It wasn’t like Baekhyun to get flustered upon seeing someone. Kai and him had a history, one that he didn’t want to dive back into especially considering the fact that he was in the midst of reminding his relationship with Chanyeol. He hated the universe for going against him now. Of all times. To say Baekhyun was shocked was an understatement. 

He had dried his hands slowly from washing his face and cautiously crossed his arms over his chest.

Kai had not changed at all. He still wore his usual white tee and leather jacket. His eyes shone with confusion but also curiosity.

“I need to go.” Baekhyun said.

“Wait, we should talk.” Kai said, the mere sound of his deep voice making Baekhyun stop in his tracks.

“Why would I even waste a second of my life talking to you?” Baekhyun sneered.

“Why not?” Kai asked.

“Because you manipulated me for years, you made me into this dumb puppet of yours that would listen to everything you’d say.” Baekhyun pushed his hair back, shoving past his ex-boyfriend and storming out of the washroom.

“We both know that’s not true.” Kai ran after him, right into the hallway where they could hear the light strumming of a guitar from the concert.

“You need to leave right now before I punch you in the face.” Baekhyun kept his voice at a normal tone.

People outside of the concert hall gave the both of them weird looks, before turning their heads. 

“I’ve seen that face before.” Kai neared him, “You’re with him right now aren’t you?”

“And so what if I am? We aren’t together anymore, you have no business with me.” Baekhyun told him off.

As his ex-boyfriend  tried to get in closer to him, Baekhyun made every effort to push him away. 

“I have to show you something. It’s-”

“Leave me alone-”

“I have Beom’s suicide letter.” Kai said.

His voice echoed throughout the concert hall and then through Baekhyun’s ears over and over again. Baekhyun’s breath felt suppressed in his lungs as he tried to speak out and say something, but could only bite down on his lip letting it bleed. 

A bitter feeling ran through his veins as he stood frozen now in front of his ex, shocked by the situation in front of him.

“Y-you-" Baekhyun pointed a weak finger at him.

“I’m not lying about it. I came all the way here from town to give it to you.” Kai said sincerely.

“How?” Was all Baekhyun could let out.

“Your...folks. They um-were trying to reach out to you when they found it in some of Beom's old things. They knew I still lived around town so...I told them I’d take it to you.”

The way Kai’s eyes fell on him, told Baekhyun everything he needed to know. The man in front of him wasn’t lying. It was beyond him how or why Kai had even taken the responsibility of doing something like this. More importantly, why his ex-boyfriend thought it was something he needed at this point in his life.

A suicide letter? After ten years of silence and questions?

“N-Not here.” Baekhyun said, “I can’t-just, not here,” He repeated.

“Okay, whenever you’re ready, just here.” Kai pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, it had a few numbers scribbled on it, “Give me a call. We can meet up.” He said.

Baekhyun reached out hesitantly, taking the chit of paper and  placing it in his back pocket. Without hearing another word from Kai, he removed himself, bounding back into the concert hall, hoping that his face wouldn’t give himself away to Chanyeol. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The concert was amazing, did you like the song I produced for him?” Chanyeol said in his car.

When they approached a stop light, Chanyeol turned to his side to see Baekhyun’s vacant expression. He seemed to be ignoring his words and more importantly, thinking about something else.

Chanyeol smirked, before strategically placing his hand on the car horn and giving it a few blasts.

Baekhyun jumped in his seat, holding on to Chanyeol’s arm subconsciously. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just...light headed.” Baekhyun apologized.

“Come on, I brought you to this concert to show off all the songs I produced for Dean and I have yet to receive a compliment.” Chanyeol pouted.

“You know I love you music.” Baekhyun said.

“I know, but I want to hear it more.” Chanyeol repeated.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, “It was amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it before. You’re a genius.” 

“Hm,” Chanyeol tilted his head, eyes on the road, “Doesn’t feel genuine enough.” 

Giving a nonchalant shrug, Baekhyun looked up at the traffic light, watching it turn from yellow to red.

Hovering above his seat, Baekhyun leaned to the driver's seat and brought Chanyeol’s face to his own, kissing it quickly. When their lips connected, Baekhyun felt a rush of happiness fill his chest. His mouth lingered over Chanyeol’s a little after as his eyes, looking down at them hungrily. In his peripheral vision he saw the ambience of the green traffic light. He decided to sit back down.

“Was that genuine?” Baekhyun asked, hiding his small smile.

Chanyeol, being a clumsy goof was so surprised by the kiss, almost forgot to start driving when the traffic light turned green. He gulped, sweating profusely. 

“Eyes on the road, Park.” Baehyun said.

“Y-you can’t do things like that and expect me to act perfectly normal.” Chanyeol reasoned. 

Laughing softly, Baekhyun reclined his chair slightly feeling undeniably guilty. A gnawing guilt that crept into his heart and could not go away. He felt indebted to Chanyeol, knowing everything he was hiding from him would make him angered. Furious.

Whether he told him about Kai or not, Baekhyun didn’t think Chanyeol would have wanted to hear it anyways. His best friend's suicide note? It was unthinkable.

Yet, Baekhyun had thought of the very moment he could understand the death of his big brother. The question that had been eating up inside of him, why did Beom kill himself that day? Was it his fault? Wasn’t it his right to know? 

--------------------------------------------------------------

The weekend dragged along with Baekhyun’s dreary decision tikking on the clock like a bomb. It was beyond him why Kai hadn’t made an appearance at his apartment considering his past character of being quite possessive. He didn’t want to lie, at first it seemed Kai had created the entire facade to get back with his ex-boyfriend. His recent behaviour gave Baekhyun all the more reason to accept meeting up with him and finally getting a chance to read his brothers suicide letter. 

He’d texted him, letting him know that he was still thinking about it.

A strong force kept him grounded from giving Kai a call, Chanyeol.

“Alright, how’s that look?” Chanyeol said.

The giant had rolled up his sleeves, to show off his strong arms and he put up a painting Baekhyun had ordered from amazon on the wall. It was an abstract one he’d been wanting in his room. It was simple enough, with primary coloured . 

After many attempts to make the frame stand even on the wall, it finally looked good.

“It looks perfect.” Baekhyun replied.

“Do you remember when we were kids and I’d always tease you about your height?” Chanyeol said.

“Hmm..”Baekhyun hummed in response, walking over to the kitchen to pour himself some wine.

“It was because I like when you’d get mad and try to punch me. I loved to see the height difference.”

“You were more romantic than I remembered.”

“Really? I did so many things that clearly showed I was into you,” Chanyeol said, coming over to the kitchen to lean on the counter as he attentively watched Baekhyun pour a drink.

“Like…?” Baekhyun raised an eyebrow.

“Do you know how many times I called off plans with Beom just cause you weren’t coming.” Chanyeol smirked knowingly. 

Baekhyun shrugged, “I just thought you were a bad friend.” He hid his smile.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, letting his body shift towards Baekhyun such that his sturdy arms were now cornering him against the kitchen Island. Baekhyun couldn’t meet his eyes as he tried to fit his head through the space between his biceps. The taller man held him in place, his upper body invading Baekhyun’s space.

The smaller man leaned back with his hands against the counter, squirmish. 

They hadn’t done anything since they’d gone out again and Baekhyun felt like perhaps they were moving too quickly, they still had a lot to uncover about their relationship and past, he felt that it was wrong of him to do anything beyond kiss.

Baekhyun felt Chanyeol’s plush lips slant on his own. It felt intense. Baekhyun s his arms along the back of Chanyeol’s neck and brought his head in closer, trying to gain more access to his mouth.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol had his hand cupped along Baekhyun’s cheek, rubbing it gently as they kissed.

After they broke away, Baekhyun was the one to slip through Chanyeol’s arms and towards the family room.

“You’re a prude.” Chanyeol said.

“Hm, I have no clue what you mean.” Baekhyun wiggled his .

In light of the good mood that had shined on them this morning, Baekhyun had been meaning to tell Chanyeol about the Kai situation. It was just that, he couldn’t bear seeing Chanyoel’s mood ruined over something as trivial as his ex-boyfriend. Even so, Baekhyun felt that in comparison, if Chanyeol had found out from someone besides him, the older would get angry. Either way, this couldn’t end well, but the longer Baekhyun kept his mouth shut the worse it would become.

“I need to tell you something.” Baekhyun said.

Chanyeol who took a timid sip of his coffee looked at Baekhyun curiously.

“Go for it.” 

Baekhyun inhaled sharply ready to speak, but before a breath could even leave his mouth, his cell phone began to vibrate upon the dining table. Chanyeol, who was sitting near it, flipped Baekhyun’s iphone over without thinking and squinted at the unknown number on the bright screen.

The smaller scrambled towards the phone, his heart leaped from his chest. He was one step away from snatching his mobile, but then Chanyeol answered the caller, putting it on speaker.

“Hey, Baek?” Kai spoke from the phone, a little static.

Losing sense of all his surroundings, Baekhyun heart broke as he watched Chanyeol’s eyes trail between the phone and the man in front of him. 

“Listen, I’m giving you another week, you gotta make you mind-hello? Are you there?” Kai continued to speak.

The line cut off.

Baekhyun’s studied Chanyeol’s stoic face, but within a second, Chanyeol rubbed the bridge of nose, nodding his head in dismay.

“No,” Baekhyun said.

“No what? What are you going to tell me now. How did he get your number?”

“I was gonna tell you. I met him at the concert and he-”

“You haven’t changed at all.”

“No- Chanyeol, I’m not letting this happen between us again.” Baekhyun forcefully pulled on Chanyeol’s arm, so that he couldn’t leave.

“You should have told me. The moment you saw him. You know what he gets into. He’s a drug dealer for f**k’s sake Baekhyun! Why didn’t you just tell me!”

“Because-” Baekhyun covered his mouth afraid of what he would need to say next, in order to save his relationship.

“What? What are you hiding now!” Chanyeol raised his voice, it boomed against the confines of his apartment.

The once very opening concept flat, felt like it was closing in on Baekhyun. The entire world crumbled before him. He knew he never wanted to ever hurt Chanyeol, but it seemed that now for the sake of their relationship, Chanyeol had to know.

“He has Beom’s letter.” Baekhyun choked back tears.

“What?”

“He has the suicide letter.” Baekhyun repeated, this time with a shaky voice.

Chanyeol looked at the younger like he’d seen a ghost. IN disbelief he shakes his head in protest. 

“You’ve gone mad.” 

“No, it’s real. He has it.” Baekhyun let a tear roll down his cheek.

Chanyeol went through several emotions in that moment. One emotion that prevailed was his absolute diminished sense of surroundings. He was beyond angered, lightheaded. 

“I-I have to go-”

“Wait-”

“Don’t push me.” Chanyeol said.

The look in his eyes told Baekhyun that it was no use further begging him to stay. This time, it felt like he’d lost Chanyeol forever. 

------------------------------------------

Kyungsoo, being the one responsible for getting the couple back together had more than enough to say about the situation.

“And that numb-skull didn’t even listen to what you had to say. I’m gonna so kill him-”

“No, Kyungsoo. He’s right I should have told him about the day I saw Kai.” Baekhyun mumbled under his breath, “It was my fault, I should have been more honest.”

Baekhyun had rushed over to Kyungsoo’s apartment after the fight he had with Chanyeol. In tears he could no longer hold in his heavy emotions. 

Kyungsoo pursed his lips together and shut his eyes tightly.

“And what about the note? From your brother?”

Baekhyun looked at the ground.

“What about it?” 

“You have every right to have it, Baekhyun. It’s important to you, it's a relic of what your brother left behind. His suicide has haunted you for years. Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted.”

Despite agreeing with what Kyungsoo had to say he couldn’t help but feel uneasy about the fact that Chanyeol didn’t want him to read the letter. Of course, he had always needed that closure, but without Chanyeol’s consent he felt wrong even taking the letter from Kai. As much as he was angry with the older right now, he promised they’d face things together, and their relationship with Beom was mutual. He didn’t want to leave him out.

“Chanyeol thinks that if I read it, I’ll turn the blame of Beom’s death on myself. He’s not wrong. I”m just looking for a reason to blame myself at this point.”

Kyungsoo shook his head in disagreement. 

“Give me your phone.” Kyungsoo said.

“Why?” Baekhyun asked.

“We’re calling Kai and getting the note.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Their uber stopped at a sketchy looking two story co-op. It was definitely on the rougher part of the city, with some people staring at the Kyungsoo and Baekhyun when they came out of the car. Baekhyun inhaled deeply, his nervousness eating him up. He didn’t care much for the gangs that passed by them, whistling remarks about their looks, nor did he care for the impeccable stench of weed. 

Kyungsoo strutted out towards the apartment door, knocking on the door confidently with his hands on his hips. Baekhyun felt like a child hiding behind his friend. If Chanyeol knew that the both of them had come out here to meet Kai, consider them dead.

The door creaked open, and Kai was standing there, a little shocked to see another body along with Baekhyun.

“Hey-”

“We need the note. Now.” Kyungsoo raised his chin higher.

Baekhyun looked between the two, wondering where all this tension came from. Kyungsoo was riled up in all the anger, he didn’t seem to give a at this point.

“You’ve got a feisty friend here, Baek.” Kai said.

“You heard what he said, give us the note.” Baekhyun blurted.

“Fine, come in.” Kai widened the space between the door, letting Baekhyun and the stanger, Kyungsoo in.

As they walked in, a waft of smoke and alcohol overwhelmed their senses. Baekhyun who’d been accustomed to Kai’s ‘stench’ only winced. Kyungsoo, on the other hand got into a fit of coughs, holding his chest, weezing. Baekhyun rubbed his friends back soothingly, telling him it would wear off in a couple minutes.

“You don’t even try hiding the fact that you're a drunk.” Kyungsoo spat.

Kai, who had grown quite curious of the stranger in front of him, blinked in surprise. 

“I find there’s no reason hiding who you really are.” He smirked.

“Enough.” Baekhyun told Kai, “Give me the letter. I don’t know why you wanted me to meet up with you or if there was another reason. And I swear if you’re lying about this Kai, I will kill you with my bare hands. So please, give me the note, right now.”

Kai shook his head, “Don’t worry. Contrary to what your boyfriend has said about me, I”m not into the drug stuff anymore. I just wanted to meet with you to tell you that I’ve changed, despite my appearance.” He looked down at his old leather jacket, “I’m not here to win you back, Baekhyun. I just wanted to see an old friend.”

Baekhyun found solace in that. Kai had somehow managed to tone his speech that sounded sincere. Something that was uncommon for him years ago. 

Kai walked over to his kitchen and unclipped a letter from a magnet on his fridge. He handed it to Baekhyun without hesitation.

“Here’s to a truce.” Kai said.

Baekhyun swallowed hard, snatching the letter away quickly, as if to confirm this wasn’t a dream. He held the piece of paper to his chest, letting the feeling sink in. This was the last thing that Beom ever wrote. This was something so precious no gold or diamonds could ever compare. Somehow, in that moment he felt that his big brother was there, in that very envelope watching him.

Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun, concerned etching his forehead, “Do you want to read it now?” 

“I’ll read it alone.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Baekhyun ran, he ran so hard his legs were sore and muscles weak. He ran until the wind broke his pace and he almost doubled over. He ran all the way from Kai’s small apartment to Chanyeol’s home, his knees weak and hurt. 

He hadn’t smoked in three days, everything was dizzy around him, but he still had an ounce of energy in him to know what he had to do.

Knocking at least three times on Chanyeol’s door, he cursed at himself knowing the man wasn’t at home at this time and was probably in his studio. He took a long breath before running back towards the direction of his studio, the letter in his hand.

Baekhyun could feel his lungs giving in, but he knew he had to see Chanyeol now. 

Again, he cursed at the security in front of the SM ent. Building. He couldn’t get past them. He could call Chanyeol and tell them to let him in, but the older wasn’t going to do that. He needed to find a way. Pacing around looking for an idea, his eyes caught sight of a familiar looking figure in the distance. He was wearing a long trench coat an balenciaga sneakers. 

“Tao!” Baekhyun ran towards the tall male.

Tao, the one who owned the modeling agency and had asked him to join a week ago at the company dinner, smiled pleasantly.

“Well, it seems that you have an interesting way of accepting an offer.” Tao rubbed his chin.

“No- I. Listen I really need your help right now.” Baekhyun pleaded.

He couldn’t blame anyone to hesitate at first because of the way Baekhyun looked right now, tired, strained and out of breath. On top of that he held the letter against his chest. Somehow, this was all Tao needed to agree to help him.

“I need help getting into the building. It’s a long story, but Chanyeol’s mad at me and I could really use the help.” Baekhyun asked.

Tao thought about it for a while, his business mind riling up on how he could profit off this situation.

“Fine, but you have to model with my agency for a month.”

“What?- I-” Baekhyun looked back at the security guards, “Deal.” He said quickly.

“Awesome, right this way.”

------------------------------------------------------------

Chanyeol studio was on the second floor, that much Baekhyun remembered.

He bid Tao farewell and a very heavy hearted thankyou because of what he had gotten himself into. Nonetheless, he rushed towards the elevator and finally reached the second floor. Everything that happened after that was an unforgettable moment.

As Baekhyun walked into Chanyeol’s studio, he saw that the older was sitting on the couch staring at some music notes blankly. 

THe taller, immediately stood, appalled by the state in which Baekhyun was in.

Baekhyun was out of breath, his chest heaving after running at least three kilometers. HIs left knee was scraped through his ripped jeans because he’s fallen at least twice on his journey here. His eyes crazily bloodshot. It was the worst he’s ever looked.

 Chanyeol put his sheet music down and moved his guitar aside.

“What- what are you doing here and why do you look like you walked through a hurricane?” Chanyeol asked.

“I have it.” Baekhyun raised his arm that held the suicide note.

Chanyeol’s mouth formed and ‘o’ as he was unable to let words come out of his mouth. And when Baekhyun pulled out a shiny silver item, his eyes widened too.

Baekhyun held the letter in his calmy right hand and a lighter in his left hand. He lit the lighter and let the piece of paper burn starting from the corner. A lighter he’d used for years to light his cigars. He burned it. And somehow, burning it felt better than having it by his side.

“Baekhyun why-” Chanyeol ran over to him, trying to grab the letter from his hand, knowing how important it was for the younger, but Baekhyun threw it in the dust bin, letting the entire parchment burn in totality. 

“Because it doesn’t matter.” Baekhyun choked on his tears.

Chanyeol who had gone through several emotions now, looked at Baekhyun, trying to read his face and the younger let tears run down his cheeks.

“I don’t understand.” Chanyeol said.

“When I held that letter, I felt Beom talking to me. Like he was telling me to go see you. I know, it’s stupid and it might as well be, but you were right Chanyeol. Reading this letter could have destroyed us both. I don’t want that. Maybe Beom didn’t want that either. Beom wanted us to be happy, despite his last memory of us. He’d want us to be happy if he was here right now. I know it. I know it for sure this time.” Baekhyun said, without taking a chance to breathe. 

Chanyeol could only grab Baekhyun’s wrist and bring him in for a hug. They held each other for what felt like an eternity. No force of the universe could ever stop them. Chanyeol’s shoulder shuddered, signalling that he was crying too. Perhaps the reason why he held Baekhyun longer was because he didn’t want the younger to see him cry.

“I always hated when you cried, because seeing you cry...could always make me cry.” Chanyeol pulled away, looking into Baekhyun’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun said.

“No, don’t. Enough. We have to promise that we stop blaming each other for his death. Even Beom says we should stick together. That’s what he would have wanted.”

Baekhyun tiptoed, joining their lips together in a kiss. Chanyeol cupped Baekhyun's cheek, bringing him closer. Baekhyun’s hands rested on Chanyeol’s chest. They fit together perfectly like a lost puzzle piece. 

When they broke apart, Chanyeol scrunched his nose up, “So...are we gonna stop the fire in the dust bin or?”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened as he rushed over to the fire, trying to diminish it with his coat, but he was too late and the smoke had already surrounded the studio. Before they knew it, the sprinklers above them showered them with coldness. Chanyeol chuckled deeply, ignoring the fire sirens and the water drenching them from the ceiling. He could only whole heartedly laugh at Baekhyun’s cute, but horrified face. 

Chanyeol brought him in close, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and kissing him again.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Authors note: I'm sorry, I really tried to make the ending climactic, but yes. I was also planning on making this story longer, but I really found no point in doing so. Besides, I have another fanfic in the works anyways. So keep an eye out for that.