The soft scratching of the vinyl against the needle was the backdrop for the music. It filled the small room with static behind the humming of the song, english words that didn’t quite register into Seulgi’s brain resonating against the white walls. Seul mouthed what she caught up on, babys and loves that the singer let out in between laboured breaths. She had given up on scrolling through her phone, nothing quite catching her attention on instagram, all her favourite cat profiles having ran out of new pictures. Eyes closed, laying quietly on her bed, every wave of the songs, one after another, filled her body with goosebumps and slowly lulled her to sleep.

Seulgi was concentrating so much on the unknown words and known melody that she didn’t hear the turn of the knob, or the soft scratching of the door against the ground. She would have barely heard the voice if it was any other, but her ears were trained to focus on the raspy late night whispers directed at her, from all those nights sharing the silence of a room together.

“You are not sleeping.” was a simple remark. It made Seulgi open her eyes, staring at the pajama clad figure dangling in between the corridor and her room. Her short hair was all over the place, probably ruffled by the pillow from turning from one side to the other so much. Her eyes shined in the moonlit darkness, wide open and hesitant. Seul opened to respond, but was cut off before she could.

“I went to the kitchen to grab some water and heard the music in the distance, and you know I love the 1975 so I wondered where it was coming from and I concluded it would be from your room! So I imagined you must have forgotten to turn it off before sleeping and I was going to come in here and turn it off for you before I went back to my room, but when I opened the door you weren’t snoring and you always snore when you are deep into sleep, but you are not and it is very late and you should be sleeping so… sorry.” Wendy’s explaining was always adorable, her flustered gaze looking everywhere in the room but at Seulgi’s eyes, soft cheeks dusted with a blush deep enough to contrast against the dark.

But Seulgi didn’t need any of that explaining, cause she knew that every time Wendy had difficulty sleeping she would roll around in bed before asking Seul to hug her when they shared a room. This brought them to push the two single beds together, buying twin sheets to better cover them both. Yeri and Joy would constantly make jokes about it, and Seulgi never understood why it made Wendy so nervous when they did.

She didn’t seem nervous at all when she was clutching Seulgi’s hand around her waist.

“Just lay here already” Seul scooted to the border of the mattress, patting the empty space between her and the wall. Wendy nodded, slowly closing the door before hurriedly making her way to the ground, laying on her side. Seulgi turned around to stare at her, watching how Wannie had her hands against her cheek, resting on top of the pillow. She looked so squishy.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Wendy asked, eyes still wide open and body a bit tense.

Seulgi didn’t know herself. The digital clock read 3:24AM. Her body was tired, but her mind was having a hard time resting. “I was just thinking too hard”

Wendy smiled at that, her cheeks bunching up in the cutest way. Seulgi wanted to press a kiss to each one and feel how smooth her skin was against the taller’s lips. “Having trouble sleeping too?” Seulgi questioned, deep voice sounding more melodic than the music in Wendy’s ears.

“Same as you. A lot going through my mind” She was still smiling slightly around her words, even if her eyes were gloomy and slightly tired.

“What were you thinking about?” Seulgi whispered, gaze stuck to the way Wendy’s upper lip curved when she left agape.

You, the smaller thought, feeling her breath getting stuck in . It had been happening for a while now – ever since the two stopped sharing a room, really. Slightly over a year had gone by, and at the beginning it was just a matter of getting used to sleeping alone again. Then, it was that the white noise of Seulgi’s snoring really made a difference, so Wendy tried sleeping with her headphones in. She went as far as looking up snoring ASMR on youtube, but realized it was too much before clicking on any video. The scariest part was that there were indeed results for that search of hers.

It wasn’t that big of a problem; most nights the exhaustion of training took her out like a light, but on quieter less packed days the bed often felt too uncomfortable, too stiff and cold. She bought heating pads, NASA pillows, hugged different plushies that were presents from luvies, but nothing seemed to quite work on the harder nights. Late night singing helped the most, staying until 1AM in the training room. She even sneaked in one or two instagram lives on the most troubling nights, when nothing could get her body to relax, the cute comments lifting up her mood.

Tonight, tho, was unbearable. It was too late to go all the way to the practice room, the security probably already gone from the building by now. The pillows seemed too hard, the room was too cold, the silence was driving her crazy. Wendy was tired of making up excuses: she missed Seulgi a ton. She joked about loving finally having a room to her own, and while she valued the privacy a lot when she was awake, sleeping wasn’t the same. So she caved in, getting up quietly and walking to Seulgi’s door. She pressed her ear against the door, waiting for those soothing sounds that came from Seulgi slumbering with open, but all she heard was the 1975’s A Change of Heart. Wendy frowned, trying to hear more than just the song, but it was low enough that any sound Seul made would be loud enough for her to hear. Her curiosity got the best of her, and she opened the door slightly to peek inside.

Seulgi had her eyes closed, cute mouth wording the ends of each verse, her tongue hitting the bottom of her top teeth on all the Ls. Left, Lately, Losing it, I just had a change of heart. The words left before she could stop them with the surprise of seeing the other awake, and then Seulgi’s cat-like gaze was cutting right through Wendy’s soul.

Wendy hadn’t said a thing for a couple of minutes, but Seulgi was patient. She never expected the other to behave in a certain way; she embraced the quiet moments as much as the chattery ones, always looking at Wendy with the most attentive gaze possible, cute teeth poking from behind the taller's slightly open lips when she concentrated too hard. It felt like home to Wendy, to be cherished that much no matter what.

Seulgi had gotten more touchy with the years, but since the beginning her eyes were the same. She looked at Wendy with love and warmth and understanding since their trainee years. Her eyes were always familiar, like Wendy had stared at them for centuries, during other lives and other times. They were as sharp as they were soft, a blade too blunt to cut, but too dangerous to try it for yourself. Wendy loved hurting her fingertips with the way Seulgi’s cheeks fit so perfectly inside her hands.

“Practice, mostly. Also how all my favourite cat instagrams haven’t been updating much” Wendy decided to say, her mind still running in circles.

“I know, right! I miss grumpy cat. My brother hasn’t sent me many of our kittens pics either” and there it was, familiarity and warmth all packed into a deep voice and beautiful eyes.

“How are they? Have they grown a lot?”

“Yes! Here” Seulgi fished out her phone from under the pillow, scrolling through her conversation with her brother “They are all big and fat now, its adorable” she giggled, turning the phone towards Wendy. One of the cats had their belly up, the other was cleaning its leg, and she couldn’t help but giggle alongside the taller one.

“They look adorable. I’d like to meet them”

“I could ask him about you visiting on our next break. Bet he would be happy about seeing you again. My dad said he missed meeting all five of us together” Seulgi’s love for family was one of her warmest attributes, how strongly and blindly she loved, how she protected all those she considered close to her.

And there, laying down and talking about vacations and cats, Wendy felt the warmest she had in months. The mattress was soft, the sound of the vinyl and Seulgi’s voice was soothing, and she could feel how heavy her eyes were now.

“Getting sleepy?” Seulgi smiled “Am I boring you?”

Wendy shook her head intensely, grabbing onto Seulgi’s forearm with one hand, the other halfway to cup her cheek before hesitating. They didn’t sleep cuddled up to one another anymore, and even if Wendy always found a reason during the day to invade Seulgi’s room (it’s cozy and small, I like your vinyl collection, I want to listen to music with you) at night it was very different. It felt really different, at least, with the way Seulgi’s breath was ghosting over her paralysed fingers between their faces, with how her eyes were half open and her voice was a raspy whisper.

“You never bore me” she said too seriously, so seriously that Seulgi’s playful smile disappeared from her face “You just make me very comfortable”

Wendy’s face was reassuring, a safe harbour when Seul’s life got too chaotic for her to process it all. Seungwan always brushed the taller’s hair out of her face when she was crying, looking at Seulgi straight in the eyes to ground her and help her calm down. Her strong hands gripped Seulgi’s bony fingers while she smiled at her so deeply, soft cheeks and nose all bunched up in adoration. Wendy was her home when she felt like there was nowhere else to go, and sometimes she was home because her arms were the first place Seulgi wanted to go back to after a long day.

Seulgi had always appreciated her personal space, even if she had learned with all of Red Velvet to be more accepting of physical demonstrations of affection. Joohyun wouldn’t have accepted it even if she didn’t get used to all the hugging, but she was thankful for having opened up more to it. But still, when she finally got her own room in the dorm, she thought the peace and quiet would be the land of her dreams.

In short: not quite. Seulgi loved having her own space, but at the quiet of the night she missed the soft sleepy grunts and insistent hands pulling on her arm for a hug. She missed Wendy’s breath against her neck and the way the smaller’s hair brushed against her chin. Seulgi missed brushing Wendy’s bangs out of her eyes while she talked, both laying down in their safe heaven after a long day.

Seulgi got closer, resting her cheek on Wendy’s open palm between their faces, the tip of their noses almost touching. It was comforting, how her face fit so well in Wen’s palm, those fingers having brushed away so many of Seulgi’s tears before. Maybe her cheek had moulded itself into the shape of Wendy’s hands the same way her heart had a tiny Wendy-shaped place in it now.

“I miss sleeping with you, Wannie” Seulgi said in a breath, face then getting extremely warm with the double meaning of the sentence “I mean-”

“I know what you mean” Wendy said laughing, and Seulgi’s chest filled up with laughter too, both breathless and so close they could feel the vibrations from each other, the giggles travelling up their bodies.

Wendy’s hand that was clutching Seulgi’s forearm sneaked around her, resting against the small of Seul’s back in a hug.

“Is this ok?” and Wen’s voice was fragile, her hand jittery under Seulgi’s cheek and hesitant against her back.

“It’s always ok with you, Seungwan” Seulgi said, voice truthful. There was a little melancholy to her tone, like she was missing something she never quite had. It was a weird feeling, and one she often felt when her body was this close to Wendy’s.

Seulgi circled the smaller’s shoulders, the tips of her fingers dancing against Wendy’s nape, a smooth dance Seulgi knew better than any of the group’s choreography.

Maybe excluding Red Flavor. They did perform that song a whole lot.

“Thank you for letting me stay here” Wendy said with her eyes closed, snuggling even closer to Seulgi, to the point their noses were squished against each other.

“You’ll always have a place in my bed” a pause “And I’ll always say questionable sentences, apparently” both giggled, Seulgi not daring to close her eyes. She loved the way Wendy’s big teeth all appeared when she smiled that big, her curved top lip begging to be kis-

Seulgi closed her eyes.

“I like the way you talk. It shows how comfortable you are. The way you don’t think before saying, when we always need to be thinking and overanalysing ourselves. It makes me happy” and Seulgi didn’t see Wendy opening her eyes, staring at the mole underneath Seulgi’s eye like it held all the secrets to the world.

“I love it when you mess up during interviews. You are just so cute” and, if asked, Wendy would say she blushed remembering her Summer Red Velvet, maybe, we hope during KCON. But, in reality, she just always turned a shade darker whenever Seulgi showered her with affection.

“I love you, Seul” was a tiny whisper, voice breathy. They had said it before, countless times, but Wendy’s heart was still racing.

“I love you too, Seungwan” and those beautiful eyes opened slowly, taking all of Wendy’s breath away. Seulgi’s gaze looked troubled but certain, worried almost, but Wendy didn’t have the time to question her about what she was thinking “I hope you don’t stop loving me after this”

Her mind almost played it in slow motion. How Seulgi closed her eyes again, how their squished noses brushed together. The way Seulgi’s hand on the middle of her shoulders pressed in slightly firmer, how Seungwan’s own hand gripped Seul’s shirt stronger out of reflex.

Seulgi’s lips were nothing like what she had imagined. They were soft but chapped, the cold of winter drying their skins. But they were oh so warm, capturing Wendy’s mouth in a heat wave that travelled all the way down her body from the point where their mouths touched. There was a slight tremble to Seulgi’s hands on her back, Wendy’s own fingers against the taller’s cheek shaking uncontrollably.

It took a few moments for Wendy’s brain to catch up on what was happening. Seulgi was about to distance herself, fear and dread taking over her body, when Seungwan pulled her closer again. Seulgi’s kiss was soft and experimental; Wendy’s was firm, urgent, her sharp nails digging into Seul’s jaw, strong arm pulling her waist closer. Seulgi followed the rhythm like a well trained dancer, caught in the middle of Wendy’s waltz. Seulgi’s kiss was a hesitant ballad; Wendy kissed and loved like an intense tango.

Their lips crashed and slid against each other, tasting every second they lost on the ambiguous nights of I don’t know if she would kiss me back, I wish I could just have her and forget the world. Seul’s tongue was timid against Seungwan’s lips, but the smaller understood her shyness like no one else. Feeling Wendy’s tongue against hers took all of Seulgi’s breath away, toes curling in ecstasy. The smaller’s calloused fingers held onto Seulgi’s face like the world was going to end, both hands grabbing her neck, cheeks, jaw, anywhere she could hold. Seulgi gripped Wendy’s waist, long fingers digging into the small of her back in desperation to feel her yet closer.

They lost themselves in each other, lost their thoughts in the places they usually went to find themselves. Wendy could hear each timid Seungwan, hold my hand in the brush of Seulgi’s tongue against hers, each sleepless night in the way Seul’s hands grabbed at her waist with enough force to leave red fingertip-shaped marks in the pale skin. Seulgi could feel the words Seulgi, hold me closer in the way Wendy held her by the nape, acrylic nails marking the honeyed skin in lovingly red streaks, repeating over and over how much she loved her with the way their legs tangled, feet brushing against each other’s calves.

When they parted, slowly and hesitant, Seulgi was the first to open her eyes. Wendy’s entire face was red, her pouty lips tinted red with the friction, her front teeth sticking out while she breathed with open. Her fingers still held strongly onto Seulgi’s hair, trying to compose herself.

Wendy opened her eyes to find a smiling Seulgi, her fuller bottom lip swollen with how much Seungwan had bitten down on it. Her crescent moon eyes illuminated the room more than the actual moon on the sky, her smile blinding and warm. She hadn't let go of Wendy’s waist, in fact holding her even closer when the other opened her eyes.

Seungwan had so much to say. So many years of friendship letters with hidden I love yous laced in them, so many sleepover nights with almost confessions hanging in the air, so many cheek kisses that were begging to be kisses on the lips. She needed to ask, to know if Seulgi had always known, if she had always felt the same. She needed to be told if the longing gazes and sweet gestures were just for her, that she wasn’t delusional and Seulgi had always meant them the way Wendy wished she did.

Seulgi yawned, looking like a tiger cub with her cute teeth and squished cheeks, and Wendy couldn’t just ask it all right away.

“Go to sleep, you little baby” and the nickname warmed Seulgi’s heart.

“Are you sure?” she said in between another yawn, and Wendy giggled softly.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up, Ddeulgi” she pinched Seul’s cheek, making them both smile so big and so truthfully.

“Ok, goodnight, Wannie. I love you” and she dared peck the smaller’s lips, hiding her face under Wendy’s chin right after. Seungwan was left speechless, and when her brain kicked back into action to wish goodnight back, the room was already being filled with snores.

Wendy caressed Seulgi’s hair, looking at the ceiling. She was torn between being afraid and excited.

“I could never stop loving you, no matter what” she said softly to the slumbering woman in her arms. The instrumental of the vinyl mingled with Seul’s soft snoring, the lyrics before you go, please don't go, turn the big light off getting lost in the air. I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it, Wendy loved this song. It was annoyingly fitting to this moment, almost like it was already written to be this way. But, then again, everything Wendy felt with Seulgi seemed like it was bound to happen, familiar like home.

Please don’t go, was the last thing Seungwan thought, holding Seulgi’s body close and drifting off into sleep.