Sunggyu unlocks the door to his shared apartment. He is happy to discover his roommate is already occupying the sofa, in his favourite sleeveless sweatshirt. He can see he’s wearing nothing else underneath. It doesn’t surprise him.

“Work go alright?” Woohyun doesn’t even move from the sofa, eyes trained on the TV. It’s some pink and fluffy girl band’s performance. Sunggyu doesn’t quite register as higher on the scale of deserving attention.

“Alright, yeah.” Sunggyu shrugs. He can pay his share of the rent. That’s good enough for him.

Woohyun makes no attempt to sit up and make space. He doesn’t need to. Sunggyu has his own place on the floor by his legs where he can bother him. Sometimes their relationship blurs the line of just friendship, but Woohyun’s admiring girl bands. They can let themselves off today.

“Who’s performing?” He asks, leaning his head back and trying to get comfortable.

“KARA.” The grunt he gets in response isn’t exactly enthusiastic. He knows he should stop talking. Woohyun doesn’t like interruptions.

It takes an hour to get another response out of him. Sunggyu remarks that he’s hungry. Woohyun sighs and says he’s not his ing servant, but gets up to make something anyway.

Sunggyu gets a plate of food shoved in his face and a pair of chopsticks placed on the table. He eats obediently and, as always, tells his best friend that his cooking’s amazing and that his of a boss should really promote him from sous-chef. Woohyun grumbles something about only ever cooking for him.

It’s only late at night, when Woohyun steps out of the shower, damp and glistening, and Sunggyu glances over the top of his glasses from his book that he realises how much of a damn couple they act like. He doesn’t even say anything anymore when Woohyun gets into the bed semi and lays his head on his shoulder.

Woohyun grabs the pink iPod on his bedside table (they bought matching ones when they realised there was no point in having two beds) and pushes one earbud in Sunggyu’s ear while putting the other in his. His breath tickles Sunggyu’s neck as he reads the book over his shoulder. He snorts and tells him he reads the most boring novels he’s ever seen.

Sunggyu rolls his eyes. He doesn’t nudge him off his shoulder like he used too. He doesn’t know why he stopped that. He just knows he likes their little routine. Girly music is blasting in his ears and the so-called boring book is absorbing him. He almost doesn’t notice Woohyun’s arm sliding around his waist.

It’s the plaintive hyung that gets him. He turns to look at the other man, folding down the corner of his page fastidiously. “What?”

He’s like a little puppy dog, sometimes. He’s always wanting attention at night. Another arm snuggles itself around his waist. It seems like he has something he wants to say. A full on hug isn’t usual until they actually fall asleep. “I don’t know what I want.” Woohyun mumbles, eyes shut tight.

Sunggyu sighs. He puts the book on his own table and wraps his own arms around Woohyun’s neck. “You’re always telling me this. What do you mean?”

Woohyun takes a breath. “I want more of you.” He mutters.

“You see me all the time. We live together.” He deliberately misunderstands. He thought there was a silent, mutual agreement not to talk about it.

Apparently Woohyun can’t take that anymore. “You know what I mean, Gyu. You feel it just as much as I do.” His mouth comes closer to Sunggyu’s ear. He resists the urge to flinch. It’s not clear if he does so because he finds it a turn on or if he is scared.

Woohyun takes his earlobe in his mouth, nibbling it gently. Sunggyu shudders. How he has been wanting thi – no! He swore he wouldn’t think of his Namu like this. “Woohyun-ah!” He warns, his voice trembling and uneven.

Woohyun’s arms only tighten around his torso as his mouth travels down to his neck, down to where the neck joins his shoulders. He can’t work up the courage to throw him off, even though he feels he should. There is nowhere they can go with this. Their friends joke that they’re married, but they never can be for real. He thought they could carry on being just friends. Clearly, he was wrong.

He on his skin lightly, tongue coming out to the sweat off his skin. If Sunggyu allows it, he will bite, but he knows Sunggyu’s not ready yet. He lifts his head, calls “Hyung”, his voice hoarse, rasping, as he’s missed him too much.

Sunggyu is half frozen. “Why do you do this?” He asks, almost desperately. His arms move down, hands trying to push Woohyun’s arms from his waist. “You know I-I can’t!” He cries.

Woohyun’s hand reaches up to cradle his face. “What can’t you do, Gyu?” There is no joking yeobo.

“This! All of it!” Sunggyu’s hands flail as he tries to come up with words to express the turmoil within.

There is a hurt sigh. “Fine. I just can’t take this anymore.” Woohyun lets go, kicking off the covers. “I’ll sleep on the sofa tonight.” He feels the absence of the younger one’s warmth immediately. Something breaks within him. He cannot have him leave.

But Woohyun is already leaving for the living room. “Wait, Woohyun – wait!” The man in question turns slowly. He is tired of Sunggyu’s hesitation.

Sunggyu throws off the duvet hurriedly. “You can’t sleep out there without a blanket. What if-what if you get a cold?” He nears Woohyun, who almost shakes from wanting and goddamn wanting.

“That’s my problem.” Woohyun says shortly. The unspoken because you obviously don’t care wounds Sunggyu.

“Come back to bed, then.” He pleads, feeling as desperate as he ever has been. He can’t have Woohyun leave him, he can’t. He’s scared but if Woohyun sleeps on the sofa there’s no hope of reconciliation.

“Only if you stop avoiding this – us!” He shouts, finally. Sunggyu feels his heart lift a little. He hasn’t given up.

“I-you know why I do it.” He groans, tired of having to say this. He loves him (oh, he loves him) but this is for the best.

“And I don’t care.” Woohyun mumbles, even as tears prick his eyelids. He cannot cope with this any longer. They have got to separate as this being together and not together is killing him. He walks towards the other room, wishing that Sunggyu didn’t have these concerns and that he would just ignore everything for him. But that isn’t the conscientious Sunggyu he fell in love with.

Sunggyu launches himself forward, just in time to snag his former lover, arms enveloping the muscular waist. “You said you’d never leave me.” He says into his back, warm skin meeting his lips. Woohyun shivers.

“Yeah, well, you’re making that a little too hard.” It’s all hurt. No teasing nicknames or greasy oneliners. Just plain hurt and Sunggyu can’t believe he’s done that to the only person who ever cared.

“I love you.” Sunggyu mutters it into his back, but it is still coherent and he hears it. He tries not to give in.

“It’s not enough anymore, Gyu.” He doesn’t sob but he’s on the verge of it.

“I can make it enough.” He swallows. He doesn’t like talking to his back. He needs to see his face; that beloved face with the eyes he knows so well. “Look at me, Namu.”

Woohyun tugs himself free of Sunggyu, and stares at him. He folds his arms. It’s a protective gesture, Sunggyu knows. “I’m looking.”

“I love you.” Sunggyu says again, tearfully. He can’t say it any other way, even though he knows repeating it isn’t helping. Woohyun shakes his head, mouth opening and closing. It’s not working. It’s not working and Sunggyu doesn’t know what to do.

Woohyun can’t see a way forward. He is calmer than Sunggyu. He knows it is now or never and they’ve sat on this too long for it to be settled nicely. “I’m here, Gyu.”

And Sunggyu just lets it go. He stumbles forward, the tears running freely and his arms winding tightly around Woohyun to gasp that he can’t can’t can’t  let this happen and oh god he can’t let him go and I love you I love you I love you. His breath comes out in short, shallow pants because he thinks the idea of Woohyun just gone is the so wrong that it should never be suggested.

Woohyun stays stiff. It kills him not to move, but this has to be Sunggyu. He made the first move. Now it’s time for Sunggyu to take it the whole way. He doesn’t even remind him he loves him too.

Sunggyu is taller. It won’t take much for him to bend down and take Woohyun’s lips for his own. He can’t really see through the tears swimming in his eyes but he makes a blind go of it. His mouth crashes down a centimetre too low, but Woohyun makes up for it with his relieved hands scrambling up to Sunggyu’s puffy cheeks, cupping them. Their noses bump once or twice and they’re pretty sure it’s both the worst and most wonderful kiss they’ve ever had, better and more terrible than their first.

Sunggyu repeats it when they break apart. I love you I love you I love you. Woohyun hums it back to the same tune. I love you more.

Sunggyu thinks that’s impossible.