I was seated in the middle of the stadium. Trying to calm myself. I was having second thoughts earlier if I should be doing this or not. But in the end, I gave in to what I think is right. Keeping my promise. And, if things will not work out, no regrets at all. At least there will be no what ifs.

I have to admit I am scared of what the outcome of this. I’ve waited for three (3) years for this to happen. Everyday, during the past years, she is always on my mind, wondering how she is doing. And sometimes my eyes play tricks on me, like seeing her in the streets, in the airport and even a time that I thought it was her getting inside the car with sunglasses and mask but very pregnant. Did she get married without anyone from our few closest friends not informed? No one knew her whereabouts after her reality show in China ended. She just vanished from the circulation. Or probably she made a deal with our circle to keep things private wherever she may be. There’s a little pang in my heart. What if she is really married and has a little family of her own now? I shook my head. That was the last thing I want to think right now.

It is starting to be chilly. I look at my watch. 4:30 pm. I have thirty minutes before I can call this over and done. I just sit there oblivious to my surrounding. Waiting. My hands start to be clammy. I am nervous. I think about the last conversation we had that night.

Don’t be sad, please

I am scared Oppa to what awaits for us

Do not be. We will make it through.

I think of her all the time. The last time we saw each other. The last time I held her in my arms, the last time I kissed her. The last time I felt the warmth of her embrace. Our tryst that night. Everything about her is always in my mind.

We were in love. There were so many things that hinders us from making it public. The few closest friends and family were very supportive. Our managers did their part to make us comfortable together as much as possible. But there were also priorities being set before our relationship came into reality. For so many years, it was a push-pull for us. Too scared of the outcome if we acknowledge our feelings for each other. But, eventually our love for each other prevailed. And the harsh reality of being celebrities and so that night we made a decision and made a promise. And that’s what brought me here in this stadium.

The sun was about to set now. And the stadium was almost empty and quiet. But I was just sitting there. Hoping for a miracle. And the promise to be fulfilled.

A text came from my long-time manager and friend, checking on me. I felt the concern. It was fifteen minutes before 5pm. And then I heard the bang of the door near me.

I didn’t want to look. I was too scared. My heartbeat is racing. Nervousness is eating me up. For the first time in a long time there was fear in me. Fear that I might be disappointed. Fear that she forgot about the promise, and fear that she isn’t mine anymore.

While I was seated there, I felt like the time stop, that I was all alone in the stadium. I look up at the sky and then t