Eunha was busy rifling through the scattered papers on the table. She’s searching for that one paper. That one paper that has the drawing of her. 

 

“Are you searching for this, Eun~ha?” a sing a song voice called from the door.

 

Eunha turned and found that her roommate was holding her paper. “SinB, give it back!” Eunha zoomed at her roommate, hands were poised to grab the paper.

 

Her roommate gave it to Eunha with a smirk. “Who is the person on your drawing?”

 

“No one you know!” 

 

“Alright, don’t get your hackles rise,” SinB raised both of her hands, “Why are you drawing her?”

 

“I...don’t know…”

 

“You don’t know,” SinB deadpanned.

 

“I really don’t know! It’s just-I can’t stop thinking of her…”

 

“...you are already this old and like you couldn’t answer why that kind of question...do I really want to be involved in it?” SinB muttered to herself, “Wouldn’t that mean that she’s having a special feeling toward that person?”

 

“Oi, what are you muttering about?”

 

“...nothing, I just made a decision to see how everything turns out, it might be interesting.”

 

“Weirdo.”

 

“Eunha, you shall see yourself in the mirror if you called me weird.”

 

❀❀❀

 

The library lounge was almost empty. It’s quiet and Eunha was napping when a beeping from her phone woke her up from nap. Eunha closed her phone in a hurry when she saw the message from her friend. She’s almost late for her class. Standing up from her seat and running toward the exit in a hurry, she didn’t see the person in front of her who’s about to enter the library. 

 

Feeling a burning sensation smother her chest, Eunha yelped, slipped on her feet, and fell on the floor with a loud thud. Her books splintered around her. Eunha blinked. Once she regained her senses, she looked down and noticed her white shirt was no longer white, it's turning a brownish color. 

 

She looked up to find a rather tall girl staring in shock and confusion. An empty cup of coffee slipped from her hand to the ground. The dull thud of the cup meeting the floor woke the girl up from her shock. “Oh my, I am so sorry!” The girl apologized. Eunha felt something was off when she watched the girl mutter her apology. “I didn’t see-I am sorry! Are you hurt?”

 

Eunha wasn’t really sure what she should do. But, she felt like she’s just at fault for not noticing where she’s walking. So, she waved her hand. “It’s okay, I can change later when I come home,” Eunha sighed when she remembered about her class, “Well, I will just attend the class like this I supposed.”

 

“Oh no, I-did I spill something on you?” the girl asked again slowly. 

 

Eunha looked at the girl strangely. Still, she nodded. The girl didn’t seem to acknowledge her nod instead she’s looking behind Eunha. So, Eunha softly said, “Your coffee spilled on my shirt.” Eunha watched the girl's eyes grow wide. 

 

“Oh no, you couldn’t attend the class like that.” the girl started to yank her own jacket off. “Wear my jacket, you can keep it.” She offered the jacket.

 

Eunha blinked, feeling something was amiss at the way she’s offering her jacket. She was about to stand up from the floor when she noticed a white retractable stick a bit farther from them. She looked at the girl’s outstretched hand, finally realizing why she felt something was weird. It’s because the girl wasn’t looking at her even once. Instead she’s looking behind her. Feeling a drop inside her heart, Eunha picked the stick.

 

“Is it yours?” Eunha asked.

 

The girl frowned. “What is?”

 

Feeling that her suspicion was correct, Eunha felt her heart dropped even more. Gently, she put the cane into the girl’s hand. “This.”

 

“Oh yeah, thank you for picking this,” the girl smiled, and Eunha noticed that it’s a very pretty smile. Why she’s noticing such things, Eunha wasn’t sure herself why. Another thing she realized was that the girl wasn’t looking behind Eunha, in fact she wasn’t looking anywhere because she couldn’t see.

 

“My jacket, take it,” the girl insisted. One hand was outstretched in front of her.

 

“I can’t-” 

 

“Nonsense,” the girl shoved the jacket toward Eunha’s direction. “Take it,” she said.

 

“I well-thanks.” Eunha relented.

 

And seeing the girl’s pretty smile, Eunha decided maybe her agreement was the correct answer.

 

❀❀❀

 

“So....” SinB dragged on, “So, you met a cute girl and you didn’t even ask her name?”

 

Eunha groaned. “Stop it, I know it already.”

 

SinB laughed. “And you have her jacket, good quality by the way, just how are you going to give it back to her?”

 

“I don’t know?”

 

“Just keep it with you all the time then.”

 

“What?”

 

“Just keep it with you all the time, maybe you will meet her again someday.”

 

“Sounds impractical...but yeah sure, not like I have any other option.”

 

“Oh by the way, come with me this evening to the cafe, they have a new menu.”

 

“...kay. But, you are paying.”

 

SinB let out a long suffering sigh.

 

❀❀❀

 

Eunha was sitting inside the cafe and waiting for SinB to come when the girl she has been wanting to meet walked inside the cafe. Startled, Eunha could only gape at her. Regaining her senses, Eunha stood up from her chair and approached the girl.

 

“You! Wait, hey, um, you, the beautiful girl!” Eunha shouted while chasing after the girl. “The one who spilled her coffee on me!”

 

Everyone inside the cafe turned to her when she yelled, a little bit embarrassed, Eunha bowed. But her yell managed to get the desired effect.

 

The girl stopped on her track. “Hm?” 

 

Eunha hurried to stand in front of the girl. “What’s your name?” Eunha panted through her question.

 

“Ah...the one from the library. It’s Sowon. And yours?”

 

“Eunha.”

 

“Why are you running?” Sowon tilted her head.

 

“To chase after you.” For some reason, Eunha felt like she had said something too bold and flushed pink.

 

Somehow, it made Sowon smile. “I see, do you want to drink coffee?”

 

“I don’t drink coffee…" Eunha trailed off when she noticed the light dimmed from Sowon's smile. "But! But, I wouldn’t mind the bubble tea,” Eunha continued hurriedly.

 

Sowon beamed at her. At this rate, Eunha felt like she’s liking Sowon’s smile a little too much.

 

❀❀❀

 

The moment they sat on their seat, the sky decided to lay a heavy rain outside. Looking through the window, Eunha wondered if SinB would ditch her because of the rain.

 

“Are you afraid of the thunder, Eunha?” Sowon asked.

 

Eunha turned to Sowon, finding the sight of the girl sipping on her coffee somehow attractive. Transfixed, Eunha could only reply with a small “huh?”

 

Sowon smiled her pretty smile and Eunha found herself liking and liking Sowon’s smile a little bit more than before. “Are you afraid of the thunder? It’s raining, is it not?”

 

“Oh, yeah...rain…” Eunha said dumbly. “I mean no, I am not afraid.”

 

“Ah, too bad,” Sowon said, sounded a little disappointed.

 

“Eh? Why?”

 

“Because if you are afraid of thunder, then maybe I could offer my hand for you to hold.”

 

“!!!”

 

Eunha opened her lips to reply, but before she managed to utter anything, the light inside the cafe died with a bang. Surprised, Eunha yelped.

 

Unconsciously, her hand found Sowon’s, holding it tight. Looking around the dark building, some other patrons were yelling as well in the dark. Soon the waitresses came to announce that there’s a blackout.

 

Sowon squeezed her hand. 

 

Eunha nodded, but realizing that Sowon couldn’t see her, Eunha asked instead, “What do you want to do?”

 

“Hm, lets stay?” Sowon suggested, “Or do you want to go somewhere else?"

 

"You have a destination in mind?" 

 

Sowon grinned. "Perhaps I do."

 

Intrigued, Eunha chose to go with Sowon.

 

"Oh, do you wear the jacket?" Sowon asked when they're about to step out of the safety of the cafe.

 

"I do."

 

Sowon nodded, looking satisfied. Eunha wondered why and she didn't fail to register that they're still holding hands. Something which made Eunha's heart skip a beat.

 

Sowon pulled an umbrella from her bag, and Eunha quickly offered to hold it for them. Sowon smiled and gave Eunha her umbrella.

 

The truth was their height difference made it difficult for Eunha to hold the umbrella evenly above their head. She optioned to put the umbrella more toward Sowon's side to keep Sowon from being hit by the rain, and even if it left Eunha partially drenched, she didn't mind it.

 

❀❀❀

 

There's something weird in the way Sowon navigated the road. She navigated it like someone's who knew, someone like Eunha, someone who's able to see, the only difference was Sowon walked with her long stick. 

 

Sometimes Sowon did ask her a few things about the road, however there's not much Eunha did as Sowon seemed to know where they walked.

 

Their hands were still intertwined, Eunha noted. Sowon's hand was warm despite the rain. And bigger than Eunha's own. Yet, as cheesy as it seemed, even if their size is different from one another, their hands fit comfortably.

 

it was like,

i never know,

never really understand,

when people said about how things could fit,

perfectly together,

comfortably together,

until i held your hand,

until you.

 

❀❀❀

 

When they arrived at the place Sowon wanted to. Eunha felt a bit of pity, she wanted the trip to be a bit longer.

 

"Eunha."

 

Sowon's voice made Eunha look up. "Huh? Wow…" 

 

Sowon has brought them to a hollow where a giant cherry blossom tree bloomed. The raindrops and the little light peeking from the sun made the petals glow beautifully.

 

"Is the view still great?" Sowon asked. "The cherry blossoms should still be blooming…?"

 

"Yes, the tree blooms beautifully. It's like a fairytale," Eunha gushed.

 

Sowon laughed. "I am glad. Or else our trip through the rain would be useless."

 

"Even if the tree doesn't bloom, it wouldn't be useless," Eunha countered confidently.

 

"Oh?"

 

well, because I got to hold your hand, but no way I am telling you that...not now at least. "Anyway, you have some raindrops on your face." Eunha reached up to wipe out the droplets of water from Sowon's face. 

 

Sowon just smiled. 

 

And realizing their close proximity, Eunha redden. "Sorry, without thinking, I-"

 

Sowon shook her head. "Nah, it's okay. Besides, if it's me, even if I would be a bit disappointed if the tree hasn't bloomed, this trip would still be enjoyable for me." Keeping Eunha's hand to her cheek, Sowon crinkled her eyes, looking happy. "Because here is the place where fairy comes out. And I met you. So, now I could cross one from my bucket list, meeting a fairy."

 

"I...I...I...am...I am not-" Eunha was too flustered to form a coherent reply.

 

"Nonsense. You...are holding the umbrella and using it to shield me more, are you not?"

 

"Huh?!"

 

"I wasn't feeling the rain on my shoulder, I mean if we shared it evenly, my shoulder should be at least wet," Sowon explained. 

 

Eunha stammered her futile argument while Sowon laughed.

 

❀❀❀

 

"This time, let me hold the umbrella," Sowon told her. "Oh, and maybe stepped closer to me so that you wouldn't be drenched."

 

Red on her face, Eunha stood close to Sowon. So close their arms touched. She briefly wondered if Sowon could hear the loudness of her heart. She sure hoped not.

 

❀❀❀

 

Eunha exchanged her contact with Sowon, and right now she was staring at her phone, deciding what she should do. 

 

She wanted to call but she felt like she's going to keel over just by punching the numbers on the keypad. However, she wanted so badly to hear Sowon's voice again. She didn't want to disturb Sowon, because what if she's in the middle of something when Eunha called? What if- and a hundred more what if appeared in Eunha's mind as she talked herself out of calling Sowon.

 

However when her phone rang, her heart somersault, and there were butterflies flying in her stomach when Sowon's name appeared on her phone.

 

"Hi?" Eunha's voice shook before she coughed and said a stronger, "HI!" which she deemed to be over enthusiastic. So she said a softer, "Hi."

 

Sowon's laughter resonated through the phone. And somehow it comforted Eunha. 

 

They talked and talked. And come the time to say goodbye.

 

"...Ah, it's both sweet and sour saying goodnight," Sowon sighed.

 

"What do you mean?" Eunha asked.

 

"Because saying goodnight meant saying goodbye. And saying goodbye to you makes me sad. Ah, so silly," Sowon laughed.

 

And perhaps Eunha swooned a little bit. At the way Sowon laughed. Something small yet to Eunha, it felt like something so mesmerizing, Eunha's heart thundered in her ribcage. Ah, either her laugh nor her words, Eunha wasn't sure which one, could be both, but Eunha liked it. so so so much.

 

❀❀❀

 

During the almost one year they knew each other, Eunha found herself kept thinking about Sowon more and more as days passed. Sighing, Eunha looked down on her homework just to realize that she had drawn Sowon. 

 

Eunha was really really supposed to do her homework, however she soon found herself looking at Sowon’s picture, the one who's been persistently filling her mind all day and night.

 

There's time where she and Sowon met at Sowon's place for lunch. And Sowon accidentally spilled the tea on Eunha's hand and she smiled apologetically at Eunha, who waved off Sowon's apology. And then Sowon smiled brilliantly. Just like that, Eunha wanted Sowon to spill a thousand things on her, she wouldn't even care if it's something acidic, anything really, as long as she smiled each time at Eunha.

 

Sighing when she remembered her smile, Eunha put the paper behind the many papers on her table, to try concentrating on her homework.

 

Which brought her to the present situation one day later.

 

Eunha was busy rifling through the scattered papers on the table. She’s searching for that one paper. That one paper that has the drawing of her. 

 

“Are you searching for this, Eun~ha?” a sing a song voice called from the door.

 

Eunha turned and found that her roommate was holding her paper. “SinB, give it back!” Eunha zoomed at her roommate, hands were poised to grab the paper.

 

Her roommate gave it to Eunha with a smirk. “Who is the person on your drawing?”

 

“No one you know!” 

 

“Alright, don’t get your hackles rise,” SinB raised both of her hands, “Why are you drawing her?”

 

“I...don’t know…”

 

“You don’t know,” SinB deadpanned.

 

“I really don’t know! It’s just-I can’t stop thinking of her…”

 

“...you are already this old and like you couldn’t answer why that kind of question...do I really want to be involved in it?” SinB muttered to herself, “Wouldn’t that mean that she’s having a special feeling toward that person?”

 

“Oi, what are you muttering about?”

 

“...nothing, I just made a decision to see how everything turns out, it might be interesting.”

 

“Weirdo.”

 

“Eunha, you shall see yourself in the mirror if you called me weird.”

 

my heart beats wildly when you're near

darn your smiles

darn your laugh

for that's all i could think about

 

❀❀❀

 

Eunha looked at Sowon who's humming to a tune Eunha didn't recognize. They're each sitting on the swings at the park near Sowon's home. There's an easy smile on Sowon's face and her glasses seemed to reflect the sun, making her appeared fragile, something ethereal, something out of the world. 

 

There's one thing Eunha was curious about. "How do you do that?"

 

"Hm?" Sowon tilted her head towards Eunha.

 

"How?" Eunha enquired.

 

"How do I do what?" Sowon questioned.

 

"Pretending that you're okay?"

 

"I am not."

 

“Yes you are, every single day. And it breaks my heart.” Eunha stated.

 

Sowon's smile turned willful. "I am not lying when I said I am not pretending to be okay." 

 

"But?"

 

"But of course there's time where I wished I could see again." Sowon reached her hand toward Eunha's general direction.

 

Eunha took Sowon's hand and held it tight.

 

"I wish I could see you. I thought you must have a wonderful smile. I wanted to see how your eyes crinkle when you laugh. Your expressions when you're sad, happy, angry, when you're up to mischief. How you look like when you're sleeping." Sowon gripped Eunha's hand. "I want to see you."

 

Eunha placed both of Sowon's hands at each side of her cheeks. “I am sorry.”

 

“Could I see your face by using my hand?” Sowon asked softly.

 

Eunha nodded, sure that Sowon could feel it because she’s still holding Eunha’s face with her hand. 

 

If there’s anything both nerve wracking and comforting for Eunha, it would be this moment. She watched Sowon’s lips bloomed into a mesmerizing smile when she finished feeling Eunha’s face.

 

“As I have thought, you are cute. Perhaps the cutest, ah no, definitely the cutest person on earth.” Sowon nodded to herself.

 

Eunha wondered if the heat on her face could be transferred through Sowon’s hand. As she’s feeling like cotton candy, all soft and fluff, a cotton candy who’s been washed with water, melting until all that left was a sense that something was there. Sowon was the water washing her away. And Eunha, she’s the cotton candy who’s gladly letting herself melt.

 

❀❀❀

 

Eunha looked at Sowon and sighed. Sowon heard it. She turned toward Eunha, “Something’s bothering you.”

 

“Yes, something is,” Eunha agreed with Sowon’s question.

 

“What is it?” 

 

“You.”

 

“Me?” Confused and a little hurt. “I am bothering you?”

 

“It is… weird. Really weird. All these.” Eunha gestured to Sowon even when she knew Sowon couldn’t see,.“You are making me feel all of these things.”

 

Sowon blinked. “What is it?”

 

“Like-like-” Eunha wrung her hands worriedly. “Like-”

 

“Take a breath, Eunha,” Sowon advised, hand was outstretched toward Eunha. Feeling around a little, she found Eunha’s hand and grasped it tightly.

 

“Like-” Eunha took a deep breath and squeezed Sowon’s hand. “Like, I just don’t think it’s possible to feel like this toward anyone. My heart does weird things when it’s about you. LIke pitter patter of rain, you know? It goes pit a pat.pit a pat.pit a pat,” Eunha said breathlessly, “Like, you are all I could think about, you are-like I want to see you all the time. 

 

“So weird, even when we just spent the day together, the moment I arrived home, I kept on missing you.” Eunha looked at Sowon. The latter was having a smile on her face and Eunha thought how breathtaking Sowon looked just smiling there. Her heart felt like it’s going to burst out of her ribcage. And perhaps, perhaps she might want to kiss Sowon. 

 

“Eunha,” Sowon said, “Aren’t you just basically saying that you are fancying me?” she asked.

 

“I...what?” Eunha blinked. And thinking about it, it’s probably correct. Her stuttering heart might be caused by love, because it only happened around a certain person.

 

Sowon took Eunha’s hand and placed it on her heart. “Can you feel my heartbeat, Eunha?” 

 

Eunha swallowed and replied with a soft yes.

 

“My heartbeat is behaving weirdly, don’t you think? Like yours, my heartbeat spiked up when I am with you. And when I know that I might have the same effect on you, it makes me so happy.” Sowon beamed. “You know, there are days where everything is too much and all I could do is let my tears fall. And being careful about it so that no one hears me.” Sowon smiled sadly. 

 

And Eunha’s heart broke.

 

“But, not all days are bad. There are days where I am filled with happiness. When you are happy, those days are the brightest, and it makes my heart swell with happiness too.” Sowon grinned.

 

And Eunha’s heart repaired itself.

 

“There are days where I feel nothing at all. But, know that, there is never a day that you don’t cross my mind. Understood that, I love you, Eunha,” Sowon said sincerely. 

 

Eunha wondered, if it’s the way Sowon looked at her. Her gentle yet unseeing eyes. Is it maybe the way Sowon smiled at her, all warm and kind. Or maybe the way Sowon’s laugh pierced into her heart and engulfed her with all the soft feelings she just couldn’t help but feel whenever she’s with Sowon. Perhaps it’s the way Sowon’s hugs make her feel safe, like everything would be okay. And Eunha believed it.

 

She has heard the saying of home is where the heart is. As she looked at Sowon, she found it true. Because somehow during all of these times, her heart has chosen Sowon for staying, has chosen her home. 

 

And Eunha found that she didn’t mind it.

 

“Hey, do you know, people always talked about love at first sight, I always thought it’s foolish,” Eunha said. She cupped Sowon’s face with both of her hands. “Because when I first met you, my heart didn’t stutter, and I certainly had no idea that I would end up aching for you. That my heart would beat erratically because of you, that my heart would ache only for you.” Eunha smiled. She ran her thumb over Sowon’s lips. “Now I know, for the rest of my life, it would only be you my heart ache for.”

 

They stayed in that position for minutes and Eunha really really wanted to kiss Sowon. But, she wasn’t sure how or if it’s okay to do. 

 

“Eunha, not that I dislike it when you look at my face. But, I hope you know that you could kiss me,” Sowon teased.

 

“I-what-I-,” Eunha stammered, flustered at being caught. 

 

“Honey, I could feel you, you know.” Sowon smirked. “Oh, well, it can’t be helped then as I want to kiss you too.” With that said, Sowon leaned forward and managed to land her kiss on the corner of Eunha’s chin.

 

Eunha blushed as red as a beet but she gathered every ounce of courage on her tiny body and leaned down to meet Sowon’s lips into a searing kiss. Their first kiss.

 

And Eunha hoped just the first of many more kisses. Kisses that weren't chocolate. If she thought about it, maybe the kisses were better than chocolate- 

 

Eunha’s rambling thought was cut short when she felt Sowon smiled into the kiss. And soon, all that Eunha could focus on was Sowon.

 

❀❀❀

 

Ever since Sowon was young, she has been told that her eyesight was going to deteriorate as she aged. Sowon didn’t understand the words the doctor used, all that she remembered was the anguish cry from her mother and the saddest eyes her father has ever shown. Young Sowon didn’t understand, all that she understood was she didn’t want her parents to make such a sad expression. 

 

So, Sowon smiled at them, “It’s okay, mama.” Sowon patted her mother’s damp cheeks. “It’s okay, papa.” Sowon patted her father’s trembling hand. When she received shaky smiles in return, Sowon beamed her brightest smile.

 

As she grew older, Sowon managed to grasp the reason behind her parents' sadness. Still, Sowon smiled, because even as her glasses grew thicker and thicker, her love for the world grew as well. Sowon’s parents have brought her to many beautiful places, determined to make Sowon’s able to see as much as possible. 

 

Yet, Sowon knew her time was running out. Her glasses grew even thicker, yet her eyesight was getting blurry even more as days passed. Sowon found it more and more difficult to walk without bumping. She tried to hide her worsened condition from her family but she suspected they had realized it as well. Because some large furniture had been moved away and the lights inside their home had been getting even brighter than before.

 

Sowon was turning twenty one when she woke up to the world surrounded by darkness. She grasped the lamp beside her bed to turn the light on, yet even if she’s clicking on it so many times, the lamp wouldn’t turn on. 

 

Silence engulfed the room. Sowon’s heartbeat was halted when she couldn’t even see her own hand in the darkness. Her world stilled when she realized what’d happened.

 

Her time has run out. She’s fully blind now. Silent sobs escaped . There’s still so many things, so many places, so many books, there’s still sososo many she hasn’t seen yet. So, she cried. And cried. And cried.

 

Sowon wouldn’t be able to see her parents again. She wouldn’t see her mother’s fond gaze or the kind smiles of her father threw at her. She wouldn’t be able to see it again. And her parents, oh her parents’ hearts were going to break all over again. 

 

Sowon couldn’t help it, she cried. She’s still crying when her parents entered her room. 

 

“Oh, darling,” her mother pulled Sowon into her embrace.

 

Her father put his hand on top of Sowon’s head, patting her gently. “It’s-well, I am not going to say that everything’s going to be okay, because maybe it wouldn’t be okay for a while, but we’ll manage. We’ll find out how shall we process from now on, dear.”

 

“Yeah, we will support you,” her mother stated firmly despite her own tears.

 

And Sowon believed them. But, right now, all she wanted to do was to cry her heart out. So, she did.

 

❀❀❀

 

There’s times where Sowon wondered if she would ever find someone to love and being loved in return. If she couldn’t find such things when she could see, what’s the chance she could find one when all she could see was darkness.

 

❀❀❀

 

“Dear, are you going to be okay going to the university by yourself?” her mother fussed over Sowon’s jacket. “Wear it more tightly, it’s going to be cold.”

 

Sowon patted her mother’s hand. “Don’t worry, Mama. You know that Papa would be waiting for me in front of the university and he promised me coffee.”

 

Her mother patted Sowon’s arm. “And ice cream, don’t forget to order the more expensive one. Ah, that old dummy, how could he forget to bring his documents,” her mother grumbled, “Just wait if he could get his favourite dish for tonight's dinner.”

 

Sowon laughed. “But, seriously Mama. I have a feeling it’s going to be a good day, see, I am even using the jacket you have prepared for me. Everything will be alright.”

 

❀❀❀

 

your smile alone,

they put an end to my anger.

your smiles,

they glimmered like the sun.

you shine in the moonlight,

and i am like a moth,

attracted to you.

like moth to fire,

gladly, happily,

i yearned for you.

a moth who whispered,

“burn me, consume me with your flame,

for i am yours.”

 

END

 

a/n :

song theme : eunha - love-ing

something sweet for sweet readers ❀❀❀

thank you for reading <3