Ever since he's been little, Jungkook always heard people say "you can't love someone properly if you can't love yourself first". He never understood this and always thought it was absolutely false. Loving yourself is surely harder than loving someone else because you know yourself like no one else does. You know how you are in your best days but also in your worst. There are things you like about yourself and others you hate. But when you fall in love with someone else, you mainly focus on the good parts whereas when it's about you, you focus only on the bad parts. That's why loving yourself is so hard.

But when Jungkook came to Seoul, he slowly began to understand why people were saying this.

Jungkook was just 13 when he came up to Seoul to become an idol. He auditioned and went to the US for dance and came back to debut. He loved all of his hyungs, he really did, they were such nice people and they all inspired him to become a better person. Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok and Taehyung loved him all the same but something about the way Jimin acted with him was different. Jimin was so affectionate and caring it sometimes made Jungkook uncomfortable. He remembered that when he first began to live with them, he was so shy that he would wait for all of them to sleep before going home or even take a shower. The first member he warmed up to was Taehyung. He was chill, he didn't care about Jungkook being shy, he always tried to help him no matter what. Jungkook was thankful, of course, and, soon enough, he was close to everyone. But Jimin was something else. When Jungkook finally became comfortable with everyone, he understood that something was different with Jimin. He didn't know what but something in the way Jimin cared about him was different, it made Jungkook feel another kind of way about his hyung.

They debuted and became even closer. Being a trainee was hard but actually becoming an idol was hell. They were strange rookies, making music by themselves, the kinda music no one had seen since a very long time. They were young, too young for some people and even though they always sang that they didn't care, they did. Talking about their insecurities to each other helped them create a bond Jungkook knew was unbreakable. He loved listening to Namjoon rap, he loved staying with Yoongi while he composed music, he loved dancing with Hoseok, he loved playing video games with Taehyung, he loved cooking and eating with Seokjin. But what he loved the most was singing with Jimin. Jungkook always loved singing, hence why he wanted to become an idol, but he discovered a new dimension of singing with Jimin. Jungkook has always been quite confident in his voice and singing abilities. He never really questioned himself when he sang, when he was singing as a hobby he sang the way he wanted and when he was singing as a job, he sang as he was asked to. But Jimin always questioned himself. Was it for fun or not, he seemed to never be satisfied with how he sounded. For Jungkook, Jimin's voice was perfect. Jimin had a singing technique that was very different from Jungkook's and it was frustrating to the younger because the older always asked him how he could improve but Jungkook didn't know how to help him. But as time went by, they somehow helped each other improve.

As they became closer and more comfortable with each other, Jimin began to be more affectionate towards Jungkook. At first, Jungkook liked it, he knew that Jimin liked him and it helped Jungkook to be even more comfortable around everyone. But as Jimin’s show of affection became more and more straightforward, Jungkook began to feel differently. When Jimin kissed his cheek or when he just smiled at him, he felt weird in his stomach, he felt hot all over and he didn’t like this feeling. So, to stop feeling like that, he began to reject Jimin, being harsher every time. But instead of feeling better, Jungkook began to feel even worse than before he began rejecting Jimin’s affection.

~♥~

“Jungkook?” Hoseok asked, entering the maknae’s room.

“Hyung? What’s up?” Jungkook asked back.

“That’s what I wanna ask you. You’ve been quite distant with Jimin for some time now. And you seem sad too. Did something happen?” he asked, sitting down next to Jungkook on his bed.

“I’ve been thinking about something.” Jungkook said, looking at his hyung before looking away.

“Do you wanna tell me about it?”

“I don’t want to bother-”

“You’re not bothering me. Tell me. I won’t judge, I swear. You’re my little brother Jungkookie, and I’ll love you no matter what.” Hoseok said, ruffling Jungkook’s hair.

“Jimin hyung… he makes me feel some kind of way. And I don’t really know what to think about it.” Jungkook stated.

“How does he make you feel?” Hoseok asked.

As Jungkook was about to answer, the door opened again, revealing Yoongi.

“Oh? Hobi? What are you doing here?” he asked, noticing right away how distressed Jungkook was looking. “Is something up?” he asked, getting closer to the pair.

“We’re just talking. Can you come back later, please?” Hoseok gently asked and Yoongi nodded, getting out and closing the door behind him. “Let me lock the door.” Hoseok said to Jungkook, getting up and doing just that.

He came back to the bed and sat down next to Jungkook, holding his hand.

“So, how does Jiminie make you feel?”

“At first, I liked how he showed me affection, you know? And it was alright, it was making me happy. But he became more straightforward and I began to feel weird. My stomach began to contract and I felt chills all over my body. It was uncomfortable. So I began to reject him, thinking I’d feel better but I don’t. I feel worse because I know I hurt him.” Jungkook explained, tears gathering in his eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t panic Kookie. You love Jimin, right?” Hoseok asked and Jungkook nodded. “And you feel bad about rejecting him?” Jungkook nodded again. “Then go and apologise to him.”

“But what if he doesn’t forgive me?” Jungkook asked, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“He will. You know how much Jimin loves you. Now, go.” Hoseok said, letting go of the younger’s hand.

“Now?”

“Of course. Wash your face and go apologise.”

“Okay. Thanks hyung.”

“Anytime Kook.” Hoseok said, watching Jungkook get out of the room. “Gosh, I hope it will all turn out well in the end.” He said, sighing deeply and going to search for Namjoon.

~♥~

A few weeks later, everything was well between Jimin and Jungkook. Jungkook had apologised and Jimin had forgiven him. They were spending sleepless nights listening to music, talking or singing in the studio. They sometimes got out to eat some midnight snacks. Jungkook would always tell Jimin that it was not a big deal to eat late at night, he would burn the calories later during the day with the practice. Jungkook still felt weird with Jimin’s affection but he tried not to show it.

They were sitting in the living room, only the moon lighting up the room and their faces.

“I miss Busan.” Jungkook stated, looking at the moon.

“Me too.” Jimin replied.

“Do you see the moon? I used to go to the beach with my family during the summer just to look at the moon. We would get out when the sun would begin to set and go back home when the moon would be brightly shining in the sky. Sometimes, when it was really hot, my father would get me and my brother ice creams. I always loved doing this. I wish I could go back to Busan and do the same with all of you.” Jungkook told the older who was looking at him.

“You’re so cute, Jungkookie.” Jimin said, chuckling and ruffling Jungkook’s hair.

“I’m not cute, hyung.” Jungkook whined, shoving him lightly.

“Yes you are. But I used to do the same too.” Jimin said.

“Did you?”

“Yes. But not only during the summer. When I was feeling a bit down, I’d go out to the beach, either early in the morning or late in the evening, alone. I’d lie down in the sand and stare at the moon, asking it questions that were bothering me.” Jimin explained.

“What would you ask it, hyung?”

“I’d ask it why I couldn’t be more talented. Why I couldn’t be more handsome. Things like that.”

“You’re just enough hyung. You don’t need to be more talented or more handsome. You’re perfect the way you are.” Jungkook said, unable to understand how could Jimin wish for such things.

“You’re too kind Jungkookie.” Jimin said, smiling softly.

“I’m just being honest.” Jungkook stated.

He looked at Jimin and felt the urge to hug him. It was the first time he’d ever felt this kind of urge for the older but he still did it. Jungkook leaned closer to Jimin and hugged him tight, liking the way the older relaxed in his hold as he hugged back. The younger inhaled his scent, caressing his back when he noticed Jimin’s shoulders were shaking.

“Don’t cry hyung.” He whispered in his ear.

“I-I’m not.” Jimin replied, his voice cracking.

“You don’t have to lie. It’s totally normal to question ourselves but believe me when I tell you that you don’t have to be more talented, to be more handsome or to lose weight.” Jungkook said and felt Jimin tense up. “I know you’re starving yourself. I want you to stop doing this to yourself.” Jungkook stated, breaking his embrace. He felt horribly cold doing so but shrugged the feeling away. “If you don’t stop doing it, I’ll do the same.”

“No. Don’t do that. It’s not healthy.” Jimin replied, frowning.

“You know it’s not healthy but you still do it?” Jungkook asked the older, a severe look on his face. Jimin lowered his head. “We’ll eat together from now on, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Great. Let’s go to sleep now, hyung.” Jungkook said, getting up and going to his room, followed by Jimin.

“Thanks Jungkookie.” Jimin said as he opened the door to his own room.

“Anytime, hyungie.” Jungkook replied and smiled, waiting for Jimin to enter his room before going to sleep himself.

~♥~

“Jungkook, how are you?” Namjoon asked as he was sitting with Jungkook on the latter’s bed.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“I was just wondering. Yoongi hyung told me that you spend a lot of time with him in his studio lately. Is there a particular reason?”

“Oh, I’ve taken an interest in song writing I guess.”

“You guess?” Namjoon asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’ve taken an interest.” Jungkook replied, smiling.

“And why do you wanna write songs?”

“I talked with Yoongi hyung and he told me that he finds it easier to sing or rap what he thinks than just talking about it.” Jungkook stated.

“Is there someone you wanna talk to but aren’t able to?” Namjoon asked.

“I mean, I don’t know. Maybe. Why do you ask?” Jungkook asked, getting shy.

“I’m just curious. No need to get shy, you know. You can talk to me whenever about anything.” Namjoon stated.

“I know, hyung. Thanks. And the other way around.”

“You’re adorable.” Namjoon said, ruffling the younger’s hair.

“Why does everyone say that?” Jungkook said, pouting.

“Because you are.”

“Jimin hyung says the same thing, I don’t get it.” Jungkook said, his phone buzzing. “Oh, Jimin hyung wants me to go to the convenience store with him. See you later, hyung!” Jungkook stated, getting up and running out of the room.

“I guess Hobi was right. It’s gonna be tough.” Namjoon said, sighing and taking his phone and earphones out.”

~♥~

A couple of months later, Jimin and Jungkook had drifted apart once again. Jimin didn’t spend endless nights with Jungkook, he stopped eating with him, he stopped going to the convenience store with him, he just stopped doing anything with the younger. And the maknae didn’t know why. He didn’t understand anything and the last time he had asked Jimin, the latter had just walked away without saying a word. In front of the cameras he acted like everything was normal but once they were all turned off, he was avoiding Jungkook like the plague.

“Jungkookie? Do you wanna taste what I made?” Jin hyung asked Jungkook who was sitting in the living room.

“Oh. Yeah.” Jungkook said, getting up and going to the kitchen. Jin took a spoon and made him taste the soup of the kimchi jjigae.

“How does it taste?”

“It’s good. Maybe a bit too spicy but delicious either way.” Jungkook answered, smiling lightly.

“Is something wrong? You seem a bit out of it.” Jin asked the younger.

“No, everything’s fine.” Jungkook lied.

“It’s not good to lie, Jungkookie. Tell hyung what’s up.”

“It’s just… I miss Jiminie hyung. It’s been weeks since we last hung out and I don’t know why he’s suddenly distant. I don’t think I’ve done something…”

“Did you ask him?”

“I did but he didn’t answer. He brushed me off. And he’s confusing me because he acts normal in front of the cameras but when they’re turned off, he goes back on ignoring me.”

“What do you mean by ‘acting normal’?”

“I mean, he gives me attention. He compliments me even though I keep telling him not to. I don’t deserve his sweet words.” Jungkook explained.

“You know Jungkook, sometimes, you gotta take compliments even if you don’t think you deserve them. They help your confidence and as you keep hearing them, you’ll believe them at some point. That can only be a good thing. But remember that this works for others too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that maybe you should try complimenting Jimin too. He’s very insecure and even if you think he’s flawless, you need to also tell him. But not directly. No one accepts to told they’re flawless. You need to compliment him, tell him how cute he is, how healthy he looks, how his singing improved. Little things like that can mean a lot.” Jin explained.

“I see. Thanks hyung.” Jungkook said, hugging Jin.

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s call the others, dinner is ready.”

~♥~

“Yoongi hyung, can I come to the studio with you?” Jungkook asked Yoongi when practice was over.

“Of course. Let’s go.” Yoongi said and Jungkook smiled, gathering his stuffs and following his hyung.

When they arrived to the studio, Jungkook took his usual place on the little couch behind Yoongi and took his phone out.

“Hyung, can I bother you for a minute?” Jungkook asked after a couple minutes of complete silence.

“You’re never bothering me. What is it?” Yoongi asked turning to the younger.

“Well, I’ve written some lyrics and I wanted to know if you could help me find a melody.”

“I can try. But do you have one in mind already? I think it’ll be easier to work on a melody that you thought of.”

“I do. But I don’t think it’s good enough-”

“I’m sure it is. Let me listen to it and I’ll see what we can do.”

And like that, they worked until dawn in making a melody that would fit Jungkook’s lyrics.

~♥~

“Jungkook?” Jin said as he entered Yoongi’s studio some days later.

“Ah, you’re here hyung!” Jungkook exclaimed, happy.

“I am. Yoongi told me you needed me.” Jin stated, sitting next to the younger.

“I do. I’m a bit stuck with the lyrics. There’s a part I don’t like and I wondered if you could help me.”

“Me? Why me?” Jin asked, surprised.

“Because you’re the oldest and I like your way with words. Namjoon hyung uses words that are too complex for me.” Jungkook explained, making Jin smile.

“I see. Let me see the part you’re talking about.” Jin said and Jungkook handed him his phone. He read the part over and over before looking back at Jungkook. “I think it’s good. What is it that you don’t like?”

“It’s just… I want the lyrics to mean something deeper. But I don’t know how to do it.”

“Maybe if you tell me why you’re writing this song I could help you better.” Jin said, softly smiling to the younger. Seeing that he was getting shy, he quickly added “But if you don’t want to, it’s okay too. Do what makes you comfortable.”

“No, I wanna tell you. I told Yoongi hyung already and I don’t want you to get mad.” Jungkook softly said.

“I promise I won’t get mad.”

“I wanted to write this song for Jimin hyung.”

“Jimin?” Jin asked, nonplussed, and Jungkook nodded. “But this song is very sad. Is there something wrong?”

“I don’t know. He’s been avoiding me for weeks now and I don’t know why. It makes me sad because I like spending time with him.”

“Jungkook, I need to ask you a question and I want you to answer honestly. Can you do that?” Jungkook nodded. “Do you love Jimin?”

“Of course.” Jungkook immediately answered. “He’s my hyung and a bandmate, of course I love him.”

“That’s not what I meant. Do you love Jimin as more than a hyung or a bandmate?” Jin asked and when Jungkook stayed silent for a couple of seconds, Jin took his hand. “Is that why you thought I would get mad? Because you’re in love with Jimin?” he asked and Jungkook nodded, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I know it’s bad to feel like that, even more because he’s a member. I didn’t choose to feel like this, I don’t even know when it began.” Jungkook sobbed. “I love him so much hyung and it hurts me that he’s avoiding me.”

“But why don’t you tell him? Don’t you wanna confess?” Jin asked.

“I can’t! It would ruin everything! Our friendship, our careers… I can’t do this to him and to all of you!”

“Jungkookie, sweetie… We already knew about it. I think we knew before you knew yourself. It’s okay. You can feel like this, there’s nothing wrong with it. And you don’t have to worry about us because we just want you to be happy.” Jin stated, taking a tissue out of his pocket, handing it to Jungkook.

“Thanks.” He said, blowing his nose.

“Maybe Jimin feels the same. You know he treats you differently.”

“He can’t feel the same way. I’m no match for him. He’s so beautiful and talented, he’s up in the sky with the angels and I’m just… here. I’m just me and he’s Jimin hyung.” Jungkook said, looking at Jin.

“Don’t say that about yourself. You’re as beautiful and talented as he is. He’ll be lucky to have you. You know, you need to love yourself before being able to love others. You need to accept and embrace your flaws but also what makes you beautiful. I know it’s hard. But if you don’t love yourself, who will? And you can’t love someone properly if you think so lowly of yourself because you’ll always think that you don’t deserve to be loved and no relationship can be successful if one of the parties has that mindset.” Jin explains, bringing his free hand to dry Jungkook’s eyes.

“I get it. I’ll work on that, I promise. Can you help me now?” Jungkook asked, making Jin laugh.

~♥~

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Yoongi asked Jungkook one week later as they were lying down on the younger’s bed.

“I think so. A bit nervous but still confident.” Jungkook answered.

“They’ll like it, don’t be nervous.” Yoongi said, smiling comfortingly.

“Should we do it now?” Jungkook asked.

“We can. If you feel ready there’s no real need to wait a bit more.” Yoongi replied.

“Let’s do it now, then. I’m excited to hear their opinions.”

“Okay. Come on.” Yoongi said, getting up and heading to the living room as he typed on his phone.

Everyone arrived in the living almost at the same time, Taehyung and Jimin being the last ones. They all sat down on the couch and chairs.

“What’s up?” Namjoon asked.

“Jungkook wrote a song and he wants you to listen to it. I helped him with the music but he did everything else himself.” Yoongi stated.

“No, Jin hyung helped me with the lyrics too. But it was my idea.” Jungkook shyly said.

“Okay then. Let’s listen to it.” Namjoon said, smiling.

Yoongi connected his phone to the little speaker on the coffee table and the first notes were heard. Everyone was listening intently, Jungkook looking at all of them one by one, trying to read their expressions, in vain. He even dared glancing at Jimin but quickly adverted his eyes, afraid that he would look his way. When the song came to an end, Jungkook looked at his hands, waiting for someone to say something.

“It’s very beautiful, Jungkookie.” Hoseok said.

“I agree, I think it’s great. You did a very good job with the lyrics.” Namjoon added.

Jungkook looked at them and was relieved to see them smiling.

“I know right! I think we can add it to our next album.” Yoongi stated, the others agreeing.

“But what’s the title?” Taehyung asked.

“Love is not over.” Jungkook replied.

“I figured it would be that. I love it.” he said, smiling warmly.

“I like it too.” Jimin slowly said, not looking at Jungkook. The latter felt his chest contracting and looked at him.

“Thanks, hyung.”

~♥~

“Jungkook, can I speak to you?” Taehyung asked later in the evening.

“Of course. Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, pouring himself a glass of water.

“I am. I just wanted to know if I’m right. The song you wrote… it’s for Jimin, right?” he asked.

“Yes.” Jungkook immediately answered to the older’s surprise.

“Okay… Are you in love with him?” Taehyung asked again and Jungkook nodded. “Do you plan on telling him?”

“I don’t know. I had a talk with Jin hyung and I’m thinking about it. I don’t want to tell him something that’ll ruin our relationship.” Jungkook explained, drinking his water.

“You won’t ruin anything, Jungkook. He needs this talk. He won’t get his hopes up unless you tell him clearly that you love him.” Taehyung said, looking seriously at Jungkook.

“Okay. Thanks, hyung.”

~♥~

“Hyung, I need to talk to you.” Jungkook said, entering Jimin’s room and closing the door behind him.

“If you say so.” Jimin replied, patting the space beside him on his bed.

Jungkook walked over to him and sat down. He was facing Jimin, searching for his eyes, wanting them to make eye-contact.

“Hyung, look at me please.” He said, taking one of Jimin’s hands. The older tensed up at the touch but looked at him.

“What I’m going to tell you will surely confuse you a lot and I’m sorry for it. But I hope you’ll understand me.” Jungkook stated and Jimin nodded.

“I’m in love with you. I can’t tell you when I fell in love with you or how I understood that what I was feeling was love. But I can tell you why I’m in love with you, if you want to hear it.” he said and Jimin nodded again. “I think you’re beautiful. You’re the most beautiful, talented and caring person I’ve ever met. You made me feel things that were out of this world. And I know that I hurt you and I’ll forever be sorry about it. I know I confused you but I want you to know that you’re precious to me and that I care a lot about you. I’m bad at showing affection but also bad at receiving it. I know that hurt you too and I apologise once more.” Jimin nodded, tears falling from his eyes. “I don’t want you to cry hyung. I’m sorry for making you cry.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you. I understand how you must have felt. It hurt me a lot but it hurt me more to think that you were also suffering. I’m in love with you too.” Jimin said and Jungkook wiped his tears with his thumbs.

“I’m glad to hear that.” He said, smiling and making Jimin smile too. “But I don’t want us to rush into a relationship like that. I think we need some time to learn how to love ourselves. I still think that I don’t deserve to love someone as perfect as you. I think you deserve someone better, someone who hadn’t made you cry. Rushing into a relationship because we feel the same could harm of lot of people around us. We’re celebrities, we’re in the same group and both males, it’s a very complicated situation. And I think that before loving each other properly, we need to love ourselves. We need to accept that we’re not perfect, that we’ll never be but that it’s still okay. I love you so much and I promise that we’ll get together, at some point. I just want us to engage in a relationship when we’ll be mentally stable and healthy. Do you get it?” Jungkook explained.

“I get it Jungkookie. I agree with you and I understand what you mean. All I need to know is that you’ll be mine one day.”

“I’m already yours. But only you and I know, no one else. We’re not ‘officially' together yet. When we’ll both be ready for a relationship, we’ll get together. I really want us to work out.”

“Me too.” Jimin breathed out. He adverted his eyes for a second before looking back at Jungkook. “I’m yours too. For as long as you’ll want me.”

“Then you’ll be mine for a very very long time.” Jungkook said, making Jimin giggle just the way he loved.

“Can we hug?” Jimin asked.

“Whatever you want. We can even cuddle.” Jungkook said, getting closer to Jimin and hugging him tight.

“I’d love that. I’d love that a lot.” Jimin said, returning Jungkook’s hug.