200214

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I’m an 18 year old high school student. I think most of my friends would describe me as a kind person, maybe a little soft at heart. A proper student, a patient person. I have been told that I give off such an impression many times before. I don’t know if I’d agree but I do like studying and I often volunteer at an animal shelter in my free time.

 

 

Junmyeon is putting away his books for the day when Kim Jongdae approaches him seemingly out of nowhere, opening his own locker loudly and making his friend jump a little.

‘I’m so tired,’ Jongdae affirms in an accusatory voice, as if Junmyeon and the entire universe were personally responsible for his exhaustion. ‘Was that last History test really necessary?’

‘Following your reasoning, is school really all that necessary?’ Junmyeon retorts, half amusedly and half ironically, but Jongdae pretends that he didn’t hear the sarcasm in the other’s voice.

‘Exactly! Thank you,’ he chirps, sending him a wide grin. ‘Anyway, now that all of that is over, I can’t wait to get that burger. I’ve been dreaming about it since Tuesday.’

‘Why didn’t you just go there during the week?’ Junmyeon frowns, looking through his things to make sure he’s packed everything he’ll need during the weekend.

‘I wanted to! But everyone else was studying for the test and I think I might have choked on it out of guilt. You know it’s a little closer to the city centre, I didn’t wanna waste so much time… Anyway, are you ready? I think the rest is waiting for us outside, I need to check the group chat-‘

‘I can’t go,’ Junmyeon said, looking at his friend apologetically. Jongdae looks up from his phone, not understanding. ‘I have a shift at the shelter this afternoon. I changed it because I will have to study for English during the weekend…’

‘Can’t you not go this one time? It’s not like you even get paid and I hardly see you anymore,’ Jongdae whines to which Junmyeon scoffs amused, returning to surveying the contents of his locker.

‘That is so not true. I see you every day, sometimes for more than eight hours.’

‘Not outside of school,’ Jongdae argues but the other boy only shakes his head.

‘I can’t, Jongdae, I’m sorry. I’m sure you guys will have fun without me, and I’ll still see you tomorrow for the movie.’

 

 

Anyway, I know this boy. We have been close since childhood due to our parents’ friendship. He is one year younger than me and he has the habit of always touching me. He’d put his arm around me when we’re standing with our friends on the corridor or lightly massage my thigh when we sit next to each other while watching films, etc. I don’t dislike it. I have nothing against gay people, on the contrary – I respect the community a lot. I just… I can’t stop thinking about him.

 

 

Junmyeon looks at the shelf in front of him. Books, notebooks… He should pack those, he’ll need them to study during the weekend… Ah, the banana… How long has it been lying inside this locker… he should probably throw it away… but maybe he can still eat it on Monday…

‘You should throw away the banana. It won’t survive this hot weather and then you’ll just have a problem.’

An arm casually takes perch on Junmyeon’s shoulder, making him go slightly rigid in surprise. It’s not an unpleasant surprise though; neither are the quiet, smooth voice or the body heat suddenly appearing by his side.

Oh Sehun points to the offensive fruit, not even realising the internal turmoil that Kim Junmyeon is always going through when in his vicinity.

‘Sehun, Jongin,’ Jongdae greets and only then does Junmyeon realise that Sehun’s best friend has joined them too. ‘You guys are joining Chanyeol and I for the burgers, aren’t you?’

‘Sorry, hyung. I’m going with Junmyeonnie hyung to the shelter.’ Again, Sehun’s voice is casual as he leans forward and finally grabs the slowly rotting banana that Junmyeon has already managed to forget about. He drops it into the bin next to them.

Junmyeon opens his mouth, in slight disbelief. He lifts up his head – they’re side to side so he needs to look up – and catches Sehun looking at him seriously. Junmyeon immediately looks away, blushing.

‘Since when do you go to the shelter?’ Jongdae looks at Sehun suspiciously. Sehun shrugs.

‘I sometimes go when I have some free time.’ It’s true. When Junmyeon volunteers on Sunday afternoons, Sehun is usually stuck at his part time job but whenever the date is more suitable, Sehun would join him. Still…

‘How did you know I was going..?’ Junmyeon asks quietly, looking up again. Sehun’s arm slides down from Junmyeon’s shoulders to his waist as he brings Junmyeon even closer.

‘You mentioned during lunch on Wednesday, remember?’ Junmyeon automatically nods. He didn’t realise anyone even heard his rumbling… ‘I always listen to you, hyung.’ Junmyeon’s heart flutters.

 

 

He just… He always has this spark in his eyes when he looks at me. I don’t think I’m imagining it but then again… He’s tall and very good looking. Quite popular in his class, too. He has the kind of face that even a man would fall for.

 

 

‘But it’s my turn to pay… You paid last time,’ Junmyeon argues weakly as he accepts the strawberry flavoured drink. Sehun shrugs, opening his own paper straw and sticking it right into the drink. He starts slurping loudly.

‘It’s alright, hyung, it’s just strawberry milk. I had some change on my transportation card.’

‘But still. Next time I’m paying for sure.’

‘Alright,’ Sehun agrees and Junmyeon has a fleeting suspicion that next time the younger boy will just find another way to deal with the bill behind Junmyeon’s back.

Sehun doesn’t put his arm on Junmyeon’s shoulders or waist; instead, he just sticks close to his hyung, his arm brushing against Junmyeon’s as they walk. It’s hot but the older still can’t help but wish Sehun grabbed his hand and held it tightly. He even lets his right hand hang between them and Sehun’s left hand knocks into it a couple of times but it doesn’t lead anywhere.

Junmyeon’s ears burn in embarrassment at both his foolish actions and the eagerness with which he did them. He can’t understand the subsequent disappointment, either.

They spend the entire walk from the subway station to the shelter that way but even with no real touching, Sehun’s body heat is always close enough for Junmyeon’s blush to stay on his cheeks.

 

 

Ah, I don’t know. I never thought that I was gay, but I don’t know how else to explain it. He’s very tall, way taller than me so when he’s close and has to look down at me I feel my heart flutter to the point of losing breath.

 

 

Junmyeon stands in front of the mirror, looking at the sweater he has on. He frowns, suddenly doubtful about the outfit he has worn without a second thought so many times before. It’s not like he has any other, better options. He spends most of the time in a school uniform so he has no real sense or need for fashion.

It’s also not that he’s become this self-conscious overnight; it’s more that Sehun’s constant attention and presence by his side has been making Junmyeon wonder about the true nature of their relationship. They’ve known each other since they were little – living only a few houses away from one another in one of the quiet suburban neighbourhoods. Their mothers have been friends forever and until middle school, Junmyeon had usually been tasked with keeping an eye on the other boy, be it at school or out when they were playing. Junmyeon didn’t mind – in fact, he’d always wanted a younger brother to be a cool hyung for.

Then a year or so ago, Sehun suddenly changed. He grew a lot, voice breaking and shoulders broadening nearly overnight. Junmyeon became hyperaware of the fact one day, out of the blue, when Sehun casually put his arm on his shoulder and Junmyeon startled, realising that Sehun was a head taller than him. He started doing track, too, which gathered him the attention of his fellow classmates though he didn’t seem particularly interested in anyone.

Since then, Junmyeon’s own feelings have been changing as well. He can no longer think of Sehun as a brother and instead feels constantly being kept on his toes, half scared and half hoping that the fond looks which Sehun seems to be sending him when he thinks that Junmyeon isn’t looking are actually real. That’s why he’s now in front of the mirror, lamenting over the state of that one sweater in which he has been seen by his friends multiple times anyway – in which Sehun has seen him multiple times.

Usually they’d walk together to Jongdae’s house for their more or less weekly film nights but Sehun has been taking more shifts at the convenience store lately, to save for a car and other things, is what he ambiguously said. So Junmyeon set off alone, expecting to meet him at the venue, coming from the other part of town.

He gets a text twenty minutes into his visit. Sehun cannot make it, after all, stuck at work doing inventory with a promise of extra income. Junmyeon understands and tries hard not to be too disappointed but his mood dampens for the rest of the evening.

He doesn’t even know why he’d feel so disappointed – he sees Sehun nearly round the clock during week days and just last night they spent the entire afternoon together, walking the shelter dogs and having a quick bite after. Still, the promise of seeing Sehun after an intense session of studying English was enough to brighten up Junmyeon’s day. But not anymore.

 

 

Sometimes he calls me in the evening, asking me to go outside for a bit. When I do, he says that he just missed me and wanted to see my face…

 

 

Junmyeon goes back home a little after ten. He passes by his parents in the living room, briefly telling them about his night out and wishing them sweet dreams. He steps in for a quick shower before retreating into his room for the night. He puts on an old drama club t-shirt and the checked cotton trousers he always uses to sleep. He’s slowly drying his hair with a towel when his phone pings.

Hyung, are you back yet? Come out if you can, I’m in front of your house.

There’s nothing much that Junmyeon can do to look presentable in this situation. Not wanting to keep the other boy waiting, he only throws on a black hoodie that he hopes looks clean enough. He tries to smooth out his damp hair, conscious of it still sticking out in all directions.

Sehun is seated outside on Junmyeon’s porch, two strawberry milk boxes in his hands. Sehun smiles wider when he notices Junmyeon coming out of the house and immediately hands him a tiny box.

Junmyeon has just brushed his teeth but oh, strawberry milk.

‘Why did you come here? You’re probably very tired,’ Junmyeon scolds lightly, not really meeting the other’s eyes. He feels nervous, even though nothing out of ordinary is really happening.

Sehun just continues looking at him for a while, a small smile remaining on his lips.

‘I couldn’t go to Jongdae hyung’s movie night, but I still wanted to see you for a bit.’ His tone is even but Junmyeon still can’t help but blush.

‘Was doing the inventory tough?’ Junmyeon clears his throat, trying to appear natural. Sehun shrugs.

‘Minseok hyung did all the calculations. He just had me there to lift the big boxes.’

‘Are you still going in tomorrow?’ Junmyeon frowns, momentarily worried. Sehun shrugs again, smiling fondly at the care in the other’s words.

‘Only for a few hours in the afternoon. I’ll be fine.’

They sit there, close to each other. Junmyeon stares at the ground, slurping his drink.

‘Did you like the movie tonight?’ Sehun eventually asks just for the sake of it. Even the silence between them is comfortable so there’s no real need to talk.

‘We watched an animation, courtesy of Chanyeol’s stock of DVDs. It was alright.’ Junmyeon can’t really say that he doesn’t even remember the title, that’s how distracted he was due to Sehun’s absence.

Sehun only nods at the information. When Junmyeon lifts his head, he realises that he is still being observed and that Sehun does not shy away when caught, either.

‘Do I have something on my face?’ Junmyeon’s voice is small because he suspects that it is not the case at all.

Sehun doesn’t smile that often, it’s usually his eyes that give away whatever it is that he’s feeling. There’s that warm fondness in his gaze again when he slowly raises his hand, gently rubbing at the corner of Junmyeon’s lips.

‘All better,’ he whispers back, his own lips still stretched in a semblance of a smile which Junmyeon doesn’t need any clues to recognise.

That, and he knows for sure that there was nothing worth brushing off on his own lips, but Sehun’s touch still tingles all the same.

‘I have to go, my mum insists that I eat something before I sleep. She must be waiting for me.’ Sehun stands up and Junmyeon follows. ‘Hyung, on Monday… I’ll walk you home after school, alright? Just you and I. I have something to tell you.’ Sehun looks serious so Junmyeon can only gulp and nod.

‘Oh-Okay,’ he responds meekly. Sehun briefly squeezes Junmyeon’s palm in good bye and walks away towards his own house.

Obviously, it takes Junmyeon ages to fall asleep that night.

 

 

 

Sehun’s arm stays around Junmyeon’s shoulders as casually as always when they walk to school on Monday morning though they don’t speak much, letting Chanyeol and Baekhyun fill the silence. Although there is a couple in their circle of friends, Junmyeon doesn’t really notice the joyous occasion until the second period when the school assigned Cupid interrupts Advanced Trigonometry to distribute flowers and other gifts that admirers anonymously (or not so secretly) submitted early in the morning.

It’s Valentine’s Day and Junmyeon’s surprise cannot be bigger when he is handed a reasonably sized sunflower with a big blue bow adorning it. There’s no name but the messy For Kim Junmyeon, class 3-A cannot be mistaken for anyone else’s but Sehun’s hand-writing.

Predictably, it’s Kim Sojung that receives the majority of the gifts in their class so nobody really pays attention to Junmyeon’s single flower but that doesn’t prevent him from blushing the whole hour. He even briefly wonders whether he should confront Sehun about it during lunch or pretend nothing’s happened until they walk back home in the afternoon. However, then he remembers that the track team always has practice during Monday lunch time so he won’t see Sehun anyway.

He doesn’t – not until four pm when he emerges from his classroom only to see Sehun leaning against his locker, scrolling through his messages with one hand and another deep in his pocket. Their eyes meet and there it is, that gentle smile only for Junmyeon. It’s a little embarrassing because the flower is too big to put it in the locker and so Junmyeon has been forced to carry it around the entire day and he is now, walking towards his younger friend.

Sehun’s eyes briefly sweep over the sight but come right back to Junmyeon’s face.

‘Ready?’ Sehun asks, stepping away so that Junmyeon can open his locker and sort out his things for the day. Junmyeon only nods.

They walk out of school, arms brushing against one another but surprisingly, Sehun doesn’t immediately approach Junmyeon like he always would.

This is it, Junmyeon fists his palms because they are sweating. He’s pretty sure of the intentions, though there is still some doubt remaining until the words are said, until Sehun reassures him that the flower isn’t just a friendly gesture. Junmyeon briefly wonders if all their friends already guessed that there must be something going on because nobody asked about his flower during lunch – not even the usually nosy Jongdae – and nobody suggested going back home together either, like they always do.

‘Hyung.’

Perhaps they have all seen through Junmyeon, much sooner than he himself realised his feelings. So, if Sehun is really going to say those words, ask that question, Junmyeon thinks that he already has the answer.

‘Junmyeonnie hyung.’

‘Huh?’ He feels a hand on his wrist and Junmyeon looks up, disoriented. They’re already in front of his house.

‘Are you listening to me?’

‘I… Yes, y-es of course. The track team… the qualifications for your competition are next wee-‘

‘Is my flower bothering you so much?’ Sehun asks quietly and only then does Junmyeon realise that he’s been gripping at the stem really hard. He immediately loosens his hold on it.

‘No! No. I’m just… I’m just nervous,’ he admits, looking everywhere but at Sehun.

Sehun moves to stand in front of him.

‘Good nervous or bad nervous?’ He jokes lightly and Junmyeon finally lets himself smile, looking up.

‘Good nervous, I guess.’

‘I always thought it was obvious that I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time,’ Sehun replies sincerely, holding Junmyeon’s hands still enveloping the sunflower.

‘It wasn’t… obvious, I mean, I had a feeling but… It’s so hard to tell, you always feel that maybe it’s just you, maybe there’s nothing going on and you’re just interpreting it all wrong-‘

‘Hyung, slow down.’ Sehun smiles at him fondly again, interrupting what he knows is becoming nervous blabbering. ‘Slow down,’ he repeats gently.

‘I… I think I’ve liked you for a long time, too,’ Junmyeon confesses quietly, the blush returning to his cheeks. ‘More than anyone, I just like you. So much.’

‘I’m glad.’ They look at one another for a moment, processing the new development. ‘Hyung, be my boyfriend,’ Sehun asks. ‘Let me hold your hand and walk you to school.’ Junmyeon nods. ‘Take you to eat the frozen yoghurt you like so much on the weekends.’ Junmyeon’s smile widens. ‘Let’s go to the cinema together and eat all the popcorn before the film even starts…’ Junmyeon laughs at that one.

‘That’s just you,’ he playfully accuses.

‘Let me kiss you, hyung,’ Sehun finally says and Junmyeon stills for a short moment before he nods and takes a step forward, leaving no distance between them. Sehun takes over, putting his arms around Junmyeon’s waist and leans down to seal their lips together.

Sehun tastes of the strawberry milk they drank on the way and Junmyeon thinks that it’s not a bad memory to have of one’s first kiss.

 

 

Everyone… I received his confession yesterday. So… we are now dating.

 

 

A/N: Please comment and upvote if you liked? Have a good day!