It all starts right as Mad era is about to begin. Out of the blue, it hits Jinyoung – on his birthday, in fact – that he’s shared a very significant portion of his life with Jaebeom. Six years out of twenty-one. Jinyoung is no mathematician, but spending almost thirty percent of his life with someone isn’t exactly something to scoff at.

Amidst the chaos that is the members celebrating his birthday, no one notices Jinyoung’s mini-crisis over the realization that by the time they’re thirty, he and Jaebeom will have spent half their lives together.

No one except Jaebeom himself, because of course Jaebeom would be the one to notice. They know each other too well for Jinyoung to have expected anything different. “You okay, Nyoungie?” he asks, and Jinyoung blinks at him for a few moments before offering him a belated smile.

“Fine, hyung,” he says, hoping he sounds reassuring. “Just thinking.”

“Well, don’t think too hard then,” Jaebeom says, returning the smile and reaching out to smooth the crease between Jinyoung’s eyebrows that he hadn’t even realized was there. “It’s your day.”

As usual, Jaebeom’s words are exactly what Jinyoung  didn’t know he needed, so he nods, still smiling. “I won’t. Thanks, hyung.” Jaebeom beams, ruffling Jinyoung’s hair before wandering off to join the other members. Jinyoung watches him sit next to Youngjae and pull him into his arms. It’s an incredibly sweet moment, so Jinyoung isn’t sure what the sudden prickly feeling in his chest means.

He brushes it aside easily enough, deciding it’s probably just because he likes cuddling Youngjae too because Youngjae is a sweetheart and pretty much his son, and the rest of the night passes uneventfully.

But he can’t stop thinking about his realization over the next few days. Every time he sees Jackson draped over Jaebeom’s shoulders or Youngjae clinging to Jaebeom like he’s his own personal teddy bear, Jinyoung wonders why he’s always been a little reserved when it comes to Jaebeom, why he’s always held back from doing the same.

So he decides to just – stop. Just like that.

And as their promotions for “If You Do” begin, Jinyoung starts trying to make his actions reflect how close he actually is to Jaebeom. He sits next to him more, gets a little more physically affectionate, holds back less when he talks to him. Jaebeom seems a bit surprised by it at first, seems to pull away and keep Jinyoung at a distance, but Jinyoung doesn’t relent. He deserves this, he thinks, because no one else knows Jaebeom like he does.

Eventually, as Jaebeom starts to take Jinyoung’s new behavior in stride and even reciprocate, Jinyoung thinks that maybe Jaebeom has been cautious around Jinyoung all this time too, has just been waiting for Jinyoung to stop treading so carefully around him. So they stop holding back completely, not just for the cameras, but in general, too. In the recesses of his mind, Jinyoung wonders why it feels so much like a victory.

“What’s gotten into you lately?” Jackson asks him one evening. “You’re really playing up the skinship with Jaebeom these days, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung looks at him, puzzled. “I’m not playing anything up.” And it’s the truth. Everything Jinyoung does around Jaebeom is always genuine, because he knows Jaebeom would be able to see through anything that isn’t. “And neither is he. We just like being with each other, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Jackson says, sounding a little taken aback. Jinyoung sees realization cross Jackson’s face a moment later, but he isn’t quite sure what Jackson is realizing. “Well, then, I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you?” Jinyoung says with a half-laugh. “It’s really nothing to be surprised about, you know. This is pretty much how it’s always been, we’re just more open about it now.”

Jackson looks at him, considering. “Yeah, I guess you are,” he finally says with a little shake of his head. “It isn’t actually surprising at all. Good for you both!”

(It doesn’t ever cross Jinyoung’s mind that maybe they’re talking about two different things.)

~~~

Right as they’re in the midst of planning for their concert, the first of their career, Jaebeom ends up injured and is unable to be with the group. But the rest of them can’t stop, of course, so they go on practicing and preparing without him.

Jaebeom’s absence hits all of them hard, but no one takes it harder than Jinyoung. The rest of the group walks on eggshells around him, and he knows they’re all worried about him breaking. He won’t , because Jaebeom needs him to step up and fill the gaps he’s left behind, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

And to be clear: Jinyoung loves the other members of GOT7 with everything he has. He can’t imagine a world without them, because surely his life would be emptier if he didn’t have his mornings filled with Bambam and Yugyeom giggling over something on one of their phones, Jackson interrupting them by pulling Bambam into a headlock, Mark calmly pulling Jackson away by the ear, Youngjae’s animated chatter about how Coco spent the night on his bed (again!) – just the general chaos of being with five of his best friends.

He’s beyond grateful that he gets to travel the world and perform in front of huge crowds alongside them. But there’s a part of him, a tiny, selfish part, that wants to scream and lash out because he’s going to perform in the first concert of his career and Jaebeom won’t be there.

Mark, who’s probably the most attuned to Jinyoung’s moods (after Jaebeom, of course, but that’s different), notices that something is up almost immediately. “Jinyoung, talk to me,” he says bluntly one night, strolling into Jinyoung room and sitting down on Jinyoung’s bed like he owns the place. “You’ve been sulking for days, so can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Jinyoung looks up from where he’s lying on his bed with his face buried in his pillow, his head completely covered by the hood of Jaebeom’s favorite sweatshirt. “You know what’s wrong,” he mumbles, trying not to sound too irritated, because obviously it isn’t Mark’s fault they’re in this situation.

“Come on, Jinyoung-ah,” Mark sighs. “I know this is about more than just you missing Jaebeom.”

Jinyoung knows Mark isn’t going to let this go. “Fine, you’re right. There is something else,” he admits, forcing himself to sit up. Mark nods, silently urging Jinyoung to continue. “It’s just, this – this has been my dream for so long . To have a real concert. And now here I am, about to perform in one for the first time.”

“But?” Mark prompts.

“But it’s not just my dream,” Jinyoung says quietly. “I’ve shared it with Jaebeom-hyung since our JJ Project days. The two of us were supposed to make it together, be onstage for our first concert together.” Mark looks like he wants to say something, but Jinyoung continues hurriedly, “It’s not that I’m not grateful to have all of you with me, because of course I am. But I just -”

“Your dream was to have him with you,” Mark finishes, smiling sadly at him.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung whispers, wrapping his arms around himself and trying to hide the fact that his eyes have become watery. “And it’s even worse because he’s already in so much pain, but this is probably killing him inside, not being able to perform with us. It’s killing me too.”

Mark pulls Jinyoung into a hug. “I know. I’m so sorry this happened, Jinyoung. Neither of you deserve this.”

Jinyoung wipes away a stray tear with his sleeve as he hugs Mark back. “I’m sorry for being so selfish. The rest of you are affected too. And we’re still having our first concert, I shouldn’t be complaining and overreacting like this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mark says lightly. “Of course it affects us too, but we already know that it’s different for you. Obviously you’re going to be disappointed that he isn’t at your side for something you’ve both been dreaming about pretty much since the day you met. You’re definitely not overreacting, Jinyoung-ah.”

“Still,” Jinyoung says. “I am really happy to have the rest of you, at least.”

“We know,” Mark says gently. “And we also know how much this meant to both of you. So of course we understand that you’re upset. You don’t need to apologize, not to us.”

Jinyoung pulls away from Mark’s embrace to smile gratefully at him. “Thank you, hyung.”

Mark ruffles Jinyoung’s hair affectionately and stands up. “It’s nothing. Now, come on, the others refused to start dinner without you.” Jinyoung’s heart still hurts for Jaebeom, but it floods with warmth at the thought of s waiting for him, and he follows willingly, feeling a little lighter than he did before.

~~~

Jinyoung tries not to be too overbearing as Jaebeom recovers, limiting himself to one video call a day while the six of them aren’t in Korea. The calls still end up lasting for at least an hour each, though, because Jaebeom may not be there in person, but Jinyoung sure as hell isn’t going to let him miss out on a single detail of their concerts.

“Thank you, Jinyoungie,” Jaebeom says in the middle of their conversation one night.

“Huh?” Jinyoung says, confused by the sudden interruption. “What for?”

Jaebeom’s laugh is warm and soft, even through the speaker of Jinyoung’s phone. “For working so hard, of course.” Jinyoung’s breath catches at how much affection accompanies Jaebeom’s words. “You make a good leader, you know.”

“I’d rather have you back,” Jinyoung says quietly. “You’re our leader. And I miss you.”

“Ah, you flatter me,” Jaebeom says, his eyes curving into the familiar little crescents, and Jinyoung wishes he were with him in person because it isn’t quite the same through a screen. “But I miss you too. And I’ll recover as soon as I can, I promise. For you.”

When Jaebeom finally does rejoin the group, Jinyoung tries to cover up the overwhelming relief he feels by appointing himself as Jaebeom’s personal well-being monitor. He immerses himself in making sure Jaebeom isn’t doing too much too quickly, much to the amusement of the other members.

(“Stop being such a clingy boyfriend, hyung,” Bambam teases. “Jaebeom-hyung can barely breathe.”

“Boyfriend?” Youngjae laughs. “Try husband.”

Jinyoung ignores them, resolutely continuing to help Jaebeom sit on the couch and bringing a blanket for Jaebeom to cover himself with. Jaebeom’s fond smile as he pulls Jinyoung under the blanket with him makes it all worth it.)

Somewhere in his mind, Jinyoung is vaguely aware that although they’ve been together for almost seven full years now, the days he’s spent looking after Jaebeom comprise the longest period of time he’s ever spent one-on-one with Jaebeom since GOT7 was formed. He can’t complain, though, because it makes him feel closer to Jaebeom, somehow. Their bond has always been different, special, but nowadays, Jinyoung thinks their relationship has settled into something even more reassuring and warm, something that feels a lot like home.

He feels so comfortable, in fact, that the boundaries between them start to blur.

The first time Jinyoung slips up, it happens completely by accident. He’s so busy fussing over Jaebeom, fixing his pillows and arranging the blankets comfortably, that he isn’t thinking about what exactly he’s saying. “Stop moving so much! You can’t exert yourself this much, seriously, Jaebeommie, you –”

But then his mind catches up to his mouth, and he freezes, his hands stilling as his eyes widen in shock. “Oh my – hyung, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to – I didn’t even realize –”

“Youngie,” Jaebeom cuts in smoothly, and Jinyoung is bewildered by the smile on his face. “Relax. It’s fine.”

“But,” Jinyoung says, raising an eyebrow at Jaebeom’s nonchalance, “but I completely – I was informal with you. Wasn’t that, uh, disrespectful of me?”

Bizarrely, Jaebeom just laughs softly instead of getting upset. “And I said it was fine, didn’t I?” He reaches out and pinches Jinyoung’s cheek gently. “Anyway, if anyone is allowed to call me that, I think it’s only right that it should be you.”

Jinyoung feels his face heating up, and he bats Jaebeom’s hand away lightly. “Me? Why? I’m even younger than Jackson.” He eyes Jaebeom, still feeling a little suspicious of Jaebeom’s uncharacteristic behavior. “Shouldn’t he be the one who can be informal with you?”

“Me and you are different than me and Jackson, though, aren’t we?” Jaebeom counters. His smile softens as he looks at Jinyoung earnestly. “After all, we’re not close, we’re deep, right?” He takes Jinyoung’s hand this time and kisses his knuckles. “And, come on, Jinyoungie. You’re my best friend. How could I trust anyone else with something like this?”

Jinyoung is incredibly startled by Jaebeom’s kiss – he’s never done anything so affectionate before. But Jaebeom seems completely unaffected, and Jinyoung figures that maybe they’ve reached a stage of friendship where things like this are natural. “Okay,” he says, and he finally relaxes into a smile. If Jaebeom really isn’t bothered by it, then Jinyoung is happy to comply. “Jaebeommie.”

The smile he gets in return is breathtaking.

~~~

They spend the first half of July going from city to city in the United States. Jinyoung has always loved travelling, and it’s even more rewarding to explore these new places with the people most important to him.

In Dallas, Jaebeom invites him to go to Starbucks with him. Jinyoung agrees without a second thought, excited to test his English skills in a real-life situation. Somehow, after a peaceful afternoon spent in the coffee shop, their outing ends with them walking around Walmart together, helping each other read the labels on random products.

(“How was your date?” Yugyeom asks when they return to the hotel.

“It was nice,” Jaebeom answers for both of them, and he looks so happy that it escapes Jinyoung’s mind to ask why neither of them had corrected the assumption that it was a date.)

In Chicago, they go out together to get pizza for lunch. It’s such a natural feeling, walking down the streets side-by-side, that Jinyoung doesn’t stop to wonder why Jaebeom didn’t ask any of the others to come along. He ends up whining at Jaebeom for paying for both of them, but Jaebeom just laughs and tells him it was his treat.

(“Did you enjoy lunch?” Jackson asks Jinyoung afterwards.

Jinyoung smiles, remembering the unexpected – but very welcome – kiss on the cheek he had received when he thanked Jaebeom for the meal. “Yes,” he says, sighing happily. “I really did.”)

In New York, Bambam ropes Jaebeom into going clothes shopping with him, and Jinyoung doesn’t know why – it’s not like there’s anything in particular he’s interested in buying – but he requests to accompany them. Bambam smirks knowingly, but Jinyoung misses it because he’s too busy returning Jaebeom’s delighted smile. And there’s something strangely satisfying about the situation, something comfortable about fussing over Bambam’s choices with Jaebeom and reassuring him that they’ll let him buy whatever he wants.

(“He didn’t make you spend too much, did he?” Mark asks that evening.

“Of course not,” Jinyoung says indulgently, because really, seeing Bambam’s eyes light up had made the price tag more than worth it. “We were happy to get him what he wanted.”)

In Atlanta, Jaebeom proposes a trip to the aquarium, one that Bambam eagerly agrees to right away. Jinyoung spends the day watching affectionately as Bambam drags them to all the exhibits he wants to see while Jinyoung and Jaebeom trail behind him, laughing softly at his antics. He returns to the hotel at the end of the day with his phone full of pictures of Bambam and Jaebeom and his heart full of warmth.

(“Seems like you had a cute family outing,” Youngjae says after Jinyoung is finished recounting the day and showing him the pictures.

And the thing is, Jinyoung can’t even deny it, because he spent all the time they were out of view of other people with his hand in Jaebeom’s, and the trip really had felt like a day with his own little family. “Yeah,” he says, and then he smiles fondly at Youngjae. “But next time, we’ll have to bring the rest of you kids along too.”)

By the time they return to Korea, Jinyoung has started to think that maybe there’s more to his and Jaebeom’s relationship than he previously realized. Because he loves being with the other members, but when it’s just him and Jaebeom, his heart flutters in a way that he’s never really thought deeply about before.

It hits Jinyoung one evening while he’s sitting in the kitchen, watching Yugyeom and Bambam pester Jaebeom as he cooks dinner for the group. Jaebeom is incredibly patient, all things considered, in stark contrast to the hot-headed teenager Jinyoung remembers him once being. He looks slightly exasperated, yes, but there’s also an unmistakable affection in his eyes as he tells the kids off playfully. His eyes meet Jinyoung’s, twinkling with humor, and it feels so domestic and natural and right.

All at once, Jinyoung finally understands: he’s in love with Jaebeom.

~~~

Jinyoung isn’t usually one to express his feelings easily. As far as he’s concerned, bottling up his emotions is often simpler and less of a hassle, so he doesn’t open up much, doesn’t say “I love you” even when all the other members are saying it for the sake of the fans.

But this time, he doesn’t think he can hide for long, because Jaebeom knows him too well – every time he looks Jaebeom’s way, he feels like Jaebeom can see right through him. And in the past, he’s been grateful for the connection that exists between them, but right now, it’s an incredible nuisance.

It doesn’t come as a surprise, really, when Jaebeom finally corners him one night. “You’ve been acting strangely, Jinyoungie,” he says softly. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please.”

He looks so sincere, so genuinely concerned that it’s momentarily impossible for Jinyoung to do anything but take Jaebeom’s hand and squeeze it reassuringly. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, looking down. “I just didn’t want to bother you.”

Jaebeom’s hand cups Jinyoung’s face as he gently lifts Jinyoung’s head so they’re looking into each other’s eyes again. “You could never bother me,” he says so tenderly that Jinyoung feels like crying.

“Hyung,” he says quietly, afraid that if he raises his voice any higher, he’ll panic and never say what he needs to say out loud.

“Hmm?” Jaebeom’s full attention is on Jinyoung, and Jinyoung thinks he’ll never truly get used to the soft affection in Jaebeom’s eyes when they’re focused on him.

“I think,” Jinyoung says, swallowing hard. “I think I’m in love with you.” He fiddles with the hem of his shirt as he forces himself to maintain eye contact with Jaebeom. “Is that – is that okay?”

Jaebeom is silent for a few moments before his eyes turn into little crescents from the intensity of his smile. “Well, I hope so,” he says, and Jinyoung is baffled by the beginnings of laughter he hears in Jaebeom’s voice as Jaebeom’s hand leaves his face. “We’d all be in trouble if it wasn’t okay to be in love with the person you’re dating.”

There’s a ringing in Jinyoung’s ears as he gapes at Jaebeom, uncomprehending. “Wait,” he says, his throat dry. “What?”

It’s Jaebeom’s turn to look confused. “Jinyoungie,” he says carefully, and his hand is back on Jinyoung’s cheek. “We’ve been dating for months now.” He pauses, his eyes scanning Jinyoung’s face. “Haven’t we?”

Jinyoung thinks about how long they’ve known each other, about the nights they spent together while Jaebeom was recovering, about how he’s the only person with permission to be informal towards Jaebeom, about the outings they’ve had together, about the way they communicate with their eyes and can sense each other’s moods, about the secret smiles they’ve shared and the love that’s always been in Jaebeom’s eyes.

“You –” Jinyoung exhales shakily as realization settles over him. “You love me too.”

“Of course,” Jaebeom says, and his other hand comes up to brush away a tear Jinyoung hadn’t even realized was falling. “Of course I’m in love with you too.”

“And I – I’ve been your boyfriend,” Jinyoung continues, hardly believing what he’s saying. “All this time.”

Jaebeom lets out a half-laugh, his eyes watery. “I thought you knew, Jinyoungie,” he says. “I thought, all those times we went out together, that I was taking you out on dates. That when I held your hands and kissed your cheeks, you knew why.”

“I didn’t realize,” Jinyoung admits, feeling a little shy. It must have been obvious to everyone else, but he hadn’t even thought twice about assuming that everything Jaebeom did was out of friendship. It isn’t entirely his fault, though. “Then again, you should have asked me first, don’t you think?” He eyes Jaebeom. “It was a little presumptuous to think I would just agree, right?”

Now Jaebeom is the one who looks sheepish, and Jinyoung finally breaks into a smile. “I –” Jaebeom starts, before mirroring Jinyoung’s expression. “Well, yes. I took it for granted, how well I know you.” He looks into Jinyoung’s eyes hopefully, and Jinyoung has to physically restrain himself from leaning closer and kissing Jaebeom to his heart’s content. “So for the sake of clarity, will you be my boyfriend, Jinyoung? Officially, this time?”

And Jinyoung stops fighting himself, surges forward to claim Jaebeom’s lips eagerly. “Yes, Jaebeommie,” he breathes, and he feels Jaebeom’s smile grow. “I would love to.”