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Junmyeon used to mind the fact that Oh Sehun kissed him publically. However, after more than two years of working together he has made peace with it, just like he’s made peace with the fact that his career has not quite unfolded the way that he hoped for it when he first graduated from the top acting school in the country. Still, it is not the worst thing that could have happened to him. On the contrary – money, fame and decently challenging performances are all there.

He had just never thought that he’d become a star of the Boys’ Love genre, of all television dramas that could have come to him.

Still, after being in the industry for more than seven years and trying out various roles, he has to admit that so far none of his heteroual characters came even close to the popularity and accolades that he received for the ones that happened to be gay. Since the genre has arguably evolved and there was a lot to choose from for a popular actor like Kim Junmyeon, he’s accepted his fate of being part of the big machine and resolved to work hard, pick challenging protagonists and enjoy it all for as long as he could.

There’s a knock on the door and his manager’s head appears as soon as it cracks open.

‘Ready for dinner?’ Minseok’s not really asking, though; he’s demanding Junmyeon’s presence because he’s hungry yet he can’t exactly descend to the hotel’s buffet by himself when everyone is expecting Junmyeon. It is, after all, the opening banquette of his new television series.

There’s another knock and Minseok, who is still one foot in the room and one outside of it, turns around at the sound behind him, finally letting go of the door and pushing it fully open.

‘Your prince has arrived,’ his manager announces, only half-jokingly. Oh Sehun smiles at the words ambiguously and looks back to Junmyeon who is still in front of the mirror, adjusting his evening jacket.

‘Hyung, are you ready? I thought we could walk together, there’s press waiting for us apparently.’

Junmyeon just nods, his smile pleasant and relaxed. This is all just work, and also the one aspect of which he is more than familiar with by now. Fan service.

He can have a glass of champagne and relax a little of course, maybe say a few words about the new drama when needed. For the most part, however, it’s just a lavish company dinner thrown to put everyone in a good mood before the shooting officially starts after the weekend. 

But it’s still work. As long as the media are there, he needs to make sure to take photos with Sehun and spend enough time with him, eating and joking around for the Channel to be able to put a cute behind the scenes footage of the two of them. One of many, of course. Luckily, working and spending time with Oh Sehun is easy. Luckily, because for some reason the viewers really enjoy watching them on the screen together, more than anyone else that Junmyeon has worked with.

In the years that Junmyeon has spent on a contract with Channel 3, he has shot the total of nine dramas. His debut Heart to Heart was opposite the up-and-coming starlet Bae Joohyun. It pulled decent ratings but he had no illusions that it was mostly Joohyun’s doing. Still, it did introduce him to the wider public, which is why he felt more confident about his second drama with Go Ara, One and Only You. However, it did not perform nearly as well as the Channel hoped for it and Junmyeon would have probably spent the rest of his television career playing second leads in daily dramas if not for Meet Me by the River. Junmyeon accepted the role of a young reporter in love with his female best friend’s fiancé after much consideration and against his manager’s advice. You’ll get typecast, Minseok warned him then and probably for a good reason, but Junmyeon thought that he preferred that to impending oblivion. Despite his initial nervousness about some of the physical performance he had to share with his co-star Kim Jongin, the protagonist was everything that Junmyeon had always wished for. There was comedy, there was angst and tears, there was character development and even a mature and logically written happy ending.

Most importantly, it catapulted them both to fame instantly.

Junmyeon was not stupid – he immediately accepted to play another role in the same genre, opposite another newcomer. Someone, Somewhere, at This Exact Hour received positive reviews and praised Junmyeon’s acting which made him incredibly happy. The fan base, too, seemed to have embraced him.

After that, he was offered to once again act with Go Ara, but Truth and Lies resulted mostly in broadcasting disappointment for various reasons.

‘Your key card is on the table, hyung,’ Sehun observes after a moment of watching Junmyeon check his pockets. Junmyeon startles and quietly chuckles in embarrassment before quickly grabbing it and walking out.

Junmyeon hands it over to Minseok, the way he always hands over most of his valuables for him to keep when at parties for the sake of convenience. Amidst all that, Oh Sehun smoothly slides next to him, putting a hand on his lower back and guiding him towards the nearest lift.

‘Let’s go,’ he says and Junmyeon nods, resuming his walk.

‘Sure, I don’t mind third wheeling, thanks for asking…’ Minseok grumbles behind them but they don’t seem to hear him, already caught up in the conversation of how they’d play out the evening. This is their third drama together and they have attended so many events that at this point it’s just a formality but Junmyeon does it anyway, out of habit. Strategically planning how to give the best impression, how to keep the audience on their toes down to the last light touch and smile is necessary in order to keep himself in check.

This is just work, just acting. The flirting, the fond looks. Everything. It’s part of their job no matter how real it might sometimes appear.

Because of You, his first drama with Sehun, came exactly when Junmyeon needed it. He had ridden the hype of his previous Boys’ Love series and was then subsequently accused of taking advantage of the BL trends for popularity when he went back to do straight romance. Although it was all just a job to him, he could understand that it wasn’t so simple for the audience that became invested in him and his on-screen male love interests.

Working with Sehun was what really made him the top billed star of the genre. Essays has been written about both the complexity of the narrative and the chemistry that their characters shared on the screen, and while Junmyeon can’t see it the way their viewers do, he can definitely feel the difference. He was a little nervous when he had to kiss Kim Jongin and later that rookie Byun Baekhyun but with Sehun, it is a different kind of anxiety. It is not just switching off the character as soon as they shout cut!; with Sehun, it’s more like slowly easing out of it, never quite disengaging. Some would maybe call it method acting, though that in Junmyeon’s opinion would be a little extreme.

No – Junmyeon supposes that much of Sehun’s easy charm comes from the fact that there is a lot of his own personality in all of his characters. They are not the same and yet, they all possess Sehun’s charisma and appeal. His habit of sending Junmyeon lingering glances, his words of care and peculiar humour… That’s all Sehun.

That’s part of the reason why Junmyeon needs to keep reminding himself that it doesn’t and shouldn’t mean as much to him as it does to his own fictional characters who fall for Sehun’s. It’s all Sehun’s strictly friendly appearances and natural concern for others.

‘Chanyeol hyung texted me that everyone’s already there,’ Sehun briefly looks at his cell phone before pocketing it back.

‘How come he’s not with you now?’ Junmyeon frowns, still looking into the narrow mirror in the lift and trying to fix the non-existent imperfections of his newly gelled hairstyle.

‘I told him we’d just meet downstairs… Hyung, stop. You look great already.’ Sehun gently grabs Junmyeon’s wrist, leading it away from the hair. ‘Are you nervous?’

Junmyeon sighs, resigned.

‘A little,’ he admits. ‘Kind of hypocritical, considering that we all strive to become popular in this industry but I guess it never gets easier for me. I need to get used to the promotions every time I start a new project.’

‘Isn’t that a good thing that you’re working with me so often, then? I’ll just take over when you’re too flustered.’ Sehun doesn’t smile too frequently – instead, he smirks all sorts of smirks, his lips stretching in a semblance of emotions ranging from desire to disappointment.

‘You brat, that was one time.’ Junmyeon reaches out to pinch Sehun’s ear, mindful of the makeup.

But, who would not get flustered? When Junmyeon did fan meetings and events with his previous co-stars, it was always polite hugging, patting on the back, maybe some hand holding on stage if need called for it. Playing along with different fan service activities chosen by the audience was easy enough because Junmyeon felt nothing but friendliness towards his fellow actors.

However, when he did his first fan meeting with Sehun half way through the broadcast of Because of You, it did not quite go as he expected it to. Sehun didn’t hold back – he back hugged Junmyeon nearly the entire time, kept his palm on Junmyeon’s thigh when they were seated and his face affectionately. Although a man of few words, his intentions were loud and clear. That in turned flustered Junmyeon to the point of forgetting his lines and putting the entire audience in a frenzy.

‘I don’t do my job half-heartedly,’ was what Sehun said later, shrugging though his arm stayed around Junmyeon’s shoulder long after they left the stage. It was at that point that Junmyeon finally understood what the fan base really wanted and why Sehun had been so coveted from debut: the authenticity of the experience had to extend far beyond the screen and the character. It had to look verisimilar and organic also between the two actors.

That’s why when Junmyeon and Sehun finally enter the banquette hall shoulder to shoulder, Junmyeon gives everyone his best smile and leans a little closer to his co-star. Because he now knows how to play this game, in part thanks to Sehun.

It doesn’t mean that dealing with his fluttering feelings around the younger man has become any easier but it did help Junmyeon behave more professionally about it all for sure.

Junmyeon doesn’t have any illusion that he’ll be able to eat a proper meal tonight; there’s too much to be done. For one, photos and small interviews take a longer while. There are questions about Us against the World, the second drama he did with Sehun and their reunion after Junmyeon’s most recent serial with another male co-star. While it was a relative success, the Channel was eager to pair him up with Sehun again, per the audience’s demand. Finally, Behind Closed Doors came along.

‘It’s a very interesting project,’ Junmyeon says, having memorised the promotional script a long time ago. ‘It’s also not focused exclusively on romance which is what drew me to the narrative and my character.’

‘Hyung, you sound like don’t want to kiss me anymore,’ Sehun observes, his arm casually perched around Junmyeon’s shoulder, his usual habit.

Junmyeon looks up at him, smiling in mild embarrassment at the comment.

‘Don’t worry; they’ll be enough of that for you to get bored of me.’

‘Never,’ Sehun denounces the accusation playfully and they leave it at that.

The evening is spent like that – bickering with Sehun for show and privately between a glass of wine and a small plate of minced meat casserole, exchanging pleasantries with the cast, crew and various invited guests, then finally reuniting with Sehun for a while longer and retiring to his own room for the night.

Hopping in for a quick shower, Junmyeon mentally starts sorting out things to do before the shooting starts. There will also be some on-location action later on, for which he is already excited. His first drama with Sehun was a light hearted comedy about two reluctant friends who decide to join forces in order to hook their friends up and end up falling in love with one another in the process. The second one, on the other hand, was a more serious melodrama focused on social issues, such as internalised homophobia. However, Behind Closed Doors is a crime drama – or a political thriller if you will. It is the first of this kind that Junmyeon has ever done.

Moreover, it is his first one to have the scene. Though it doesn’t happen until episode eleven, Junmyeon can’t help but feel nervous about it. It doesn’t seem too long or explicit, but the emphasis is on passionate and whether he likes it or not, Junmyeon will have to prepare a strategy for it somehow. He supposes that it is probably best to sit down and discuss it with Sehun beforehand like the adults that they are. Although all Boy Love dramas hold script readings and workshops for the cast to ease them into the characters as well as the other aspects of shooting with male co-stars, Junmyeon still prefers the good old fashioned way of just sitting one to one and working it out as a couple. After all, it is ultimately only the two of them doing things and they need to be comfortable with them.

He does have to admit that the script demands it somehow. It’s a story of ex-lovers, a police officer and an attorney, who are forced to cooperate on a case which leads them not only to uncovering a major corruption problem but also rekindling their own feelings. It’s not a cheerful feeling of first love or a slow, angsty romance. This time it’s supposed to be all about and the sort of love you but hate you that is so popular in the straight Harlequinesque narratives.

But, since it appears to be even more fiery than what they’ve done before, Junmyeon can only hope that he won’t burn himself along the way.

The first day on set is always hectic.

There’s makeup to be done, change of wardrobe and the last nervous fumbling with the script in between.

There’s the semi religious, semi everyone does it for good luck ritual just before the first clap and the cast and crew present get a tiny bit of rice wine for a good start of the day.

There’s the cliché lights, camera, action! and Junmyeon is suddenly in his element, transforming into the perfect image of Moon Jaeyoung, a workaholic police officer with a notorious track record of hot temper and foul mouth. The role is what Junmyeon needs in order to allow himself to grow and an opportunity to stray a little from the image of a soft romantic protagonist that he’s been associated with all those years. 

The next two days are shot outdoors, Junmyeon’s initial scenes are physically demanding and all about the initial introduction of his character’s skills and bitter sarcasm. He doesn’t see Sehun until day three when they finally relocate to the set which means to accommodate the police station. Sehun’s already there, leaning against the door frame and casually looking over his lines while the make-up artist puts the finishing touches on his otherwise perfect complexion.

Junmyeon stops in his tracks just for a moment, admiring the rigid posture in a fine suit. He’s seen Sehun in formal attire on several occasions, though never on set. With his freshly dyed dark hair and in black frames, Oh Sehun – how do they say it on the Internet? Oh, yeah – hits differently.   

‘Hyung, ready for today?’ Sehun’s face is impassive as always but there is a humorous glint in his eyes. Junmyeon sighs but it’s a good sigh. His own lips stretch in a happy smile.

‘Look at you, dressed to the nines. No one’s gonna look at me, huh, the costume crew even told me not to shave for today to look even shabbier,’ Junmyeon jokes, briefly touching his own chin to prove how coarse the little hairs are.

‘I’ll definitely only look at you, hyung,’ Sehun replies without missing a beat and Junmyeon has no choice but to laugh that one off, the way he always does when their conversations take a teasing turn.

‘Wanna go through the script together?’ He says instead and Sehun nods.

Junmyeon plays it cool in that scene. It’ the first time his character meets his ex-lover, Kang Jinwoo, after nearly a year of being broken up and internally grieving. Jaeyoung obviously thinks that Jinwoo was relieved to see him gone and he moved on quickly, which is why the script demands that Junmyeon be passive-aggressively making snide remarks the entire time.

But he hopes that he is able to convey all the good feelings as well, that his character’s longing and sadness is there somewhere, between the lines.

‘Same time tomorrow, hyung?’ Sehun asks at the end of the day but it’s all just kidding around because obviously they will be there tomorrow, and all the other days for the next two or so months. Junmyeon mock salutes his younger friend a good night and they’re both off in their respective directions.

They work like that for the next week or two, going over the script together during lunch breaks and joking around when they’re waiting for their makeup to be done. The majority of their scenes are together, especially starting episode three when their protagonists have no choice but to team up and collaborate on the case.

It’s Wednesday evening when Junmyeon is finally in his comfortable clothes, lazing around on the couch and looking over the script for episode five he is supposed to start shooting on Monday. There it is, a kiss scene. The first one in the serial they’re currently shooting. Junmyeon reads it over like he’d read the weather report for tomorrow because in all honesty, he’s already kissed a fair share of men on the screen and the vast majority of all that smooching actually involved Oh Sehun. The romantic scenes here are calculated more towards the pent up and unresolved feelings, and are therefore not really framed like an accident or shy pecks but more the overflowing of emotions. That’s different from clumsily falling on top of one another and kissing, like in the drama that made them both so popular. Especially in that one there was a lot of kissing and touching – but no real substance to them, no meat if you will.

Junmyeon has a feeling that there will be a notice of a fan meeting with the cast soon enough – Channel 3 always organises one right after a considerable breakthrough in the narrative, just to ride that hype the hardest they can.

His phone rings, interrupting his musings. Junmyeon mutes the television airing a popular drama about North Korean spies and picks up the call.

‘You’re home, hyung, aren’t you? Always the homebody.’ It’s Sehun.

‘Hey!’ Junmyeon can only really say that much because the other man is not exactly wrong.

‘Have you eaten yet? I’m in front of your building. I’ve brought jajjangmyeon.’

‘What gives?’ Junmyeon gets up right way, torn between trying to tidy up his immediate surroundings and changing out of the rattled T-shirt he uses to sleep. Putting Sehun on speaker, he tries to do both at once.

‘Nothing, I just feel like I haven’t see you lately.’

‘You literally see me every day,’ Junmyeon deadpans. He manages to put on a new shirt and dump the yet to be folded laundry that has been lying on the armchair for the past two days onto his bed when he hears the doorbell ring.

It’s Sehun, holding his takeaway.

‘But not outside of work,’ he replies, taking a peak around before venturing inside. ‘It’s still tidier than I remember it to be,’ he observes, making himself comfortable on the sofa.

‘Hey!’ Junmyeon says again but nothing follows. Oh Sehun speaks the truth. Again.

He instead approaches the unusually empty kitchen table and motions for Sehun to eat there.

‘Don’t you have friends your own age to play with?’ Junmyeon asks, fishing in the drawer for his reusable chopsticks. He always reaches for the card when he tries to put distance between them. Unsuccessfully so.

Sehun smirks, this time a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

‘Aren’t you tired of flat jokes in that old age of yours, huh?’ There’s only three years between them and Junmyeon’s not even thirty yet.

‘How’s Jongin doing? I haven’t seen him in a while.’ Junmyeon belatedly learnt that Sehun and Kim Jongin were actually best buddies. Sehun shrugs.

‘Busy failing to catch the attention of a certain script writer, what’s new.’

‘Poor guy,’ Junmyeon winces because Jongin’s unrequited love is becoming a hot gossip in the industry – not that Jongin cares or is ashamed of it.

‘But he has a film coming out in a few weeks, you’ll probably get invited as well but I thought we could go together.’

‘Oh, sure,’ Junmyeon agrees easily. They are in the middle of shooting a drama, after all, so promotional work never stops. ‘What?’ When he lifts his head, Sehun is already observing him with yet another one of his unreadable expressions.

‘You really want to go together?’ Sehun confirms. ‘As my date?’

‘I-’ Junmyeon looks baffled now, brain scrambling to assess the situation. A date? As in, so that everyone can speculate that it’s a date? The easiest way to get people talking about their new project?

‘Yeah, sure,’ he replies, smiling and finally getting to open his dish.

Junmyeon dated a girl back when he was still a student at the acting academy but have not had that much time to court anyone since his career took a turn for the better. As news outlets have had a hard time catching him red handed with anyone, it’s easy to speculate about his uality which is admittedly a double edged sword but comes in handy when promoting his recent dramas.

‘Chanyeol hyung told me that the Channel’s putting together a small fan meeting for two weeks from now. The tickets will go on sale on Monday,’ Sehun resumes the conversation after a moment of chewing from both sides.

‘I was just thinking about it before you came over. I’d say I’m psychic but it’s probably just me having been here for far too long.’ Junmyeon chuckles.

‘I wanna kiss you, hyung,’ Sehun says again and Junmyeon drops his chopsticks, taken aback by the sudden development.

‘W-what?’

‘At the fan meeting. I’ll kiss you then,’ he adds, a small smirk playing on his lips. Junmyeon lets out an awkward laughter with a half a second delay.

‘Don’t you always?’ He plays it cool, once again concentrating on his dish.

‘This time, I’ll kiss you for real, though.’ It sounds both tempting and threatening and Junmyeon shakes his head, laughing again.

‘Yeah, alright. You don’t have to tell me that. It’s not like it’s my first time doing my job.’ That’s a funny way of putting it, even he is aware of it. He kisses handsome men for a living while a hoard of women in their mid-twenties coo from the audience.

Sehun continues looking amused.

Whatever sells.

‘Just saying, in case you get too flustered again.’

‘You caught me by surprise that time!’ Junmyeon argues, exasperated but he knows that Sehun will never let his slip-up go, that brat. He has too much fun with it and Junmyeon falls for it every time.

‘Well, I wouldn’t want to do it again, now would I?’

‘Now you’re just being mean,’ Junmyeon complains, the sauce off his upper lip and smacking both right after. ‘You know that there’s a kiss scene on Monday, or maybe Tuesday – I haven’t see the scene schedule yet.’

‘Aren’t you nervous?’ Sehun puts a lid on his dish, also done with the meal. He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms on his chest. Junmyeon frowns.

‘Nervous? Just how many times did we kiss exactly for me to still be nervous?’ He deadpans, sending his companion a pointed look. Sehun shrugs, looking unbothered.

‘Dunno. Just that this time it feels different.’

‘How so?’

‘Like a real kiss. None of that sweet pecking and slow moving of lips. When I was reading the script, I got an impression that it’s supposed to be more passionate… sensual. It would be unconvincing if two grown men harboured such intense feelings for one another and then simply decided to take it slow.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘You’ve kissed a person you had feelings for before, haven’t you?’

‘Of course,’ Junmyeon replies automatically. He must have. Not recently, though, since he started getting paid for doing it but sometime in the past. He must have.

‘Then kiss me like that. Kiss me like you’ve never been thirstier and I’m the last drop of water.’

‘W-wait, now?’ Junmyeon stammers when he sees Sehun stand up.

‘It’s not like there’s time to practice kissing on the set, hyung. Might as well be now.’ There’s an edge to his words, a little dangerous, a little challenging. Junmyeon his lips, slowly standing up.

It’s work. It’s not like Sehun is wrong.

‘Okay,’ he says, standing in front of the taller man. ‘Here it goes.’ Here goes nothing because Junmyeon is still unmoving, eyebrows furred together. One of Sehun’s own goes up at the sight.

‘Okay,’ he deadpans which has Junmyeon huff.

‘Fine,’ he replies, grabbing Sehun by the neck and sealing their lips together. He closes his eyes because he’d rather not look at Sehun in that moment. The younger’s eyes always reflect everything that he feels in the moment and Junmyeon would rather not know if he at being passionate.

Sehun easily opens his mouth for access and Junmyeon almost steps back, surprised at the first touch of his tongue because none of his on-screen kisses ever went that far. Still, he proceeds almost aggressively, moving his lips with the determination of a combat unit. After a moment, Sehun lets out a pained groan.

‘I’m not opposed to biting, hyung, but you really have to measure your strength.’ He winces, at his lower lips.

‘Oh my god, I am so, so sorry. Do you need ice or something?’ Junmyeon’s cheeks are burning in embarrassment. He really thought he was getting into it but it ended up being a total disaster.

‘No, it’s fine. Between you and I, one of my other co-actors was so awkward about kissing me that I thought he was going to knock my teeth out when all we had to do was to lock lips for about five seconds at most.’ After having made sure that his lip is no longer bleeding, Sehun looks back at Junmyeon. Good news is, he seems more amused than frustrated.

‘It’s a little awkward for me, to be kissing you just like that,’ Junmyeon admits, braving himself to look straight at the other. Sehun shrugs.

‘Well then, you should have thought about that before you approached your ex-lover just like that, Jaeyoung.’ Sehun takes a step forward, cocking his eyebrow as if sending the ball into Junmyeon’s court.

‘…is that role-play?’ Junmyeon asks, a little stunned at everything that’s happened in the last five minutes.

‘It’s acting? Huyng, you’re an actor.’ Sehun smirks lightly, shrugging again. ‘Come on, show me all those acting chops of yours from acting school.’

‘When you put it like that, I feel strangely embarrassed about my degree.’ Junmyeon doesn’t know whether he should burst out laughing or be mortified.

Nonetheless, at the sight of Sehun’s expectant expression Junmyeon clears his throat and tries to school his features. He takes a deep breath.

‘You’re acting like I begged you to stay with me, Jinwoo. But it’s you who left and it’s also you who showed up after all this time, unannounced.’ He can only improvise based on what he knows of the character so far since not all episodes have been written yet but it doesn’t really matter. Sehun takes another step forward and replies with an air of contempt. It’s hot.

‘Yes, it’s true that you didn’t beg me but don’t pretend like you didn’t want to. Don’t pretend like I’m not the only thing you’ve been thinking about since we started working this case.’

The more Sehun approaches, the more Junmyeon retreats and his back eventually hits the fridge. He can’t help but briefly look at Sehun’s lips and if asked in that moment, he honestly wouldn’t be able to tell whether it was for the role or for his own benefit.

‘So what? What if I have? What are you going to do about it?’ Junmyeon mentally chastises himself for the cheesy dialogue, quickly deciding that it’s better if he never tries to write anything and just sticks to acting.

‘You’re not the only one who can do what they want.’ Sehun’s voice is low and he’s not nearly as abashed when lowering his eyes to Junmyeon’s quivering lips as Junmyeon was.

They look at each other for a moment, a short but intense moment that honestly has Junmyeon’s knees week and his blood singing in impatience. He doesn’t understand what is actually happening but he knows that he wants it to happen now.

Sehun finally lowers his head and captures Junmyeon’s lips in his own. It starts slowly, as if coaxing Junmyeon to cooperate but the feeling doesn’t last long. The kiss deepens and then the feeling of tongue follows. Junmyeon doesn’t know what it is that he’s supposed to do, whether he should actually be this eager but he mindlessly throws his arms around Sehun’s neck, bringing him even closer. Sehun doesn’t seem to care, his own arms end up winded around Junmyeon’s waist and he leans forward, more insistent, searching. They separate when they both run out of breath, looking at each other for just a second of hesitation. Before Junmyeon can wrap his head around the occurrence, Sehun is back at it and once again, Junmyeon forgets about the fact that their behaviour seriously blurs the line between acting and simply making out. He resigns to the feeling because it does feel amazing.

When they step away for the second time, Sehun has no more face to kiss Junmyeon for the third time. His expression mirrors Junmyeon’s – pleased but almost spooked at his own audacity.

‘That’s… uh…’ Sehun his own lips, looking away. Junmyeon thinks that it must be the first time that he’s ever seen Oh Sehun blush. ‘Maybe that’s how we should do it. That was… convincing, wasn’t it?’

‘…Yeah.’ Yes, it was, is what Junmyeon wants to scream, rendered completely speechless. That has never happened before with any of his male co-stars.

It was difficult to fall asleep that night, even though they made it a point to move past the awkwardness and ended up in a heated debate about their favourite anime characters while finishing the ice cream that Junmyeon still had in the freezer. Junmyeon’s libido was raging, unable to take his mind off the kiss and causing him to toss and turn until two in the morning when he felt asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Thankfully, they still had some time to build up to the task while they worked on other scenes first and the kiss didn’t actually happen until the following Wednesday. The final product was not nearly as long or passionate as the trial run, and Junmyeon didn’t know whether it was good or bad. What he did know was that he had never been as relieved to get a kiss scene over with as he was in that moment, not even when he had to do his very first one with a man.

Now Junmyeon could put it behind for a while and pretend that there isn’t a fan meeting to be done and some other kissing scenes yet to be shot.

Sehun is just a co-worker, is what he’s been telling himself for the past week, trying to behave as normally as he can. It’s just work.

In the next ten days they shoot another episode and a half, mostly action and ensemble scenes which Junmyeon is thankful for. And then, the day of the fan meeting comes and for the first time in a long while Junmyeon actually stands in front of the mirror, practicing his radiant smiles for the fans. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see them, on the contrary. However, he knows that he has to maintain his holy tranquillity no matter what and not making it awkward for everyone once Sehun starts his usual fan service routine. Junmyeon has to be prepared and keep his smile intact.

The two meet at the venue, getting their makeup done in the same room. Sehun doesn’t seem any different to Junmyeon – he’s not really talkative but every once in a while he will become fascinated with a random topic and spend the whole night reading up on it. Today is one of those days when he is talking Junmyeon’s ear off about the procreation of electric eels and Junmyeon doesn’t know whether he should laugh or be completely weirded out. It does temporarily bring back the previous atmosphere between them, though.

Both get to wear something more toned down for the event – light knitted sweaters in autumn colours, comfortable trousers and Junmyeon’s longish hair is being swept to the side for once. It’s quite the contrast from the usual choices of bright colours. Since Junmyeon is no longer at the age to even pretend to be a teen, this new mature framing fits him just fine.

They don’t delay walking up the stage, as usual shoulder to shoulder. But though Sehun is his usual charming self, regarding everyone with the cool, calm aura he’s so famous far, he doesn’t touch Junmyeon. At all. No leaning in closer than necessary. No flicking non-existent dirt off Junmyeon’s shoulder. No arm around his shoulders, nothing.

Junmyeon tries his best to be active and not get distracted but he finally gives in and slowly moves his left hand, gingerly placing it on Sehun’s knee and rubbing it in comfort. His companion looks down to look at him and though to others it might seem casual, Junmyeon recognises that Sehun is almost startled at the action. They regard each other for a moment, both searching for something in the other’s expression until Junmyeon is brought out of his reverie by the audience’s screams slowly penetrating his bubble of consciousness and MC cheerfully announcing that today’s protagonists seem to have become lost in each other’s eyes.

Junmyeon can’t help but blush at the words because this kind of intimate fan service was a first for him. However, it feels like his action prompts Sehun’s attentiveness because he finally loosens up. The arm on Junmyeon’s shoulder is back, and so is his teasing and tripping Junmyeon up on his own words. Such actions usually fluster Junmyeon but today he is just happy to have Sehun back. After all, it takes two to tango. One cannot do a couple fan service on their own.

When they finally leave the stage some two hours later, Junmyeon feels that everything returned back to its rightful place, at least temporarily. Sehun’s arm is still around his waist even as they walk back to their dressing room and chat about the funny posters they saw the fans hold up. When they part ways near the back door, it is with a smile and a see you on set.

Minseok drops Junmyeon off at his apartment with a promise of returning early morning to take him to his interview before afternoon shooting. Full from eating fried chicken and snacks given to them on the stage as part of various games, he opts for no dinner and a quick shower instead. Having made himself comfortable on the couch, he brings the laptop closer, opening the one webpage he’s promised himself not to look at too often. Today, however, he just can’t help himself. He wants to know what the fans thought of them and whether they noticed that something was amiss in Sehun’s behaviour. More than seeing them being aggressively shipped, it’s that particular issue which bugs him. He wouldn’t want their fans to realise that they were being awkward.

He opens the fan board on Channel 3’s official website and scrolls down, first to the official photos posted by the channel and later to the thread discussing their new drama where he knows there’s usually more talk of the relationship between them and their characters than the plot itself. Not that Junmyeon can do anything about the fact that Boys’ Love dramas tend to be coveted more for the couples rather than individual acting skills but that’s exactly why it makes Junmyeon so incredibly happy to see fans and official reviews discussing his acting potential.

There’s quite a lot written already despite the fan meeting having finished only a few hours ago, leading Junmyeon to the suspicion that many followed online updates about it. He doesn’t even know where to start so he scrolls down mindlessly. He doesn’t bother looking at the posts analysing the apparently secret relationship he shares with Sehun, knowing first hand that it’s just a fan fantasy.

Something else catches his eye.

OhhSehuned0412: I mean, I don’t know about you guys but didn’t Sehun look down today? Like he wasn’t feeling himself until Kim Junmyeon put his hand on his knee.

Bunnyzen: Oh yeah, he’s usually good at fan service, isn’t he? I’m more of a Junmyeon fan but I couldn’t help but notice that he was sort of weird today, at the beginning anyway. Was he upset with Myeon?

Upset? Junmyeon frowns, trying to think of anything that he could have done to affect Sehun’s mood but nothing comes to mind. They were fine just minutes before going on stage, weren’t they?

OhhSehuned0412: No, couldn’t have been. If anything, Junmyeon helped him recover since he seemed distant initially…

FloatingInTheClouds: Damn, speaking of. I’ve replayed that video of the look they shared several times. My heart, seriously. That one moment looked so intimate and was literally worth more than the rest of the usual fan service-y things they did-

Junmyeon closes the lid of his laptop with a rapid, decisive movement. He doesn’t need to get any more ideas about his intimacy with Sehun than his sick brain has already conjured in the past few weeks. But as much as he is able to distance himself from the romantic divagations, he cannot stop thinking about the cause of Sehun’s possible upset.

From then on, the shooting schedule gets a little more intense, in the sense that Junmyeon and Sehun’s character are entering the crucial for every Boys’ Love serial phase of hate you but cannot live without you. There’s more bickering, more physical closeness and awkwardness between the two protagonists, neither of which wants to admit that the relationship between them is far from over despite the distance they endured.

In one scene, the two of them stand around the table with two other actors who play fellow police officers. It’s not even a romantic scenario, just one that is supposed to push the crime plot forward but when the camera starts rolling, Junmyeon finds that he cannot look away from Sehun. Sehun confidently delivers his lines, after which it’s Junmyeon’s turn. However, that’s when the words get stuck in his mouth. Sehun looks up, noticing the hold up, cocking his eyebrow in question which in turn prompts Junmyeon to turn away in embarrassment. He quickly clears his throat and rushes with his dialogue. The scene then ends and somehow both are being praised for the little tweaks they added to the building of the tension between the heroes but all Junmyeon can think of is, there’s no need to build anything. The awkwardness is all Junmyeon’s own doing and has nothing to do with his character.

The following day, there’s a scene in which both protagonists work in Jaeyoung’s flat till late and end up falling asleep next to one another on the couch. After that, they’re supposed to wake up in the morning, feeling abashed and eventually sharing some heart to heart. While the crew is preparing the lights, Junmyeon and Sehun stand in front of the sofa, trying to work out the dynamics of getting into such a narrow space together.

‘Hyung, how about I lie down first and then you can be the small spoon facing outwards,’ Sehun says, scratching his head a little puzzled because the piece of furniture is too compact for him to even stretch his legs properly.

Junmyeon nods, just because he’s torn between privately embarrassed and professionally confused by the logistics and he doesn’t really have any better ideas. Sehun takes off his blazer, which leaves him only in a dress shirt. He carefully lies down and having made sure he’s a close to the back of the couch as he can be, he motions at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon takes off the leather jacket he knows won’t be part of the scene anyway and carefully lies on his left side, initially on the edge and then slowly moving until his back touches Sehun’s chest.

‘Maybe… try putting your head on my arm. This way we can both fit,’ Sehun suggests in what seems like an unusually quiet voice, for him at least. He rarely gets flustered.  Junmyeon doesn’t contest the plea, he gingerly puts his head where it’s needed and finding the position more comfortable, continues lying down, his breathing shallow.

When he first started doing male / male dramas, the last thing he expected was to be uncomfortable because he was becoming too comfortable with another man.

‘Great, I see you’ve found a way to work with it.’ Kim Jongdae approaches them after a moment and Junmyeon startles. He wants to sit back up but the director raises his hand, stopping him. ‘No need. Instead, try to turn around and loosely embrace each other at the waist.’

What.

‘I was thinking of how to frame the scene last night, but I ultimately decided that it’ll look better if the characters wake up face to face. More intimate.’

‘Alright,’ Junmyeon replies in what he hopes sounds like an easy tone of voice because it’s anything how he feels inside. He turns over, trying not to disturb Sehun since there is already so little space there and the last thing he needs is to accidentally knock Sehun’s teeth out.

Or touch something else he has no business touching.

He tries not to look at Sehun, putting his head back on his companion’s outstretched arm.

‘Is this fine?’

‘Should be. Wait, move a little closer to Sehun, so your face is nearer to his neck? Okay, that should do it. We’ll start with a panning shot and then give a couple of close ups from different angles. The Channel is not so subtly pushing me to give more fan service-y moments so we’ll do what we have to in order to get paid and them split up for lunch.’

Junmyeon obediently adjusts accordingly and stays still for a moment as Jongdae brings forward the director of photography and explains how he needs the scene to be shot. Sehun has only ever used one cologne in the entire time that Junmyeon knows him and it’s a pleasant one with earthy undertones. However, in this precise moment, being so close and all up his personal space, Junmyeon cannot help but think that he’s being almost assaulted by the alluring scent.

‘Hyung,’ Sehun whispers, his voice hoarse but that just might be Junmyeon’s dirty imagination.

‘Hmm?’ He prompts equally quietly.

‘There’s something I’ve really wanted to do since the day I met you,’ the younger continues and for a short moment Junmyeon forgets how to breathe. He looks up and their eyes meet but he notices the mischievous glint in the younger’s eyes too later – suddenly, he’s being tackled mercilessly and he starts squirming, giggling in helplessness.

‘No..! No, please!’ Junmyeon giggles harder, barely avoiding hitting the ground in the process simply because Sehun’s other arm gathers him close, rendering him immobile. ‘Please, stop!’

‘What if I don’t?’ Sehun is clearly amused by Junmyeon’s misery.

‘Please, I’ll do anything..!’

‘Anything..?’ Sehun suddenly puts his ministrations to a halt, looking at Junmyeon in almost seriousness. Junmyeon senses the change of mood for he also looks up again and the two share a tense moment.  

What kind of tension it is, though, Junmyeon cannot tell. From his part, it feel almost… expectant.

‘Alright, children. Let’s get to work. The fun is over,’ Jongdae sighs deeply at the commotion and Junmyeon knows that all the director is thinking about is how to get through today’s schedule as fast as possible and go back to his adorable new born waiting at home.

It’s difficult for Junmyeon to switch gears just like that but he adjusts, getting himself into the mind set of his character. Jaeyoung wants to be with Jinwoo but he’s scared the other doesn’t feel the same way. Yet, when he wakes up first, he does not immediately disentangle himself from the embrace of his ex-lover but instead steals the few moments of warmth he is offered.

Even when Sehun’s hero wakes up and they share the short dialogue, Junmyeon doesn’t break the character. But something has changed and he wonders whether Sehun can tell that acting out all the lovey-dovey scenes come progressively easier for Junmyeon. Whether he has noticed that it’s not just acting anymore but Junmyeon’s own internal turmoil which lends the inspiration.

When the two are done and the lunch break is announced, they walk to the buffet table together, having no excuse to avoid one another. They collect their respective portions of noodles and side dishes, and sit down at a nearby table munching in silence for a while. Minseok comes over, informing Junmyeon about the change in his schedule for the new weekend but soon moves away to handle another phone call.

Junmyeon chews, stealing a quick look at Sehun every now and then but he’s apparently not as smooth as he thinks he is because Sehun finally puts down his chopsticks.

‘What is it, hyung?’ He asks patiently, giving Junmyeon his attention.

Junmyeon obviously hesitates because ever since the off-screen kiss they shared he has been curious about something but it’s not something one can just say out of the blue, at least he doesn’t think so. He has known Sehun for quite a while, first only superficially from the Channel’s official functions and then they became friends during the making of their first drama together. It’s been almost two years since then. Junmyeon is usually professional with his co-stars, friendly if luck would have it and they click but he doesn’t really pry into one’s private life. It would be beyond impolite to ask about certain things, especially his male co-stars and anyway, the answer wouldn’t really change anything for Junmyeon.

But he does want to ask Sehun now and it’s hard to pretend that it doesn’t have anything to do with his recent feelings and confusion.

‘Hyung?’ Sehun prompts again when Junmyeon gets caught up in his own thoughts.

‘I just… I was just wondering…’ Junmyeon hesitates again, suddenly feeling embarrassed. ‘Not that it would change anything between us, it doesn’t matter. But I was just thinking…’ He stops again.

‘Yes?’ Sehun frowns but doesn’t really lose any of his previous tranquillity.

‘I was just wondering how you ended up acting with male actors,’ Junmyeon finishes lamely, his face burning. He shouldn’t have said anything in the first place, he knows it now. At least he didn’t say what he really wanted to know, he stopped himself on time and instead asked the closest thing he could without actually getting to the point.

His relief might be premature though. When he looks at Sehun, he realises that he must have caught on the double meaning behind the words since he’s always been sharp. He easily understood what Junmyeon really wanted to know.

Sehun’s lips stretch into a light, ambiguous smile. He doesn’t say anything for a while, as if weighing his options.

‘You mean, apart from the money and fame?’ He settles for a joke though he doesn’t really laugh. Sehun hardly ever laughs, anyway; he smirks in amusement but rarely ever does something amuse him enough for him to even reveal a toothy smile, let along burst out laughing.

‘I’m sorry, that was too much. I don’t know what I was thinking, please excuse me-‘

‘Hyung, it’s fine,’ Sehun assures, putting a hand on Junmyeon’s to calm him down. ‘It’s not a big deal.’

He closes the lid of his dish and ponders.

‘Let’s see. You know that I briefly trained to be an idol, right?’ Junmyeon nods. ‘That was back when I was still in high school. When I was around twenty, it became obvious that the company didn’t really have enough funds to debut us and the whole project eventually fell through. So I entered university with a delay and paradoxically, that was when I was scouted by a modelling agency. I did some adverts and then Channel 3 offered me a contract for a couple of dramas. And here I am.’ He stretches his arms wide, as if presenting himself. ‘Does that answer your question?’

No, not at all, Junmyeon wants to say as he slowly nods, his embarrassment still written all over his face. He has a feeling that Sehun knows what Junmyeon is actually interested in but is playing with him. Serves me right, prying into his intimacy.

‘…But,’ he adds, almost as an afterthought just as Junmyeon is ready to stand up and run off under any weak excuse. ‘If you’re asking why I choose to act in dramas with same- romance… The answer would be, it’s easier to kiss people that you actually have a chance to feel attracted to.’

Junmyeon freezes above the table, neither seated nor properly standing. He’s been caught red handed in the worst way possible and now he will not be able to look Sehun in the eyes ever again.

‘I am so sorry for prying-‘

‘Hyung.’ Sehun chuckles briefly, completely at ease in the situation. ‘I thought it was glaringly obvious for you that I was gay but for the record, if there is ever anything you’d like to know, you can just ask me. No need for all this sneaking around.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Junmyeon only repeats, still completely embarrassed.

‘May I ask, though, why now? It didn’t seem to me that you particularly cared before.’

I guess I didn’t, Junmyeon thinks in passing, trying to come up with something plausible to reply with. Until I suddenly did.

‘I feel like… Something’s changed,’ he finally says before adding hastily. ‘Not like that, of course. I don’t mind, it’s not a problem, at all. Who you are has never been a problem to me.’ Sehun lifts one of his eyebrows, curiosity in his eyes. ‘Just… It’s a me problem. I’m a little… confused these days, you could say.’

Junmyeon can tell that Sehun leans in closer, ready to dive into the details but then Minseok interrupts him again, finally taking a seat with his own meal, asking them what they are talking about.

The topic is over and Junmyeon has never been more thankful to his manager for stepping in unannounced.

Junmyeon tries to put it all behind him, to not think about Sehun in contexts different than just work but it’s a little hard because another week goes by and his role requires that they cuddle and share another two kisses, albeit this time only brief. But the play pretend is nothing in comparison to the ever vivid memory of the passionate moment they shared in his kitchen that evening. Instead of being erased, it’s like the image only intensifies with time.

Junmyeon doesn’t really watch his own works on TV, being both too busy and too self-conscious but he turns the Channel on that evening, suddenly feeling the desire to just look. They air episode eight that night, the one in which Junmyeon and Sehun’s protagonists end up working overnight in the office and get into a heated argument about their past, neither ready to admit their fault in its decay. They come at each other until Junmyeon’s character gives in and kisses Sehun’s for a moment, and then pushes him away just as quickly and runs away.

Junmyeon forces himself to watch, forces himself to pay attention to Sehun. It’s just acting, of course, but the way Kang Jinwoo looks at Moon Jaeyoung the entire time, especially when the latter is not meant to know, gives Kim Junmyeon shivers. To distract himself, he enters the Channel’s chat where the fans discuss the episode live. He alternates between watching the TV set and the screen until the show is over. Multiple media are being shared on the webpage so he stays a while longer, looking at all the photos and clips the users continue sharing, a large portion of which related to Sehun and some of his recent magazine photo shoots Junmyeon had no idea about.

Oh Sehun doesn’t take bad pictures but Junmyeon already knew that.

He just didn’t really know know it until he sees Sehun’s soaked wet photo spread, with his simple black T-shirt clinging like a second skin. He’s seen Sehun shirtless, too – not recently, though – but it is that photo that actually does it for Junmyeon.

For the first time in forever, he gives in to the primal urges and shoves his hand right into his pants like a teen. A dirty but effective way to release the pent up frustrations, he comes in less than ten minutes while thinking of Sehun him all over.

It’s in equal parts demoralising and satisfying.

The following week they shoot episode ten, which makes them only four episodes away from the end of the serial but more importantly, only one episode away from taking Junmyeon’s on-screen ity. Junmyeon tries to takes his mind off the impending bed scene but he can’t help but get reminded of it during the most trivial moments, like this one when he’s tying his own tie in preparation for Kim Jongin’s film premiere. More than anything, he’s worried what might happen when he and Sehun inevitably have to meet and discuss their plan for the scene.

Though what he’s actually worried about might be his unfounded, lowly building expectations. 

Junmyeon eventually received his own invitation to the event but by that time he had already agreed to be Sehun’s date for the evening. He could not, of course, predict that it would land him in such hot water just weeks after the promise had been made. It is an official schedule but Sehun said he’d pick him up and so Junmyeon let Minseok go for the day. Junmyeon is going more to support Jongin with who he has maintained a pleasant relationship despite having worked together only once. The film is a romantic comedy with one of the hottest actresses these days and Junmyeon is very happy for Jongin. He’s sure that teen girls will eat him right up as a heartthrob just as they did in his male on male dramas.

Sehun rings the bell to Junmyeon’s apartment at six pm sharp which startles the owner because he thought they’d agree for the younger to simply text him when he’s downstairs. Sehun looks criminally good, which is nothing new but considering that Junmyeon’s caught some feelings for him (if his recent levels of libido are anything to go by), he instantly becomes acutely aware of it. Sehun seriously hands him a flower which flusters Junmyeon to the point when he has no other choice but to try and laugh it off.

‘Look at you, in a suit and with flowers. This might just be the best date I’ve ever had,’ Junmyeon laughs one more time, awkwardly fumbling with the rose and quickly put it into the water before the leave.

‘I was hoping you’d say that, hyung,’ Sehun replies and Junmyeon can hear the teasing in his voice but he doesn’t dare turn around until he recovers his regular colours. It wouldn’t look too good to blush at every word.

‘Shall we head out? There might be traffic at this time.’ Junmyeon puts on his shoes and finally looks at Sehun. The latter only nods and lets him pass first.

Sehun drives them to the venue which surprises Junmyeon since he thought they’d just go with Chanyeol.

‘I can’t have my manager drive me on my date.’ Sehun shrugs and looks over his shoulder to park on the VIP parking lot, before Junmyeon has a chance to actually see his expression. They’re ushered by the staff towards the main entrance and the red carpet.

‘I hope we can actually see Jongin before the film starts. I’d like to congratulate him in person,’ Junmyeon murmurs but his smile is bright for the fans already in sight ahead of them.

‘I’m sure there will be a chance.’ Sehun nods and puts his palm on Junmyeon’s lower back, gently steering him into the right direction of the photo wall.

‘Are you going to do something weird again?’ Junmyeon can’t help but ask just before they enter the zone. Sehun actually chuckles quietly, looking elsewhere.

‘Define weird.’

‘You said you’d kiss me at the fan meeting and then you didn’t.’ Junmyeon doesn’t know why he says it right in the middle of an official event, with all eyes on them as they finally get in position to pose. Perhaps because it has been bothering him all this time.

He feels Sehun freeze next to him for a split second before he sends him a long look.

‘Did you want me to, hyung?’ There’s no trace of the usual teasing in his voice. Junmyeon doesn’t even have the mind to blush, he exhales slowly before he averts his eyes and remembers to maintain a smile for the public.

‘What I’m saying is, you don’t seem like your usual self lately,’ is the last thing that Junmyeon manages to say before Sehun’s arm disappears from around his back and the younger advances to shake hands and sign some photos the fans are waving around in the designated standing section.

Junmyeon has no choice but to rush behind him, a little taken aback but the sudden change of pace. He’s used to Sehun having him step first and then tagging along closely behind.

Journalists throw some questions at them amidst the commotion. Junmyeon only nods with a tight smile. Sehun is more generous with words, though he doesn’t really care to indulge anyone’s fantasies about the two of them this time. He only asks for everyone’s support for their drama.

10% peak rating for a cable channel is actually phenomenal so Junmyeon tries to relax and enjoy the fruit of his labour for once.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’ Junmyeon tries again once they’re away from the spotlight, walking towards the small bar to get a glass of celebratory champagne before they head to the screening room. Sehun frowns, handing him the drink.

‘You didn’t. I just didn’t think it was that noticeable.’ So something did change, Junmyeon thinks while observing Sehun’s expression. It looks easy going but Junmyeon thinks that he knows Sehun a little better than that.

‘Is it something that I did?’ From the corner of his eye, he spots Kim Jongin moving in their direction.

‘No, hyung, don’t worry. I’m just an idiot,’ are Sehun’s last rushed words before he turns to Jongin and the conversation between them is over in favour of the chatter and good wishes for the protagonist of the evening.

‘You know that you can talk to me about whatever it is, especially if it prevents you from working,’ Junmyeon leans in and whispers when they finally take their seats in the third row of the VIP section. He hears Sehun exhale heavily.

‘There is actually something I want to ask you, but not now,’ he finally says, looking down at the pamphlet about the film that he has in his hands but Junmyeon can tell he’s not really reading it.

‘Sure, anything.’

He doesn’t realise until much later into the stage greetings that when he leaned in, he put his palm on Sehun’s thigh and later just left it there, kneading the flesh under the fabric mindlessly. But Sehun makes no comment about his action and suddenly taking it away would be too awkward so Junmyeon spends another ten minutes sweating over it until somebody wants to pass through and the physical contact between the two is naturally interrupted.

These events always run late – no matter how much he’d just like to shake hands with the cast and promptly disappear, it’s his job to linger and make sure there is enough photos of him to make it to the morning news.

When they finally leave the after party, it’s close to eleven pm. Junmyeon thinks that Sehun will take him straight home but once they are in the car, the younger turns around and says,

‘Wanna go for an ice cream, hyung?’

Junmyeon agrees.

There are not many places where they can show up without being recognised so both pick up McFlurry from the Drive Thru and park the car in the quieter part of the Han river bank, where the only people you can find at this hour are joggers and animal owners.

Sehun opens the window and they spend the next half an hour talking about the film premiere and making fun of all the people they don’t like but were forced to interact with. Whatever it was that Sehun said he wanted to ask is forgotten for now.

They make plans for the weekend to meet and go over the script for episode eleven, but for Junmyeon it’s mostly about the bed scene. He doesn’t actually know whether Sehun’s done anything similar before but although the bed is a constant element of such narratives, the most Junmyeon has been a part of was lying relatively still and being kissed as he ‘slept.’ That’s because he tends to play younger than his actual age so in most of his Boys’ Love dramas, he played a university student, fairly naïve and sometimes unexperienced.

It’s only work, he thinks as he knocks on Sehun’s door on Saturday afternoon a few days after the outing. They’ve been busy, they somehow fell behind the schedule before of heavy rains and the emergency scouting for a new location caused everyone to work overnight for two straight days. As a consequence, there was no way to discuss anything else.

Sehun looks cosy when he opens the door, offering Junmyeon a pair of slippers and leading him inside. Junmyeon accepts a cup of tea and they decide to order their early dinner for the night before the rush hour starts and they will have to wait very long.

Despite the recent developments, it’s always comfortable to be around Sehun. The TV had already been on when Junmyeon entered so they sit on the couch, commenting on the news and the re-run of a recent drama they’re both kinda keeping an eye on. It’s not until forty minutes into his visit that they finally crack the scripts open.

Sehun’s never really been known to beat around the bush.

‘Are you sure you want to run through that scene? We can just do it on Tuesday with Jongdae hyung.’ He looks at Junmyeon expectantly and the latter contemplates actually telling him that no, maybe simulating having on his sofa is not the best idea, but he has a feeling that it might be even worse if they don’t plan how it’s supposed to work and then he gets unnecessarily flustered and wastes everyone’s time on the set.

‘I think we should try it now. I need to… get a hang of how I’m going to play it out. Even after so long, the physical aspect of acting is always initially awkward for me so… Unless you don’t want to,’ he adds.

‘I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable, hyung,’ Sehun cuts in and Junmyeon shakes his head.

‘I’m alright with it if you are. I just need a moment so I don’t look stiff on the screen later.’ Sehun nods but neither moves forward.

Junmyeon thinks to suggest doing the play pretend again but then remembers how that ended last time and becomes shy. In all honesty, he’s in two minds about it. Obviously, he didn’t dislike it at all – he even wanted it. But he also doesn’t come across as too eager since it’s inevitably going to expose the fact that he might be just a little too into Sehun to be just co-workers. Feigning intimacy is done for the fans – there’s really no need to make Sehun uncomfortable when it’s just the two of them.

 Junmyeon clears his throat.

‘Alright, so… we- the characters are in Jaeyoung’s apartment. He’s making tea and then Jinwoo shows up and embraces him from behind…’ He reads off the stage directions, conscious that he has become somewhat rigid. Sehun looks at his own script, not looking particularly ready to engage. ‘Then there’s a little dialogue and-’ He becomes silent. Jaeyoung doesn’t turn down Jinwoo’s advances, almost immediately kissing him back. He behaves as if he has been waiting for it and wanted it for a long time.

Great, Junmyeon thinks. You and me both, Jaeyoung, you and me both.

Sehun motions at him to get up.

‘Let’s just go to the kitchen first and see how we can walk through this scene.’ He doesn’t offer his hand or touch Junmyeon in any way and Junmyeon doesn’t need to be psychic to know it’s because of what happened last time. He becomes grim at the thought of having made Sehun uncomfortable with his rush behaviour.

Junmyeon pretends to boil water, turning away from the room towards the counter. Sehun stands behind him but not too close, the script still in his hand. There is a barely noticeable, feather like touch on Junmyeon hip before the younger says,

‘I’ll turn you around like this.’ But he doesn’t really do anything so Junmyeon is forced to do it himself. There is more than a foot distance between them. Junmyeon his lips awkwardly.

‘Then you- Jinwoo kisses Jaeyoung, Jaeyoung doesn’t resist.’

‘Let’s stand in this spot for a moment, Jongdae hyung will want a few angles first,’ Sehun adds, his voice almost clinical.

‘Agreed.’ Junmyeon nods. ‘Then you can slightly push my shoulders and walk me back while we’re still kissing…’ He angles his body and starts walking backwards. With his nose still in the script, he almost runs into a standing lamp until Sehun actually grabs him before he falls.

‘Hyung.’ Sehun looks surprised. ‘Watch out.’

‘Sorry,’ Junmyeon whispers, trying not to make much of the arm around his back. It stays there as they continue walking.

‘Bedroom is this way,’ Sehun motions, turning them to the left. ‘There’s a bed there,’ he adds, probably not to be misunderstood.

Junmyeon nods. Of course, it’s only logical to practice with an actual piece of furniture.

They walk a few steps more and finally get to the bed. Sehun looks at him, waiting for his decision. He doesn’t even want to touch me, Junmyeon thinks trying not to lose a grip. It’s just a job and I actually started kissing him for real. Who wouldn’t freak out? No wonder he couldn’t even bring himself to do fan service that time.

Junmyeon swallows.

‘How about just laying me down and getting on top of me?’ Junmyeon has no illusion who is supposed to be on top of who here and he’s not even going to argue with Jongdae about it. He’s seen too many fan projects not to easily deduct what the running fantasy is.

‘Alright,’ Sehun agrees but does nothing to proceed so Junmyeon takes off his slippers and gingerly lies down on the made bed. Sehun looks like he cannot decide what to do but eventually loses his own footwear and slowly takes position on his hands and knees above Junmyeon, not really looking him in the eye.

‘And now..?’

‘I guess now we make out.’ Junmyeon realises that he wasn’t actually able to keep the slight bitterness out of his mouth and it’s confirmed when Sehun looks up, wary.  

Not that Junmyeon wants to make this awkward for the younger but…

‘I think there’s no point going through the scene if we’re not gonna touch. I wanted to rehearse this to get comfortable with the script.’

‘Oh.’ Finally, Sehun lowers himself and places his lips on Junmyeon’s but even in their earliest days, their kisses were never this stiff. More than awkward, it’s becoming frustrating.

Junmyeon gently pushes Sehun away, sitting up and taking a deep breath.

‘I think I should apologise,’ Junmyeon starts, not sure how to get over the suffocating atmosphere but needing to, and quick. Sehun frowns.

‘Hyung? Apologise for what?’ They sit on the bed side by side, feet back on the ground.

‘I hate that... I’ve caused this, whatever it is. We still have to work together, after all.’ His humourless chuckle does nothing to hide his nerves. ‘And maybe we still will, beyond that. Probably. You know.’

‘I’m lost,’ Sehun admits, an unusual blush making its way to his cheeks.

‘The fan meeting we had… You were being awkward, don’t deny it,’ he adds when he sees Sehun ready to argue. ‘I didn’t say anything but obviously… It’s obvious that it was because we kissed that time, in my house. It was supposed to be just a rehearsal but then I started kissing you for real and clearly made it all difficult for you.’

‘Hyung…’

‘You don’t have to tip toe around me, you know, I’m a big boy. You can just pretend it never happened, even if you kiss me in the future, I’ll remain professional, I promise. I don’t… I don’t know what happened, I have no excuse. But I’m sorry.’

‘Hyung,’ Sehun interrupts but then he hesitates. He eventually sighs. ‘You didn’t make anything awkward. If anything, I thought I did. I taunted you into rehearsing and then continued kissing you. That was inappropriate and uncalled for.’

‘I did it.’ Junmyeon frowns. ‘It was my fault.’

‘I think it was mine,’ Sehun responds, smiling lightly.

‘So... are we both guilty, then?’ Sehun shrugs, avoiding looking at Junmyeon. ‘Is that why you kept your distance? Because you thought I was uncomfortable around you..?’ Sehun shrugs again but he’s clearly not indifferent to the matter.

Junmyeon sighs deeply and moves slightly closer to Sehun, sitting shoulder to shoulder.

‘So it’s all good between us? We can both stop thinking about it now..?’ Junmyeon asks but somehow, he has a feeling that he personally won’t be able to.

He thinks that Sehun also hesitates for just a moment before nodding slightly.

‘Alright.’ Junmyeon stands up. ‘Just kiss me, then.’ Sehun looks like he might have just got a whiplash from how fast he looked up.

‘Are you sure..?’

‘It’s just work, isn’t it? If we don’t somehow put it behind us, we’ll never move forward.’ Junmyeon doesn’t know how convincing he sounds but Sehun eventually follows the other on his feet, moving closer.

He gathers Junmyeon’s face in his hands and leans in until their lips touch – first tentatively and then with more force, until Junmyeon opens up and the kiss turns deeper. Junmyeon doesn’t know what to do with his hands; he moves them around, first stopping at Sehun’s palms and later circling his neck. Sehun’s arms wander down, bringing Junmyeon closer.

This is definitely not work, Junmyeon thinks when he’s being pressed against the younger’s body but he has no time to contemplate the matter. It gets passionate real quick and Junmyeon allows himself to be led through the euphoria, aware than the exact opposite of what he has just tried to prove happened.

Sehun doesn’t seem to be in his right mind, either – he is pushing Junmyeon’s buttons, his kiss tender but heated. It’s not until Sehun’s hand lands on the other’s and Junmyeon moans that the younger suddenly lets go as if burnt, remembering where he is and who he’s with.

Both look towards one another unsurely, trying to catch their breaths.

‘…this is why I said it was my fault.’ Sehun his lips. His voice is low and he looks bashful yet somewhat disappointed in himself. ‘I can’t seem to control myself around you, hyung. Not since that evening.’

Junmyeon touches his lips – they’re still tingling.

‘But I am here, too,’ he eventually responds, biting lower lip. ‘I just… kissed you.’

Sehun takes a step away, running his fingers through his hair and then crosses his arms over his chest. After a moment, he looks up.

‘Hyung, about that thing that I wanted to ask you before. Are you gay? Or bi?’ This time it’s Junmyeon who looks away first.

He purses his lips, mind reeling at the question. He’s never had to ponder this issue. He had a girlfriend a long time ago, then he’s kissed a bunch of actresses and actors, and never had to second guess himself. Until now.

‘Do you know what kind of torture it is to work with you, hyung?’ Sehun’s smile is especially wry as he says those words. The statement takes Junmyeon by surprise. ‘Handsome but on a cute side? Smart but a little silly? Sharing my sense of humour? Might have as well been love at first sight for me.’ Sehun continues to smile but it’s becoming more and more tense.

‘I… Are you saying that you have feelings for me?’ Junmyeon is dumbfounded, trying to wrap his head around the fact that his undeniable crush just said he has been in love with him this entire time.

Sehun nods once.

‘So you want to keep kissing me?’ Sehun nods again. ‘Want to take me out?’ Again, a nod. ‘Why didn’t you… Why didn’t you just tell me before? You’ve never had a problem being straight-forward.’ But he immediately regrets the question because it seems to be a stupid one.

Sehun chuckles at the words, but the sound is a little more light hearted than before.

‘A gay person, making what can potentially be a very unwanted move on his male co-star? In an industry where most actors are straight despite romancing the same on the screen and which can easily alienate you? Hyung, that’s honestly terrifying to even think about.’

Junmyeon approaches, intertwining his fingers with Sehun’s. Sehun lets him but he still stands there, breathing shallowly like he’s afraid to make another move.

‘Not to mention, you were clearly startled the first time we had to promote our drama together. The last thing I wanted was to ask you out, be turned down and worst – have you think that I was talking advantage of you the entire time.’

‘I’d never think that. I know you.’ Junmyeon shakes his head gently.

‘You didn’t, not before. I promise it was all in good faith, just work. I’d never do anything more than was expected of me. But I also cannot say that I didn’t enjoy being close to you. That I wasn’t happy that fans liked us and I had an excuse to just be with you.’

‘I’m sorry that I didn’t make it any easier for you,’ Junmyeon says, trying to gather enough wits to explain himself. ‘The truth is, I didn’t hesitate at your question just now because I don’t like you. It’s just that I haven’t seriously dated in close to ten years and I only had one girlfriend before. None of the actors I’ve performed with really made me question myself, mostly because I was doing my best to just detach my private self from work. But…’

‘But..?’ Sehun throws him a cautious look. Junmyeon smiles a little.

‘Ever since that kiss – the real one – I haven’t stopped thinking about you. And even before that, there was always… something between us, wasn’t there? I liked it then and I like it now. I certainly never felt this way for any of my on-screen partners.’

‘Does it mean that you wouldn’t be opposed to getting to know each other better?’ The intense look that Junmyeon is on the receiving end of makes him embarrassed.

‘You brat, what do you mean more? Are you telling me there’s still more you want me to deal with? You’re already a whole handful and a half.’ Junmyeon’s voice turns playful.

Sehun’s brilliant smile is a rare occurrence. He’s happy and that makes Junmyeon happy.

‘How about we take it slow? Let’s just go out first. Nobody will bother us, not really anyway – it’s not like it would be the first time being linked together.’

‘Are you sure, hyung?’ Sehun looks equally elated and troubled. ‘You’re not just doing it because you don’t have the heart to turn me down, are you?’

Junmyeon bursts out laughing at the words, unexpectedly lightly pulling at Sehun’s ear like he has a habit to. Sehun winces though it’s not really all that painful.

‘I don’t really date out of pity, so no.’ Sehun wastes no time pressing Junmyeon closer again, nosing at the skin between Junmyeon’s ear and nape. Junmyeon realises that he’s beginning to enjoy it a little too much and he might just start preening if this continues.

But then again, why would he want it to stop? He pushes himself away just enough to see Sehun’s happy expression.

‘For now, how about you just kiss me again, Oh Sehun. You’ve been doing a pretty lousy job of it today.’

Sehun’s expression is somewhere between excited and wary as he leans in slowly. His eyes drop to Junmyeon’s lips a few times before he finally claims them. Junmyeon doesn’t hesitate to bring the other closer, giving as good as he gets.

He supposes that in his line of work, having a proverbial office affair cannot be that bad.

Behind Closed Doors finishes on a high note, having reunited its fictional couple for good.

Junmyeon manages to survive the last of the shooting and another round of promo while slowly getting steady with Sehun. The good news is, so far nobody’s really noticed – apart from their managers who cannot be fooled, of course. The bad news is, it’s actually Junmyeon who is having a hard time keeping his eyes (and sometimes hands, too) away from the younger man while Sehun has magically recovered his usual attitude. Nothing about his playfulness or the way he performs fan service is any different. He teases, Junmyeon is more often than not left feeling abashed and fans keep screaming regardless of whether they touch or just stand next to each other. Everything rolls the way it used to.

Except that when they’re alone, they do all sorts of things. Junmyeon takes Sehun skating and laughs at his clumsiness; in turn, Sehun often drives them to the sea to eat in that one little shop he’s discovered when he was still an anonymous person. There are nights when they don’t sleep until late, having fantastic that Junmyeon never knew he could be having; but there are also evenings – just as fun – when they only cuddle on the sofa, re-watching old episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and laughing their socks off.

Eventually, as the promotional activities come to an end in the next six weeks, both get different scripts to review. As much as Junmyeon loves working with Sehun, he considers it a positive change to spend some time apart and then have even more things to talk about when they are alone. Something about the distance making one’s heart fonder and all that.

‘You’re going to take it?’ Sehun asks after Junmyeon has explained what the new offer is about.

It’s their last day in Tokyo where their team have spent more than ten days on various promotional activities and three consecutive fan meetings. Sehun and Junmyeon should be in their hotel rooms, resting before tomorrow’s journey back but both felt too energetic after their last event finished at nine pm. Having eaten in, they are now strolling on the streets of Asakusa, the hour too late and the night too dark to cause much hustle.

‘It’s a chance to expand my portfolio. I know the fans want me to keep doing romance but I think I want to do more, you know, and one drama won’t hurt. Next season, it’ll be you and I again,’ Junmyeon finishes with a smile, swinging their linked hands back and forth as they stroll. Sehun smirks.

‘So you’ve seen Kyungsoo hyung’s script already?’

‘Not really but I’m still excited. He told me over the phone it’s fantasy, so I replied that I thought you’d look really good in a wig.’

‘You’re probably right.’ Sehun nods confidently which makes Junmyeon reach over and pinch his ear.

‘Humble as always.’ Sehun only laughs.

‘I need to rest first,’ the younger eventually says, continuing the topic. ‘The Channel showed me a few options but I know what they really want me to do so I think I’ll just go with it.’

‘You didn’t mention anything.’ Junmyeon frowns with curiosity.

‘It all happened so recently. To be honest, Chanyeol hyung has brought some scripts in the last few days, I was just too busy with the fan meetings to actually look at them. The Channel is planning a co-production with China to commemorate the new investments from Hue Hua so who knows, maybe in the next few months I will be professionally romancing that popular Chinese idol on the streets of Beijing.’

‘Is that why you were listening to that foreign noise earlier in the car?’ Junmyeon teases.

‘Excuse me, Sheep is not noise.’

They walk a little further until they see the lights of Senso-ji somewhere far ahead of them. Junmyeon sighs.

‘It’s best if we turn back. We don’t wanna be out too late.’

‘Before we go, though… Let’s take a picture,’ Sehun suggests and Junmyeon concedes, a little surprised because his boyfriend is not one for selfies or souvenirs. He’s even more taken aback when he feels a kiss on the side of his head when the shutter goes off.

‘Aren’t you the romantic,’ he deadpans but immediately giggles, not at all offended by the development. After all, he loves all the corny stuff. Sehun never says much but he always indulges him.

‘Can I post it, hyung?’ Sehun asks quietly and Junmyeon sends him a long look, sensing a shift in the mood between them. Sehun avoids his gaze, pretending to fumble with his phone but the older knows that he’s waiting for his answer.

‘And what are you going to say?’ When Sehun realises that Junmyeon does not tense at the implication he himself seems to relax. He shrugs.

‘Nothing. I’ll just post it on my Instagram. People can take it either way.’

‘If you want to go public, we don’t have to do it half-heartedly, you know. I don’t mind.’

‘I know. I don’t want to hide but I also don’t think that I need to explain myself to anyone. I’ll just leave it ambiguous. Fans can just take it as the last parting gift from the actors of their favourite TV serial. For me, it’ll be a memento of our first trip together.’

‘Aren’t you the romantic,’ Junmyeon repeats in lowly, this time only warmth in his voice. He tip toes and they kiss for a moment. When they part, he smiles. ‘Just post it. We’ll deal with it later.’

‘Alright,’ Sehun agrees. It takes him only a few moments and it’s done. Junmyeon briefly notices that the younger didn’t even bother to adjust the filter, leaving the photo semi-dark and therefore somewhat obscure.

Linking his arm with Sehun’s and leaning against him, Junmyeon repeats,

‘We’ll deal with it later.’

 And quite frankly, he’s even looking forward to it.

A/N: Please upvote and comment if you liked! Have a good day.

P.S. I'm a Yixing stan but yes, Sheep is noise.