Sorry for this.~~

 Part II: Letting Her Go

 First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself

For Tzuyu’s part… she tried her hardest to hide her relationship. In hindsight, you wouldn’t even know about it if you didn’t see the pictures, or if you didn’t confront her about it.

No one has mentioned anything about it. Even Chaeyoung. You would think if Tzuyu wouldn’t rub it in your face that she’s someone else’s now, then Chaeyoung probably would. But no. She hasn’t.

Still, the pain hit you harder than the first break up. (If you would call it a second break up)

You really don’t know how else you were functioning.

Before, there was a slight tinge of hope in you. A slim chance that she’ll come back and take you back. That she’s just taking her (sweet) time, to get over the pain and the misplaced insecurity. Maybe taking the long way round.

But how can she find her way back to you when she hit a full stop?

Elkie… is not just a thorn in your side. Not just a bump in the road.

She’s… a full stop.

And worse… She’s winning your friends over.

“She’s nice, Sa-tang…” is what Momo said. They were out together one afternoon and you glower at her, feeling fully betrayed. "You would've liked her."

“Whose friend are you?” You hiss at her.

“Yours. But I’m Tzuyu’s too. And you told me we shouldn’t choose.”

“You don’t have to choose between me and Tzuyu! But not between me and her!”

Mina was there trying to calm the both of you. And you never wanted her to be stuck between the two of you.

“No! I stuck by you! I stuck by you all this time. Even when you dated Dahyun, I stuck by your side even though every inch of me wanted to slap you and tell you to give Tzuyu a break! To give everyone a break! Why don’t you just move on, Sana? ‘Cause I know it hurts but everyone else has moved on already.”

“Don’t say you know my pain just because you see me hurting!”

“I may not know what it feels like to break up with someone. But I know the pain of seeing your bestfriend, someone you love the most be ripped to shreds everyday. I want you to move on so you’ll stop hurting—"

“I’m trying Momo! But some things you can’t control, no matter how hard you try!”

You felt the tears coming. The only way to keep them at bay was to find the anger that’s sustained you and push back with it.

Everyone talks about letting go and moving on like it’s easy. Like it’s just writing your feelings on a paper and burning it, ‘till none of it is left.

Breathe in, breathe out, is what they said.

If it was that easy… you would’ve moved on long ago.

You fake a smile, ya, lie and say
You're better now than ever and your life's okay
But it's not, no

You're doing all these things out of desperation

“You’re holding out a candle for her, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“It’s an expression. It means—”

“No, I know what it means. I just don’t know what you mean.”

You wanted to love Dahyun differently.

Not more than you love Tzuyu. Just differently.  Just uniquely, that you don’t think about something else—anything else when you’re loving her. Because that's what she deserves.

But you’ve let Dahyun in so easily that you’re afraid she can rip you just as fast.

“You’re still waiting for her. Even when she’s happy with someone else, you’re still waiting.”

You wanted to say maybe this would be a lot easier if they stop reminding you. Instead you say, “If you give me time, I can—"

“Why don’t you get your closure?”

Closure? You hate that word.

You try not to be a when apparently Tzuyu and Elkie are on a ‘break’. You're playing your part as Tzuyu's unnie, not a very grateful ex. So really, you're not about to plaster a Cheshire smile at the younger's clear distress. Oooh the irony.

There's drinking and everyone cheering her up, and you would think it's ridiculous how Chaeyoung is circling Tzuyu like a guard dog, making sure she was never alone with you. Chaeyoung was the only one who took Tzuyu's side after the breakup. You don't know what Tzuyu told her, don't know what's going on in her mind. You think it's because you sorta dated Dahyun for a while that made her choose between the two. But as far as you know, Tzuyu had practically pushed Dahyun your way. So really, it's no one's fault but Tzuyu?

So you pamper Tzuyu (just like everyone else) But just as expected, Chaeyoung corners your when you were in the kitchen getting drinks.

"Stay away from her."

"I think it's ridiculous what you're doing Chaeyoung--"

"Tzuyu and Elkie have been together for 7 months, and this is only the 2nd time she's cried because of her. Do you know how many times she cried when you were together? Even right after? The problem here is you don’t even know how much you’ve hurt her. What you and her have is nothing compared to what she and Elkie have now. So stay away from her, Sana-ssi. If you as much as touch her fingertips, or a stray hair in her head, I swear I will hurt you. I would really, beat the crap out of you. So stay the away from her."

You hate every thing she had said, and the hostility from it above all. You don't deserve this hate. So before you can think, before she can walk away from you and get away with talking to you like that, you grab her by the shoulder turning her and slap her face hard. You slap her hard that your right hand left an imprint in her face.

It shocked her, and it shocked you too. You’ve never laid a hand on anyone in your life.

But what irked you more is that she wasn’t mad, wasn’t hurt... If anything, she looks satisfied. Like you've just proven her point.

You absolutely hate it.

Not Chaeyoung. Not Tzuyu... And when you think about it, not even Elkie.

You just hate what she had said.

Have... Have you hurt Tzuyu that much?

That much for Chaeyoung to hate you?

That much for Chaeyoung to have said all that?

What you and her have is nothing compared to what she and Elkie have now.

You scoff. It can't be. You and Tzuyu were together for more than a year! You were the one who broke through Tzuyu's walls. Her first kiss. Her first.

You were the one who practically molded her into the best girlfriend that she is for Elkie.

It can't be.

You broke up because you were clingy and touchy with others and you were being public about it. It's the only reason.

Before she breaks it off. Before she gave up on you… Whatever you think happened, she put up a fight.

Have... Have you really hurt Tzuyu that much?

You end up getting drunk that night. You were angry.... At yourself for not seeing it.

I can't do this again.

. . .

What did you do wrong?

All these times, you were so focused on Tzuyu ‘getting over it’, on Tzuyu giving up on you, that you didn’t even ask why she did.

By the end of the night you were about to vomit everything you have just drunk. You were never a drinker. But you’re hoping the bitter feeling will come off as well.

The bathroom is locked and you were waiting for your turn. When the door opens though, you were surprised to see Tzuyu.

She's stumbling out and before her face hits the floor, you caught her in your arms.

She was looking around and asks, "Where's Chaeyoung?"

You bit your lips trying to fight the remark, 'the hell would I know' But you simply said, "Not here."

"Oh. Okay." She answers plainly and tried to stand up on her own. You keep your hands to her arms just in case.

"Where are you going?"

"Uhm... To my room. I think I'm gonna go rest."

Without thinking, you say, "I'll take you."

She bites her lip. And you just know for sure Chaeyoung had told her to stay away from you. Like you're a predator. It makes your blood boil. Makes you want to prove her wrong.

Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have ed up a little

You were tucking her in when you notice she had her eyes closed yet she’s smiling. Almost satisfied. It amuses you, because a part of you (that always belongs to her) knows what it means. "What is it?"

Still with her eyes closed, she says, "What's what?"

You chuckle, crossing your arms, "You have that smile. That 'I-know-I'm right."

Slowly she opens her eyes, "I have that smile??"

"Yeah." You sit beside her removing the stay hair in her face. You suddenly remember Chaeyoung’s threat. Suddenly remembers Chaeyoung can come anytime and pull you away.

She doesn’t answer right away. But you are patient, always always patient with her. Then, she made an effort to reach out to you. To touch your hand. And by gods, you could’ve sworn you felt a jolt run through your body, sobering you up.

Her voice is soft, so soft that you wouldn’t have heard her. "Chaeyoung said I shouldn't be alone with you because you would try something."

That .

She noticed that change in your expression and squeezed your hand. "And I told her you're not like that."

This time, the gesture doesn’t have the calming effect it usually has. This time you’re seething. So you say in spite, "What if I am? What if I'm just waiting till you pass out before I have my way with you?" You put your hand on top of hers and slowly danced your fingertips to her arm

Your hand reached her shoulder, and keeping an eye contact, you slipped your middle finger in the neck of her shirt, circling it in the strap of her bra, your thumb now dragging along her collarbone. "Maybe I don't even have to do anything. Just take a picture of me undressing you or kissing you and send it to Elkie."

You absolutely have no idea what you’re doing. And the sober you would tell you this is exactly what Chaeyoung is saying. But Tzuyu had always been nice to you, always been respectful of you. (The only thing she didn’t do--refuses to do is to give you another chance.) So really, the last sane part of you, keeping you grounded would reason out you just wanted to see how far you can push her.

She hasn’t removed her eyes from you, there wasn’t even a change in her breathing with what you’re doing. She just says, "You're not like that. You... You wouldn't purposely hurt me."

And damn it. You wanted to cry.

Why is she being like this?

Why can’t she see it? (That even in her weakest hour, she still has power over you)

You bite your lip, trying so hard to keep the hiccups from coming, from the tears falling. "If I can't have you, I'd rather no one else can have you."

She changes her grip in your hand, then brushes her thumb over your knuckles. "Y