he was getting engaged to the daughter of his father’s business partnered. He was the only person that Heechul still contacted after he left but he never told him the city he lived in. I guess he was afraid that Hangeng would end up telling me.  Heechul had gotten drunk two years ago and told Hangeng what really happened before he left, after the death of Heechul’s mother, his father finally told him that their company was going bankrupt; they were going to be in ruins unless he agreed to marry Yoona, the woman that he is probably married to now.  Heechul had initially refused but couldn’t say no after his own father had gotten on his knees and begged him. His father’s company was his everything; he spent his entire life building an empire that he had planned to leave to Heechul. Heechul knew that he wouldn’t be able to let me go if he saw me again after the night he broke up with me so him and his father booked a flight to leave Seoul the very next day.  I wanted to hate Heechul for leaving me but I didn’t have the heart to do that after what Hangeng told me. I still love him and always will, my heart doesn’t have room for another man in my life. There is no one else in this world that can make time stop and speed up at the same time. I miss him so much. He was the only person that I wanted to share my happiness and the only person that I wanted to be with when I was hurt. The memories we had together were one of a kind.  I can’t help but come to our spot whenever things get tough. I always find myself sitting here for hours staring at the clouds, watching the sunset then counting the stars. A part of me is still hoping that he’d come back here one day, telling me that he still loves me as much as I love him but I know that something like that won’t happen.  I let out a sigh as I get up to head back home.  As I turn around I look up to see Heechul standing in front of me with tears in his eyes. “I missed you so much, Minyoung. I love you”.