Let Me Try

Welcome to this 26k-words monster!

Enjoy your reading! ♥

 

“Home”

Elang Defrianto

I’ve been feelin’ cautious for all this time

I had nothing precious beside my life

Then I saw an angel ready to fly

You were one in million so let me try

 

 

☕

 

 

The windows rumbled and a thunder echoed inside the café. Yixing jumped, hitting his knee under the table, and his latte splashed inside his cup.

A snort came from the counter and he turned to glare at Jongdae. He was trying to stay professional as he prepared a woman's coffee.

The storm had begun half an hour ago and it showed no signs of stopping soon—which was great. Almost. Yixing loved storms. They were perfect. Magnificent. Amazing shooting scenarios to photograph, both during and after water poured down. Without mentioning that they were the best excuse to stay home, away from people. So, yeah. Perfect was the word.

At the moment, though, it was an inconvenient. He was stuck in the café for as long as the storm lasted and he wanted to head back home.

Not that he had things to do there. But as a person who enjoyed the tranquility of solitude—'of ing isolation', according to Jongdae—he spent a good amount of time—'alarming amount of time', according to Minseok—alone at his apartment, going out only when necessary.

Jongdae and Minseok insisted that he needed to go out more. That being alone all the time wasn't fine. But it was fine. Yixing liked it; he didn't mind. Besides, he was 28. He was an adult. He was well damned free to decide to interact with barely anyone if he wanted.

Taking a sip of his latte, Yixing glanced out the window. There was a small river of rainwater along the sidewalk that washed away fallen leaves and trash. Cars passed fast over puddles, splashing everything on their way. Water fell from the tarps covering the door and window. A soaked brown dog was resting under them, covering itself from soaking even more.

It was a pity Yixing hadn't brought his camera.

Another thunder roared and he jumped again. Maybe storms weren’t that perfect.

The lady at the counter mumbled her thanks and walked out. She climbed in a car that was waiting for her at the front of the place. Without her, that made only two people at the café.

"What a day, huh?"

Yixing jumped once again, hitting his elbow with the edge of the table.

Laughing, Jongdae took the seat in front of him.

"Why are you so jumpy today?" he asked, reaching for Yixing's cup.

"You took me by surprise."

"So did all the thunders, didn’t they?"

Jongdae took a sip from the cup and Yixing frowned. That was his latte. Whatever. There wasn't much left and it was already cold, anyway.

"So.” Jongdae put the empty cup down, and crossed his arms on top of the table. “Yesterday I met with Junmyeon at the mall. He was looking for a new lamp or something."

God, not Junmyeon again…

Yixing looked down at the table and made a ball with his napkin.

"He asked for you."

"Ah." Yixing rolled the ball, not looking up.

"Yep… Have you thought about it?"

No, not really, Yixing wanted to say. There was nothing to think about. Just like the other… three? Maybe four…? Six. Six times.

"What should I tell him?" Jongdae insisted.

Yixing shrugged. "That I say no, thanks."

He looked up and saw how Jongdae pursed his lips and frowned.

Great. He was about to get scolded.

"Yixing."

"Jongdae," he said in a poor imitation of Jongdae's voice.

Sighing, Jongdae fell back on his chair. "Come on, Yixing! Why not? Is there something wrong with him?"

That was the thing. Nothing was wrong with Junmyeon. He was an okay guy. More than okay, actually. Junmyeon was kind and polite, selfless, always trying to make people laugh. He had interesting conversation topics and there was no chance for people to get bored. And he was handsome. A lot. So really, Junmyeon was fine.

The problem was Yixing himself. He didn't want to give it a chance. Life was good as it was and there was no need to change that.

He shrugged again, pushing his paper ball away. "I'm not interested."

Jongdae studied him for a moment, narrowing his eyes. That look had always made Yixing feel uncomfortable. Jongdae was funny and chirping and he wasn't serious unless the situation required it. You had to be doing something really wrong to become the receiving end of such a stare.

"Is it still because of Yifan?"

Yixing sent him an incredulous look, not believing his ears. "You're not being serious."

"Am I laughing?" Jongdae raised his eyebrows, still keeping his serious face. It was scary. "Please tell me why I shouldn't think he's the reason. Because it's been three years. Three years. And all that you've been doing ever since is finding excuses not to have someone in your life—"

"I don't want to have someone in my life."

"—and be happy for once, and that's plain bull. How many times do Minseok and I have to repeat it for you to get it?"

Yixing rolled his eyes and stared out the window. He already regretted having left his apartment.

"Yifan left you for that Zitao guy and broke your heart. Yes, we all know that and I still want to punch his ugly face. But that was three years ago, Yixing." Jongdae raised an eyebrow, hitting the table with one finger. "It's time for you to get over it and ing move on."

Yixing felt the annoyance already bubbling in his stomach.

Were they going to fight now? Really?

It was ridiculous.

Jongdae was ridiculous.

He made sure to tell him that, and Jongdae snorted.

"Ridiculous me?" He pointed a finger toward himself. "As far as I know, I'm not the one who tortures himself by looking at Yifan's happy-couply pictures every single day. Or the one who sulks in the corners, being an to everyone who tries to approach."

Yixing couldn't help but scowl.

What the actual ?

He wasn’t sulking, he wasn’t an , and he was definitely not torturing himself. He didn't know what he was doing, but it was his business, wasn't it? Neither Jongdae nor Minseok—or anyone, actually—had a saying on it.

"That's my problem, don't you think?" His voice sounded harsher than he had intended, but he was getting impatient.

Why couldn't they leave him alone with it? He didn't want to date anyone. So what? He wasn't doing any damage. They needed to chill.

"No. No, it's not," Jongdae said, shaking his head. "It's not when we're the ones who have to deal with it. All this is stupid and you are pathetic."

A thunder made sure to add a strident effect to the end of Jongdae's sentence. Yixing decided storms weren't perfect at all.

He settled with rolling his eyes and let the guy talk. He wouldn't win, anyway, so he would pretend they weren't having this conversation.

Jongdae didn't stop.

"The only thing you do is take pictures, drink coffee and push people away."

Yixing frowned, ready to argue, but Jongdae beat him to it.

"Don't look at me like that. You do. The only ones you have contact with are your parents, your grandparents, Luhan, Minseok and I."

He raised his fingers with each person he mentioned, trying to prove his point—to no avail, because he hadn't proved anything. He had seven fingers raised. Those were already many people.

"And now not even that!" Jongdae continued. "Because Minseok won't be back until December next year. And I'm pretty sure that you hardly talk to Luhan anymore."

Yixing stared out, focusing his attention on a puddle of water.

What was wrong with having a few people in his life? Relationships were unnecessary. The more people you let in, the more room there was for disappointment. He had confirmed it three years ago, when Yifan had left him, and all their common friends had chosen to take his side.

“You need to understand, Yixing. Yifan is a free soul and he was feeling caged with you. Zitao makes him happy. If you love him, you should let him go.”

That's what they had told him—and, Bull, was what Yixing had thought.

They were his friends, too, dammit. Friends supported each other. Not low-key implied that it had been his fault that Yifan had cheated on him because he was 'feeling caged'.

Yixing had believed that they had been his friends as much as they had been Yifan's. That they were going to be there for him, too. Because he was sad, and heartbroken, and in need of a friend. Sure, Minseok and Jongdae had always been there; ever since he had arrived to Seoul all those years ago. And now he knew that he didn’t need anyone else. But back then, he had believed—stupidly so—that he could count on those other friends, too.

Of course that didn't happen.

Thus why he didn't want new people in his life. There was no point in spending time and energy on someone who would walk away. It was better this way. He had to remind himself that it was better this way. That he was better this way.

"I won't date your cousin," Yixing finally said, looking back at Jongdae.

Jongdae opened his mouth to continue arguing. But the little bell at the door twinkled, driving his attention away.

Sighing, he moved to stand up, not before whispering, "I'll tell Junmyeon you said yes. You’ll go to that date, whether you like it or not."

Yixing would've complained. Would've told him to go find a girlfriend, instead, and leave him alone. Would've told him to go himself, even. But he wasn't paying attention anymore. His focus was on the guy that had walked in.

Tall, broad shoulders, long legs, hair as brown as a hazelnut.

He was…

He was…

He was completely soaked.

Turning to stare out, Yixing noticed that the storm had finally calmed down, but the guy’s clothes were wet. Who knew for how long he had been out there under the rain.

Poor man.

His shirt clung to his body and his fringe was stuck to his forehead. He buried his hand on his hair as he glanced at the menu on the wall, and a few droplets fell on the counter. Yixing saw a faint turn up of the guy's lips as Jongdae walked behind the counter and took his order. He wondered how his smile would look like from the front.

The exchange of words was foreign to his ears. He grasped something about vanilla, cinnamon, and credit card. Something else about toilet, rain, and right over there.

After that, everything happened so fast that Yixing didn’t have time to react. The guy turned around and of course his eyes landed on Yixing. It wasn't like he had had any other choice, given that there was no one else in the café, but it still made Yixing jump.

If they would've been in a movie, he was sure that that was the moment when the cheesy music would start playing. The scene's speed would reduce to 0.25x. But they weren't. They music-lessly looked at each other—awkwardly from Yixing's side. Curiously from the guy's side.

Yixing then noticed three things.

One, the guy was younger than him. He would bet two or three years; four at most.

Two, the guy had a perfect sculpted face. He was, without a doubt, the whole extension of the word 'handsome'. The most handsome he had seen in his life, Yixing would dare to say.

Three, he had been shamelessly staring at him ever since the guy had walked in and he had caught him on the act.

Yixing’s mouth went dry. A blush crept up his cheeks. His eyes landed on Jongdae, who was witnessing the weird scene with a raised eyebrow.

He had to get out of there.

He dragged his chair back, feeling his pockets to check if he had his wallet and keys with him. He stood up and walked toward the door.

"Wait, you going?" Jongdae asked behind him.

Yixing only waved his hand as a farewell, without turning around. He pushed the door open and just like that, he was out.

The air was cool and it smelled like humid grass. Fortunately, there was no water falling from the sky and Yixing thanked heavens for it. He risked a glance at the window. Jongdae was already preparing something at the coffee machine. The guy was nowhere around.

Feeling himself able to breathe, Yixing hugged his jacket to his body and finally began his way back home. Where he could be alone, without people telling him what to do with his life.

 

☕

 

Yixing would have the perfect shot, only if that lady could clean that horrendous snot that was peeking under her son's nose. He would call it, 'Afternoon after school'.

Or not.

That didn't sound creative.

He was at his usual table next to the window, taking random pictures of people who came in for a coffee. Jongdae had already told him that he wasn't allowed to do it.

“You disturb my customers. Stop being a creep,” he always said.

Yixing never listened.

As a photographer, he had a sixth sense dedicated to beauty; he always knew where to find it. One of his favorite locations was the café. Picture he took there, picture that turned out amazing. And his camera was his partner in crime. She made magic. Captured the most simple of moments to turn them into the most beautiful pictures he had ever seen. And no, he wasn't conceited. All the credit was for his camera. She was the one who made the job. Yixing was only the guy who pressed the button.

And that's what he did once again. He pressed the button, capturing the kid with the snot. Putting the camera down, he checked the shot. It wasn’t something he would put in a gallery, but it looked decent.  'Snot after school' would do just right.

The camera went all the way up to his face again, and he looked around to find what to capture next. There was an old man reading his newspaper with a few crumbs of bread on his moustache. A couple of teenagers sharing a milkshake because oh, yes, it was romantic. A group of women talking about the latest gossips at their kids’ school. A tall guy with broad shoulders opening the door and—

Yixing immediately put his camera down.

He blinked a few times, forcing his eyes to regain their natural focus. A frown settled between his eyebrows when he realized that he wasn’t seeing wrong. The guy from last week’s stormy day was walking down the counter.

Yixing’s frown deepened.

What was he doing there again?

Well. Duh. He was buying coffee, but why there? Yixing would bet all his belongings that last week had been the first time he had stepped into the café. It had to be; otherwise, he would remember him. Because yet again, he had a sixth sense for beauty, and the guy wouldn't have escaped his radar. Yixing wasn’t afraid of accepting that.

Now the guy was back. And he wasn’t soaked. Good for him. He was wearing a black, long sleeve shirt with a pair of jeans. He had his hair tucked under a cap and a bag hung one of his shoulders.

Placing a hand on the counter, the guy scanned the menu for a moment. But completely out of the blue, he turned around, seeming to be looking for something. His eyes immediately landed—of course they did—on Yixing's table, catching him staring.

Again.

.

Yixing looked away and began playing with the buttons of his camera. Going through picture after picture; deciding that none of them was good enough. Ignoring the heavy feeling of the guy's eyes on him.

He internally chastised himself. That was why he never, ever stared at people. First, because it was impolite. And second, because it would give away the wrong impression. He didn't want people misunderstanding the intention of his stares—which mostly were of disapproval. People tended to do tons of stupid things. Now, he had been caught staring, not once, but twice, and to the same guy nonetheless. It was embarrassing.

Yixing heard Jongdae speaking and a small breath escaped his lips. At least the guy's attention was somewhere else.

He continued going through his pictures, only to have something to do. But a few minutes later, he chanced another glance to the counter. Jongdae was facing the coffee machine, looking like a pro with how fast he moved. The guy, on the other hand, was playing with his phone. His thumb never stopping its scrolling-down motion.

Yixing could only look at him from the side and honestly, his profile was such a spectacle. He had a perfect nose. His eyebrows looked like they had a permanent frown, giving him some sort of annoyed, yet elegant look. His lips were thin, as far as Yixing could see, and was that a mole on his neck? His neck… It was long and had a prominent Adam’s apple. Yixing wanted to trace his fingers over it, and go down and place them on his—probably—firm chest. Then go back to his broad shoulders, because they looked amazing and just why not?

Broad-shoulders guy looked like a noodle. Kind of. Not really. He was tall and slim, but his—probably—firm chest confirmed that he still had some toned muscles somewhere under his clothes—probably.

He was, to put it simple, fit.

Noodles weren't fit.

Wait. Noodles weren't fit? What was he even thinking?

Yixing frowned and shook his head, glancing down again. He was going delirious.

He noticed that his distraction had made him put a finger on the camera lens. He took out a small piece of cloth and wiped it with such delicacy he might as well have been caressing a baby. In some way, he was. His camera was his baby. The only one that mattered. His only companion in life.

Once he finished, he put the camera up to make sure the lens was clean again—it was, and he wished it wasn't. Then he wouldn't have a clear view of Broad-shoulders looking at him instead of his phone.

Yixing kept his hands there, frozen in front of his face. Broad-shoulders sent him a small smile and Yixing lost it. Something weird bubbled in his chest and he didn't like it.

Luckily for him, he didn't have to embarrass himself even further. Broad-shoulders turned around and didn't look at Yixing again. Not even as he walked to the door, coffee in hand.

Yixing wouldn't say he had kept his eyes glued to him, but yeah, he had. To, you know, make sure he wouldn't look at him again.

Relief flooded through him when Broad-shoulders walked out the café. Although a part of him—a pretty annoying, stupid, completely uncalled for part of him—was a tiny, little bit disappointed about it.

Stop being ridiculous, Yixing.

He scowled again, to no one in particular. He was completely put off by this. By the attitude, by the train of thoughts. By the awkward situation he was in—was he even in any kind of situation? He didn’t know, but it wasn’t welcomed. Because he knew what was happening and he didn’t want it to happen.

He hadn’t even seen it coming. One day he was living a normal life, and the next he had become one of those guys that stared at others. And he had seen Broad-shoulders twice. What could he even expect now?

Sighing, he placed the camera on the table and buried his face on his hands.

"All this is stupid and you are pathetic," was what Jongdae had said. Maybe he was right.

But maybe Yixing was lucky, and Broad-shoulders would never go back to the café.

That would be great.

Yeah… maybe he was lucky.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Actually, he wasn't.

After that day, Broad-shoulders appeared in the café often.

The following week, he went twice. The one that followed, he went four times. A month and a half after that rainy day, Broad-shoulders was going almost daily. Or at least that was what Yixing assumed. Whenever he went to do his usual visits to the café—which coincidentally had become almost daily, too. For no reason in particular, of course—Broad-shoulders never failed to show up.

Yixing noticed that his procedure was always the same. To come in, order, and then leave; never to stay. He still looked at Yixing from time to time, and sometimes he even smiled. But that changed when, for the first time, two months after the storm, he took a seat after having ordered.

It had taken Yixing by surprise at first. Why was he staying? Didn't he have somewhere else to be? He must have somewhere else to be. Maybe he was only waiting for his coffee and then he would go. It was a good panorama, but to Yixing’s utter displeasure, Broad-shoulders didn’t leave.

Yixing had wanted to ask him to get out. His presence was disturbing him and he couldn’t focus on anything else than trying to keep his eyes away from him. It had been a hard day, to be honest.

After that, he considered to stop his visits at the café, but that would be too obvious. More than he was already being, anyway. He couldn’t risk it. Not because of Broad-shoulders, but Jongdae. He hadn’t stopped with the dating-Junmyeon thing. That could be a good excuse to avoid the café, but it hadn’t been reason enough to stop going before. Jongdae would notice something was off.

So Yixing continued going, though it didn’t mean he wasn’t uncomfortable with the whole scenario. He didn’t like how things were developing, yet he still couldn’t avoid stealing glances at Broad-shoulders whenever he wasn’t looking. It was nerve-wracking. It made him feel like a stalker. His constant staring lead him to discover a few, small details that he was sure he wouldn’t know if he had kept his eyes away.

To begin with, Broad-shoulders was some sort of writer. He always took a bunch of paper sheets and a pen out of his bag and spent the whole afternoon writing God-knew-what. Yixing admired—and envied—his ability not to get distracted by anything. He wished he could be the same.

Also, when Broad-shoulders had come to buy-and-not-stay, he had always left with a coffee in hand. But now that he bought-and-stayed, he didn’t drink coffee, but bubble tea. ing bubble tea. Like a kid. Yixing didn’t understand the change, but it made Broad-shoulders seem less intimidating. And for some reason, he always found himself smiling when Broad-shoulders was distracted sipping from his straw.

The guy also had a fixation for his lips nonstop. More so when he was stuck with some word or phrase. He didn’t leave it alone until his block went away and Yixing wished he could just stop it. That had led him to realize that his lips looked soft, and the softness only intensified when they were wet.

Now, not content with having a perfect bone structure, Broad-shoulders had also a perfect posture. It didn’t matter how long he stayed on his seat, he never, ever, bend his back. It made him look something near to perfect.

Maybe he was perfect.

It was like looking at a sculpture in a museum. Yixing was there, in front of him, but he wasn’t allowed to touch or get too near. More than once he imagined how the information tag would look like. If Broad-shoulders were a sculpture, indeed.

Everything was clear in his mind.

The ‘Artist’ space would have his parents’ names.

The ‘Year’ space would say 199-something—1993? 1994? He was certainly younger, but how much younger?

The ‘Dimension’ space would have like six feet or so—Yixing wasn’t sure, but he himself was 5.8-ish. Broad-shoulders was taller as far as he had guessed. So, six.

The ‘Description’ space would say something like, ‘Bubble tea drinker and inveterate writer. Heavy distractor for promising photographers in search of a lonely life.’

The only space Yixing was still wondering about, was the ‘Title’ one. If there was something he hadn’t discovered with all his staring, that was Broad-shoulders’ real name.

He could put ‘Broad-shoulders’ in there, but he wasn’t convinced about it. The guy had to have a name, of course. But it didn’t matter how much staring someone could do; there was no way to know a person’s name by only staring. That was actually the reason why he was stuck with calling him Broad-shoulders in his mind. Though it didn’t matter. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to know his name. He didn’t want to know him. He was having this sort of fixation on him because Broad-shoulders didn’t stop looking at him. And smiling. And being a distraction. And that made Yixing uncomfortable. That was all about it.

What he didn’t consider, though, was that they weren't the only ones coexisting in the same space. There were many, many people surrounding them. Meaning that many, many people were able to see it all. And he remembered this small fact one particular afternoon, two months and a half after the storm. He hadn’t seen the bomb coming. But he finally got the answer to what to put on the ‘Title’ space, without even asking.

“Sehun.”

Jongdae flopped on the seat next to him, and Yixing blinked at him.

“What?”

“His name is Sehun.”

His… name? Whose name was— oh.

Oh.

Okay.

Wow.

Yixing took his cup of coffee and gulped down the remaining coffee. He prayed that his face wouldn’t give away how this was making his stomach churn.

“And you’re telling me this because…” he drawled, putting the cup down. He kept it in his hands to avoid fidgeting with his fingers.

“Thought you would like to have this piece of information.”

“Why would I?”

Jongdae shrugged.

“How do you even know that?” Yixing asked, trying to sound casual about it. He hoped he did sound casual about it.

“I’ve made my research.” Jongdae crossed his arms, leaning back on the chair. “Unlike you, I put myself to work and asked under the pretense that I love to know the name of my customers.”

Yixing gave him a look. “That’s bull.”

“He doesn’t know that.” Jongdae shrugged again, throwing him a wicked grin. “You’re welcome.”

Scoffing, Yixing looked down at his cup again. He traced the ear, feeling the soft porcelain caress his fingertips.

He didn’t know what to say. And even if he knew, he would still be in a dilemma. Not responding was like admitting something; anything. But denying something, anything, would be suspicious, too. That only made him feel like it was way worse than he had imagined.

And probably it was. Because Jongdae thought something was going on and Yixing didn't talk to Broad-shoulders—Sehun, his brain corrected. If they at least talked, he would be able to argue that Jongdae was only imagining things. That he was confusing a good chat with a fellow coffee lover with something that didn’t exist. With something that wasn’t, and would never be there. But they weren’t talking. So Jongdae was only assuming things based on what he thought he had seen—whatever that had even been.

How had he ended up there? When had he lost control over it all?

Yixing looked up again, finding Jongdae staring at him. It was still as intimidating as the first time, and he was sure that it would never change.

"What?" he asked, because he had nothing better to say.

"Nothing, it's just…" Jongdae took a deep breath, letting the silence prolong more than needed. "Why hadn't you told me you liked someone? I would've stopped annoying you about Junmyeon a long time ago, otherwise."

Yixing made a face. Not listening about Junmyeon would've been nice, but there was nothing he could've said. Because he did not like anyone.

"I don't like anyone," he said.

Jongdae rolled his eyes. “Really, Zhang?”

" 'Really' what? I don’t like anyone.”

Jongdae scrunched his face in irritation and shook his head. They didn't speak for a moment and Yixing wondered if the subject was already forgotten. But then Jongdae opened his mouth again, and no, they weren't done.

“You know,” Jongdae said, leaning on the table, "I don't blame you. Sehun looks good. And he's nice.”

It was time for Yixing to roll his eyes. Why couldn't he drop it?

“I’m not going to date him.”

Jongdae raised his eyebrows and let a smirk creep up his lips. “Nobody’s talking about dating him.”

Yixing frowned and looked away. "You're annoying. Go away," he said earning a laugh from Jongdae.

"This is my café. You go away."

Yixing raised an eyebrow. "It's your dad's."

"You see those little minions over there?" Jongdae pointed his finger toward the other two baristas. "I hired them myself. That means I'm the boss,” he said, sounding proud. “And I don't see dad around, anyway, so this is technically mine."

Yixing smiled and rolled his eyes yet again. That was what he did most of the time when they were together. Roll his eyes. And smile. But more the rolling part.

"Seriously, though." Jongdae put his serious face back and Yixing contained a long sigh. "I’m just saying that you could use another friend. Someone who doesn’t want you to date his cousin."

Yixing didn't even have to think of an answer. A group of teenagers got in and Jongdae stood up to help. When he was behind the counter, Yixing finally released that contained sigh.

He didn’t want another friend. He had enough with Jongdae and Minseok. And in some occasions Luhan—who, mind you, was the one who was always busy and hard to find. It wasn't Yixing's fault.

So yeah, he had three—two and a half?—friends, and he was fine. Sehun wasn’t invited to join his small social circle. Yixing didn't want to make him part of his life. In fact, he was desperate to get over his totally-no-stalker phase. He wanted to move on and keep the guy out of his mind for good.

But now that was harder, wasn't it? Because he already had a name. That, in some way, made him feel like he knew Sehun even more.

Yixing didn't want to know him even more.

Yixing didn't want to know him at all.

He stood firm with that idea.

But he couldn’t un-know someone. He was aware of it. His only reasonable option was to try his best to avoid looking at Sehun. And he did try. He really, really did. But man, wasn’t it hard! It was as though he had developed some kind of radar.

A Sehun radar.

It didn’t matter what he was doing. Whenever Sehun walked in, Yixing happened to look up. He could be taking pictures or checking them on his laptop. Or scrolling through his phone. Or even blank staring at the wall. But the moment he decided to look up, even for only a second, Sehun always appeared. The guy didn’t even need to go in. He as much had to touch the door and Yixing’s head immediately straightened. He didn't have any other choice but to look at him.

And Sehun… well. Sehun always looked back. Yixing attributed it to the fact that Sehun was used to be the target of Yixing's eyes. Maybe he looked back because he walked in the café hoping not to find Yixing staring at him.

Honestly, Yixing was sorry to disappoint him every single time.

In this fashion, a few weeks went by. When Yixing realized it, it had passed almost four months after that stormy day—not that he was counting.

In some way, he had got used to it. It was like an unwanted part of his life, but little by little he had begun to get accustomed to it. What he would never get used to was Jongdae getting his nose in anything that didn’t compelled him and making him feel like he didn’t have a brain.

A pretty clear evidence of this was one day when Yixing arrived and found his table occupied. He begrudgingly sat at the counter instead and took his laptop out. He had work to do. For a couple of hours he found himself completely focused on his screen—with occasional breaks to rest his eyes and distract Jongdae. He would’ve said it was a perfect day. But the most dreaded part of his visits walked in at some point, looking like a perfect god. Making Yixing’s insides churn with annoyance.

He tried to pretend not to notice when Sehun stood next to him.

He tried to pretend not to notice when Sehun realized he was there and stared at him.

He tried to pretend not to notice how his heart began throbbing like a crazy inside his ribcage. Or how his hands were clammy. Or how his mouth went dry. Or how he wanted to throw up.

He tried to pretend, but of course his own body betrayed him. Before he even noticed, he was already turning to look at Sehun, too.

It was, by far, the closest they had ever been, and Yixing swore he could die right then and there. He knew Sehun was handsome. But looking at him from that close made him confirm that the man was the most ethereal person on Earth. Yixing felt like putting him inside a crystal box and sending him to a museum. He already had the information tag. He only needed the place to show everyone the perfect piece of art that Sehun was.

He knew he had to stop staring but he couldn't make himself stop. And even if he could, he was sure he still would go back to stare. Because Sehun was examining him with as much intent and it was hypnotizing. Somewhere inside his head, a small voice was screaming at him to say or do something. Anything to stop making a fool of himself. He was debating between following what that voice was saying or not, when someone cleared their throat next to them.

Just like that, the whatever hey were having vanished and they both turned to look at Jongdae.

“Do I interrupt something?” Jongdae asked, completely unbothered of the daggers Yixing threw at him with his eyes.

“Erm… Hi, Jongdae,” Sehun mumbled. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks!" Jongdae smiled at Sehun, nodding once. "Do you want the usual?"

“Oh, no! No! Today I’m not staying.”

“Ow, no… It would’ve been nice to have you here today.” Jongdae raised his eyebrows and glanced at Yixing, then back at Sehun. “On another occasion it’ll be. But please tell me, what are you having, then?"

Yixing fixed his eyes back on his screen and tuned out the conversation. He saw from the corner of his eye how Jongdae moved around, preparing whatever Sehun had ordered. He tried his best to stay put; completely unbothered about his surroundings. Maybe if he didn’t move, Sehun wouldn’t notice that he was still there. Maybe he wouldn't notice how desperate he was to look at him again. It was humiliating to say the least. Yixing wished he could disappear.

Before he even had time to hate himself even more, though, Jongdae finished preparing Sehun’s order. Yixing saw that Sehun was back to buying coffee. And the bubble tea?

"What did you say?" Jongdae asked.

Yixing blinked. Jongdae was looking at him. Had the question been for him?

"What?"

"What to you. I didn't hear you." Jongdae glanced at Sehun and then corrected himself. "We didn't hear you. Something about bubble tea, I think you said."

Yixing stared stupidly at his friend. Had he talked aloud? Oh, hell. What was wrong with him?

"Okay… whatever," Jongdae said, suppressing a smile. He handed Sehun his coffee and threw him a chirpy, "Have a nice day!"

"Uh… yeah… Yes, thanks," Sehun mumbled. He threw a last glance at Yixing and left.

Alright, Yixing thought, staring straight at his screen. Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in. Jongdae is stupid for making you look like an idiot.

Breathe out. You are stupid for making yourself look like an idiot.

"That was smooth."

Jongdae was still standing there and Yixing tried his best to ignore him.

"You made a fool of yourself."

Breathe in. Don't punch him.

Breathe out. Don't kill him.

“Will it always be like this?”

“What are you talking about?” Yixing asked. He didn’t look at him. He didn’t even pretend that he cared about the question.

"You'll look at him. He'll look at you. It'll be obvious for everyone that you like each other. But you won't do something about it because you're being stupid pretending not to know it."

Yixing scowled, finally looking at him. He did it on time to catch him shrugging.

"Why don't you, I don't know, make a move? Will you stay there staring at him forever?"

Yixing kept his scowl for as long as he could. He did not Sehun. And Sehun definitely did not like him. It was a product of Jongdae's imagination so he could have material to pester him with.

"Will you?" Jongdae asked. He didn't receive a reply, so a smug smile appeared on his face. "I always knew you were a creep."

Yixing rolled his eyes and began packing his things. He had surpassed his Kim-Jongdae quota of the day.

"Are you leaving?" Jongdae laughed when Yixing ignored him. "Seriously?"

"And without leaving you a tip."

"I don't need your tips."

"And I don't need your nosy everywhere, but here we are."

Jongdae laughed again and Yixing walked toward the door.

"Yes, run away, you coward! Go hide yourself!"

This attracted the attention of the rest of the customers, but Yixing didn't care. He felt disappointed. And annoyed. And mad. And he didn't even know whether it was at Jongdae for being a er. At Sehun for being painfully attractive. Or at himself for being stupid. Maybe it was all of those.

It didn't matter, anyway. All this was ridiculous. But it was fine. He had to wait for a little bit more and it all would be back to normal. He would get over this weird phase of his and then it’ll be over for good.

At least he could only hope. Otherwise, he didn't know what he would do with himself if not.

 

☕

 

The bell at the door announced another customer walking in. Yixing winced, sick of hearing the sound nonstop. The café was full of people. It was one of those days when the weather made people want to warm themselves with a coffee. Granted, there had been worse days than this one, but as it was, the place had no room for any other soul.

This made him happy, for it meant that Kim family’s business would have a good day. But he wasn’t particularly fond of the excessive amount of people strolling one after another without a rest.

Logic dictated that, whenever you walked in a packed place, you should leave and come back later. This logical rule didn't apply to most people there, it seemed. The place was full, yet people insisted on coming and staying. Yixing had arrived early in the morning and had been there for hours. He had seen customers parade in and out and wait until their coffee was cold before they even got a seat. It was ridiculous.

Sighing, he went back to business. He was working on a set of photos of a recently married couple, with the Hangang Park in the background. He was sitting at his table with an empty cup of coffee next to his laptop. He had to check the lot of photos; scan them to find any imperfection—so far he had found none. Figures. He was particularly fond of one where the couple was staring at each other. A few leaves were flying around them, making it all magical and romantic.

He was thinking about this when someone walked next to him and pushed him for the umpteenth time. He turned to glare at the person, but they were already far away. To say that it was nerve-wracking was an understatement. Yixing had received hits and pushes from people who walked next to his table for hours. He ended up either spilling his coffee or messing his typing. It had been long since he had given up on offering polite smiles and mumbling, “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

Any other day, this would’ve been enough reason for him to leave. This time, though, it was beyond him why he was still there—or more like he refused to acknowledge why he was still there. It didn’t have something to do with the fact that certain someone was yet to arrive, that was for sure.

Tired of hearing the bell at the door twinkling, Yixing fished his headphones out of his backpack. For a while he worked on his pictures without problem, until someone pushed him again. He looked up from his laptop, annoyed, to find Jongdae standing next to him. He took off one of his headphones and raised his eyebrows.

“What is it?”

“Are you going to order anything else?”

Yixing glanced down at his cup. It was empty. “I’m fine.”

“Then leave. You’re impeding a real customer to get a seat.”

Yixing put on his most charming smile. “I would like another caramel latte. Please.”

Jongdae rolled his eyes, but said nothing else. He walked away, leaving Yixing to put his headphone back to his ear. A few photos were approved, only two were deleted. So far this was a good photoshoot. He was proud of it, honestly. It was elegant and beautiful and—

For the love of God!

Why was people so careless?!

Taking off his headphones, he looked up yet again, ready to fight whoever was interrupting him—again. But any intention to show his most ugly scowl vanished as soon as he saw who was standing next to him.

“Hello,” Sehun said.

What. The. Hell.

"Sorry to bother you, but do you mind if I sit here?"

He pointed at the empty chair at the table and Yixing followed the movement with his eyes. He looked at Sehun, at the chair, then back at Sehun.

Had he heard right? Did Sehun actually want to sit there?

"It's just—" Sehun said, scratching his head. As the seconds passed, he looked more and more unsure. A slight blush spread through his cheeks. It was most likely his embarrassment for not getting a reaction out of Yixing. "I thought there were no more available seats, but I saw this one and… I can wait to sit somewhere else."

“You can sit here!” Yixing blurted out as soon as he saw Sehun’s intention to turn around. The speed at which he had reacted was humiliating, but he wouldn't go further into that; not now at least. Because Sehun was smiling at him—it was a sheepish smile, but a smile nonetheless—and for some reason that was the only thing that mattered to his brain at the moment.

"Thank you," Sehun mumbled, already sitting and putting his bag on the table.

Yixing only nodded, unable to do anything else. It was like his brain had short circuited. This ridiculous guy, in all his full handsome, broad-shouldered splendor, was sitting there. With him. At his table. It was like living his worst nightmare. He had to be on a nightmare. These things didn't happen in real life. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t happening. Why was this happening?

Forcing himself to look away—because he was well aware that he was staring (what was new, really)—Yixing tried to go back to work. By the time Jongdae placed a cup of caramel latte and a bubble tea on the table, though, he realized that his screen was still displaying the very same photo since Sehun had appeared. Jesus .

"So you did manage to sit," Jongdae said as he straightened again, smiling down at Sehun.

"Yeah, I…" Sehun glanced at Yixing and cleared his throat. "Yes."

"I'm glad." Jongdae placed a hand over Yixing's shoulder and patted him twice. "My friend here could use the company."

A strangled sound escaped Yixing’s throat and he turned as fast as he could to glare at Jongdae. He received a big smile in return.

“Anyway,” Jongdae said, patting Yixing’s shoulder again, “do you need anything else?”

Jerking his shoulder to push Jongdae’s hand away, Yixing shook his head. “We’re good. You can go now.”

Jongdae’s smile only widened and his eyes jumped from Yixing to Sehun a few times. He nodded and finally moved to walk away. “Call me if you need anything else."

Yixing thought he had got rid of him. But when Jongdae was out of Sehun’s sight, he turned around and threw him a thumbs up, mouthing a, "You're welcome."

Yixing’s eyes went wide. His madman of a friend was now laughing to himself as he walked toward the counter. He couldn’t believe it! No. Wait. Actually, he could. It was so Jongdae-like to throw a show like this! Yixing wanted to punch him and erase that ty smile from his—

“It’s a little bit packed, isn’t it?”

Yixing blinked, taken back to reality. Sehun was looking at him with the straw of his bubble tea now on his mouth. He took a long sip and Yixing tried not to glance at his lips—he failed.

“It’s been worse,” he said, looking away to anywhere far from Sehun’s face. “Happens all the time on days like this.”

“You seem to come very often…”

“So do you…”

Yixing’s mouth had come up with that answer before his brain could process it. So when Sehun raised his eyebrows, he realized what he had said. . hadn’t intended to let Sehun know that he had noticed his constant presence in the café—alright, it wasn’t like Sehun didn’t know. It was more than obvious that they had noticed each other a whole lot of times. What Yixing hadn’t intended, was to confirm he had paid attention to Sehun’s constant presence there. If that even made sense.

What he got as an answer was a laugh.

“So do I, yes…" Sehun said, placing down his bubble tea. “I like to come.”

“Even if it’s packed?”

“Even if it’s packed."

Well, it was evident that that logical rule from before didn’t apply to Sehun, either.

Yixing contemplated him for a moment before nodding and moving his eyes back to his laptop. Maybe if he ignored Sehun, then Sehun would ignore him, as well.

“I’m Sehun, by the way.”

Or maybe not…

I already know that, Yixing wanted to say, but what left his mouth was, “Yixing.”

To his absolute pleasure, Sehun didn’t speak again. He simply nodded and proceeded to take out his bunch of papers from his bag. He busied himself in writing and drinking, and Yixing guessed he had do the same. He focused on checking his photoshoot for a long time. He risked a glance at Sehun once in a while. His eyes didn’t linger for too long, afraid of the guy looking up and catching him red-handed. Like always.

In this fashion, two hours went by, and when he realized, there we no more photos to check. His eyes stung, so he decided he was done with the laptop for the day. He began packing his things, attracting Sehun’s attention.

“Are you done?”

Yixing stopped with his laptop half-put in his backpack and nodded.

“So you’re leaving?”

Well… Yixing had thought about packing his things, but was he leaving? It wasn’t like he had somewhere else to be, but he didn’t have something else to do there, either. He could stay, of course. But if he did, that would mean he would have to deal with Sehun sitting at his table, and that wasn’t an option. Then he wouldn’t have anything else to do but fight against his desire to look at the guy. That was beyond what he could handle. Concluding that he wasn’t ready to deal with all that, he nodded again.

"Okay, then," Sehun said. "Have a nice day."

Yixing stared at him like a dumb. This was all super weird and he wanted to go home as soon as possible.

Sehun only smiled, pretending nothing was weird at all. That made Yixing internally wince. Sehun was probably thinking that sitting there had been a bad idea.

With an ugly feeling on his stomach, Yixing finished with his backpack and stood up. He wanted to say something; anything to make Sehun change his mind about him being an idiot. But nothing came to him; nothing that didn't make him look like a fool—more than he already did, that was.

Freeing a silent sigh, he moved to walk toward the door.

"Wait! Yixing?"

He froze. Now what?

Sehun had an arm on the back of the chair, with half body turned toward him. "Thanks for letting me join you."

"No problem," Yixing said and immediately turned around again. He walked out the café and left that mess behind.

When he arrived to his apartment, he threw himself face down on his couch and whined. He was a disappointment and a shame and a big clown and he hated Sehun for making him like this.

 

☕

 

“Why did you tell him to go sit at my table?” Yixing asked as soon as he entered.

The café wasn’t open yet, but he didn’t mind. He needed answers and he would get them right there and then.

“We’re still closed,” Jongdae said as he cleaned one of the coffee machines.

“Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know who 'him' is."

“You do know,” Yixing said, placing his hands on the counter.

Sighing, Jongdae finally looked at him. He placed his rag on the counter and mirrored Yixing’s position. “Do you have proof of it?”

That was his proof! Jongdae's question was the proof he needed to know that Jongdae had done it, the !

“Why did you do it?!” Yixing whined, throwing his hands in the air.

"Because he needed a place to sit?"

“You could’ve sent him to another table!”

“There was no other table, you know that. You were here, too.”

As much as Yixing hated to admit it, Jongdae was right. That didn't mean that it was enough reason to send Sehun to sit with him, though.

“You could've kicked him out.”

“Oh, come on! It couldn't have been that bad." Jongdae leaned on the counter and tilted his head. "Did you finally talk?"

"What do you mean finally?” Yixing asked, defensively. He hadn't come to answer questions but to make them. He didn't want to lose control of that.

"Yixing, please!" Jongdae rolled his eyes, so hard that for a moment they only looked white. Ew. "I did my labor yesterday as your friend and gave your whole"—he moved his hand around, signaling Yixing—"situation a little push. Now's your turn to do your job and win Sehun’s heart."

“Okay, you need to stop this. Right now.” Yixing lowered his voice and glared at the man in front of him. Jongdae rolled his eyes and that exasperated him even more. “No, Jongdae. For real. You don’t know if he’s into boys, so you need to stop this."

After saying this, Yixing had to take a second to process it. It was the first time he had thought about that. Was Sehun gay? Or was interested in guys? Why hadn’t he thought about that before? Not like it mattered, but… . Seriously, Yixing.

Confusion was pretty evident in Jongdae’s face. He squinted at him and tilted his head. "Don't you gays have like a gaydar or something?"

“What?”

“I think yours is broken.”

"I'm going to punch you.”

“Come on, Yixing!” Jongdae exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, too. “I can’t believe you’re being this oblivious!”

Yixing closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. He was overwhelmed. This was too much. "You know what? Forget it. Just… Call me when you feel like stepping out of my businesses." He turned around and headed toward the door.

"Fine! Then you can't come back unless you're ready to do something about those businesses," Jongdae said behind him.

Yixing only showed him his middle finger and walked away.

The next time he stepped foot on the café, it was a whole week after that. He had ended without energy to deal with Jongdae and Sehun. He had recovered about three days after that. Yet it still took him another full four days to decide he was ready to deal with it again. What he hadn't considered, though, was that in his table would be sitting no one but the devil himself.

Standing at the door, he stared at Sehun's wide back and considered fleeing the scene. But when he decided that fleeing wasn't an act of cowardice but self-preservation, Jongdae's chirpy voice came from the counter.

"Ah, so you decided to come back!"

That made Sehun look up from his papers. Yixing plastered a smile on his face, as though he didn't want to throw Jongdae a shoe or something.

"Good for you!" Jongdae returned the smile and there was a strange glint in his eyes. Yixing could only attribute it to Sehun sitting at his table. "Go sit! I'll get your coffee."

Yixing rolled his eyes at that fake kindness and walked toward the table. It didn't matter how much he wanted to keep himself away from Sehun. That table right there was his table and he was going to claim it back. He prepared in his head what he was going to say—he was between, "Hello, thanks for ruining my life!” and, “Move the out of my table!”, but he couldn’t decide. Both options didn’t convey enough how much he was dreading all this 'situation', as Jongdae had called it.

To his relief, Sehun decided for him. They made eye contact and he put down his pen, offering him a small smile.

“Hey… Long time no see.”

Ah… wait. Had Sehun noticed his absence? That was… well. That was. Yixing didn’t want to think too much about it.

“I’ve been busy,” he said, while his inner voice screamed, "Lies!"

“Welcome back." Sehun smiled again, glancing down at his papers and back at Yixing. "I hope you don’t mind that I sat here again.”

Oh, but Yixing did. He wanted to kick him out of it, because nobody had given this guy the right to invade his property. But he didn't want to worsen the image Sehun had of him, so he was in a dilemma.

“It’s okay," he ended up saying. "It’s only a table.”

“Jongdae says it’s yours, though."

Typical. Kim Jongdae opening his mouth when it wasn't required.

"You shouldn't believe anything that comes out of that lunatic's mouth," Yixing said. He took off his backpack and sat. He wouldn't use another table just because Sehun had decided he wanted to use this one, too.

Sehun nodded and glanced down again, trying to suppress what Yixing assumed was a smile. "Alright. Got it," he said when he looked up again.

Yixing offered him a purse of his lips that he hoped would look kind of like a half smile, but he didn't add anything else. They looked at each other for a moment and he realized Sehun's eyes the color of dark chocolate—that was information he didn't want to have.

Clearing his throat, he looked away and took his laptop out, signaling that their chat was over.

Sehun got the hint and he didn't speak again until he had to go.

"Don't disappear again, alright?" he said as he put his things inside his bag. "I can't keep on taking care of your table every time you're gone."

He then stood up, smiled and just like that, he was out—leaving a dumbfounded Yixing staring at the door.

That was the day when his heart began doing weird jumps. He didn't understand them. Maybe Sehun had infected him with some weird sickness, he didn’t know.

That was also the day when they had, apparently, agreed to sit together. Yixing wasn't even aware of that until the very next day, when Sehun walked in and headed directly toward him.

“Hi,” Sehun said as he took off his bag. He didn’t even give Yixing time to reply. As soon as he placed his things on the table, he darted toward the counter.

Yixing stared at his back, frowning. By the time Sehun was back, he still had that face and he swore he could see Sehun’s engines working inside his head. It wasn't long before everything clicked into place.

“Uhm… Is this okay?" Sehun mumbled